MENZ Issues: news and discussion about New Zealand men, fathers, family law, divorce, courts, protests, gender politics, and male health.

New book by Bettina Arndt

Across the world, the story is the same. Sex scandal. Media frenzy. Another prominent man caught with his pants down. So why do men take such risks for sex?

Sex therapist Bettina Arndt’s new book, What Men Want—in bed is all about why sex matters so much to men. Over 150 men kept diaries for her, talking about what it is like to live with that constant sparking sexual energy—relentless, uncontrollable, all-consuming.

Their painfully honest, confronting, often hilarious stories explain their quest for sexual adventure, their secret delights, the thrill of giving pleasure, why some men turn to pornography and men’s delight in the Viagra revolution.

With every second man over fifty dealing with erection problems, Bettina offers advice on the wondrous new treatments giving men a new lease of sexual life. Her diarists explain what it is like to pop the little blue pills, or inject their best friend, or face impotence after prostate cancer treatments. Extraordinary his-and-hers diaries reveal how partners react to this bumpy journey showing the fallout when a man seeks a new lease of sexual life when his wife just wants him to hang up his spurs.
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I am concerned at the angst showing in many recent posts on these pages. Some men are taking too long to climb out of their hurt and see all of the faces of the world surrounding us.

Are they taking responsibility for the hurts that they may have given?
12 Steps shows a good path, which includes righting the wrongs that you have done to others.
Wikipedia 12 Steps Programme
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I am looking for research participants for a small study. I am a distance student at the Univeristy of Otago, currently living in West Auckland. I have completed a Post Graduate Diploma in Social & Community Work (graduated 2007) and this year am completing my Master of Social & Community Work (MSCW). As part of my studies I am required to complete research in the form of a dissertation. The question (social issue) I have chosen to address is “Exploring the experiences of fathers in the Family Court in New Zealand.” I am seeking research participants for a small qualitative study of fathers who have:

used the Family Court to pursue parenting (custody) or contact (access)
have been separated from the mother of their child / children for at least six months
a final parenting order in place
attained at least 18 years of age
a desire to accurately record the experiences of fathers in the Family Court

If you meet these criteria I would be pleased to hear from you. Participation is completely voluntary. All that is required is approximately one hour of your time for an in depth personal interview. There is no payment involved and the study is solely academic.

This research has been approved by the University of Otago Human Ethics Committee. I can provide more information on this if requested.

If you would like more information, or are interested in participating please email me at socialworkermark@gmail.com. I would be pleased to send you an Information Sheet and Consent Form, along with any other information I can provide.

Many thanks, Mark.

Milk fractions to treat metabolic syndrome

The University of Auckland Human Nutrition Unit is inviting overweight male volunteers to take part in a dietary study.

What is the aim of the study?

The aims of this study are to determine whether two novel fractions from cow’s milk can treat symptoms of the metabolic syndrome in people who are overweight.
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I have just been advised that MenzShed is getting set up in Kapiti. It has achieved registration as an incorporated society this past week so it can now raise funds for this charitable purpose.

The first meeting to formalise the group of people to operate the place will be 3.00 pm tomorrow Tuesday 22 June at the Presbyterian Church Hall, 43 Ngaio Road in Waikanae. Sorry about the short notice, but I just found out about this tonight.

Anyone interested will be very welcome at this meeting to meet up with others involved in making this happen and help make it a place to work for you and other men of the area.  You might even be able to work on the initial job to make it useable.

A MAN set himself on fire outside of Brisbane’s Supreme Court complex after an unfavourable family court decision, according to witnesses at the scene.

It sounds like he sat down for a while and thought about it quietly. Then he set himself alight.
90 percent of his body was burned. He was taken to hospital where he died of his injuries.

It seems all but confirmed that this guy got shafted by the family court and decided there was no real future for himself.
I should be optimistic that the truth of this will come out. I mean in a civilised society the reasons would be identified and changes to the system made.

If feminism is about equality then why don’t feminists ever talk about retirement issues?

For example males in NZ used to have a life expectancy 7 years less than women until very recently. The gap is now down to 4 or 5 years. Even so this is significantly less. In addition males in retirement tend to have a lower quality of life for several reasons.

All of this matters because the population is ageing.

What I propose is that males and females should get government pensions and the option to retire 20 years before the average life expectancy of their sex.
For example it has just been announced that a girl born today has a life expectancy of 81.9 years, and a newborn boy 77.9 years. I propose that males should start receiving a pension at 57.9 years and females at 61.9 years.

And don’t even get me started on woman alone and widows only benefits.

I am sure all the feminists out there will embrace this idea and promote it strongly – being how they are all about equality and all.

Approximately one half of committed relationships (marriage or de facto) result in separation – that’s a lot of separated adults. Between August 2007 and July 2008, the Family Court in New Zealand granted 10,000 divorces – and that doesn’t account for all of the de facto relationships that ended during that time. The breakup of a committed relationship is a stressful event. In fact, separation and divorce have been ranked as the second-most stressful events in life after the death of a spouse. Overseas research has found that people going through a divorce are more at risk for psychological difficulties (like anxiety and depression and the overuse of alcohol) than people who are married, or people who have never been married. Interestingly, it seems that there may be some differences between men and women with regards to these difficulties. Some research says that men struggle more than women, and other research says that women struggle more than men. One of the reasons that these differences have been found may be that people are usually only asked once about how they’re coping. So, maybe women suffer more at the beginning and men suffer more later on, or vice versa. If they’re only asked once about it, the researchers may never know that things got better (or worse). Unfortunately, we don’t have that information about separated parents in New Zealand.

In 2008, there was an average of nearly two children involved per divorce in New Zealand, which suggests that a large proportion of divorces involve people who have children. So, how much more stressful is separation when there are children involved? Anxiety about the children’s welfare adds a huge burden to the already-difficult process of separating from someone you’ve loved and shared your life with for a considerable period of time. Needing to communicate and co-operate with someone who makes you feel sad or angry or guilty or scared is very difficult. Working out how children are going to continue to get the best out of both parents can be a minefield of frustration and anxiety and even despair. It’s been suggested that parents going through a divorce are twice as likely to think about suicide than parents who are not going through a divorce. Some research says that fathers who don’t have custody of their children are at particular risk for mental health problems.

Read the rest of the quoted article here

This sounds like a terrific survey to get involved with and it would be a terrible shame if an opportunity for men’s voices to be heard passed by with just a whisper. At the moment 83% of the participants are female meaning only 17% are male. That’s sad when you consider 50% of participants in separation are female/male.

If this sounds like something you personally can participate in please take the time to fill out your answers, or if this is something your partner can participate in, or your brother, father, friend etc., etc., please pass this on and encourage them to take some time to share.

For details about the researcher click here

To participate in the survey click here

MP Peter Dunne from United Future political party opened the Wairarapa Men’s Health meeting very well, ..I thought. I particularly liked the way he addressed lots of areas where work is needed and included men’s issues spoken on men’s sites. I know some of his wording won’t go down well but I also know it’s good to see progress.

Here is part of his speech….

I want to spend a few minutes this morning touching on some of the more difficult realities faced by men in New Zealand – and perhaps it will be a sensitive issue in this room today, as much as it is in wider New Zealand.

We have a lot of angry men in this country.

They tend to be men who are very hurt, often coming out of relationship break-ups in which they feel they have been unfairly treated – particularly in areas such as custody of children and child support.

Chief Family Court Judge Peter Boshier last year – to his very real credit – addressed the tragedy that 18 people involved in Family Court proceedings had killed themselves in a 12-month period to June last year.

Add to that four homicides.
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A Men’s Health meeting has prevented women from taking part in a two-day conference on male suicide rates.

The National Council of Women supported the decision, saying it was about participants feeling they could open up.

The Human Rights Commission said there was nothing illegal or discriminatory in the way the conference was being promoted or held.

Barry Young, President of the Prostate Cancer Foundation of New Zealand told me that most enquiries they received for prostate came from women as wives and daughters. The lovely lady who organised the Men’s Health meeting in Waitakere told me (I wish I could remember her name because she does a huge amount of work for health) …. women were to be targeted for men’s health because women can make men go to the doctor.

Wairarapa suicide prevention coordinator Barry Taylor said women were excluded to encourage men to take responsibility for their own mental health. “Men’s mental health has been a hidden subject over many years. Part of the problem is that they don’t talk about their feelings and they don’t ask for help.”

Mr Taylor also said some women had asked to be part of the conference which is of no surprise because many women care about their partners, children and other male family members and male friends. But they were told “No”, they couldn’t attend.

Barry says, “So often men have delegated their emotional issues on to the women in their lives. It is vital that … we take responsibility for dealing with the issues.”

“Statistics show the urgency of the problem of depression, often fuelled by relationship breakups, alcohol and drug abuse, crime and antisocial behaviours. More than 500 people die by suicide every year but it is New Zealand men who are three times more likely to kill themselves than women across all ages and races.”Men were more reluctant to seek help or may dismiss the seriousness of their problem, he said.

I think it is excellent women have been asked to stay away. This is a men’s issue and only men can work out how men are to deal with this. I’m sure in time brochures will be available for women to read and there will be phone numbers for women to ask questions.