New NZ law allowing NZ government to spy on Emails, Phones, everything ! If it is the same as England, these new rules will be used by councils to monitor bins and police to minitor what they want to. Once i worked at a national telecom company (not NZ) and there was a cop selling X directory addresses that he obtained from emergency services database (the only one that has X Directory listings). Be very afraid !

Reaction to Women Abusing Men in Public

I add this bit of information from another Psychologist because it is very powerful.

Paul Elam Says:
November 18th, 2009 at 5:16 am

As always, a top notch piece of work from Dr. Tara.

For my two cents worth there are a lot of things at play in scenarios where men remain with abusive women. There are factors that are radically different than the phenomena where women stay with abusive men.

I think a lot of it speaks to socialization, and transference of men’s dependency on their mothers for emotional survival. For most men in our culture, teaching them to “keep Mama happy” is central to their upbringing.

I know that in my home that there was no greater standard of worth than making my mother happy and very little for which failure to succeed met with such disapproval and condemnation. It was for me, and I suspect for most boys of my time, the mold in which our very identities were formed. And to a great degree, fathers and all other examples of masculine influence in our lives acted as “enforcers” for the “please Mama” mandate. There was no escape from it.

We all colluded to and coerced each other to deify mother. And mother helped with this, of course. And I witnessed the same in the households of my male peers. It was part and parcel to a culture of emotional incest, where boys are the “little men of the house” filling in Mama’s emotional vacuum in the absence of working fathers.

It was also, as male personalities developed, the singular source of “emotional existence” available.

I think that is attributable to the fact that as men we are socialized, often brutally, to channel all of our emotions through the primary female in our lives and to shut it down elsewhere. We are conditioned to be fearless, emotionless performers; tough as leather in the competitive world of men.

We “feel” only in the presence of women. We emotionally “exist” only under their purview. Only women can see our vulnerabilities…only women can validate and heal them.

And by that only women can give us a sense of complete worth.

Legions of men who through history lay mortally wounded on battlefields, calling desperately for their mothers, not for doctors, is a testament to this. As is the staggering disparity in suicide statistics between men and women who take that plunge during a breakup or divorce.

Women survive those things better because their realm of emotional support is more expansive, and because they haven’t been abused into measuring their worth by the opinion of one person. They have, in fact, been taught well to be the one in control of those situations and the people in them.

So I totally understand why it is difficult for so many men to take the emotional head on collision of a broken relationship, even when staying means the absolute certainty of further abuse.

But I do hope that more men get information like Dr. Tara is presenting here. In the end, the only thing that makes sense is to get out.

And it also makes sense to question how your emotional ties are formed and why during periods when you are single. Three years into a relationship guided by your unconscious desperation to be accepted by a woman at any cost is a hard time to make changes.

But early on, when you first catch yourself acting like a trained seal, saying or doing anything to get approval; to get love, is an excellent time to put it to a stop, even if it isn’t easy.

Sorry, I didn’t mean to usurp Dr. Tara’s thread here. It is just that this is a subject near and dear to my heart. I am very thankful we now have Dr. Tara here to reach into the world of men and shed light on this very important topic.