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Sun 25th May 2014

Humorous songs

Filed under: General — Downunder @ 5:48 pm

I happened across this song entitled, ‘She only bitches when she breathes’.

I’ll have to sum it up this way
She could turn a straight man gay
She only bitches when she breathes.

I am sure there are some other good songs out there.

If you know of one, add a link in the comments.

Might help cheer up some sad fellow who arrives here hoping to find he is not alone in the world.

6 Responses to “Humorous songs”

  1. Bill Baldwin says:

    My wife ran off with the garbage man.
    I won’t miss that woman.
    But somebody’s got to empty my can.

    I came home the other night.
    Caught the two of them alone.
    He told me he was a nudist
    That came in to use the phone.

    Jim Stafford – Sixteen little red noses.

  2. Man X Norton says:

    BB King sang this song penned by ‘Ivory Joe Hunter’ called ‘Never Trust a Woman’:

    Don’t ever trust a woman, until she’s dead and buried
    Yes, don’t ever trust a woman, until she’s dead and buried
    One day she’ll say that she loves you and the next day she’ll throw you in the street

    She’ll smother you with kisses, when her birthday comes around
    But soon as she gets her presents, she’ll down talk you all over over town
    No, don’t ever trust a woman, until she’s dead and buried
    One day she’ll say that she loves you and the next day she’ll throw you in the street

    She’ll beg you for clothes and diamonds, until you’re all in hock
    And then you’ll come home one mornin’ and your key won’t fit the lock
    Don’t ever trust a woman, until she’s dead and buried
    Well, one day she’ll say that she loves you, the next day she’ll throw you in the street

    She’ll call you every mornin’, every mornin’, noon and night
    She’ll call you in between times, just to see if you’re doin’ alright
    She’ll ask to borrow five and then she’ll beg for ten
    And baby that five and ten, you won’t ever see again!

    Man, don’t ever trust a woman, man, until she’s dead and buried
    One day she’ll say that she loves you and the next day she’ll throw you in the street

  3. Man X Norton says:

    Not surprisingly, trusting women has long been recognized as a fool’s game and many songs have been written to express that sentiment, including a number with the same title ‘Never Trust a Woman’. Unfortunately, our politicians and Courts failed to hear those songs! Here’s one by Red Foley from 1947:

    If you ain’t a man with a lot of guts, a dog-gone woman will drive you nuts
    You can’t trust one to the corner now a day
    You gotta watch your doors or she’ll cheat you blind, a woman ain’t got but a one track mind
    You’ll find out Bud, it’s the man who always pays

    She’ll feed you a line that will turn your head and you’ll marry her and when you’re in bed
    She’ll go through all the pockets in your pants
    And if you object there’ll be a big fight and chances are it will last all night
    I’m telling you man you just ain’t got a chance

    Never, never trust a woman you’ll be sorry if you do
    Never, never trust a woman she’ll just make a monkey out of you

    Though women are handy around the house, they can’t be trusted by man nor mouse
    It’s a shame the way they drag a good man down
    It’s a well-known fact they talk too much and they dig up dirt about the neighbors and such
    And Paul Revere the gossip all around town

    You’ll blow your top when they get in your hair and they’ll drive you to drink and man I’ll swear
    You wish you never seen the light of day
    I’m tipping you off your goose is cooked when one of them females get you hooked
    And so you better think it over while you may

    Never, never trust a woman you’ll be sorry if you do
    Never, never trust a woman she’ll just make a monkey out of you

    I’m telling you man it’s a dirty shame to come home late from a poker game
    To a little wife that’s gonna give you heck
    She’s sitting alone with a rolling pin and will let you have it when you walk in
    And when she gets through with you, you’ll be a wreck

    If you had a little nip and she smelled your breath she’ll start in nagging you half to death
    And Bud you’ll have to put up with that for life
    Cause the preacher said for better or worse and until you ride that big black hoarse
    You just naturally got yourself a wife

    Never, never trust a woman you’ll be sorry if you do
    Never, never trust a woman she’ll just make a monkey out of you

  4. Man X Norton says:

    And another ‘Never Trust a Woman’, this time by Brent Mydland and performed by the Grateful Dead (How many of us men would be grateful for death, huh?)

    Gonna see some good times
    Gonna get to ring that bell
    Gonna see some good times
    Sometimes you make up
    For when I’m not feeling well
    I must be due some great times
    ‘Cause right now
    ‘Cause right now I feel like hell

    Never trust a woman
    Who wears her pants too tight
    Never trust a woman
    Who wears her pants too tight
    She might love you tomorrow
    But she’ll be gone tomorrow night

    I say, come tomorrow, I’ll get my pay
    And I’m gonna leave this town
    Come tomorrow, I’ll get my pay
    And I’m gonna leave this fucking town
    She don’t really love me
    Ain’t no reason to stick around

    Gonna see some good times
    Gonna get to ring that bell
    Gonna see some good times
    Sometimes you make up
    For when I’m not feeling well
    I must be due some great times
    But if they don’t come, if they don’t come
    If they never come around, what the hell

  5. OMG! you're f%^^&*($@#! says:

    When it comes to domestic violence …. Only Women Bleed?
    (NZ Police and Family Courts seem to think so).

  6. Man X Norton says:

    Then there’s this traditional Irish one called ’7 Drunken Nights’

    As I came home on Monday night, as drunk as drunk can be
    I saw a horse outside the door, where my old hose should be
    Ah, you’re drunk you’re drunk you silly old fool
    and still you can not see
    Thats the lovely sow that me mother sent to me
    It’s many the day I’ve travelled, a hundred miles or more
    But a saddle on a sow, sure I never saw before
    As I came home on Tuesday night, as drunk as drunk can be
    I saw a coat behind the door, where my old coat should be
    Well I called me wife and says to her, will you kindly tell to me
    Who owns this coat behind the door, where my old coat should be?
    Ah you’re drunk you’re drunk, you silly old fool
    and still you cannot see
    That’s the lovely blanket, that me mother sent to me
    It’s many the day I’ve travelled, a hundred miles or more
    But pockets on a blanket, sure I never saw before
    Now as I come home on Wednesday night, as drunk as drunk can be
    I saw a pipe upon the chair, where my old pipe should be
    I called me wife and says to her, will you kindly tell to me
    Who owns the pipe upon the chair, where my old pipe should be?
    Ah you’re drunk you’re drunk, you silly old fool,
    And still you cannot see
    That’s the lovely tinwhistle me mother sent to me
    Ah many’s the day I’ve travelled, a hundred miles or more
    But tobacco in a tinwhistle, I never saw before
    And as I came home on Thursday night, as drunk as drunk can be
    I saw some boots beneath the bed, where my old boots should be
    I called my wife and says to her, will you kindly tell to me
    who owns those boots beneath the bed,
    where my old boots should be?
    Ah you’re drunk you’re drunk you silly old fool
    and still you cannot see
    Those are the lovely geranium pots, me mother sent to me
    Now many’s the day I’ve travelled, a hundred miles or more
    But laces on a geranium pot, I never saw before
    Now as I came home on friday night, as drunk as drunk can be
    I saw a head upon the bed, where my old head should be
    I called my wife and says to her, will you kindly tell to me
    Who owns the head upon the bed, where my old head should be?
    Ah you’re drunk you’re drunk you silly old fool
    And still you cannot see
    Thats the baby boy, that me mother sent to me
    Now many’s the day I’ve travelled, a hundred miles or more
    But whiskers on a baby boy, I never saw before
    Now as I came home on saturday night, as drunk as drunk can be
    I saw a man runnin out the door, just after ten past three
    I called my wife and says to her, will you kindly tell to me
    Who was that man runnin out the door, just after ten past three?
    Ah you’re drunk you’re drunk you silly old fool
    And still you cannot see
    Thats the King of England, that mother sent to me
    Many the days I’ve travelled, a hundred miles or more
    But an Englishman staying up past three, I never saw before

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