We have a Family Court for broken up families to mediate (whether through mediation, counselling or judges decisions) the access of children, day-to-day care etc, etc. We have child support payers and receivers which the go through IRD and follow a formula the Governmet set. Some people pay small amounts, not enough to cover child expenses while others are paying well over the costs to rear a child. Thus giving the receiver money for new boobs, tummy tucks, etc, etc.

Either way you look at there is unfairness in both the family court and regarding child support.

So we all get together and bitch about the systems we are unlucky to have become involved in.

But what about men, in general, in NZ?

We have many different cultures here and beliefs of men and women’s roles as people and parents. We have some men that are happy to raise their children as “Super Nanny tell’s us” and we have some men that “use the rod to extremes.” What we consider (me and Angela) extreme does come under “Family Violence” and it is physical. Using a belt, slapping their heads hard and picking them up and throwing them across a room is violent behaviour. In saying that many men who raise their children this way, do love their children but think they should raise them how they were raised. Unfortunately , the new generation are not as thick skinned to take this as they had. “Once were warriors” type families exist here in Auckland, west and south as in many other towns.

Talking to thinking Maori men, we are hearing that they believe it is the mentality of their men that is bringing down their families. We concur, from experiencing this first hand. They consider their women are becoming liberated and think the DPB is a tool to help their women. Now the men need to realise what is happening and change. And by human rights laws, they do need to change. (Before anyone lynch mobs us, we want to say we are generalising and realise there are heaps of Maori men that are not the typical stereotype) And also this is not just Maori men for this is in all ethnic groups.

In conclusion, New Zealand still hasn’t given full rights to women and children. There are still issues with the gender equality and family violence is a very real issue. So we are wondering how do we give males more power if we haven’t even sorted out female’s power?

If we were to give male’s more power then wouldn’t we be telling the men that treat their women and children as less than them, that their behaviour is OK and is accepted.

At the moment it seems that we have two clashing “human rights” issues. One for the men that suffer and one for the women that suffer. And on top of it we are giving children rights so that makes three all clashing in opposite directions. We think we should all combine, men, women and chidren to sort out the flaws and the unfairness and compromise.

Julie and Angela (B1 and B2)