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Fri 7th April 2006

Inside New Zealand – Give me my children back

Filed under: General — Julie @ 10:25 am

Inside New Zealand – TV3 at 8.30pm, Thursday night, 6th of April showed a program titled “Give me my children back.”

I had expected that a post would have been written about it. It hasn’t been I believe, because it hits too close to home for so many males. I personally think we should talk about and I welcome males and females to also comment that normally just read what others have to say. This program has hit home to all parents that are seperated.

I myself woke up this morning and cried for a little while because of the impact it had on me. I am a parent and I feel guilty for what I have put my children through and how I have played a part in my ex’s depression. (I know he has made mistakes but I only take responsibility for my own). I just want to say thank-you to Ian and Stephen for being real and honest on the documentary. I am aware many men live this every day and I am aware many women live this every day.

If we don’t talk about it because it is “too hard” and put it in the “too hard” basket then we are just as bad as the government officials and the law. They don’t deal with this either because it seems “too hard.”

Men's Centre North Shore - TV3
Photo: Steven Jelicich filmed at Men’s Centre North Shore support meeting.

Inside New Zealand’s documentary has brought more to life than just a messed up system. There are so many people that are still keeping these issues hidden because of embarrassment. It will be through each others support that we stay strong and learn that it doesn’t make us bad people. Have courage to admit you have make bad judgements women (and men) and help change the future for the next generation. Have courage to be real men and women and express how you feel.

11 Responses to “Inside New Zealand – Give me my children back”

  1. STAR says:

    has anyone recorded this or is ther a weblink to view this online?

  2. DAVE L says:

    I missed the doco afer waiting sometime in anticipation then missed it. but know of these cases and some of the history. I have just returned from a 4hour trip to pick up my dear children for our fortnightly visit back on sunday.We(the kids & I} would love more time, the battle goes on.So my heart goes out to these guys and every other parent who are starved of thier rights to spend quality time with thier kids.Let us then call on tv3 and other media for more programs that enlighten the public like this and put heaps of pressure on the government to get it right for our kids.!

  3. Moose says:

    I didn’t watch the program, though I wish I did. Too busy I guess.

    Julie – after reading the part where you say “It will be through each others support that we stay strong and learn that it doesn’t make us bad people.”

    This makes me think of the many new parents I have met who are totally unprepared for the responsibility they have taken on.

    I know each child is different, and will be a delight and conversely a strain to raise in thier own adorable way, but my main point is : There isn’t enough support and information readily available for new parents as it should be for such a major part of our lives as parents – I’m talking about the psychological effects here.

    This obviously goes for the impact and changes which occur with the relationship between the parents as well that they hardly ever anticipate.

    I know as a Father, the ‘Mother in law’ conflict where the Father refuses to listen to her, even though she can provide invaluable advice to him.

    Creation of, and raising of our children is the most sacred gift we have, and yet it is now wrought with the taint of the PC and Family courts.

    I ask you this : Why is there so much effort going into perpetuating the conflict. We should be gathering our wisdom to make available to each sucessive generation, so we can continually improve the raising and education of our children.

    Yet we continue to use them as pawns in destructive power games. We have somehow inadvertantly handed over the priveledge of raising our children to the warmongering fools in government.

    So I totally agree with Julie in that we desperatlely need to discuss these issues.

  4. julie says:

    I think the problem with families and break ups is becoming so big that no-one can ignore it anymore. If we seek we shall find and the stories are countless. We have a “P” problem that is causing dads and mums to simply walk out on their children and leave the other parent trying to pick up the peices and move on. As a female I am upset at the amount of mothers who are dong this yet I know dads are doing this too. We have teenagers practicing sex without even understanding what pregnancy is. They know sex makes a child but they don’t seem to know it takes more than 1 day to find out if a female is pregnant and the rest. Girls are mixed up and boys are scared. And we have alot of them. They have a whole conflict/game going on of thier own. It is scary because this is our next generation.

    I have watched John Tamaihere twice on TV this week, once on Good Morning NZ and on Marae, channel 1 this morning. It wasn’t the show expected by the looks of things. Anyhow, They spoke about the male issues that are being talked about on this blog.

    Sadly, I also find people losing faith that family values are important to polititions. “They all talk about them as valuable but do not follow through”.

    Dave, I think we are going to hear more and more on TV programs because people want to speak, and want to know. What the people want is what will be shown and solely for competition and profit.
    We need to be pressuring them.

    I believe once we start working on the problems and solutions, we will start teaching our teenagers. I only hope it is not too late for too many.

  5. Moose says:

    I would like to see all the reality shows on TV ( which are apparantly targeted for our younger generation ) To have true life stories of what Julie descibes – the effect of P, the unplanned and the unexpected pregnacies our next generation must deal with.

    I also think that it is now a ‘pandemic’ for our younger generation, yet nothing of substance seems to be being done about it. The information our youth get is mainly from TV, and how helpful is the garbage it produces ?

    Surley this dire situation will reach a critical point where something will have to be done about it. IMO It should have been addressed years ago. Why don’t they teach these things in school ? It is such a large part of our lives, and yet the only education close this this is sex ed.

  6. Bevan Berg says:

    History has a quaint way of reproducing itself. It is unfortunate that we don’t always recognise a reoccurring event, because we are actually living in it. It may take time for New Zealanders to realise,
    that Helen Clarke is just the female version of Adolph Hitler, and this countries institutions are a latter day version of his failed experiment.

  7. julie says:

    Bevan, I am happy to read that someone else looks to history to predict the future. I know we are not the only ones but it is a wonderful tool to look forward. However, I personally think Helen Clarke does look at political history and just to give a bit of honesty, I also think the Maori party is going to bring changes regarding menz issues because history and common sense shows people that have had alot of pain gain spiritually and they don’t look for revenge.

    You would think that the women movement would have created equality because they knew the pain for so long that they would not have inflicted it onto men. Unfortunately, the women who knew the pain did not benefit but their offspring who had not emotionally felt the pain. Thus we tipped the scale.

    But we now have the 2nd generation that will bring about equality.

    Moose, it is not TV that is doing so much damage for our children regarding relationships but their parents. We as parents are not using the tools our parents and their parents used for conflict resolution but are using the court system. We must sort ourselves out and look at how much damage that has been caused and resource the solutions.

    And we must not expect the next generation to be the bros that watch our backs. We will never move forward if we are revengeful.

    These are my opinions only and I am open to discussion.

  8. jimmy says:

    Bevan;
    Helen Clarke is not Adolph Hitler recycled.

    She is however an unrepentant Socialist and has expressed great antipathy to the Nuclear family in the past. There is no evidence that she has modified this position in any recent statements she has made nor in any policy initiatives coming out of the beehive.

    The evidence is overwhelming that the children of stable two parent families do better in later life than those from broken homes.

    However feminizm and socialistic legislation have weakened the Nuclear family to a point where more than 50% of children have become part of a sole parent household before they reach eighteen.

    This is tragedy of the western world and NZ in particular.

    Our goal should be to turn this around. But how?

  9. julie says:

    That is exactly it. How? From the Inside NZ documentary anyone can see the laws are not just in our own country but in others. Men and Women are both whinging about the unfairness while heaps of others are just getting on with the small power they have and making it count. Don’t get me wrong for I know too well our voices are important. If we don’t stand for what we believe in then we will end up with someone similar to Adolf Hitler taking our power altogether.

    We, us, todays parents are in control of the values our children will continue with throughout their lives. And I don’t know how all this male against female, mum against dad is going to effect them.But I don’t see the outcome being positive.

  10. STAR says:

    it wouldn’t be mum against dad if there were no sneaky games palyed. Once one party starts to play games, the other party’s defensive mechanism and the outrage kicks in hence… mum against dad secnario… a mature approach should be adopted but will it happen in such a biased environment?

  11. julie says:

    I say, yes it will. And I believe it will happen in small circles just like the many stories here. The guys that have new wives or girlfriends have passed on stories and those stories get passed on and so on. Brothers have sisters, kids grow up. The laws of human nature come into play. It must be inevitable. There will come a time this behaviour will not be acceptable. And I see CYFS jumping in and considering arguments between parents a form of abuse. That part I don’t like.
    Do you know that my boys tell me off sometimes for the way I speak to thier dad. And they tell me I have no say in their relationship. No-one asks if they can go to dads for holidays, they just tell me when they get around to it. They love their dad and that’s that. If this can happen in my home it can surely happen in others.

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