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1. 

   My wife ran off with the garbage man.
   I won’t miss that woman.
   But somebody’s got to empty my can.

   I came home the other night.
   Caught the two of them alone.
   He told me he was a nudist
   That came in to use the phone.

   Jim Stafford – Sixteen little red noses.

   Comment by Bill Baldwin — Sun 25th May 2014 @ 5:53 pm

2. 

   BB King sang this song penned by ‘Ivory Joe Hunter’ called ‘Never Trust a Woman’:

   Don’t ever trust a woman, until she’s dead and buried
   Yes, don’t ever trust a woman, until she’s dead and buried
   One day she’ll say that she loves you and the next day she’ll throw you in the street

   She’ll smother you with kisses, when her birthday comes around
   But soon as she gets her presents, she’ll down talk you all over over town
   No, don’t ever trust a woman, until she’s dead and buried
   One day she’ll say that she loves you and the next day she’ll throw you in the street

   She’ll beg you for clothes and diamonds, until you’re all in hock
   And then you’ll come home one mornin’ and your key won’t fit the lock
   Don’t ever trust a woman, until she’s dead and buried
   Well, one day she’ll say that she loves you, the next day she’ll throw you in the street

   She’ll call you every mornin’, every mornin’, noon and night
   She’ll call you in between times, just to see if you’re doin’ alright
   She’ll ask to borrow five and then she’ll beg for ten
   And baby that five and ten, you won’t ever see again!

   Man, don’t ever trust a woman, man, until she’s dead and buried
   One day she’ll say that she loves you and the next day she’ll throw you in the street

   Comment by Man X Norton — Sat 12th July 2014 @ 11:31 am

3. 

   Not surprisingly, trusting women has long been recognized as a fool’s game and many songs have been written to express that sentiment, including a number with the same title ‘Never Trust a Woman’. Unfortunately, our politicians and Courts failed to hear those songs! Here’s one by Red Foley from 1947:

   If you ain’t a man with a lot of guts, a dog-gone woman will drive you nuts
   You can’t trust one to the corner now a day
   You gotta watch your doors or she’ll cheat you blind, a woman ain’t got but a one track mind
   You’ll find out Bud, it’s the man who always pays

   She’ll feed you a line that will turn your head and you’ll marry her and when you’re in bed
   She’ll go through all the pockets in your pants
   And if you object there’ll be a big fight and chances are it will last all night
   I’m telling you man you just ain’t got a chance

   Never, never trust a woman you’ll be sorry if you do
   Never, never trust a woman she’ll just make a monkey out of you

   Though women are handy around the house, they can’t be trusted by man nor mouse
   It’s a shame the way they drag a good man down
   It’s a well-known fact they talk too much and they dig up dirt about the neighbors and such
   And Paul Revere the gossip all around town

   You’ll blow your top when they get in your hair and they’ll drive you to drink and man I’ll swear
   You wish you never seen the light of day
   I’m tipping you off your goose is cooked when one of them females get you hooked
   And so you better think it over while you may

   Never, never trust a woman you’ll be sorry if you do
   Never, never trust a woman she’ll just make a monkey out of you

   I’m telling you man it’s a dirty shame to come home late from a poker game
   To a little wife that’s gonna give you heck
   She’s sitting alone with a rolling pin and will let you have it when you walk in
   And when she gets through with you, you’ll be a wreck

   If you had a little nip and she smelled your breath she’ll start in nagging you half to death
   And Bud you’ll have to put up with that for life
   Cause the preacher said for better or worse and until you ride that big black hoarse
   You just naturally got yourself a wife

   Never, never trust a woman you’ll be sorry if you do
   Never, never trust a woman she’ll just make a monkey out of you

   Comment by Man X Norton — Sat 12th July 2014 @ 11:40 am

4. 

   And another ‘Never Trust a Woman’, this time by Brent Mydland and performed by the Grateful Dead (How many of us men would be grateful for death, huh?)

   Gonna see some good times
   Gonna get to ring that bell
   Gonna see some good times
   Sometimes you make up
   For when I’m not feeling well
   I must be due some great times
   ‘Cause right now
   ‘Cause right now I feel like hell

   Never trust a woman
   Who wears her pants too tight
   Never trust a woman
   Who wears her pants too tight
   She might love you tomorrow
   But she’ll be gone tomorrow night

   I say, come tomorrow, I’ll get my pay
   And I’m gonna leave this town
   Come tomorrow, I’ll get my pay
   And I’m gonna leave this fucking town
   She don’t really love me
   Ain’t no reason to stick around

   Gonna see some good times
   Gonna get to ring that bell
   Gonna see some good times
   Sometimes you make up
   For when I’m not feeling well
   I must be due some great times
   But if they don’t come, if they don’t come
   If they never come around, what the hell

   Comment by Man X Norton — Sat 12th July 2014 @ 11:43 am

5. 

   When it comes to domestic violence …. Only Women Bleed?
   (NZ Police and Family Courts seem to think so).

   Comment by OMG! you're f%^^&*($@#! — Sat 12th July 2014 @ 11:58 am

6. 

   Then there’s this traditional Irish one called ‘7 Drunken Nights’

   As I came home on Monday night, as drunk as drunk can be
   I saw a horse outside the door, where my old hose should be
   Ah, you’re drunk you’re drunk you silly old fool
   and still you can not see
   Thats the lovely sow that me mother sent to me
   It’s many the day I’ve travelled, a hundred miles or more
   But a saddle on a sow, sure I never saw before
   As I came home on Tuesday night, as drunk as drunk can be
   I saw a coat behind the door, where my old coat should be
   Well I called me wife and says to her, will you kindly tell to me
   Who owns this coat behind the door, where my old coat should be?
   Ah you’re drunk you’re drunk, you silly old fool
   and still you cannot see
   That’s the lovely blanket, that me mother sent to me
   It’s many the day I’ve travelled, a hundred miles or more
   But pockets on a blanket, sure I never saw before
   Now as I come home on Wednesday night, as drunk as drunk can be
   I saw a pipe upon the chair, where my old pipe should be
   I called me wife and says to her, will you kindly tell to me
   Who owns the pipe upon the chair, where my old pipe should be?
   Ah you’re drunk you’re drunk, you silly old fool,
   And still you cannot see
   That’s the lovely tinwhistle me mother sent to me
   Ah many’s the day I’ve travelled, a hundred miles or more
   But tobacco in a tinwhistle, I never saw before
   And as I came home on Thursday night, as drunk as drunk can be
   I saw some boots beneath the bed, where my old boots should be
   I called my wife and says to her, will you kindly tell to me
   who owns those boots beneath the bed,
   where my old boots should be?
   Ah you’re drunk you’re drunk you silly old fool
   and still you cannot see
   Those are the lovely geranium pots, me mother sent to me
   Now many’s the day I’ve travelled, a hundred miles or more
   But laces on a geranium pot, I never saw before
   Now as I came home on friday night, as drunk as drunk can be
   I saw a head upon the bed, where my old head should be
   I called my wife and says to her, will you kindly tell to me
   Who owns the head upon the bed, where my old head should be?
   Ah you’re drunk you’re drunk you silly old fool
   And still you cannot see
   Thats the baby boy, that me mother sent to me
   Now many’s the day I’ve travelled, a hundred miles or more
   But whiskers on a baby boy, I never saw before
   Now as I came home on saturday night, as drunk as drunk can be
   I saw a man runnin out the door, just after ten past three
   I called my wife and says to her, will you kindly tell to me
   Who was that man runnin out the door, just after ten past three?
   Ah you’re drunk you’re drunk you silly old fool
   And still you cannot see
   Thats the King of England, that mother sent to me
   Many the days I’ve travelled, a hundred miles or more
   But an Englishman staying up past three, I never saw before

   Comment by Man X Norton — Sat 12th July 2014 @ 12:05 pm

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