I am reminded today that some lies and malice against us fifteen years ago is still unabated, and can still cause us harm. More-over, its having consequences upon subsequent generations. Sorry, it will seem long, although I really will try to be brief. I feel that so many must have horror stories, which remain hidden. By remaining hidden its as if they don’t exist, the true horror and damage of malicious fictions will never be acknowledged – but should be.
Fifteen years ago a solo mum accepted my invite to dinner. Her daughters were school friends of my two daughters. For my part, this was about the kids, and at an adult level, it was strictly platonic. I do not believe in exploiting kids school relationships to procure adult pleasures.
Much to my surprise, after the dinner the mother put my girls and hers to bed together. This put me in an unexpected awkward position. Then I got confronted with a hip wiggle; was told she had shaved her legs; and the question, “What do we do now”?
Having survived a false allegation in my family break-up proceedings, I was rather shy/cautious of women. More than that though, I already did not approve of all those kids in broken families having a procession of “Uncles” and “Aunties” foisted upon them by a sexually needy custodial parent. So even if I had been interested, I could not have them stay without my daughter’s being enthusiastic about it – and in fact neither me nor my daughters had opportunity to discuss it. More still, I had concerns about this mother because she seemed to hate being a woman, and also had nothing nice to say about the several ex’s of her past. And so I courteously rejected this advance. They left, her car screaming up the street. Clearly she was upset.
Looking back, I believe the above event is the first reason for what followed, but not the only one. As it turned out, I did got along with the woman’s mother, and she liked me. My girls liked her too – and indeed Grandma [my age] moved in with us.
The solo-mum, took a terrible attitude.
I soon discovered that collecting my girls from the school-bus, or escorting them to sell school fund-raiser tickets, was being put about as my stalking them. A policeman arrived and served me a trespass order. The story was that I had intruded and burgled a house, but I knew nothing of this. I was not charged and it seemed more to do with the particular constable doing favours than his job. Later on I eventually won the complaint against him.
I answered the door one evening. The mother’s eldest asked me for grandma’s key to her mums house. I never knew grandma had a key, but grandma handed it over. The story goes that I am supposed to have used that key for the burglary which actually is pure fiction.
The mum then put it about that I was a paedophile stalker, and soon after we had to flee while under threat of being shot. The girls were terrified. The cops treated the person making the threats as a victim, and were not even prepared to give us cover while we stuffed gear into the car and fled.
Very recently a person posted some extreme posts on this site under the handle “Nick”. I identify the same life threatening mindless hysteria in his contributions, as was present in the guy threatening us with a gun.
Grandma knew that none of the stories were true. Her daughter [the solo mum] had been caught out telling lies; and further was boasting of having reported me to CYPFS [on my birthday] ; the IRD; WINZ and so on. She was misusing every official avenue to cause us stress, and she hoped “Harm”. In fact none of these worked, although CYPFS did cause a lot of stress before it all blew over and they went away.
Grandma and I were both under attack, which forced grandma to take sides. Although her family was the other side – our attackers, the price of going with me would be permanent alienation. However, grandma knew for a fact that I/we are innocent of all the allegations, and felt unable to abide the lies and malice. Grandma continued with me; but not as my partner. She moved out during all this in a mistaken belief that her doing that would defuse the family hatred of me. Didn’t work.
Grandma and I are not partners now, but good friends who help out occasionally as friends do.
The mum, is now terminal with cancer, and there has been some softening of the tenseness between her and grandma.
But the Grand daughters are a different story. At a young impressionable age, they were poisoned against us by their Mum’s stories. It’s a great illustration as to how kids the world over come to believe even ridiculous nonsensical things, when at a young age, they are told its true by parents and the community they are immersed in.
The Granddaughters now have great grandchildren. Grandma is not permitted to see or know her great grandchildren. And of course, those great grandchildren will learn a fiction about their great grandmother. Now I contend that amounts to child abuse, even if it isn’t obvious at the time. Those kids have a RIGHT to know great grandma, and to know the truth. They are as innocent as we are.
And so you see the horror continues unabated down the ages; this even though the story has no basis in fact.
Would the grandchildren now believe the truth, even if their mum confessed to her lies and malice? – I doubt it – But I’m not holding my breath. We can always hope for a death-bed confession. But even if that happened, I suspect the story has been considered true for so long, they are unlikely to be willing to modify their view.
This came up to me from Grandma yesterday. She had assumed that the family alienations were easing, and had requested the eldest granddaughter’s address so she could post christmas presents. She got a sharp response which tells us both that after fifteen years this still is a danger to us.
So to cap off. Those lies will utterly pervert the family history the new generations will be told is true. Our world is full of nonsense posing as true history.
Who is deserving of most pitty? – Us? – them? – the community? – justice? – People like “Nick”? -subsequent generations?………
How can any travesty like this be undone?
Why is it okay for people to lie and perjure free from having to take responsibility for the damage done?
Grandma read and approved this before being posted on MENZ. Those relatives in question would recognise themselves in this account, while finding the truth rather different to what they think they know.