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4 Comments »

1. 

   Exactly! How many New Zealand have been beaten up in the secret family court under domestic violence laws when all they have been doing is protecting their children from violent and abusive woman.

   It would be interesting to know if this woman had a family court case in New Zealand before going to Australia.

   Comment by Downunder — Fri 30th August 2013 @ 9:49 am

2. 

   Should have read ‘New Zealand men’.

   Comment by Downunder — Fri 30th August 2013 @ 9:53 am

3. 

   Thanks Brendan and Downunder, mental health issues are very common in families experiencing adjustment difficulties. When insufficient effective helpful help is provided (unfortunately most of the time) and in many cases even when helpful help can be offered, people are deterred from taking up the help by public stigma against people with visible mental health problems.

   If we were to face these problems directly, we would notice that the parenting received by the children had often been deficient and unsatisfactory, from long before the mental health problems became evident.

   Before committing to have children with someone, we need to better assess their capability to parent. Then we need to be careful not to have children with people who are unsuited to giving good parenting. (We need to protect our boys from child [and spousal] support rape.)

   Most men ignore this issue, as they (wrongly) assume that their wife will do most of the parenting. This is wrong, as even if they spend fewer hours with the children, most father’s contribution is still important and critical for the children’s healthy development. For example, girls who lack father input are more likely to become pregnant without support in their teenage years. They also reach puberty up to 18 months younger. Boys who lack father contact are more likely to develop anti social behaviours.

   Men also ignore the need to assess their fiancee’s parenting skills, because they lack the skills to be able measure the other potential parent’s parenting skills, before they have had children.

   I know several fathers who have had to step in and provide the day to day care for their children, due to the mother’s mental health problems. (Addictions to spending, alcohol, drugs, their own childhood abuse, many reasons may cause these problems.) Although the familycaught$ will make these decisions, when the mother’s incapacity is bleeding obvious, if we look at the distribution of mental health issues in the community, we can see that it should be happening much more frequently (x100), if the issue is to protect and serve the children.

   The familycaught$ adds hazard for the children, as in maximising their personal paramount financial interests, they tend to find against the party with more money (this puts maximum pressure for further hearings). Typically this leaves the children with the parent with poorer mental health, thus maximising the developmental hazard that the children are exposed to.

   Presently, the only way that men can protect their children from these hazards, is to only consider for marriage, women with reliably good mental health. You may notice that this consideration only increases the degree of public stigma against men and women with mental health problems.

   Of course a better situation would be if familycaught$ followed present legislation and placed the children’s developmental interests before their own paramount financial interests.

   This seems further away now, than at any time in the last 35 years?

   Judith Collins has promised legislation to outlaw bullying, but the examples she has listed have not included familycaught$ extortion. Maybe this is due to her earlier involvement in this bullying? In any case, whatever her intentions, if her new legislation can be made to apply in familycaught$, it can only benefit children and good parents (at financial cost to familycaught$ legal workers).

   Comment by MurrayBacon — Fri 30th August 2013 @ 1:50 pm

4. 

   We saw and heard Kiri Te Kanawa sing on her 70th Birthday Gala Tour. A beautiful experience and a great privilege. She sang in a substantial concert venue with no microphone yet her voice seemed everywhere and right beside you. The four women sitting in the row behind were loud, uncouth and lacking contemplation in between songs and even talked at times during the performance; never mind, this is the face of modern women, girls can do anything and any criticism of them is sexism.

   Kiri sang mainly operatic pieces and some classical folk songs. For one of her encores though she sang a wonderful interpretation of a song co-written and performed by Luther Vandross. Here are the lyrics, and of course it’s called “Dance With My Father Again”:

   Back when I was a child, before life removed all the innocence
   My father would lift me high and dance with my mother and me and then
   Spin me around ’til I fell asleep
   Then up the stairs he would carry me
   And I knew for sure I was loved
   If I could get another chance, another walk, another dance with him
   I’d play a song that would never, ever end
   How I’d love, love, love
   To dance with my father again

   When I and my mother would disagree
   To get my way, I would run from her to him
   He’d make me laugh just to comfort me
   Then finally make me do just what my mama said
   Later that night when I was asleep
   He left a dollar under my sheet
   Never dreamed that he would be gone from me
   If I could steal one final glance, one final step, one final dance with him
   I’d play a song that would never, ever end
   ‘Cause I’d love, love, love
   To dance with my father again

   Sometimes I’d listen outside her door
   And I’d hear how my mother cried for him
   I pray for her even more than me
   I pray for her even more than me
   I know I’m praying for much too much
   But could you send back the only man she loved
   I know you don’t do it usually
   But dear Lord she’s dying
   To dance with my father again
   Every night I fall asleep and this is all I ever dream

   Comment by Ministry of Men's Affairs — Wed 7th May 2014 @ 12:24 am

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