Gawd….A breif Synopsis as requested.
For those of you who wish to use the Appeal Court Judgement [referred to below], the reference is CIV2006-404-3522.
1998. Met mother (purely business related). Atr the time I was happily married.
Then wife wanted a grandchild. Neither of our adult children were interested in providing.
Six months after meeting mother, I met the child. Told wife about child. Wife met child. One thing led to another and we found ourselves able to dote on a dot (aged 3.5 years).
1999. The relationship between child and wife and I developed into a quasi-grand-parent/child thing. Not by design, it just happened.
2000. It became apparent the mother had neither the time, nor money, nor interest in providing the child with all those things a child deserves…The list is too long to record here. We could, we wanted to, the mother was happy to have us do so.
2000 till now. Got separated in 2000. Assumed the mother would not allow me to continue relationship. Wrong. Mother quite happy. Child developing really well.
Over the years since I have been almost entirely responsible for all aspects of the child’s development. I attend to all matters to do with school, sport, music, and much else. For risk of identifying the parties I am unable to explain why the mother has been unable to do any of this. Save to say, no person at the child’s school, her music teacher, her football or swimming coaches, would recognise the mother because she has never attended any meeting with such folk and has never attended ‘any’ event the child has attended. school included.
Various have asked, in past, why? Why do I do it? The fact is, I have never bothered to analyse my motives. In fact I don’t believe there is a motive. The relationship between myself and the child just grew from its own energy. We simply gravitated from a casual state to that of grand-parent/grandchild and neither have really ever asked why. We simply exist in this state and both are the happier for it.
2005. For reasons I cannot divulge…again for risk of identification of the child…I became concerned the mother may become incapable of caring for the child. So I applied for equal care giver status. This would give me legal primacy over CYFs intervention or that of the child’s father; who lives overseas, and has no interest in the child. And further, for him to assert care over the child would require her to move to a cocnut-palmed, fringe-dweller environment thus completely defrauding the child of all she seeks to attain. Moreover, the child does not want to come under tha care of this man…and that’s assuming he is actually her father….and that’s a debatable issue.
Christmas 2005 revealed some rather unpleasant goings on, and the relationship between myself and the mother sank to new depths.
BTW1: The ‘relationship’ between me and mother has only ever existed as two bookends, where the child is the book.
BTW2: The child has shuttled between my home and mothers, more or less on a weekends with me, and weekdays with her, for almost the entire period of the relationship. Other than those times when the mother was incommoded and demand the child would stay with me for weeks on end. In fact from late March I had both the child and her brother for nearly ten weeks while the mother was otherwise engaged.
In Feb 2006, and due to the mothers’ worsening attitude I called in CYFS and the Police. The two biggest mistakes I have ever made.
Naturally, the mother, as so many folk do when confronted with their ‘sins’, made a range of false allegations against me in a daft attempt to dislodge the glare on her.
It was about then when things turned really dirty.
CYFs became involved. The police quickly realised the allegations were false and lost interest. But not the Cyfsterhood. Thjey felt they had yet another man to gun down.
And so off to court we all went.
Within weeks of the FC process beginning the mother resiled from her allegations, leaving the Cysterhood trying to make gold from straw.
They damned near succeeded and probably would have had not Asher J entered the frey and asserted that hallucinations just don’t cut it as evidence. Whereas, in the FC, any imagined thing is acceptable, as so many of you know, in the real court reality holds sway.
I shall assert once more. The judgement handed down by Asher J is NOT about my case per se. My case was a test-case to determine what is and what is not acceptable as ‘evidence’ in the FC.
Asher J judged that ‘evidence’ must be substantiable. Mere uncorrobortaed testimony is NOT enough enable a FC judge to issue either interim or final orders.
You may be assured, Julie, that had such a judgement been in place when you were being accused of being an unfit mother, you nor your boys would never have had to endure what you have endured.
And in future, many children and parents will be saved the agony of suffering from the often irrational judgements and orders handed down by the FC.
For the record, at this very moment, the child is back at her mothers’ home, where she will reside for the rest of the week, as she has done EVERY week for yonks.
As I do, every day. I took her to school. Picked her up. Took her to footy practice (swimming tomorrow) and then home to her mother and siblings.
I have to confess to feeling somewhat aggrieved at Julie’s completely unsubstantiated attacks on me and my intentions.
It seems to me that Julie’s ‘way’ is exactly the ‘way’ of CYFs, the FC, and sundry deceitful parents in past.
The game being, say what you like and never let the truth get in the way of a good belief.
This is the last comment I will make on this issue. Take it or leave it.
David.
David,
I appreciate that you shared your story. It gives clarity to the bits and pieces that I have collected over the time being here.
I actually feel grateful that you have spent time asking why I thought what I thought and have now explained the situation. You could have just told me ‘where to go.’
I have fought with myself on this for days (since you won the appeal) working out every different scenario I could think of. I can see kindness in your words alot of the time here and at other times outside of here but to trust people unconditionally takes years (as I am sure you understand) so I am semi on guard. And I am protective of mothers (as I am a mother) when it comes to CYFS. I know I still have alot of anger and pain inside.
I am aware it is not a male thing to pour out your story to the public, but it sure helps for me to know. I worked out either you are really nice or you are really nasty.
Consequence: unsubstantiated attacks on you and your intentions.
That is not your fault but my own.
I am sorry for it, for sure. I started realising that I may have something figured wrong when you commented back but once I get going, I go.
Oh, how embarrassing.
As for your case, well, it is really needed and you have done something for others which does make you a hero.
I do want you to know that I had stuck up for you regarding CYFS allegations in a woman’s group so my attack has only come from recent thoughts. The men’s movement is lucky to have you on board.
Comment by julie — Mon 14th August 2006 @ 8:47 pm
Thank you, Julie.
But I’m not a hero. If anyone is then is it is Asher J. He saw through their jaundice and acted.
For an Appeal Court Judge to so roundly dismiss the judgement of another judge (as he did) is an action not taken lightly. Judges are a brotherhood of sorts.
But I say again; Mathers J was simply doing his best within the precincts of jurisprudence as it stood prior to Asher J making sense of it all.
If there is anyone to blame it has to be the legislators. They screwed up. They gave the FC no definition with which to work, thus opinion transcended reality.
But now we all have a balanced plank upon which to walk. A plank which will allow reason to transcend opinion.
May I say, I have gone through all this for me. That will be hard for any person to accept other than those who have read and understand the precepts contained in Ayn Rand’s ‘The Virtue Of Selfishness’.
Save to say, I did all this for me. The other winner was the child and now, so many parents in future.
But I won because right ‘is’ right, and I had faith that ‘right’ would arise.
And when I know I’m right. I will NEVER give up!’
Never once, in all the bleak hours, have I ever cosidered giving up.
Never give up!
I will never give up fighting for what I know is right!
The moment you give up is the moment when perfidy tanscends.
David.
Comment by dpex — Mon 14th August 2006 @ 9:20 pm
Dear David,
Congrats on your success. How much did all of this set you back? Unless you got this covered by the state, it means you are out a lot of money! That means you qualify for spending money on all our behalf, as well as for your own measure. If this truly turns out to be the precedent that is respected by the other judges you should be thanked by all men. So I thank you for myself and any others who would do so if they knew of your efforts.
The fact that you were the primary care giver for so long and were still treated so badly doesn’t bode well for us as a whole. Still from small steps does success arise, and if this is honoured by the courts as a precedent it will be a large step for New Zealand men, and could come to be referred to in other courts abroad. Thanks again and I’m sure the girl will grow up to be respectful of honorable men like yourself.
Comment by Intrepid — Mon 14th August 2006 @ 10:36 pm
Thanks Dave,
This has clarifed the issues you were arguing.
I totally agree that without evidence no orders should be made. Its a basic tennet of English law that one is innocent till proven guilty and too long have unsubstantiated allegations been a basis for Judical activism.
Regards
Scrap
Comment by Scrap_The_CSA — Tue 15th August 2006 @ 9:45 am
David,
Your words are inspiring to others.
I can see you won’t take the glory for the work you have done but in reality, you gambled money you worked hard for to care for a young girl so that she will have a great chance in life.
Sorry to say but your modesty is not good enough. I know you are a business man and I now conclude a really nice guy.
I am sure this will not be your only gift to give for male’s rights. I do understand people giving. When you have been lucky enough in life to receive a ‘hand up’ you do ‘pay it forward.’ Even when you earn’t it. Good people don’t just take, take, take, they also give, give, give.
Comment by julie — Tue 15th August 2006 @ 4:16 pm
Well done again.In this case ;a friend has a saying which seems to apply to your situation;women are temperamental;they have a temper and are mental.BUT I must also say that cheek in tongue;As; there are some beautiful women out there;but where.
Comment by keith — Tue 15th August 2006 @ 5:45 pm
Intrepid,
For the record, I’m in the hole for about $40k so far. And that sum was cash and does not reflect the loss of income I have suffered as stress has driven me down.
I was getting ready to sell my modest home to fund the next rounds, but now it seems I will not have to do so.
Hooker reliably informs me I’ll be getting some of that back.
But what really nicks me is this entire case was floated on the whim of a bunch of women whom, using the rules of engagement of time,and unbridled and uncontrolled access to tax money have caused the tax-payer to spend a massive $300,000. And that’s a conservative estimate.
And so I guess our collective gift to all aggrieved parents in present and future is the judgement contained in CIV2006-404-3522.
But the really big news is; my girl has been selected to try out for the Auckland, under 14 soccer team! That’s way more important than all this crap.
But had Asher J not applied the law, CYFs would have had their way, and my girl would have been annexed from nearly all she holds important….Her special school, her sport, her music, and her happiness.
I could not bear holding the image of her small face, as she sat, elsewhere, wondering why she had become a victim of adult games. So I fought.
You see? I fought for me. ‘I’ couldn’t bear the pain. She was a resultant beneficiary.
Onward folks. You all now have the tools to stick it to those who presume lies will any longer cut it in the FC.
Cheers
David.
That’s one hundred hip operations. Three thousand glue-ear operations, and so the list goes on.
And all this waste because the legislators got it wrong. Boshier nor his staff ever saw the wrongness, and hundreds, if not thousands of innocents have suffered unnecssarily.
Comment by dpex — Tue 15th August 2006 @ 7:58 pm
Keith,
F**k you. Don’t be so horrible. What is your worth? What is your story?
I know (some) men are having a hard time getting women and others are having a hard time keeping them. And I know others get themselves in a situation where they get f**k over.
But at least these guys that get f**k over realise not all women are the so called, ‘Devil’ who wants to take, take, take and not give.
Comment by julie — Tue 15th August 2006 @ 8:47 pm
That great David that she made the tops at soccer. You may hear of my boy in the future for he is only 5 and is playing with 8 and 9 year olds at soccer too.
Wow 40,000 of yours, and 300,000 of the peoples. This will come to an end soon.
Comment by Intrepid — Tue 15th August 2006 @ 9:56 pm