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Sun 24th August 2014

Tauawhi Men’s Centre

Filed under: General — Downunder @ 2:48 pm

Tauawhi (Māori) to hug, embrace, support (one another)

Tauawhi Men’s Centre is located in Gisborne and its co-ordinator Tim Marshall has announced via STUFF NATION their intention to hold a hui – a hui promoting a men’s response to violence in Aotearoa.

When I first read the headline ‘a movement of men against violence’ I took it to be an initiative against the rising violence in New Zealand society, but on checking I was naturally disappointed to find a localised version of White Ribbon.

A Call To Men: Be the Change Hui, promoting a mens response to violence in Aotearoa, will be held on September 12-14.

And even more disappointed to find the same tired by-line (Miss statistics being the author of domestic violence reporting).

Statistical evidence shows most family violence is perpetrated by men against women.

Marshall goes on to say:

While no one will argue that we don’t need to strengthen safety measures for victims, if we continue to ignore the need to better address the behaviour of those who perpetrate it, we will see no real change.

This is what we can agree on – we won’t see any real change in domestic violence until we address women’s violence against their partners – but of course that is not what he meant.

He’s proposing we take a few domestic-violence lab-rats and experiment with some long term re-programming.

Good luck with that, while we watch the deteriorating nature of women’s violence grace the courts of the country on a more frequent basis.

Tim Marshall has responded in the comments below and provided a link to their website.

10 Responses to “Tauawhi Men’s Centre”

  1. julie says:

    I was naturally disappointed to find a localised version of White Ribbon.

    ……….

    we won’t see any real change in domestic violence until we address women’s violence against their partners

    ……….

    I know you don’t mean, “We should focus on female perpetrators INSTEAD of male perpetrators” and I know you don’t means, “Women are abused because women are not doing what’s in the best interest of egotistical men”.

    What I think you are saying is, “I’d like to see male victims and female perpetrators included”.

    I’ve spoken to this group. They would like to do more for male victims. They can have male victims in their refuge, but not at the same time they have male perpetrators. They work with their local women’s refuge and I know and have known for decades that women’s refuges work with violent women while the Ministry for women invests in parenting facilities so mothers and fathers can get help AND keep their children.

    ………

    I think that men should discuss what’s going on from their experiences of male victims and female perpetrators. I personally have fathers that are perpetrators in one group I am involved with (recovering addicts and alcoholics) and fathers that are victims in another group (single parents). I have come across two CYF cases in which the father has the children and the mother is on drugs and extremely dangerous. CYF don’t have anywhere to send the men so they take the children. These fathers have been to hell and back and out of sheer good fortune they haven’t had their children taken.

    Oh shit, I’ve come across, 3, no 4, actually 5… 6, 7…oh, more cases than I realise. :( …. 8, 9, 10, 11…. stop it, lol.

    …………..

    Society needs to work out whether the child is as important as the mother in cases where the mother is abusive. It’s not good enough to say, “men need to learn to respect women and children” and force all cases to follow this.

    ………….

    IN OTHER WORDS, INCLUDE male victims and female perpetrators. Do what’s right, not what’s popular (btw, both men and women should do this, IMO, and what ever side you are on).

  2. Riaz Unwala says:

    Greetings :

    Having experienced DV for 13 years out of the 18 we were married for, I totally endorse that both male and female perpetrators need to be addressed and the perpetrator brought to justice.

    I had hot water tea kettles brimming with boiling water thrown at me, a metal pipe hit against my head while I was sleeping, a hot iron pressed against my back,financial cheating of 10s of thousands of dollars, finally and wonder of wonders…a knife pushed into my back..My LORD saved me…

    All these acts of violence happened over a number of years and I only stayed in the marriage for the kids….

    Been separated for seven years and she still creates problems with me seeing our son, even when I have shared care….

    We need to create a body of male and female victims who can then talk to the authorities (them listening is another challenge) and put an end to this…

  3. julie says:

    Riaz,

    I only stayed in the marriage for the kids…

    You are normal as in you are typical. I hear this all the time from abused men. And, the women are doing this too. You probably also left and went back or seriously thought of leaving and changed your mind a number of times, too. Children complicate the situation, IMO, but then the perpetrator takes away self esteem so you’re a door mat, so to speak, after a while. Leaving is a difficult thing to do when you’re actually in the situation.

    We need to create a body of male and female victims who can then talk to the authorities (them listening is another challenge) and put an end to this…

    We? I love it. But, unfortunately, YOU can’t. You don’t seem to have full day-to-day care of your children and your ex will abuse either you or the children if you stand up this way. Plus, who will be there for the children if your access is cut off? Your kids shouldn’t be living with an abuser, but such is life in NZ (sadly). Your kids need you more than the men’s movement does (IMO).

    But, HEY, you can help by creating awareness. There’s a lot of people who read this site and you can teach them. :) I also bet you have a few ideas in that sweet head of yours. :)

  4. julie says:

    Riaz, I hope I haven’t come across as minimising your situation. I can only imagine how difficult things are for you and the pain you feel with your children in the same predicament. I seriously don’t mean to look insensitive. Please forgive me if I have come across this way.

  5. Downunder says:

    Are knife attacks by women in relationships becoming more common:

    Shontelle Vinita Marie Prasad, 21, pleaded guilty to a charge of causing grievous bodily harm to her partner with reckless disregard for his safety.

    Prasad on bail for sentencing on October 29

  6. Allan Harvey says:

    Tim Marshall and his team in Gisborne have done some good work with families. Tim comes with a strong background as a Probation Officer and while we may disagree on some points he has a strong analysis that change needs to involve both men and women.

  7. Phil Watts says:

    Any one who does not realise that the White Ribbon Campaign is anti-male propaganda and hate speech, is part of the ‘domestic violence’ problem. As ignoring the fact that females commit 90% of psychological violence (every time they open their mouths) and 60% of physical violence against males is actually abusive towards men.

    I have serious concerns about the sanity or integrity of anyone who supports White Ribbon or feminism.

    Phil Watts (I have never hit or shouted at a woman but equal rights means equal treatment in society and by Judges and cops – this has never been the case to due anti-male bias and white knight idiots).

  8. Kumar says:

    Its a a vote bank politics. They throw the money at white fibbon and get their vote share.

  9. Tim Marshall says:

    Kia ora – thank you for promoting the recent mens hui, which we were part of organising. The hui was an invitation to men to meet, share and discuss solutions and in this case was supported by the It’s Not OK Campaign.

    I note that you mention that Tauawhi is “a localised version of White Ribbon”, which is incorrect – we are a local men’s response to the lack of obvious support to men dealing with challenges in their lives that include violence. We actually deal with and offer support to men in line with your MENZ issues statement above. While most of our work is with men who perpetrate violence, we also support men who are victims and find a regular cross over.

    I have attached our website link if you would like to check the services we offer and happy to discuss what we actually do further if you are interested. Tim Marshall – Co-ordinator, Tauawhi Mens Centre

  10. Downunder says:

    Thanks for the response Tim.

    I have updated the post noting that you have commented.

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