This article describes a video for property investors etc encouraging them to target ‘divorcees’ among others and to employ tactics such as working together with others to add credibility to low offers. While this is not exclusively a men’s issue, men should be aware of it.
Real estate people, property investors (including anyone looking to buy) and those wanting to get bargain chattels will fly in like vultures when they are alerted to a marital or relationship separation. Others such as tradesmen or workers employed to prepare a property, relatives, and of course lawyers may also seek to exploit the separated couple who will almost always be vulnerable and will have their judgment impaired through grief, anger and other emotions:
– a man may be keen to get out of the house where memories now cause frequent grief and pain;
– he may be keen to get rid of matters that still require him to have something to do with the ex, and/or be so focused on moving on to a new situation that dealing with the property is a distracting hassle;
– he may feel so hopeless about life that nothing matters any more and he may as well dispose carelessly of everything that used to feel important;
– he may hate the idea that the ex continues to enjoy the property, perhaps with a new lover, that he worked to create or develop;
– he may be so depressed and poorly functioning that he is an easy target for profiteers scheming in numerous possible ways;
– as mentioned in the article, one partner may wish to reduce any profit that the ex might take out of the property, and be prepared to ‘cut off the nose to spite the face’;
– one partner may want to demonstrate to the other the consequences of abandoning the relationship (“see what you’ve done…”).
Is anyone aware of other ways in which people, particularly men, are vulnerable to exploitation after relationship separation or family destruction?
We recall a man who hired a cleaner to help prepare a house for handing over to a purchaser. At the time the man was clearly upset and anxious about the whole process. The cleaner recognized the man’s weak state and found something that might have been related to illicit drug use and tried to extort the man for a higher fee than quoted, by threatening to take the item to police. The cleaner seemed skilled in this ploy which he may have used before, a nasty bastard. The man knew there was no issue with the item but due to his weakness of spirit he did not take the cleaner’s extortion attempt further and even agreed to pay the cleaner somewhat more on the claim that the job had taken longer than the cleaner had expected (even though the cleaner had quoted a price beforehand). The man just wanted to get rid of the cleaner and wasn’t strong enough to deal with yet another conflict.
Friends and family often feel uncomfortable about the separation and/or may feel unconfident about what to say etc so avoid the couple, leaving one or both partners to feel very alone.
So what can men do to protect themselves in such situations? It may be possible to get a trusted person to take over the process of selling the property and other business related to the separation. It may be helpful to have sessions with a counsellor who is capable of identifying and confronting any destructive or unsafe thinking and behaviour, but beware that many counsellors are not competent to do so and many are man-blaming feminists who will not be helpful. Can anyone think of other ways to stay safe from exploitation?
We believe that our laws should provide more protection. For example, a delay could be required following separation before any relationship property can be sold (unless a case to sell earlier is put to a state-provided reviewing body that agrees on the reasons for an earlier sale).
The state encourages, facilitates and financially rewards people, mainly women, for separating from committed relationships and depriving their children of their family units and especially their fathers, so it’s more than reasonable to expect the state to fund some services to protect vulnerable ‘divorcees’ during the most risky period following separation.