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Fri 3rd January 2014

Feminists Goals for 2014

Filed under: General — Lukenz @ 9:33 pm

From her own lips. Rebecca Kamm’s bright future for woman.

This is her ideal world for feminists. New year resolutions for feminists

I CALL ON ALL ADVERTISERS IN THE NZ HERALD TO STOP USING THEM. AND BUYERS OF THE PUBLICATION TO NEVER BUY ANOTHER COPY.

Print version here…

Dear reader,

Another year, another 365 days in which to continue the women’s crusade! This, sadly, is my last ever post before I depart for different-coloured pastures – but I want to make sure you have a very feminist new year in my absence. So here are my top six tips to carry you through 2014 in ultimate feminazi style.

Do me proud. Xx

STAY LAZY

Remember that time thousands of years ago we managed to convince men we were the feeblest of all creatures, save for domestic chores and babies? That was THE BEST trick. It meant we got to stay home and chillax with the tiny humans, and never do anything that required actual hard work. Sometimes we didn’t even have to talk, because muzzles! We tricked them so good.

Well, now that it’s 2014, we’re expected to pull our own weight. BUT, biology can still be used to your advantage: whenever possible, scam your way into time off work by having periods, and by breeding.

Also, demand equal pay*, even though men’s jobs are harder.

* Shout-out to the feminist statisticians fudging the “pay gap” stats – we couldn’t do this without you!!

KEEP FOCUSED

We bloody did it, you guys: ladies are now shooting ahead at school, right up to tertiary level. The undercover plan to make Western men the most persecuted group of the 21st century is underway. So very good work and carry on. Make sure little boys have no pencils, dictionaries or calculators; tell them everything they do is wrong, even if it’s spot on; teach them in an extra quiet voice so they miss great chunks of the syllabus – whatever you can to make sure they have it tough from the start. Victory is dizzyingly close.

MISANDRY CHIC

It’s the duty of all feminists to look the same, so we can identify each other from a mile away and conduct feminist marching parades within a moment’s notice. Also, let’s face it, we became feminists in the first place because men didn’t think we were pretty, so let’s have fun with this!! No bra, army boots, clenched fists … whatever it takes to pretend you don’t cry yourself to sleep at night wishing you were thin.

Note: DO NOT ever diverge from this feminist uniform and make yourself unidentifiable as a feminist, or the world will spin on its axis and men won’t know which way is up and which way is down. Which would be OK, were it not for the fact that – on occasion – we need their dollars and sperms. When that time comes, you will need to temporarily morph in order to get what you want. (See below.)

SPERM AND CASH

GET THEM. Yes, being a lesbian and a feminist and wanting men to want to have sex with you and needing a good lay are all the same thing – and that can get confusing – but the fact is that we do need men for some things. Like spawn and wealth, and a good f***ing to calm us down.

So, some advice: when you must be with the enemy, just make sure he doesn’t catch you poking holes in the condom, or notice you only get sexually excited when there are piles of banknotes lying around. (I keep some under the pillow for this purpose. Even the sound of crinkly paper does the trick.)

That way he’ll think you really love him for him – like some kind of hetero-normative Disney princess – and he’ll probably wave the prenup. Failing that, there’s always court once you’ve had enough. Either way, money for jam.

ACT PISSED

No matter what, don’t let on that you shiver with glee when strangers compliment your breasts, or when your boss gets wasted and tries to bed you. I personally know how hard it is to hide the rush – their peen approves!! You are OK after all!! – but you have to look angry. Otherwise you can’t pull the “sexual harassment” card when things don’t go your way or you’re in a bad mood.

#MANBAN

We’re so close. Soon there will be virtually zero men left in government and only a fraction in senior management positions. It will be a world filled with dominance, money, natural hair growth, emotions, sex bans, and a parliamentary system based on the lunar cycle. It will be HEAVEN ON MOTHER EARTH.

However. It’s imperative you maintain to all concerned that women have had it rough. That feminism is still necessary (LOL). And that the past 2,000 years hasn’t been a doddle for ladies. Schools seems to have bought it, and some men even feel bad for us (mainly the poor lefty ones, but still).

So keep it “real” and tow the party line. Any backing down over these “facts” will unravel decades of hard work on the part of your foresisters, who marched the streets for your right to vote men out of society altogether. (FEMINISM.)

Article by Rebbecca Kamm – A creature of abhorrence.

19 Responses to “Feminists Goals for 2014”

  1. nate says:

    Is it only me who thinks she is actually mocking feminist? Most comments bar one, seem to suggest so. Guys, being reactive, and seeing shit where there is none, doesnt help anyone.

  2. Bruce S says:

    @Nate (#1) – yep one big tongue in cheek! I always enjoyed reading Rebbecca’s articles; the girl has a whacky sense of humour wrapped around her very feminine persona. If the NZ Hearld have given her the flick; it’ll be because the “man girls” there just can’t bear the very public and regular washing of dirty (filthy) laundry Rebbecca dishes up. Perhaps even worse; the men of New Zealand have just lost a champion!! Sad day indeed.

  3. Shizzle says:

    It is definitely satire; a writer exposing the folly of feminism by ridicule.

    You would need to look elsewhere to find Rebecca Kamm’s personal perspective – as to whether she is genuinely trying to encourage women to re-think the degradation of men or whether she is genially taking the piss on behalf of the sisters, either way an editor wrote the cheque.

    For those men who have been trashed by the Family Court, suffered the loss of their children, assets and lifestyle, the style of writing and humour will not be appreciated. In defence of genuine satire you would not be the author’s intended audience.

    Who knows, she may have even been inspired by the ramblings of this site’s Axe-Murderer.

  4. Downunder says:

    @Bruce

    I always enjoyed reading Rebbecca’s articles; the girl has a whacky sense of humour wrapped around her very feminine persona.

    You appear to be familiar with her writing; what makes her different to any other undefined feminist?

    Are you suggesting that she is a brave independent thinker that doesn’t ingratiate herself to the cause when the occasion suits?

    More importantly, what qualifies her for this ‘feminine persona’ that you have attributed to her?

  5. Bruce says:

    Rebecca has probably given us the frankest analysis of feminism you will see. No wonder she has been fired.

  6. nate says:

    I am trying to avoid the courts if possible. I have lost out though and my family is broken. Dont get the wrong idea guys, i hate feminist thinking. Rebeccas article does not strike me as a feminist though and my caution to you guys is dont see feminists everywhere. If you go on a witch hunt you may very well burn valuable allies. Not all women are ‘bad’.

  7. andreas says:

    What Rebecca has written is so true and she has used humour to reinforce that truth.
    There are some really nasty Lesbians and women out there and some equally nasty males both hetero and homosexual.
    Frankly I enjoyed her writing because I enjoy humour even at my own expense. I doubt that I would bed her with organismic crinkling of banknotes but there are no doubt many who would.

  8. OMG You're (*&^%^* says:

    You might all be deluded.
    I for one totally accept that there is a growing trend for women to hunt the richer man, sweet-talk them into no pre-nup (‘if you really loved me…’), endure the requisite three years, and then ka-ching ka-ching. Pay-day.
    Pre-nups sound great in theory, but the family court is only too full of femi-lawyers willing to have a crack at them (and it’s money for jam; to the lawyers, I mean).
    All this means, there must be an underground edu-forum teaching them young sweet lasses this get-rich-quick scheme. Femi-studies at uni, perhaps. Embedded deep in the pages of Woman’s Day, maybe, or perhaps subliminal advertising during shows such as Rachel, Oprah, and so on.
    Why else, would stories like this, of marrying up, gold hunting, anti-pre-nuptualism, easy divorce, and so on, be woven into the massive social-re-engineering programme that our own beloved Government openly funds (You know the one – it’s called Shortland Street).

  9. Bruce S says:

    Hi Downunder; in response to your queries in #4

    what makes her different to any other undefined feminist?

    I have never assumed her to be an undefined feminist to start with. I read her articles with an open mind and discerned her articles to be written more from a female (feminine) perspective rather than a feminist, agenda driven angle. That is not to say she did not introduce the feminist angle into her writing; the way I interpreted that was simply she was “trying to” reason the feminist point of view.

    Personally; I view Rebbecca’s writing not so much as the “brave independent thinker” but more the measured voice of many woman who still value the ideals of femininity, family and relationship fidelity. Therein lies my attribution of her “feminine persona”. This is purely my take away from reading her articles; you may interpret them differently.

    If you are interested in reading more of her material – it can be referenced here:

    http://www.nzherald.co.nz/rebecca-kamm/news/headlines.cfm?a_id=786

  10. Bruce S says:

    @Nate – #6

    Not all women are ‘bad’

    Agree 100%! Indeed I find most all women pretty agreeable!

  11. OMG You're (*&^%^* says:

    Most women are agreeable if you agree with them 100%.

  12. Bruce S says:

    Most women are agreeable if you agree with them 100%

    touché…although it isn’t too good for your psychological well-being to do that according to a recent New Zealand based “study” on the impact of agreeing with your wife 100% of the time….. an excerpt:

    A New Zealand man who was asked by scientists to agree with everything his wife said had to call off the experiment after 12 days because it was proving so harmful to his mental health.

    Study outline can be found here:-

    http://healthland.time.com/2013/12/17/extreme-marriage-experiment-suggests-its-better-to-be-right-than-happy/

  13. T says:

    Nate is so obviously a woman

  14. Downunder says:

    @ Bruce

    Personally; I view Rebbecca’s writing not so much as the “brave independent thinker” but more the measured voice of many woman who still value the ideals of femininity, family and relationship fidelity. Therein lies my attribution of her “feminine persona”.

    This is the concept of feminist persona?

    Rebecca Kamm of the male contraceptive pill

    And knowing if you’re likely to pop a gurgler in nine months is quite important information.

    I am not sure that you would get much support for you point of view from the average feminine woman.

  15. nate says:

    At T. “Nate is obviously a woman.” Add something to the discussion instead of resorting to adhominum attacks.im a guy,going a through a painful divorce. I just know that reactive and witch hunting is not helpful to our cause.

  16. Downunder says:

    How did you end up here Nate, was the site recommended by a friend or were you dealt to in the Family Court?

  17. Tony says:

    “Our cause,” Nate, please don’t include me in your “our,” I dont know you and you dont know anything about me. And from the sound of it, you saying that to criticize a woman is “witch hunting,” I have to say you must be trolling.

    “Guys, being reactive, and seeing shit where there is none, doesnt help anyone” thanks for that unsolicited counsel Nate, not that many of us needed it.

    And, what is your experience with family court, what experience do you speak with such authority from? How many years have you spend fighting for your children in family court?

  18. T says:

    Thanks Tony, yes, my comment wasnt ad hominem, nor was it an attack

    It was actually quite tongue in cheek, so its Nate who’s being reactive.

    He should follow his or her own advice.

  19. Nate says:

    Sorry. Yes, I was reactive. I’m not trolling. Just trying to see brighter grass than what I’m hearing from many guys and seeing in my own walk. I am desperately trying to hold onto the notion that there are some good women out there. I am tired of the expressed bitterness that many guys voice at me about their/”all” women. I’m going to bow out of this conversation, as my thoughts seem to be coming across the wrong way.

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