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Sun 23rd February 2014

Being a Step-parent

Filed under: General — Mikey @ 4:47 pm

I am certain that many of you on this site have moved on, having met another woman and have embarked on the journey of step parenting.
Your new woman shares responsibility with her ex partner to raise her children, but where in the equation do you as a step parent fit in?
We have read about permissive parent in one of the posts recently and often this is so true in most situations. Your new partner may be on a mission to compete with her ex partner to be the better parent. So the children get to spend countless hours playing playstation or having excessive long showers etc. etc. and nothing is said.
As a step parent you may feel that you want to co-parent with your new partner, but you may feel like you have a gagging order. Not only are you made to feel like you have no rights by your partner, the child may too tell you that you are not their parent.
Any views on this?

7 Responses to “Being a Step-parent”

  1. Downunder says:

    Don’t think it is just the parents – the children know how to play this game too and like any human they will play it to their advantage.

    No matter what the circumstances I doubt that being a blended family is ever easy.

  2. too tired says:

    never date single mums!

    There is a good chance the reason the last guy didn’t stay is personailty based….

  3. Allan Harvey says:

    There is no doubt that blending families is tricky. Often depends on the age of children when new relationship starts. Children 10 years and less normally cope fairly well. 11-15 year olds often feel resentful. Kids over 15 tend to cope because they can see their own independence and accept that mum or dad also need to seek their own independence outside of children.
    Kids only have one mum and one dad but additional significant adults in their lives can be supportive. I do think there is wisdom in letting the biological parent taking the lead role in discipline. Parents in the household need to support each otherwise children will split between the two of them.
    Good luck with step-parenting. It isn’t easy but is a common feature of families these days.

  4. Allan Harvey says:

    Too tired
    Research would indicate that it is women who drive most separations. I often say 70% of breakups are initiated by women, 20% by men and 10% they mutually come to a realisation they would prefer to be apart.
    What I do suggest to guys entering new relationships is that they should look at the pattern of interaction between children and their absent parent. That speaks volumes about mum’s attitude towards fatherhood.
    It always amazes me guys who have children with women who already have children to multiple partners who never see their biological fathers. Those single mums who are just benefit farming are the ones to stay clear of.

  5. Downunder says:

    There are two other situations that appear to be less problematic, one is when there is a significant age difference between the two sets of children, and the other when there is a widow or widower remarrying, but in both cases they lack some of the obvious points of confrontation.

  6. Downunder says:

    @Allan – Benefit Farmers – that’s worth at least three trollings.

  7. @ Everyone , if only I applied that to my ex wife :(

    Spot on.

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