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MENZ Issues: news and discussion about New Zealand men, fathers, family law, divorce, courts, protests, gender politics, and male health.

Sun 29th October 2006

An unfortunate set of circumstances

Filed under: General — PGRoy @ 10:03 pm

I just read an article on young men in our mental health services, written by a young mans mum.
Brilliant, best article in ages!
It rang bells for me of countless tales I hear in a supporting role for men of all ages. There has for so long been a movement to turn our men in to the villians of our societies ills. The system isn’t even covert about it, its all over our news, yet there is little focus on the good things men do. There are continual references in the press relating to inequality and gender imbalance, yet for the life of me I am not sure where this actually exists, because I don’t know any men who still subscribe to the veiws that are upheld by whoever reports this stuff.

I read a quote that kids these days suffer a case of “too much mother and not enough father”, I have read many times of underfathering and a lack of male role models. I wonder how much this manifests itself in the behavior of young men and women. I have a belief that our young people would benefit from some good male energy.

I don’t uphold myself as perfect and as an example to anyone. However if one person gets value from talking through their problem with me thats good. In the majority of cases they have no idea how to relate to an older man. Therefore against the grain I have remained open to anyone who wants to discuss their problens ith me, regardless of age or gender. Now I am not a sounding board or a sage, I’m quite happy to point out where they behave badly as gently as I can. I ask them what they need to do with thier problem so they can feel better. Sometimes they do actually do what they need to! By them selves! Most people once they are heard have their own answer inside them!

Sometimes I think our society is too focused on career, sucsess, money, qualification, safety. This puts a lot of stress on young people, where does happiness feature in this?

On the subjectt of sport as an outlet? I think the term competition has been twisted in to winning. It should be about the game not the result. And sport aint for everyone. Sometimes too I wonder if a safe way to vent anger and exercise growing strength would help our young people. I wonder if young people need a safe forum to explore their own minds, to try other ways to get the rush they now get from law breaking, drinking, drugs, or driving fast, fighting.

I certainly think in terms of relationships interpersonal skills, dispute resolutions, negotiation, and understanding need to be taught to both genders. Possibly there needs to be a greater understanding of men by women, and of women by men. After all we live with mistrust and fear of each other…..we’re screwed.

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