Is Fatherhood A Wise Choice?
This article provides a wealth of wisdom for any male who contemplates having children. If after reading this you still have a desire to proceed, please visit a therapist first.
Whilst children have the potential to bring great joy and meaning to your life, this article clearly shows that the social structure now exists for that potential to turn into the most excruciating pain you can ever imagine. There is more to enjoy in life than off-spring and you may just need help in seeing the alternative meaning to life.
No
Comment by Doug — Fri 13th March 2015 @ 4:35 pm
No
Comment by too tired — Fri 13th March 2015 @ 9:20 pm
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yiWdUG73a4g
Comment by MenGoingTheirOwnWay — Fri 13th March 2015 @ 11:24 pm
From what I’ve seen in the media Japan is the worst case of (not necessarily MGTOW) but of mass population reduction by men and women opting out of relationships and family.
Their expected population reduction is quite dramatic and will have numerous and probably severe effects. Hard to know where that will go and how quickly.
The Japanese Government is concerned to the point where they now running state funded dating functions to try to encourage more marriages, families and children.
But even though you have something like this happening in another independent state, the ingrained mentality in New Zealand is still to kick the shit out of the closest guy who might make a story in the media.
Back here in the green green grass of home, New Zealand women are a fucked up bunch led by a bunch of screw loose politicians.
Comment by Downunder — Sat 14th March 2015 @ 4:23 pm
Can’t they just buy Chinese product, like we do, if they can’t be bothered to do it themselves?
Its one thing to casually discuss these issues, but I find that when you think through what you want to say to your boys, then it greatly clarifies the mind (like an imminent hanging I am told).
Comment by MurrayBacon — Sun 15th March 2015 @ 1:09 pm
The legal aid gravy train is still running in NZ. The family court has a new go faster stripe. Nothing has changed though.
Comment by flimflam — Thu 19th March 2015 @ 5:16 am
To be a father in New Zealand.
If your relationship with the mother breaks down that is unfortunate.
If the mother decides to use the children to achieve spite , malice and control this is not unfortunate, it is supported.
It is Ok and the tools necessary for her to achieve this are available to the mother free of charge. This is called legal aid, it’s still available, all she needs to do is make an allegation of domestic violence, a little temporary protection order and she’s in.
She can have you arrested for her amusement.
Her lawyer (the recipient of legal aid) will apply for the cash, no problems and they will say they are only acting on instruction ( after advising their client ) and so it begins. Many call this process the Randsome Process, where by you are held to Randsome to participate, with the stake money – a relationship with your own children and their relationship with you.
You will enter a world where some will want to perpetuate the process – perhaps for their own amusement, reward, or perhaps because you have caught out so called professionals who must then attempt to cover their own tracks.
These people will often be self employed, achieving a large percentage of their work from one source – the family court.
This raises a question, ever known a self employed contractor with one client to bite the hand that feeds them?
Most will answer No.
Who gives these contractors the work?
The Family Court coordinator.
Who are these people?
There may be one male court coordinator in NZ.
You may encounter Judges directions with out you having the opportunity to put in evidence. (your recourse could be an appeal) you will need to apply to the court – the judge who was the author of the directions that you wish to have overturned will get to approve your appeal (or not) after you have paid your fee of around $2,000. Don’ t hold your breath while you wait.
You could always apply to the Juducial complaints commissionar but why would you bother, he is a partner in a large law firm as we understand, his staff represent before judges every day ( do you get the picture?)
So as a father in NZ you will be up against a systemicly gender biased process some would say.
The short answer is No, don’t become a father here.
This is a great little toy for the mother, it will cost you thousands to defend and she can have you banged up in jail quicker than you can say ” tears in front of a cop”, toss in a little quiver in the voice and she may get you hand cuffed too.
To be fair, in many instances the police are pretty reasonable and can see this stuff for what it is and can be almost apologetic for what they may see as abuse of their time and the process.
Comment by Brad — Tue 7th April 2015 @ 10:36 pm
Brad , you’ve nailed it.
That is probably the best explanation I have heard for the current system.
When I was going through all this crap there was a marked difference from my friends and family.
Ones that had already been through the system told me what to expect and that I should throw out all my preconcieved idea’s of femily caught and justice, the police won’t help, how many snouts were in the trough created by my ex wanting another lifestyle and how I was the one to fund all these hungry snouts
Compare that to the well intentioned but incredibly naieve advice from others who hadnt been through the system who chipped in with comments of “I wouldn’t put up with that”, “you should tell them to do this”, and sadly an ironic “mate if I was in your shoes I’d do this and that” Ironic because as the years have passed they have gone through the same wringer and have come and either asked me for advice or told me straight out that they thought, back then, that I was a pussy losing my family the way I did and now feel so bad for it as the same thing happens to them and they realise how impotent, and unimportant they are other than being a $$$ source for the separation/ divorce industry.
The main question is how do we educate the latter group as no one thinks it will happen to them and even I admit that I was part of that group before it happened to me.
Good post though Brad
Mits
Comment by Mits — Wed 8th April 2015 @ 2:40 pm
===>>> Look before you leap. It is just common sense, the rarest stuff on earth….
Well informed…….. the antithesis of familycaught$ secrecy!
Comment by MurrayBacon — Wed 8th April 2015 @ 3:15 pm
What is clear is that people now know. Not everyone, but grandmothers, mothers, fathers have all seen good fathers go through this. I believe that there are good judges in the Family Court, not all of them of course. They are up against it too.
If the concept of conflict is perpetuated by counsel for the child for example (who offers no soloutions) and inter parental conflict exists, the judge can have a responsibility to rule based on the existence of conflict.
Define conflict. This is where it gets stupid – anyone who walks through the doors of the Family Court (going in) demonstrates a lack of agreement thus this equals conflict.
The court does not consider who the purpertrator of conflict is – simply that it exists (unless it is a defended protection order hearing, if the mother has contrived conflict this may matter then) If the mother works hard to sabotage, access, sport, homework, clothes and ensure that these things don’t work, in my experience she will be rewarded with more legal aid and tools to continue doing it.
Conflict can be defined as “lack of agreement”
Corral Burrows died at the hands of her meet head stepfather, most likley because of this. The natural father was concerned for his little girl (we all watched the TV interview) he tried to contact the school, the Dr, alas he was not a guardian and was not be appointed as one, perhaps due to a lack of agreement between the parents. It is likley that the court would not appoint him as an additional guardian because it would essentially mean that there would be more things for the parents to disagree about. He was unable to find out information regarding his daughter’s health, attendance at school, progress at school, he couldn’t even talk to her teachers. Then she was killed. Who was responsible for this? The mother, the stepfather or a process that ensured that the father would be unable to find out about his daughter.
Perhaps this process was invented by some roman sandel, purple sock wearing feminist phsyclolgist who derives their income from such inane obscure ideology?
The mother was a guardian but not dad. This changed in the court after her death, but how bloody stupid, biased and lacking in common sense.
We see, Male Mentors wanted in a news paper article in Kapiti some months ago and a picture of a mother and her two sons who are lacking a male role model. Are ther any strangers out there who would like to become a mentor to these boys? Having gone throught the Porirua Court which serves Kapiti, there is no wonder there are so many fatherless children in that community.
Paul Henery did an interview with someone starting a similar movement in Auckland.
Here is a crazy idea.
Support the natural father (assuming he is ok), encourage him, give him some tools to be a better parent, get proactive with him, provide him with a coach/buddy, ensure that mothers who are intent on making things difficult for the father are held accountable ( as it says parties could be on the bottom of every court order) come down hard on lawyers who perpetuate matters for their own spite and or existence.
Accountability a key consideration
The judicial conduct commissioner’ s office and complaints process, see how this works, or not (kiwis first have articles on this)
Lawyers who perpetuate matters for their own gain where outcomes for children are detrimental should be held accountable, genuinely accountable in my view. Again this raises questions about hallowed turf, judicial conduct commissioner, the Law Society and it’s standards committie.
Psychologists, what’s the complaints process? It used to be that you could have their report assessed by your own Psycologist. (Try to get one to do it) or report it to the Psycologist society/association to be assessed by their pals (feeling confident) . I understand that we must now apply to the judge who has made their directions based on the report, for leave of the court to have the report reassessed ( good luck with that one)
The mother should have a coach/ buddy too, one who liases with the father’s coach/buddy and if the child is not made available for access, the coach wants to know, this should come up in their morning meeting. The coach gives the mother a serve – three strikes and you are out love – no more Beni and the child might go to dad, and do it. Publish it, in the paper, let the public see the consequences.
If a parent is receiving the benefit it should be mandatory for them to take the child to something like Play Centre, the coach should check. Who pays? Redistribute the cash, fence at the top of the cliff, no more legal aid jockeys, that money goes in the pot.
These ideas will not work in all situations, there are some meet head fathers who should be treated differently, perhaps by steam roller.
These suggestions assume no care and protection issues but the court establishes this as step number one in most instances as first base which is the way it should be. It should establish the same for the mother too.
This touch, touch, tap, tap approach has gone on too long, fathers leave in droves still, headlines read Male Mentors required and mummies new boyfriend (stastically) is often the perpetrator of abuse towards a child who is not his son or daughter.
Family Court Reforms, can someone please tell me what they are, have you noticed any?
Comment by Paul — Fri 10th April 2015 @ 9:45 am
What is clear is that people now know. Not everyone, but grandmothers, mothers, fathers have all seen good fathers go through this. I believe that there are good judges in the Family Court, not all of them of course. They are up against it too.
If the concept of conflict is perpetuated by counsel for the child for example (who offers no soloutions) and inter parental conflict exists, the judge can have a responsibility to rule based on the existence of conflict.
Define conflict. This is where it gets stupid – anyone who walks through the doors of the Family Court (going in) demonstrates a lack of agreement thus this equals conflict.
The court does not consider who the purpertrator of conflict is – simply that it exists (unless it is a defended protection order hearing, if the mother has contrived conflict this may matter then) If the mother works hard to sabotage, access, sport, homework, clothes and ensure that these things don’t work, in my experience she will be rewarded with more legal aid and tools to continue doing it.
Conflict can be defined as “lack of agreement”
Corral Burrows died at the hands of her meet head stepfather, most likley because of this. The natural father was concerned for his little girl (we all watched the TV interview) he tried to contact the school, the Dr, alas he was not a guardian and was not be appointed as one, perhaps due to a lack of agreement between the parents. It is likley that the court would not appoint him as an additional guardian because it would essentially mean that there would be more things for the parents to disagree about. He was unable to find out information regarding his daughter’s health, attendance at school, progress at school, he couldn’t even talk to her teachers. Then she was killed. Who was responsible for this? The mother, the stepfather or a process that ensured that the father would be unable to find out about his daughter.
Perhaps this process was invented by some roman sandel, purple sock wearing feminist phsyclolgist who derives their income from such inane obscure ideology?
The mother was a guardian but not dad. This changed in the court after her death, but how bloody stupid, biased and lacking in common sense.
We see, Male Mentors wanted in a news paper article in Kapiti some months ago and a picture of a mother and her two sons who are lacking a male role model. Are ther any strangers out there who would like to become a mentor to these boys? Having gone throught the Porirua Court which serves Kapiti, there is no wonder there are so many fatherless children in that community.
Paul Henery did an interview with someone starting a similar movement in Auckland.
Here is a crazy idea.
Support the natural father (assuming he is ok), encourage him, give him some tools to be a better parent, get proactive with him, provide him with a coach/buddy, ensure that mothers who are intent on making things difficult for the father are held accountable ( as it says parties could be on the bottom of every court order) come down hard on lawyers who perpetuate matters for their own spite and or existence.
Accountability a key consideration
The judicial conduct commissioner’ s office and complaints process, see how this works, or not (kiwis first have articles on this)
Lawyers who perpetuate matters for their own gain where outcomes for children are detrimental should be held accountable, genuinely accountable in my view. Again this raises questions about hallowed turf, judicial conduct commissioner, the Law Society and it’s standards committie.
Psychologists, what’s the complaints process? It used to be that you could have their report assessed by your own Psycologist. (Try to get one to do it) or report it to the Psycologist society/association to be assessed by their pals (feeling confident) . I understand that we must now apply to the judge who has made their directions based on the report, for leave of the court to have the report reassessed ( good luck with that one)
The mother should have a coach/ buddy too, one who liases with the father’s coach/buddy and if the child is not made available for access, the coach wants to know, this should come up in their morning meeting. The coach gives the mother a serve – three strikes and you are out love – no more Beni and the child might go to dad, and do it. Publish it, in the paper, let the public see the consequences.
If a parent is receiving the benefit it should be mandatory for them to take the child to something like Play Centre, the coach should check. Who pays? Redistribute the cash, fence at the top of the cliff, no more legal aid jockeys, that money goes in the pot.
These ideas will not work in all situations, there are some meet head fathers who should be treated differently, perhaps by steam roller.
These suggestions assume no care and protection issues but the court establishes this as step number one in most instances as first base which is the way it should be. It should establish the same for the mother too.
This touch, touch, tap, tap approach has gone on too long, fathers leave in droves still, headlines read Male Mentors required and mummies new boyfriend (stastically) is often the perpetrator of abuse towards a child who is not his son or daughter.
Family Court Reforms, can someone please tell me what they are, have you noticed any?
Comment by Paul — Fri 10th April 2015 @ 9:45 am
What is clear is that people now know. Not everyone, but grandmothers, mothers, fathers have all seen good fathers go through this. I believe that there are good judges in the Family Court, not all of them of course. They are up against it too.
If the concept of conflict is perpetuated by counsel for the child for example (who offers no soloutions) and inter parental conflict exists, the judge can have a responsibility to rule based on the existence of conflict.
Define conflict. This is where it gets stupid – anyone who walks through the doors of the Family Court (going in) demonstrates a lack of agreement thus this equals conflict.
The court does not consider who the purpertrator of conflict is – simply that it exists (unless it is a defended protection order hearing, if the mother has contrived conflict this may matter then) If the mother works hard to sabotage, access, sport, homework, clothes and ensure that these things don’t work, in my experience she will be rewarded with more legal aid and tools to continue doing it.
Conflict can be defined as “lack of agreement”
Corral Burrows died at the hands of her meet head stepfather, most likley because of this. The natural father was concerned for his little girl (we all watched the TV interview) he tried to contact the school, the Dr, alas he was not a guardian and was not be appointed as one, perhaps due to a lack of agreement between the parents. It is likley that the court would not appoint him as an additional guardian because it would essentially mean that there would be more things for the parents to disagree about. He was unable to find out information regarding his daughter’s health, attendance at school, progress at school, he couldn’t even talk to her teachers. Then she was killed. Who was responsible for this? The mother, the stepfather or a process that ensured that the father would be unable to find out about his daughter.
Perhaps this process was invented by some roman sandel, purple sock wearing feminist phsyclolgist who derives their income from such inane obscure ideology?
The mother was a guardian but not dad. This changed in the court after her death, but how bloody stupid, biased and lacking in common sense.
We see, Male Mentors wanted in a news paper article in Kapiti some months ago and a picture of a mother and her two sons who are lacking a male role model. Are ther any strangers out there who would like to become a mentor to these boys? Having gone throught the Porirua Court which serves Kapiti, there is no wonder there are so many fatherless children in that community.
Paul Henery did an interview with someone starting a similar movement in Auckland.
Here is a crazy idea.
Support the natural father (assuming he is ok), encourage him, give him some tools to be a better parent, get proactive with him, provide him with a coach/buddy, ensure that mothers who are intent on making things difficult for the father are held accountable ( as it says parties could be on the bottom of every court order) come down hard on lawyers who perpetuate matters for their own spite and or existence.
Accountability a key consideration
The judicial conduct commissioner’ s office and complaints process, see how this works, or not (kiwis first have articles on this)
Lawyers who perpetuate matters for their own gain where outcomes for children are detrimental should be held accountable, genuinely accountable in my view. Again this raises questions about hallowed turf, judicial conduct commissioner, the Law Society and it’s standards committie.
Psychologists, what’s the complaints process? It used to be that you could have their report assessed by your own Psycologist. (Try to get one to do it) or report it to the Psycologist society/association to be assessed by their pals (feeling confident) . I understand that we must now apply to the judge who has made their directions based on the report, for leave of the court to have the report reassessed ( good luck with that one)
The mother should have a coach/ buddy too, one who liases with the father’s coach/buddy and if the child is not made available for access, the coach wants to know, this should come up in their morning meeting. The coach gives the mother a serve – three strikes and you are out love – no more Beni and the child might go to dad, and do it. Publish it, in the paper, let the public see the consequences.
If a parent is receiving the benefit it should be mandatory for them to take the child to something like Play Centre, the coach should check. Who pays? Redistribute the cash, fence at the top of the cliff, no more legal aid jockeys, that money goes in the pot.
These ideas will not work in all situations, there are some meet head fathers who should be treated differently, perhaps by steam roller.
These suggestions assume no care and protection issues but the court establishes this as step number one in most instances as first base which is the way it should be. It should establish the same for the mother too.
This touch, touch, tap, tap approach has gone on too long, fathers leave in droves still, headlines read Male Mentors required and mummies new boyfriend (stastically) is often the perpetrator of abuse towards a child who is not his son or daughter.
Family Court Reforms, can someone please tell me what they are, have you noticed any?
Comment by Paul — Fri 10th April 2015 @ 9:45 am