Child Support
Hi there,
I have some issues around Child Support and wanted to know if there was anyone out there who could offer me some advice.
I have an shared care agreement with my ex 50/50 but are getting stung quite heavily on Child support payments by IRD.
I earn considerably more than my ex but it appears she has reduced her hours of work so the ammount I pay via off setting contines to increase.
My ex and I are also supposed to split all child care costs although I have not recieved any compensation from her in over a year?
What to do?
Bob
Posts RSS 2.0
i don’t know what you can do, but as you see from the many comments here, others share the same problem.
Comment by Paul M — Mon 25th February 2008 @ 12:02 am
Hi there
can anyone help here- We are looking to go to IRD for an admin review. Below are the 2 grounds we believe we may have a case????
Ground 8 The child support assessment does not take into account the income, earning capacity, property or financial resources of either parent or the child.
Ground 9 You are the paying parent and the assessment does not take into account that you have previously made payments, transfers or property settlements for the benefit of the child.
Ground 8 - as we now have 50/50 shared care and believe IRD should now look at the earning capacity of the other parent. Currently she works minimal hours and we feel now that we have them week about there is no reason that fulltime employment can not be obtained!
Secondly Ground 9 - when my husband left she continued to live in the matrimonial home for a yr. In this time he paid for all expenses so the children would not be disadvantaged. Mtg,Food,Power,Ins so on and so on. (She was working as a hairdresser from home at the time and did not contribute a thing for the year) This accumulated to about $30k. Then the house was sold and she received 50% of the sale proceeds ($50k) and also $50k from my husband’s super scheme. We invested the $50k from his super scheme into buying some property for the benefit of the children when we are gone. The other $50k towards our house.
Does anyone know if we have a case for Ground 9 as far as 1) we made payments of $30k so it would not affect the children and 2) we have invested into property for the chidlren future benefit.
Could I go straight to the Ombudsman or do i need to go thru IRD first??
Any help would be appreciated.
Comment by Karen — Thu 28th February 2008 @ 12:27 pm
“Secondly Ground 9″
Where, by virtue of special circumstances, the formula assessment of child support would be unjust and inequitable as a result of any payments and any transfer or settlement of property previously made by the liable parent to the child, the qualifying custodian, or to any other person for the benefit of the child, a departure order from the formula assessment of child support may be established.
Important things to know
Ongoing payments have been established as a ground for a departure order
Payments must provide some future financial security and must be specifically for the benefit of the child.
When money paid does matter - if its a while ago chances for departure are virtually 0
Comment by Scrap_The_CSA — Thu 28th February 2008 @ 8:08 pm
“Ground 8″
Where, by virtue of special circumstances, the child support would result in an unjust or inequitable determination of the level of financial support to be provided by the liable parent, because of the income, earning capacity, property, and financial resources of either parent or of the child, a ground for departure from the formula assessment of child support may be established.1
Important things to know
Difficult ground for a paying parent to succeed on.
Need to conclusively show assets that are not producing income that can produce income.
Income of custodial parents new partner cannot be taken into account. (No duty to maintain!)
Income of Liable Parents new partner can be taken into account
If a parent has deliberately reduced their income to avoid paying cs potential earning power can be taken into account.
Note that “child care” by the custodial parent is seen a legitimate reason for not working or working less hours and not a deliberate attempt to pay less.
Opens a can of worms as financial information needs to be disclosed as
this this ground applies to economic matters only.
Comment by Scrap_The_CSA — Thu 28th February 2008 @ 8:31 pm
Youve got to be joking Scrap…What a load of bull we are up against…so my income could be taken into account because Im married to her ex - however she may get a partner (and could be a millionaire) however his income wont be taken into account….
We know for a fact she is doing ‘cashies’ (hairdressing) at home - but how is one ever to prove that????Her earning capacity is far greater than she leads IRD to believe… As far as property transfers if we were to put the property into a trust and the children are the beneficiaries is that enough???? I know you have to pay penalties if you default your c/support pymts but surely they cant get blood from a stone????
Comment by Karen — Thu 28th February 2008 @ 9:10 pm
Hi Karen
You could turn your house into a B&B every second week as a way of producing more income.
Or a brothel may please the IRD even more lol.
Comment by rosie — Thu 28th February 2008 @ 10:52 pm
I want to make a complaint about the lawyer for my child, he has not told the court what the child wants, the child is 14, this has been going on for the last two years, during this time I have not been able to see my child because the lawyer said he didn’t want to see me, when the child went before the Judge he told the Judge he did want to see me, there are tickets booked for him next holidays now, I still wish to complain about this lawyer so he doesn’t do it t o some one else’s child, he refuses to give me a copy of my child’s file, I don’t want to bring it before the Judge as there is too much there already
Comment by Richard — Fri 29th February 2008 @ 7:45 am
Richard,
Flick me an e-mail and I can help you through this complaint. Probably it won’t do any good but we need to try to keep them on the straight and narrow.
allan.harvey@xtra.co.nz
Allan
Comment by Allan Harvey — Tue 4th March 2008 @ 8:32 am
Hi Karen, re the hairdressing cashies - what if you had notes of the reasons you think the cashies are taking place, and took these along to the review. The more detailed the better - eg salon style drier permanently set up, hairdressing materials laid out, dates and times of people seen coming and leaving with a ‘do’. If these ‘not quite facts’ were laid out, then the reviewer may ask hard questions and maybe also pass the information on for a possible audit. (Not sure if they can do that.) In any case, it may be sufficient to raise the issue with as much detail as possible, to at least generate some doubt and make the hearing rather uncomfortable for the ex. It’s not a court so legal standards of proof won’t be required.
Comment by artemis — Sun 16th March 2008 @ 2:52 pm
Hi Karen & Artemis,
A review officer does not need to have proof of cashies etc. He just need good grounds for suspicion and can set a “Deemed” income sum for Child Support purposes. A Child Suport review officer has much much more powers than an IRD audit and they are already extensive.
Allan
Comment by Allan Harvey — Sun 16th March 2008 @ 3:29 pm
Hi there, My wife hasnt been allowed to see her children since a week old but yet has paid child support the past 12 years
Comment by Hadi Akbari — Mon 17th March 2008 @ 10:57 am
Hi, I am currently engaged in hammering at grounds 8 and 9 over a settlement of the family home following my marriage break up. Thanks for your comments guys they are helpful. I am also having a go at ground 5 on the basis that I live and work in Taranaki and my kids are based in Nelson but still manage shared care. Any advice here would be helpful.
Cheers
Comment by Scott Mansbridge — Fri 21st March 2008 @ 7:06 am
I dont know why they really call it child support, it should be Spousal maintenance. I have an interim shared care arrangement where I have my son 4 days a week.I have been left with the financial burden of 2 mortgages (one’s a failed investment property I’m trying to sell), ongoing lawyer’s fees as I’ve had to defend everything from a fabricated domestic violence charge to a recent allegation of sexual molestation against our son, lawyer’s fees associated with pursuing a protection order against her because of her continually aggression and harassment, plus the likes of loss of income and the effect this whole drama has had on me(I’m self employed too), and I’ve been paying all childcare as she’s refused to contribute, despite her getting employment. I really have no money left over, I’m struggling to get by, yet she’s off for another overseas trip next month. I am about to apply for a review, but don’t know whether it’s really going to make much difference. Financially I’d be better off if she had our son fulltime, but it would not be in his best interests at all as she’s really mentally unstable, but then how do you prove that….
Comment by Tim Hunt — Thu 27th March 2008 @ 3:46 pm
Hi Tim, i really feel for you, maybe it wouldnt be a bad idea taking her to court for full custody, by paying all the financials you are a solo father anyways, and people that make up shit about others would have to be mentally unstable but i myself feel their lives are so damn lonely and boring they have to interfere with other peoples
Comment by Hadi Akbari — Thu 27th March 2008 @ 4:07 pm
Thanks for your comment Hadi! I have been toying with that suggestion, but unfortunately I feel it’s in my son’s best interests to have shared custody, as a lot of the grief has been really to do with how she feels about me, even though it was her who cheated and left me, but I wouldn’t have her back! It’s just that she’s been using my son as a bit of a pawn in the whole saga… hopefully in a few months things will settle down!
Comment by Tim Hunt — Fri 28th March 2008 @ 11:30 am
Hi
I am writing with regard to a situation that we are finding ourselves in at the present moment. I think this is an issue that need addressing, it is just where or who do we go to.
My husband has a 16 year old daughter to a previous marriage. The relationship broke up when his daughter was 9 years old, my Husband and I married 3 years after, as did his ex wife who remarried around the same time.The problem is..His Daughter decided not to go back to school after last years school year and has been working at the local supermarket, We did not find this out until Yesterday (8.04.08) although my husband text his daughter a couple of weeks ago to see how she was and asked how school and work was going, he got a reply of its all going fine. No mention of leaving school. Yesterday he rang his ex wife to ask why his daughter was working so much and still be able to attend school, hense to be told she wasnt at school anymore.
My husband has a private agreement with his ex wife regarding child support that he has never been late with or ever questioned, he pays $130.00 a week into her account.
Yesterday my Husband asked for copies of statements of how many hrs a week his daughter is working, because he suspects she is doing over the 30 hrs a week she is allowed to do and still be liable for child support payments, only to be told it was none of his business!! Which also makes us believe she is doing more than 30 hrs but cant go anywhere to get proof, privacy act and all, we couldnt even ring the school to find out if she was still attending, again it comes down to the privacy act!! Paying parents seem to be made to pay but aren’t allowed information, and when IRD says it comes down to the parents being honest with each other, whats one to do when one doesnt know how to tell the truth if it bit her on the ar*e.
His ex wife has a child to her current husband and another due next mnth, She slipped up yesterday by telling my husband that she makes their daughter pay board from her work income as well as the child support my husband pays, but now that my husband asked her about this today she has backtracked and said she didnt tell him that, She also said that their daughter wants to go flatting with friends but has been told she isnt moving out of home yet.
My Husband and I know that his ex wife is not using the child support for his daughter but toward the rest of her family which we don’t feel we should have to pay for. They are her current husbands children, not my husbands, He also has 2 children in the UK to his previous wife which he doesnt pay a cent to because NZ IRD don’t chase it up.
His ex also told him that the supermarket offered his daughter more hrs at work and his daughter turned it down, we think only because her mother knows she will lose $130.00 a week, and who would want to give that up for doing nothing??
I rang IRD this morning for advice only to be told they can’t look into what she is earning because my husband and ex wife have a private agreement, after talking to a IRD representive and telling her the situation she told me that unless he went back to IRD to pay through them, she can’t tell us any information, she basically told me that it totally sucked what was happening,and we were stuck between a rock and a hard place. She told me that we can request to go through IRD to make the payments, but on my husbands yearly income would then be paying $185 per week instead, which we can’t afford at all and to just basically shut up and keep paying the $130.
Im sorry but I think this is totally unfair because,
His daughter was offered more hrs!! and turned them down, we think because her mother told her daughter she can’t because she would lose the child support.
His daughter has no reason/responsabilities not to accept the extra hrs.
I work under 30 hrs (I have children at home which my Husband also supports) and I don’t get a top up of $130 per week from any of my parents!!
I don’t think it is giving our children incentive to work 40 hours a week like most people have to, to make ends meet. They think it is ok to be able to leave school and hang out on the streets because my parent is still paying. When i left school I know my Fathers child support stopped straight away, and I had to get a job, but kids are not being made to do that these days.
I also spoke to a lawyer today who told me that by law no parent has custody of a child after the age of 16 they can legally do as they choose but yet paying parents have to pay until the day they turn 19 if the child so chooses not to work??? I don’t have a problem with paying child support until that age if the child is still at school but why should we support them when they think they are adult enough to go into the work force and should be supporting themselves!!
Over the years from seeing bits and pieces through news acticles etc…It seems to me that the paying parent really seems to get the raw end of the deal all the time and it is about time things changed.
I also have a friend going through the same thing with her husbands child from a previous relationship. His son refused to go back to school but is too lazy to get off his backside and wrk so his mother keeps getting child support from them to raise her new family.Her husband has been in touch with IRD because his son lives with them 50% of the time but he was told he still has to pay his ex child support.
Where do they dig these rules from and why is it that hard working, honest people alway seem to get the raw end of a deal, yet some who sit on their butts and keep getting pregnant so they don’t have to go to work (because my husbands ex wife has not worked since the day they married!!!)
I know there is alot of people out there that have their children in their care and get bad deals as well, but they seem to have so many more rights than the paying parent, I can’t see why if someone has to pay support for a child that they don’t get the same information/rights as the parent who has the child in their care.
I am hoping someone out there can help us because all we seem to be hearing is Yes your situation sucks but there is nothing we can do, KEEP PAYING!!
Comment by Rebecca — Thu 10th April 2008 @ 12:44 am
Hallelujah!!! It is good to know there are others out there like us. My partner has a 16 year old who has chucked in school and is not working. She went back to live with her mother because she didn’t want to be disciplined by use. Her mother has requested child support and we are fighting it. I even sent a copy of the review request to our MP who at present is a government MP, and I am sure he wants to keep his seat this election.
As for going to the school, I rang the school and they advised us that his daughter had requested a leaving certificate. The schools have to send in their roll numbers every 1st march for funding, and they aren’t allowed to include children who are not attending. They should bne able to advise when the child left school if the paying parent was included in the child’s personal details.
My parner’s daughter has a half brother who is 19 and chucked in a full-time supermarket job over 6 months ago and hasn’t worked since. He is on the dole and there is obviously no pressure on him to get a job. Thing is, he is quite intelligent, both kids are, but they are just lazy.
Comment by Jen — Thu 10th April 2008 @ 3:29 pm
Hi Rebecca,
Your husband could phone IRD Child Support and advise them that his daughter is now working and that he believes it is full-time (30 hrs is full-time) and that he would like IRD to look into this as it may affect his child support payments and leave it at that. I would advise that you don’t discuss anything further or go into great detail. As his daughter will no doubt have an IRD number herself. The difficulty with private aggreements of child support is that if there is any situation like yours, IRD will not take responsibility for sorting this out as it was a “Private Arrangement”.
Good luck!
Comment by Molly — Sat 12th April 2008 @ 3:16 pm
My husband had an admin review a few weeks ago to try to recover some of the CS money that he had paid doubly for.Once in a private agreement and secondly through IRD.The IRD had apologised to him for not following the correct procedures when his ex applied for CS through them,and with a little bit of pressure from the Ombudsman’s Office,they reimbursed him with half of the money that he had paid twice.He was advised by the IRD,Peter Dunne and the Ombudsman’s Office to apply for an admin reiew to get the rest of the money back.
The review officer (female) sided with his ex because she said he had got away with reduced payments in the last year of his private agreement,when in actual fact,he had been paying her more than she would have received that year if she had gone through IRD.
He sent them a letter of complaint and received their reply yesterday…..
“Dear Mr….(Money Tree)
I have reviewed the administrative review file along with the decision and I am satisfied that the review officer’s recommendation was reasonable in the circumstances.The review officer can only make a call based on the legislation.Section 206 of the Child Support Act 1991 restricts the commissioner from taking into account any payments you may have made to the other party.Based on this,the review officer made a decision they were entitled to make and one which fits the legislation.
Yours faithfully
Mr….(Screw them for all you can get)”
Here is section 206…
“Direct payment to payee.
When a payee has received,from a person who in relation to that payee is a liable person,an amount intended by both the liable person and the payee to be paid in complete or partial satisfaction of a liability of the liable person to pay financial support under this Act,the Commissioner shall disregard that payment for the purposes of this Act and the amount so paid shall not be credited by the Commissioner against the liability of the liable person to pay financial support under this Act.”
This is exactly what they said.
No wonder they couldn’t account for the missing 600 million dollars.
Night night,it’s time to join the queue flocking to Australia.
Comment by rosie — Sat 19th April 2008 @ 7:46 pm
Here’s something else about the IRD that really stinks.
When my husband asked for all the information that was given to his ex wife from his IRD files,he was given all the info along with his ex wife’s IRD number.
When I rang this person at the IRD,I was told that he didn’t work there anymore.
Comment by rosie — Sat 19th April 2008 @ 8:13 pm
Rosie you are so right about going to Australia.I got out some time ago just before getting endless letters from IRD such as your one did my head in.I just feel so cheated and let down by all the 38 IRD Child Support case officers I have had.Not one has done anything resembling a normal decent action.All of them have basically lied and cheated and done everything they could to make life hell for me and my kids.
As for Jen and your letter to the MP do not hold your breath.I have been doing that for several years.Never get so much as a reply.I am owed over $50,000 by IRD Child Support because of their bizarre decisions about overnight stays.I hold no hope of ever recovering it.Australia is not so bad once you get there and get set up.Other places are better though.
Comment by whanga — Sun 20th April 2008 @ 12:54 pm
Hi, I would just like to thank everyone for their help on my post, So far my husband has just kept paying CS into his ex wives account, I wrote to my local MP and got a response from someone there asking if we would like a meeting with the MP regarding this topic, which i said “yes please” only to be told that someone else will be in touch with an appointment time, I have heard nothing more….lol. go figure!!!
All I can say now is that Labour will NOT!!! be getting my vote this election and hopefully we will soon have a new government that will look into (And sack) IRD and their system and give all the paying parents and fathers more rights.
I have read some of the posts written on this site, and have to say, some of them made me cry. I feel for all concerned..It made our situation tiny in comparision.
I too have a child to my ex and would never put my ex or my child through what some of these men out there have to go through. Good luck to you all.
Comment by Rebecca — Mon 21st April 2008 @ 1:20 pm
Well
we had shared care of my husband’s children and now trying to formalise this via the FC. Had out first mediation conf and the ex wife now says the 14 yr old daughter no longer wants shared care…so we have been ordered to go back to 2 days a ftn with the daughter and 50/50 with his son…C4C has been appointed and we have an appt with her tomorrow.(This weekend we had his daughter and guess what we find out she is now on the pill…turned 14 one day ago and has been on the pill for a month…My husband is furious. one he was never told and if he was would never allowed it and 2) the mother said she’s done this for her daughters pimples…what 13/14 yr old doesnt get pimples…My husband told his ex wife if she wasnt allowed to wear full make up (and I mean full on foundation etc etc) then maybe her skin would be a little nicer…so C4C will be made aware of this aswell the 14 yr old having alcohol with her mother etc etc & low and behold what do we get in the mail. A letter from IRD saying weve been advised we no longer have shared care….bloody hell doesnt take these money hungry woman long. She obviously thinks the FC decision is going to go in her favour!!! well here’s starts another fight with this b*tch!! I luv my husband dearly and wouldnt want to be with anyone else BUT for all the ladies out there be very weary of meeting a man with a bitter ex because all this crap certainly takes its toll!!!! bring on C4C tomorrow - hopefully they see sense but I wont be holding my breath!!
Comment by Karen — Mon 21st April 2008 @ 5:41 pm
Hi Karen,
It is common practice for kids to be put on the pill for things like acne, menstrual headaches, endometriosis, and other menstrual problems. The concept being you suppress the hormonal cycle thereby hiding problems. Some doctors view it as good medicine, others have very different views.
Choice of Doctor is a guardianship matter but at 14 she can go to a youth health clinic or family planning and get whatever she chooses anyway. At least you know about this matter which is more than other parents.
Chill out about the pill, you won’t win on that issue in the short term.
What you say about a mediation conference isn’t true. Nothing can change at a mediation conference you don’t agree with. A Judge can’t order anything at a mediation conference unless you agreed to it. As you are unrepresented then take advice and you can object to an order so made even if you did agree to it at the conference. Can I again advise you to take the local advice available to you. DON’T meet with L4C unless you have talked to local people who know and can school you up. First meeting with L4C is critical. They will play your buddy and its all low key. Be assured their report is high stakes. You know who to contact so do it! Give up the moaning about her. It just distracts you from the children and what is important.
Allan allan@uof.org.nz
I am more than happy to recommend a good Dr who would be horrified at the concept of a 14 year old on the pill for acne. Maybe consulting such a person and getting yourself better informed is the way to tackle that issue but at the moment its a red herring. Take a look at below for a start on some of the negatives about kids on the pill.
http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2004/10/27/birth-control-part-two.aspx
or
http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2004/06/12/contraception-facts.aspx
Comment by allan Harvey — Mon 21st April 2008 @ 6:43 pm
Hi, Just had to reply on the pill thing, I know it is off cs subject but…Karen believe me your stepdaughter is better off on the pill!! My stepdaughter is 16 and her mother was telling my husband that their daughter has a boyfriend and stays at his house but she wont put her on the pill??? Why the hell not, we only hope that their daughter has done it off her own back. On the other hand I have a 19 year old daughter that has just started living with her boyfriend that she has been going out with about 4 mnths, I knew she wasn’t on contraception and offered to take her to the dr to get her on something, she turned me down flat saying that the pill made her periods heavy and the injection made her fat, low and behold she is now pregnant!, She thinks the world of her boyfriend (Bloody prick that he is) and he has told her to have an abortion or they are over, he already has a 1 year old child that he has nothing to do with because his ex didnt abort, My daughter is now going to do this to keep him, even though I am completely opposed to her doing so. She would rather have a guy that is totally horrible to her than a mother that will never forgive her, Unfortunally for me I don’t have her father for support with her because he took his own life when my daughter was a year old. It is harder to get it through these girls heads that it is easier to prevent than it is to go through what she is about to do to herself and the child she is carrying.
I know it is hard to accept that a 14 year old can be sexually active but hey it is happening, I know, I was only 14 when i started.
Comment by Rebecca — Mon 21st April 2008 @ 11:03 pm
Rebecca,
Not only is it hard to accept that a child of 14 be sexually active it is illegal. If it happens it shouldn’t and good parents should not condone it. The script in this case isn’t for a child who is sexually active (or at least not yet). That is why Dad doesn’t want his daughter on the pill.
Comment by Allan Harvey — Tue 22nd April 2008 @ 6:51 am
yes I agree Allan. Its illegal and why would any mother be happy to put her child on the pill and give her an open cheque book to sex. I definitely understand where your coming from Rebecca!!! but its just another feather in the ex wifes cap thinking ‘my daughter luvs me cause Ive put her on the pill and she can tell all her friends how very grown up she is”. Im pretty sure she wouldnt put cocaine on her kitchen table and say go to it, to the 14 yr old. Where does common sense come into this??? Daughter now thinks mums the bees knees, says to dad only want to see you 2 nites a ftn, when since Oct we have had 50/50 care of her and next minute we are fighting thru court to see her more??? 2 mins later IRD are knocking on our door - you no longer have shared care….all I say is where is the mothers head….oh yeah thats right MONEY, MONEY, MONEY.
Comment by Karen — Tue 22nd April 2008 @ 8:31 am
Hey guys, dont get me wrong, I am definiely not condoning a 14 year old going out and having sex, but hey whether you accept it or not, it is happening with some of our children these days, they are getting younger and younger, the thing is girls grow up (well they THINK!!!) very early in age these days, all I am saying is it is better to prevent. Karen, Docs do use the pill for alot of girlie related problems these days, Acne, period pain (when they suffer badly with it) cyst on the ovarys, There are alot of things. It does not mean they are out there having sex. You say that your stepdaughter is spending less and less time with her dad, having come from a broken family myself and having two teenage daughters in our wee family, I know when girls hit the age of 12-15 they are not interested in hanging out with either of their parents, they want to be with their friends, my father used to pick us up every sunday mostly without fail (unless he was away) and when i got to the age of 12ish i didn’t want to go anymore because I wanted to be with friends and do the listening to music and hanging out at each others house sort of thing, boys seem to want to hang out with dad longer though I feel( my brothers did). It was the same with my stepdaughter, she has got to the stage where it not fun to be with mum or dad and my husband now sees bugger all of her, but he always text to see how things are going with her, (it seems to be the sign of the times to text than talk to someone these days…lol)I think it changes again when they get older because my father and I are way closer than my mother and I now. Teenage girls can be real hair puller outers I can tell you, and it seems its only just starting for you…lol. you have long ways to go yet babe…lol.
I also know how frustrating their mothers can be too, I have wanted to rip hubbys exes eyes out at times with her complusive lying and ripping us off. But after reading some of these posts and what other people are going through, and seeing they are getting absolutely nowhere, I have just given up. The way I see it now is that it will all be over for us in 2 years or less, where as some of these people have been trying to fight the system for years and are still no further ahead and have spent 100’s of thousand in the process. We can’t afford to do that. I have also realised that I have been the one getting on my husbands case about it all and making it all a total nightmare for him, He has decided that he might turn his daughter against him by the constant aruguing with her mother over it, when I think about it, it is not making his daughter feel good. (or maybe that she feels that she is the one causing it all). We are lucky enough that she is now old enough where hubby doesnt have to deal with his ex a whole lot anymore, he just goes directly to his daughter.
I am also lucky that with my son(10) that his father, his partner, my husband and I all get along very well, we make anything regarding our son together. The c/s that I get from my ex goes straight into my sons bank account each mnth, and that gets used to buy things that he needs, ie..school uniform, clothes, etc when i need the money to pay for those sorts of things. It is so much easier than it is with hubbys ex, which i suppose is why i find it so frustrating with her, but she is such a bitter, nasty person, she is the one that makes it so hard.
I so feel for you and like me you really need to sit and have a good think about it all. At the end of the day I dont want my stepdaughter growing up thinking that i was the bitch in it all.
I hope you make sense of what I am saying, I am not very good at putting thoughts into words on paper, it all seems to come out wrong as in my above post…but man it feels great to get it off my chest by being able to write it all down and then read it over and over…lol
Kind regards
Rebecca.
Comment by Rebecca — Wed 23rd April 2008 @ 1:32 am
Hi Rebecca
many thanks for your post. Your right. My ex husband, his lovely partner and my hubby all get along for my 2 kids sake. (aged 7 & 9) and I was proud to hear my son (9) say how cool it is that mum and dad get on. Then like you we have a nasty bitter person that uses her own flesh and blood to play games. to me as a mother/parent that is inexcusable!!! Thats the ultimate in child abuse!!!!! anyway like you this year when we got 50/50 my husband and I thought great lets all just move on and enjoy the kids BUT then the nasty ex’s wages from us went down because of 50/50 SO she no longer wants this and this is why we are in the family court…..I too went thru a separation of my parents when I was 11 to 14 yrs old. Maybe things have changed but I lived with my mum fulltime and saw my dad in the hols because he lived in a different town. I tell ya - I so looked forward to his ph calls and visits BUT then I also had a fabulous mum that encouraged us about dad all the time…(not like these nasty ex’s who try to destroy their childrens thoughts about the other parent.!!!) What ever the f/court decision we will ride with it and we will be there for the step daughter - however its time to put some energy into mine and my husbands relationship with my step son we have 50/50 and my 2 children!!!! Im ashamed of these woman that get posted about who are bitter, nasty and controlling. What comes around goes around I believe!!!! For all the lovely woman that post on the menz website I so wish you were my husbands ex wife.Like the dads here you all have your kids best interests in the fore front of your mind instead of speaking out the rear ends of their a** that many of these vindictive people do!!!!
Comment by Karen — Wed 23rd April 2008 @ 9:57 am
It’s great that you are making an effort to all get on, but isn’t it difficult, the smallest financial problem will cause a major incident ?
I TOO THANK ROSIE, KAREN, REBECCA and all women on this website, most men still know the majority of women are like you, caring and pleasant !
Comment by Martin Swash — Wed 23rd April 2008 @ 10:37 am
Here here Karen!!! Mine and your situations sound so alike its scarey…lol I gave up along time ago with my husbands ex, I let him deal with her now, I did try to be her friend to start but in our conversations she was just so negative and bitter about everyone in my husbands life, including his parents and siblings, my husband had not seen or spoken to his family in 7 years before i met him because his ex didnt like them, one day about 3 mnths into our relationship i just said how would you feel about us going and having a visit with your folks (they are in their 80s and are the sweetest people you could ever meet.), he agreed, and we both have an amazing relationship with them now.
Its funny because my parents split when I was 6 and growing up mum never had a negative thing to say about my dad but now when i am 37 she is shocking in putting him down and throwing this and that in my face about him, At the end of the day the more bad she has said about him the more it pushed me toward him, I see or talk to my dad every week now where as I havent spoken to my mum in nearly a year because we could not have a conversation that she wasnt putting him down. I think it comes down to the fact that Dad and his wife have been married for over 25 years and are still really happy and my mum is now in her 4th marriage. Thats not dads or my fault as far as im concerned she needs to look at herself. Some woman really do need to stand back and take a long hard look at themselves because at the end of the day it will only come back to bite them on the butt as far as their children are concerned, I am just going to make sure I am not one of them.
Comment by Rebecca — Wed 23rd April 2008 @ 10:37 am
Hi there, just after some advice. My hubby’s CS has increased with the change in financial year. It has left us worse off so we are thinking about me going full time at work and reducing his hours (we have a 1 yr old child of our own plus I have a 7 year old son). In case his ex contests it (which she inevitably will) we just want to be assured that our combined income will not be taken into account and the CS formula will be taken primarily from hubby’s income. I note an earlier post says “Note that “child care” by the custodial parent is seen a legitimate reason for not working or working less hours and not a deliberate attempt to pay less”. Does this also apply to the liable parent??
Comment by Deborah — Sun 4th May 2008 @ 9:36 pm
#32 Does this also apply to the liable parent??
NO!
Comment by Scrap_The_CSA — Mon 5th May 2008 @ 2:11 pm
You’ve got to be kidding?! No point me going back full-time then is it. Be damned if MY income will be going to support the “ex’s” lifestyle! What is it with this bloody CS system?!!!
Comment by Deborah — Mon 5th May 2008 @ 7:24 pm
When I went to Belfast a few years ago,I was aware that I was being watched cos I was a stranger in the community where I was staying.
I’m also getting that same feeling here at Menz.
Comment by rosie — Mon 5th May 2008 @ 7:34 pm
My husband just wanted to confirm…are you saying that if his ex disputes CS (if he becomes the main caregiver for our child and I go full-time) that our COMBINED income will be taken into account in an Admin Review? He rang the IRD some time ago about this and their reply was that it would have to take “exceptional circumstances” to warrant an increase if his income dropped considerably due to childcare commitments. However, I’m more of a cynic and don’t trust what the IRD say. His ex works fulltime so its not like she has childcare commitments of her own. Is it likely that she would win an Admin Review in this case?
Comment by Deborah — Mon 5th May 2008 @ 7:47 pm
Hi Bob
In ressponse to your request for help. I recall having read an article somehwre (can’t think where for the time being)where a Dad who won a review? case against his ex wife. Apparently his wife - who had custody of the children - chose to work part time as she wanted to be at home when the kids came home from school. Her salary was about &36,000.00 a year and his was about $90,000.00.
On that basis he was getting stung up to the maximum amount. He argued that he was bearing an unfair burden of child support given that his ex a had made a choice to work part time. His burden would decrease and her responsibility would increase if she worked full time.
The IRD apparently accepted that as the ex had chosen to work part time her earnings should be computed on the basis of what she would earn if working full time. That increased her income to about $50,000.00 approximately.
The resul;t was that the father’s obligation for child support decreased exponentially.
If I can track down the information I will post another comment. But a preceent now seems to exist that might assist you.
Best of luck!
Kelvin
Comment by Kelvin D — Tue 6th May 2008 @ 5:31 pm
Hi again - can someone please respond to my msge posted last Monday #36? Really interested to hear from someone who has been through an Administrative Review where the liable parent has decreased income due to childcare committments but then lost an Admin Review. Any advice? Cheers.
Comment by Deborah — Mon 12th May 2008 @ 11:17 am
Deborah,
I’m happy to answer from a private e-mail or phone call. IRD staff have been observing this site lately and have threatened some members over too many details of their case being exposed on this public forum. You can e-mail me on allan@uof.org.nz or call and leave your number on 0508 CallDad (05082255323).
Allan Harvey, Union of Fathers (Wellington)
Comment by allan Harvey — Mon 12th May 2008 @ 1:01 pm
I was living in a defacto relationship with my heavily pregnant partner for only 3 weeks before she decided to leave. We have made a Child Support agreement through the lawyer for $300 per week saving me the top salary of $330.
We have also made a private access arrangement. As she “lost the love” over a period of time, the access agreement got changed and I see my baby 1 hour a day 3 times a week. I have no other children and she has 1 other. I would like to get an agreement for shared care. This is up for neg between both parties.
My QUESTION is, what access does a Father legally have? would a court award shared care if the child is bottle feed and 5 months old?
The mother has not released any information about my child from the day its born. I do not know who has seen her or held her, when she came home from the hospital, how she is on the days I dont see her, what her weight gains are,?
Also the mother is talking about running away from Auckland to Wellington…I’m a guardian, surely I can oppose that?
Comment by Thomas — Tue 10th June 2008 @ 3:14 am