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I am looking at a recent copy of the Kapiti Observor highlighting letters to the Editor on domestic violence. Three of the four authors of these letters are well known amongst men’s groups, of which I am sure you are aware. It is a small orchestrated effort to make a point and obviously one in which you have participated. While some will view this as a small victory to have their position recognised, and while many readers may welcome the acknowledgement of a male perspective, what you have done is illustrate the reality of how we deal with this issue in New Zealand. In a society that now seldom recognises male men’s fathers’ perspective, amongst published letters, (courtesy of a sympathetic editor), is about the only place you might find such perspectives, because it is seldom sought as an opposing or contributing view in either television or print media articles, which are generally obsessed with feminist perspective.

As Christmas nears what we will do throughout this country via the media is undertake our annual condemnation of what hasn’t yet happened, but is anticipated and expected, and media will give unlimited airplay to a particular theme from a small group of women.

When things fall apart at home, come to us, and we will make sure it never happens again.

What they don’t say is regardless of the circumstances we will rip your family apart, regardless of circumstances we will blame the man, and the women and her children, will live in the re modelled state sponsored family — just mum and the kids — that’s the kiwi way now.

Get help before it happens, and those with the courage to venture forth will find something even more insidious. It is a regime of excuses and condemnations, remarkably for the same behaviour, but your gender will determine whether such behaviour is excusable or condemnable. Every ounce of belief you once had in institutions of justice and help, will slowly drain away as you become aware that this is required behaviour from state employees. (Once called public servants)

What will many children get for Christmas this year — a fatherless home! This is the pathetic attitude that we as a society allow to pervade services that we will give money to, in order to create the perception that we are dealing with “the problem”
The same social personality that makes young New Zealand women unattractive enough to make young New Zealand men consider celibacy or relocation. The particularly venomous bite of these creatures elicits an increasing disrespect and disdain of women in general, and for the concepts of relationship and reproduction.

Underpinning these perceptions attitudes and many organisations is a government who’s most politicised issue and policy vehicle is domestic violence. Not for the purpose of helping families, but to underpin its policy position on the unqualified definition of family, the increasing funding of single parenting and the evolution of child tax.

This is the manner in which we socialise help and protect thousands of children, and yet there appears to be some inconceivable mystery behind the increasingly brutal, bizarre and more frequent headlines that dominate the daily news line up. Perhaps it may occur to some people one day that their reaction is much more understandable than our own contributing behaviour.

Bevan Berg
Project Re-Union.