Having spent 3 years in a relationship with someone (and having a child together) only to find that you have been accused of assault after separation can be rough.
Having met my ex-partner while working as a teacher, we fell in love very quickly. The relationship was a wirlwind of ups and downs but that’s what seemed to attract me to her. After a short while together she became pregnant and I was ecstatic that I was going to be a father.
We remained together a further 2 years until the day I discovered that she was having and affair (by stumbling upon it one faithful afternoon). I packed my belongings and left with plans of sorting out the next steps in a couple of days.
It was 2 days later when a call came to my friend flat asking me to pick something up from the police station. At the station I was arrested and told I was being charged with MAF (male assaults female). Having no time to process what was going on I was rushed into an interview room and told to make a statement. I did so, however as I did not say anything incriminating my statement was never brought to me to sign and I was told that it can’t be used as it was not signed.
After such an odd event I was also served with a protection order and told I would need to challenge it in court. I did not meet the criteria for legal aide and as a result ended up paying large amounts of lawyer fees with credit cards. I also lost access to my son and my teaching license was suspended due to The charges relating to serious concerns for child safety and school reputations.
I appeared in court with witnesses(one of which was the person she was having an affair with) and they confirmed that no physical altercation took place that night. The charges were dropped, the protection order removed and everyone involved in the legal process was pleased with the result saying I should be too.
This is where my bitterness really took hold. I had lost my career(at least in the short term), accumulated a large debt, lost access to my son for several months and have to work on reforming a bond, not to mention the stress from the previous year.
While my ex-partner suffers none of the consequences of making a false statement.
At this point I am wondering about the morality of the justice system (a system I used to believe was there to treat you as innocent until proven guilty but found the opposite to be true). I also wonder how many men are in the same position or worse as they are unable to prove their innocence?
Don’t get me wrong, believe that assault in a family relationship is wrong regardless of who the abuser is, however the events of the past year have made me doubt every accusation of abuse I have heard. A system that treats every man as an uncontrollable abuser and females as defenseless and weak is not a system that promotes female protection but is rather anti-male.
I believe that a system which treats abuse as wrong is correct, however a timeframe lasting a year is not conducive to providing justice for either party, being forced into separate legal battles doesn’t help either, men being forced into a 20 week anger management course before any verdict is delivered aides in the idea of automatic guilt (females also have this if accused of assault however only attend 6-8 week courses which provides more questions of equivalent treatment) and compensation needs to be made to those falsely accused (even better would be a public apology).