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Fri 18th June 2010

Help for violent women

Filed under: General — Scrap_The_CSA @ 10:53 am

Wed 26 May 2010 (ODT Online)

Family violence is not just a man’s domain and more women are seeking help for their abusive tendencies.

Stopping Violence Dunedin (SVD) manager Lynne Baird said the organisation received at least one phone call a week from women wanting to do something about their violent tendencies.

Feedback from probation officers and Women’s Refuge reiterated a need for help targeted at women. 

I came across this and thought it is interesting to note:

In response to this, SVD created a women’s education programme, which will be trialled in Dunedin next month.Among other things, it will explore patterns of behaviour and highlight tools for living a life free of violence and abuse.

The sessions cover building self-esteem, setting safe boundaries, developing good communication skills and the impact of society on women.It will also focus on the impact of violence on children and partners.

Regards

Scrap

32 Responses to “Help for violent women”

  1. Hans Laven says:

    Yes. Programmes for men accused of violence require men to be thoroughly humbled and to admit they are violent even if they weren’t because, as possessors of a penis they must abuse patriarchal “power and control” in all kinds of ways. Accusations of violence by women are usually dismissed as silly so they face little risk of being forced under threat of imprisonment into state-funded indoctrination centres as men routinely are. However, when programmes are devised for women who admit their violence and ask for rehabilitation, those programmes focus on building their self esteem, developing communication skills, setting safe boundaries (i.e. don’t let others keep making you violent), and being taught about “the impact of society on women” (i.e. feminist ideology that blames men for everything). Interesting contrast huh?

  2. Skeptik says:

    Yes Scrap and Hans.
    We’re on the same page.
    Not just interesting, but downright scary as it sends a message to ALL women that even when they admit they ARE violent they’ll be treated with kid gloves and ENCOURAGED to blame men for their own behavior.
    Typical feminist ideological crap in other words.

  3. Jonathan says:

    White Ribbon: “Stop domestic violence against women”.

    Why qualify the statement? Shouldn’t it just be, “stop domestic violence”?

    For logically DV is either totally male perpetuated and the qualifier is redundant, or it is not and the qualifer is biased and prejudicial to men. And the evidence supports the latter.

  4. Hans Laven says:

    The White Ribbon campaign is definitely biased and prejudicial to men. It is deliberate misandry designed to increase hatred towards men and to bolster the fraudulent view of women as disadvantaged relative to men and the only gender in need of care and protection. And our taxes are paying a lot of money to push this campaign. See my recent posting “Human Rights Commission Determined to Spread Misandry“.

    There is some justification for focusing more on men in discouraging the commission of violence, because undoubtedly men commit more violence and more serious violence in average. That does not mean that women don’t commit serious violence, because they do. For example, women kill significant numbers of men and women are more likely than men to harm or kill very young children. But there is absolutely no justification for a campaign that discourages only “violence towards women”. Men are overwhelmingly more often the victims of violence in our society. Even in domestic situations, men are as likely to be assaulted by their partners as are women (although men are, on average, less seriously injured). In society generally men are many times more likely than women to be the victims of random violence, violent robbery and physically violent responses to interpersonal conflict or for settling scores.

    Men’s victimization through violence is minimized and tends to be hidden. Look at this headline just yesterday: “Three arrested after woman kidnapped”. The actual story is that a man was seriously assaulted by burglars, requiring hospitalization, while a woman in the house was kidnapped and later found unharmed physically. Clearly, the man was by far the most serious victim here, but the headline ignored him completely and saw the woman’s kidnapping as the main crime.

    Men are second class citizens. Their suffering is denied and ignored. We are all paying to promote feminist ideology demanding more and more special status for women at the expense of men’s human rights.

  5. julie says:

    The sessions cover building self-esteem, setting safe boundaries, developing good communication skills and the impact of society on women.It will also focus on the impact of violence on children and partners.

    This sounds very good. I think there is a difference between a woman who comes forward voluntarily wanting to sort out her abusive tendencies and a woman who’s been arrested for abuse, whether real or a threat and forced to attend an anger management course by court order.

  6. Mits says:

    What I wonder is, when this is set up, will a woman who is accused of being violent by her partner with no evidence other than the partners say so be sent to this “education programme”?
    And if she refuses to attend will this then be used by the femily caught as incontrovertable proof that she was obviously violent in the first place.
    And even more so if she does attend then there is even more proof that she is violent as only a violent person would need to attend a “education programme on violence.

  7. Skeptik says:

    Julie,
    I’m afraid you’ve missed a vital point.
    The idea of anger management for NZ women
    (l……o……n…….g overdue!!!!!)
    looking at the impact of society on women sounds good on the surface.
    However it can and I’m sure when utilized by many feminists who infest social services in NZ will be used as a rationale to get violent women blaming men for somehow ‘teaching’ them to be violent.
    So let’s say ‘Sally’ finishes her program and has learnt a few techniques to deal with her anger constructively.
    I’m all for that. As a man that one more woman in my life who can control herself and express herself respectfully. All good so far.
    However, she still walks out the door having had the belief instilled in her that she is surrounded by an overinflated statistic of violent males. Please bear in mind for example that feminists are STILL to this day trying to hoodwink the general populace that 1 in 4 women has been sexually assaulted and still cling to the patently absurd Duluth power and control wheel (even though women in Duluth who devised it have themselves debunked it as a naive and reactionary anti-male concept).
    So ‘Sally’ walks out the door after 12 ~ 20 weeks of group ‘counseling’ where she’s been exposed to such toxic ideas and she’s unnecessarily wary of menfolk. She’s in a state of perpetual tension or to put it another way stressed.
    What happens when someone is perpetually stressed?
    They’re more prone to getting angry that’s what!!!
    Has she been helped then?
    Yes and NO.
    She has some tools to cope with getting angry BUT paradoxically her level of background anxiety (sense of lacking personal safety) may have actually INCREASED.
    Further, until she gets deprogrammed from the feminist brainwashing instilled by ‘experts’ she’s just one more woman needlessly feeling she’s entitled out of a sense of victimhood to female privilege and likely to make the lives of men she’s in contact with difficult or even dangerous.
    She in turn spreads the cancerous meme that ‘men are dangerous because 1 in 4 women have suffered blah blah blah’ and the social cycle of mistrust – stress – violence continues.
    I’ve already seen this happen many times with women in NZ who were unfortunately instilled with misandric notions at a point where they were vulnerable.

    Go carefully for all is not as it at first seems.

  8. Hans Laven says:

    A very rare thing indeed, for a woman to be arrested and forced to attend A.M. Perhaps the female “empowerment” course is a good idea, but men sure don’t get that privilege.

  9. julie says:

    Very nicely written Skeptic.

    I’m afraid you’ve missed a vital point.
    The idea of anger management for NZ women
    (l……o……n…….g overdue!!!!!)

    I hear you. It sure is long overdue. 4 years ago I spoke about girls in school uniform bragging over how many young males they stab on the weekend for fun in front of 20 adults at a railway station. Only one had been put in a youth home for it and that was for only one incident which she laughed about.

    I also interviewed the police in Waitakere and was told it is a big problem but they weren’t allowed to speak about it.

    Everywhere young women are bashing men in public with no consequences. People just freeze or continue what they’re doing.

    Here in Auckland, female violence is out of control. They pull knives on old ladies to steal their cars to do more armed robberies. As young as 12, they’re jumping counters of shops beating women for cigarettes. They’re stabbing young men, bashing young women and have no shame about it. They’re jealous of girls that are nice so set gang members on nice boys because they can’t get attention. I could go on and on and on.

    Yet it’s a step in the right direction and you know how hard it is to get anything that goes against the powerful political lobby group we call feminism. ‘Women are victims’ IS their gravy train and they have a lot more on their agenda, like ‘No woman should ever go to prison for any crime” (because a man somewhere in her life MADE her commit the crime)

    looking at the impact of society on women sounds good on the surface.

    After I read more of your words, I see you don’t think positive of this part. I agree with you!

    We as a society HAVE to deal with women’s violence and the powerful political group has to face this. I know they will be trying to make sure they don’t loose “Women are victims to men” because it’s worth billions to them and a lot of power.

    I’ve spoken with a few members of the National body of women’s refuges over the programs going into schools where girls will look at how they are a victim to the boys and the boys will look at how they are a perpetrator to the girls.

    They said if I could get them funding to do things another way, they’d listen.

  10. julie says:

    Hi Hans, I understand the point you are making but I want to add that lots of women ARE going through the criminal courts and they ARE having to do anger management classes. At the moment, it’s a ‘one size fits all’.

  11. Skeptik says:

    Julie,
    thank you for the affirmation and vivid description of womens behavior you encounter in NZ. Scary!!!
    I had been thinking of visiting NZ for a spell to catch up with friends there.
    However the picture you paint is very offputting, indeed depressingly worse than I’d imagined.
    I’d be much more inclined to visit knowing that there was a widespread network of agencies assisting women (mostly) to deal with thier anger issues and deprogram from victim~entitled feminism.
    I’d be elated if unlike during my previous visit I could be safe in the company of women who were not misandrists, and that equal rights for men were championed by those in positions of authority rather than scoffed at as irrelevant and marginalized.
    I guess I’ll never see those conditions in my remaining lifetime though.

  12. mits says:

    Ahhh c’mon Julie when you say its a “one size fits all” surely you are not equating what a women goes through regarding anger management issues with what men go through. These women arnt immediatley issued with protection orders effectively banning them from seeing their children are they?
    And as I mentioned before are the “anger management issues” then brought up in femily caught on a guilty till proven guilty basis.

    Correct me if Im wrong Hans but isnt the point your raising that even when a women has demonstrated clearly and with proof that she isnt capable of managing her anger she will still be “empowered” to see the error of her ways without being humiliated and belittled like the current system does to men in these situations.

    Sorry Julie but one size fits all isnt the experience I have had in NZ on these issues.

  13. julie says:

    Hi Mits,

    Ahhh c’mon Julie when you say its a “one size fits all” surely you are not equating what a women goes through regarding anger management issues with what men go through. These women arnt immediatley issued with protection orders effectively banning them from seeing their children are they?

    Well, I was. But I was thinking of some cases I know of personally where women have harmed or threatened women. I think some women are dangerous and judges can’t just give them a slap on the hand. They get protection orders, then mediation (if the victim will go) and then anger management and a report goes back to the judge.

    But I understand there is no comparison between women assaulting men and men assaulting women. Men are always guilty while women can get a ‘diversion order’ for first offence and she can get off saying it was defence which a man can’t because he’s not to assault under any conditions.

    I don’t know who gets it harder with protection orders. Sometimes I think whoever gets in first gets the order.

    And as I mentioned before are the “anger management issues” then brought up in femily caught on a guilty till proven guilty basis.

    They can be.

    Correct me if Im wrong Hans but isnt the point your raising that even when a women has demonstrated clearly and with proof that she isnt capable of managing her anger she will still be “empowered” to see the error of her ways without being humiliated and belittled like the current system does to men in these situations.

    I think it depends on the case.

    Sorry Julie but one size fits all isnt the experience I have had in NZ on these issues.

    I was thinking about asking if women attend the same anger management programs with men. We have ‘man alive’ where I am and the men go there. I hadn’t given thought where the women are going. I might just find out.

  14. Scott B says:

    Anyone seen this? http://www.newstalkzb.co.nz/newsdetail1.asp?storyID=177658

    If that is the case, why is the advert have a male on it? It should have a female on it.

  15. Scott B says:

    the advert for don’t shake a baby that is!

  16. Hans Laven says:

    The same reason that ALAC advertisements continue to show only males causing problems when drunk. Men are easy scapegoats; feminist propaganda has so captured our beliefs that few in society even notice such atrocious sexism against men. If an accurate picture were presented showing women also at fault, ALAC would have to put up with feminist protests backed by the Ministry of Women’s Affairs, Human Rights Commission, Advertising Standards Authority and other state-funded enemies of men. ALAC of course is also funded by us all through “levies”, that is, taxes.

    The latest series from ALAC mainly involves wise, brave females confronting men about their problem drinking. ALAC have ignored my previous challenge to them about such misandrist advertising. ALAC seems to have mainly males leading its organisation. One wonders where the male-hating influence in ALAC comes from.

  17. Skeptik says:

    Yes Hans,
    Another scary aspect of this is that I’ve met many NZ women who seem to think they can do as they please when sober. Of course that’s largely true in a culture that slaps them on the wrist with a wet busticket compared to stiffarming and shackling men for crimes of similar proportions. Then when these women get drunk and uninhibitted they become even more emboldened AND DANGEROUS.
    I seriously wonder how many children’s injuries and deaths would be saved if women were also targeted by the organizations you mention.
    Also why hasn’t any conscionable lawyer brought a class action suit on behalf of men against these misandric propogandists who are ripping off the taxpayer by being derelict in their duty to inform and as much as possible protect the public.
    For example – drunken baby shakers ring any bells with anybody out there?
    What’s even more weird is that in their seemingly headlong feminist~chivalrist rush to demonize men as the only dysfunctional sex these organizations make women’s dysfuntionality invisible AND thus by clear and unabashed dereliction to inform the public actually do a terrible miservice to women also.
    A great shame NZ has turned out this way.
    Time for a new broom to sweep out the corruption I say.

  18. Scott B says:

    Yes Hans, again they trying to say that whatever men do whilst they’re drunk, they are responsible for their actions. Unlike women who are never responsible for anything, whether they’re sober or drunk/stoned. Also there is one where the woman is talking about how it is affecting her and the children, not about how it is affecting him… wait… I think they’re all like that!

    I was wondering… could we have them up for false advertising on the shaking advert?

  19. Skeptik says:

    Julie, Hans and others,
    Can any of you actually quantify how many women are being sent to attend anger management programs? And how many complete them?
    Or are those more feminist secrets?

  20. rc says:

    It will be a great day when ‘public health’ bureaucrats actually frame women’s violence authentically as the subject of one of their many campaigns. We all know the typical scene. A hysterical woman with absolutely no self-restraint launching a verbal, and possibly physical, assault on a long suffering husband or partner who has little recourse other than to bear it or go for a walk with her screaming after him. These women – and there are many – believe they have a God-given right to their histrionic rages and that it is the lot of the rest of us to suffer them silently. We get a glimpse of them daily on Jeremy Kyle, and the horror of them leaps out at the viewer. In full flight they are quite insane and unmistakeable as public menaces (I suspect Tiger Woods knows more about the syndrome than I).

    Until that day comes, and men continue to be high-lighted as the number one cause of harm to children when they clearly are not, one can only conclude that the influence of these women reaches right into the heart of government.

  21. Skeptik says:

    Brilliantly expressed rc and utterly believable too.
    Well done.
    I only hope there are MANY folks taking heed of this thread and the message spreads far and wide that the need for widespread Anger management for NZ women is long overdue and a significant threat to public health that is being ignored by the authorities.
    Indeed many of these same folks abuse their positions of authority by vilifying males and exonerating women in the name of sisterhood over justice and public safety.

    I hope they get the message loud and clear that the significant problem of NZ women’s anger is NOT to be blamed on men. Real change on the part of women requires as much self reflection and self responsibility as it does for men, otherwise it isn’t change it’s just passing the buck.

    In my time in NZ I can recount scores of times when I was publicly and privately abused by NZ women who got off scott free even when I took my complaints about their physical, verbal, sexual and psychological abuse to the authorities.
    During my time there I was spat at, had a knife thrown at me, was punched, kicked, molested (more than once, was falsely accused of horrendous acts, was blatantly lied too, often insulted and sworn at; passed over for promotion, ignored in a myriad of ways unpleasant, gossiped about in disgusting terms and I’ve lost count of the number of times and of women in NZ who’ve played head games with me.
    It’s ironic and depressing actually to think of how I, being male, have been stereotyped as the abuser whilst I’ve so often been on the recieving end of NZ women’s abuse.
    I know much of this abuse came from reactions to my refusal to live up to female expectations and my memories of NZ will forever be tainted with the images of such women who came from all classes and walks of life – from University lecturers through to nurses, psychologists, counselors, teachers, students, shop assistants and public servants through to women who were either complete strangers or intimate lovers.

    I’ll never forget the look on my best friend Wayne’s face when it finally sank in that I wasn’t being some namby pamby new age wimp as I told him ‘I’ve got to get out of this country mate, the women here are nuts and I’m suffering death by a million cuts”.
    He was speechless, yet I could see from his face he was also convinced I was being real and truthful, but just had no answer to my comment.

    The saddest part is I DON’T THINK my experience as a man in NZ is particularly unusual.
    I’ve spoken to many men who’ve had it even rougher than I from NZ women.
    What is unusual is I being raised in protestant fashion spoke out about it – AND to NZ’s shame often got further abuse for my troubles.
    Ah yes, Mean, green New Zealand – Land of the long white shroud.

  22. julie says:

    Skeptic, I didn’t phone around to find out who runs the anger management programs used by the criminal court and it’s after 5pm Friday so it will have to wait till next week.

    I was trying to find something through google and came across WAVE – Waitakere Anti-Violence Essential Services.

    Services provided:

    Our member agencies provide:

    1.Stopping Violence programs for men
    2. Support and education programs for women and children
    3. Advocacy and support for victims affected by violence, including Court proceedings
    4. Programs for children who are victims of/witnesses of family violence
    5. Training for organisations and professionals on domestic violence dynamics and prevention
    6. Parenting programs for parents experiencing anger problems
    7. Culturally appropriate services

    Wow, I’ve watched all this develop of the past 4 years and met many who are involved. But I’m going to have to take back my words that there’s a one size fits all because it’s not true.

  23. hayden says:

    i spent 8 years with a partner i tryed so hard to help,
    she would lose her marbles and fly into some of the most violent uncontrollable rages when things didnt go her way,
    they would start like this as follows.
    -insults and obscenities and other verbal abuse at you.
    -then when you dont bite,the same would be about your family.
    -then you still wont bite it,she starts throwing anything that she sees immediatly in site.
    -then she starts throwing things at you,
    -then she starts smashing your house up,(that i bought pryor)
    -you then restrain her from doing this she starts screaming for help,yelling ring the police stop hitting me(which i never did)
    eventually she calms down,and is very remorseful,im at my wits end!

    after putting up with it for 5years i told her enuffs enuff and to move out and we broke up.
    this was for a short period and we got back together as we truely had a great deal of love for each other,even while this crap happened,
    one can say i was an iddiot,but i truely loved her and still do even now we have been seperated for the past 5months,
    i am a person that has no need for police in my life as im certainly no narc and have no time or respect for people who are,
    i now have been going through the family courts as she is trying to get a temp protection order made final!
    im a victim of a group of vindictive friends of hers she works with making a huge drama to try to justify there sick boss trespassing from there workplace,
    as i was a contractor to the company ive lost 90% of work and have since closed my own company!!
    p.s
    males are victimised so often in the family courts.
    im fighting this order cos these people make false statements to police and get taken seriously,so im seriously ruined if they get it made final,as they ring the police on me every 5mins and say ive threatened to kill people!!

  24. hayden says:

    by the way,
    normally these outbursts were at that time of the month,
    apart from that she really rocked my world,in our life together.
    cheers

  25. julie says:

    These sort of relationships are one of the top 4 reasons marriages don’t last. I wonder whether she’s using drugs or whether this is an actual mental condition.

    I think when you’re involved with someone like this, the lows are really low and when they snap out of it, it feels like a high and you can’t help but love the highs.

    It’s very dangerous for you but I’m guessing you’ve been around it for a long period and invested a lot into the relationship that you don’t know what’s normal any more. I suppose you can even reason that every one has problems so what’s the difference – better the devil you know than the one you don’t.

    …………

    It’s up to you Hayden, but it won’t last. Something will tip it too far or the lows will be too often and you’ll either get out or she’ll blame you and get out. In a sense you are enabling her behaviour by picking up the pieces.

  26. skeptik says:

    Hayden,
    You need help mate.
    I suggest you put up another comment on this thread asking for it.
    Then I’m sure the help will be forthcoming.
    I’ve seen that happen countless times on this website with men who are going through the family court.

    To other readers – I’m not in a position to offer help directly myself, but know others are and are much more skilled than I at this sort of thing.
    Please reach out to this man in distress.

  27. rc says:

    Hayden,

    These women are what Erin Pizzey (the founder of women’s refuges) calls “Emotional Terrorists”. If you Google this term, and read her writing, I expect you’ll see a lot you recognize.

    There is no fixing them. The best thing for you is to make a clean and absolute break, where the likelihood of running into them is zero. Distance and new surroundings are also the most effective ways of breaking emotional ties (if you have determined that that is what you want). If you stay in contact, then you are exposing yourself to whatever harm her rages and mood-swings fire at you, and you can expect little sympathy or protection from the law or any social services. Some members of your own family or friends will judge you as weak and deserving of all the abuse you get, as many people find it impossible to hold a woman accountable for her bad behaviour. They will rationalise that you are at fault in some way.

    The choice now is yours, and good for you for having recognized the need to do something about it.

  28. martin swash says:

    Oh no, i thought mine was bad, what a nightmare Hayden ! Look after yourself, you must be going through hell with such injustice, i am sure you tried your utmost, i am so sorry for you, many of us have been through the same, WHY ? How many more men ? When will it all stop ?
    I don’t think you have any children, well that is better. But you will have to use every ounce of mental strength now, we are all with you on here, so sorry ! We men all know the real truth of what had happened to you .

  29. martin swash says:

    There is no advice , men will do whatever it takes, men know what is required, only you know know Hayden what you need, if you need help you can get it, we all are on your side here !

  30. Scott B says:

    I see there is a new ad on TV saying that 1 in 3 women in NZ are in danger or have been abused. I can’t remember which, cause I am so angry about it. It’s disgusting. 1 in 3 aye? Ok… and the proof of that is where?

  31. Skeptik says:

    Wow!
    Scott B. Thanks for the link.
    I completely understand your anger.
    I’m gobsmacked seeing the advertisement the link shows!
    If I were living in NZ which thankfully I’m not, I too would feel threatened and angry as this has to be one of the most malicious misandric advertising campaigns I’ve come across bar none.
    It’s right up there with boys are stupid throw rocks at them,
    The book I saw in Whitcoulls startegically placed RIGHT NEXT TO the kids section – ‘All men are bastards’,
    the male knife block,
    and Air NZs policy misandry of not allowing men, but only allowing women to sit next to unaccompanied children.

    The Women’s refuge movement shamefully openly acknowledges it is done to try to get folks to feel the fear they say women in relationships with abusive men experience every day.
    It’s use of the heartbeat and clock countdown are chilling, as they’re supposed to be.
    But the chill I experience isn’t of empathising with abused women as Satchi and Satchi and Women’s refuge inc’ intend.
    It the chill of knowing how their coupling this with the terrible lie of 1 in 3 women suffering domestic violence during their lifetimes will cause much needless pain and suffering as it stirs anger in those who get duped by it’s message.
    As much as I hate the fact that some men and women end up victims of domestic violence I’m heartbroken seeing such pure unadulterated evil being spread and shall be writing to the Editors at Men’s News Daily to get the message out that New Zealand is still a misandric feminist shit hole. I say feminist advisedly too, as the Women’s refuge website with this atrocious advertisement is swathed in thier trademark color purple.
    Please readers join us in protesting this for the sake of a fairer more peaceful NZ.

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