MENZ Issues

Domestic Violence – from Ideology to Inclusion

Should Domestic Violence in New Zealand be portrayed as men are batterers and women are victims? Should we really be shown one sided abuse through Family Violence campaigns, policies, advertisements on TV and radio? Should our laws, police work and community care reflect this Ideology of men are bad and women are good?

Here is something worth watching to gain some perspective of what’s going on with Domestic Violence and Ideology from Paul Elam aka

Glenn Sack’s has been writing quite a bit about the Los Angeles domestic violence conference “From Ideology to Inclusion 2009: New Directions in Domestic Violence Research and Intervention.”

The conference featured many domestic violence dissidents–researchers and clinicians who do not believe that the mainstream domestic violence establishment and its “men as perpetrators/women as victims” conceptual framework is properly serving those involved in family violence.

One of Glenn’s articles discusses Carol Crabson, the Executive Director of the Valley Oasis domestic violence shelter, which has served male victims for 17 years. She discussed her experiences running a shelter which accepts male victims and explained the way their refuge treatment centre is set up and run.

Our setup is conducive to being able to provide a wide variety of services to all victims of domestic violence.

We do have services specifically for male victims. They receive individual counselling, they receive men’s support groups, they receive case management on an individual basis. But we also utilise transference and counter-transference in our groups. And we bring both genders in to do therapeutic groups. And what we find is that it’s very effective to them.

NZ already has programs like this working in other fields. We are far behind the times when it comes to Domestic Violence.

Carol continues…

Being able to talk to a male, for a female victim, who is not going to be abusive to her, who is not going to be condescending, or is not going to verbally attack her — and vice versa — really, it’s part of the healing process. To be able to sit in a room with someone that will totally respect you, that can validate your feelings and your issues…

Many times what we get is that we will get a female sitting in a room with a male victim who will actually apologise to the male victim for what the spouse has done, and vice versa. The healing power of that is just — you can almost watch it happen in a matter of seconds. That there’s this change, this shift, this softness that comes over the faces of these two individuals. It’s so powerful and rewarding.

Wow! This is a wonderful way to empower men and women. You just can’t imagine the freedom you get when working with both sexes. It keeps you balanced.

Hey, few can imagine the feelings and thoughts that come over a person who is surrounded with one sex as victims and one sex as perpetrators. It can turn the heart black.

But if somehow we could get past the black hearts and look to freedom where everyone is able to share their experiences with the opposite sex and they can share their story back, magic will happen for gender equity. And not just that but each sex will help one another to become strong.

Shame we have some horrid female advocates who stop progress in the name of Ideology. Shame on them for not putting the welfare of men, women and children above their own bias.