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Fri 2nd April 2010

Do I blame my father for making me who I am today, but thank him for reminding me everyday that I am equal to all that breaths!!

Filed under: General — Blah @ 11:57 pm

I am who I am.
I am female. I can do everything man can do!
I can fix a car or truck.
I can drive a tractor.
I can kill an animal with my bare hands and supply food for thy table.
I can make money to buy thy bread for thy table.
I can go to the well and pull up a bucket of water to quench thy thirsts.
I can dig holes to build a fence to keep thy stock in.
I can build thy shed to house thy stock.
I can cook & clean & sew.
I can love and share and praise.

My Dad taught me to do all this and much much more.

Do I blame my Dad for thy teachings to be an all rounded female and fend for myself and not rely on man?

But wait, I need thy man! To love and cherish, to have me, to have him. To raise our children together. To be a witness to my life. For me to witness his!

I am a female who is proud and strong! But without man I am nothing!!

I love my dearest and always will. Although I can do all he can, he is proud of me and we do it togehter equally! I need my man everyday. And everyday I tell him so!!

129 Responses to “Do I blame my father for making me who I am today, but thank him for reminding me everyday that I am equal to all that breaths!!”

  1. julie says:

    BEAU-TI-FUL 🙂

  2. Blah says:

    Thanks Julie 🙂

  3. amfortas says:

    Hold on to that. There will be hard times, worse times, times when health takes a long trip. Times when it looks dark and feels cold. Giving love will keep you warm.

  4. Alastair says:

    Says it all! However will the man be worthy of that love. When things get tough to work through them together. Thats love.

    In today’s Newspaper (Sorry not on web yet. Will post later.) there is an item where a young person died in a car their mother was driving. The family are still together. Thats love!

  5. Pete says:

    Get a real job the lot of you and grow the f**k up!! This feminist bullshit is another way of you all taking your non sex that you dontgeon others!! I have read the first artical that was written by the lovely male Julie in disguise and what a crock of shit!! (Oh by the way, you guys should be loving this cause someone else is dishing the shit back to yah) hmm makes a change!! My rethoric language is because there is no point talking maturaly to you lot. (Thanks by the way to Scrap_the_CSA for seeing my point for a change)

    And a feminasty like this admitted to become an author on a men’s rights site? No wonder we get nowhere.

  6. Phoenix says:

    Yes it’s a bit of a joke isn’t it Pete. I have to admit that I came to this site thinking that it actually had men on it that wanted to change the current situation of men’s rights.

    But recently I have noticed that this site is full of female chauvinists dominating and controlling the threads, feminists in various forms, and emasculated men who are only interested in whining and moaning. I’ve largely given up on this site and taken my attention elsewhere.

    Guess what guys…..NOTHING is going to change if you sit on your buts and whine and moan. Grow some balls and get out there and make the change happen.

  7. Jessie says:

    Yes it does seem somewhat strange to have a woman with such powers on a mens site. I don’t think I have ever come across this before.

  8. John Brett says:

    Pete- learn to spell, learn some manners

    Phoenix- everyone brings us pleasure, some as they arrive, others as they leave- bye bye!

    Jessie- All have equal powers on this site- we are not waging war on women. Did you not konw that there as many (good) women in the ‘mens movement’ as men?
    The war is against discimnation which is hurting everyone. Where do you stand?

  9. paul says:

    I have been watching this sight on and off lately,and im not happy with women being any where near it,some of their comments are very suspect and do nothing to help us.Most of us have been hurt deeply and had our lives completely destroyed by them the last thing i want to do is have them involved here on this sight.

  10. Jessie says:

    Reply to John Brett.

    I would like to think I am on the same side as most men who comment here. I did not mean to offend anyone by my comments. It was just an observation- nothing more.

  11. Skeptik says:

    Pheonix,
    You say –

    “But recently I have noticed that this site is full of female chauvinists dominating and controlling the threads, feminists in various forms, and emasculated men who are only interested in whining and moaning. I’ve largely given up on this site and taken my attention elsewhere”.

    I’m one of those responsible for that situation as I asked Julie to consider starting a thread at MENZ on how to engage feminist women.
    She took up the request and the results are as you describe.
    Please hang in there though as member like Hans get a handle on how to weed out bombastic comments from the likes of Mary Poppins that are clearly designed only to hurt and distract us from genuine discussion and debate.
    I’m sure it won’t take long for the threads to return to normalcy.
    Dave has rightly pointed out seeing the misandric vitriol on threads here has been illustrative in itself.
    Hans has pointed out that it has resulted in many posters here pulling together in the face of a common enemy thus creating more unity also. I find that’s a refreshing change from the sometimes harsh infighting that has gone on between folks who actually agree on more than they disagree.
    Those two results seem to me to be valuable.
    I hear some folks saying don’t allow women and/or feminists to post here.
    In days gone by I would have agreed with that stance so wounded was I by the ravages of NZ feminist abuse.
    However these days I am in better shape and ready to engage more with feminists as I have more knowledge, sharpened debating skills and loads of support on threads from folks who have gained similar understandings of the NZ feminist mileau.
    So I don’t have a problem with women and feminists coming to this site.
    Indeed I relish the opportunity that would bring to educate them about the realities of life for men in our present day culture.
    However, I would like to know from John Potter if it’s possible for the site to also have a section where ONLY registered males can get together in threads to caucus on issues affecting men. That would be similar to the recent men only gathering that took place in NZ to looks at ways to address male suicide. The rationale of which was that men needed to find solutions for themselves.
    Your thoughts in response?

  12. Skeptik says:

    My apology for an oversight.
    I wrote –

    “However these days I am in better shape and ready to engage more with feminists”

    I should have written –

    “However these days I am in better shape and ready to engage more with feminists AND WOMEN”.

  13. amfortas says:

    Crikey, a few budding FC Judges here who will condemn on suspicion only. Apart from the hubris, I don’t see the original post as from a feminist. My daughter is a motor mechanic. (I am useless with mechanical things m’self). I am sure thet there are one or two women about who can build a shed and erect a fence.

    But…. let us assume for a moment that Blah is a feminist. So what? Let her/him burble and eventually you will have enough rope to furttle his/her beuutocks.

  14. julie says:

    This is a website and it’s impossible to get all men to want the same thing from it.

    Some men want to vent about women, some men don’t have a problem with women, some men want to change women, some men want women’s support, some men want to attack other men and some want to be moderates. Some want all men off this site and protesting while other men see this site as a way of protesting.

    All you can do is control YOURSELF, so maybe writing your own thread is a way of you connecting with the type of men you want to connect to. You will be soooo busy doing your own thing, that you wont notice what others are doing. Why not give it a try? 🙂

  15. rc says:

    I am female. I can do everything man can do!

    Can you do the same time for the same crime?
    Can you get by on the same amount of government health spending?
    Can you handle being prosecuted for lying under oath?
    Can you handle seeing your fellow sex ridiculed, demonized and killed every night on TV?
    Can you handle the idea of someone else deciding if you’ll become a parent or not, and that the law will back them up all the way?
    Can you handle being locked up and raped for years in a prison because someone else accused you of a crime that never happened?
    Can you handle losing your kids and everything you have because your partner got bored with you?

    Yeah right. You’re just like us.

  16. John Dutchie says:

    Reply to rc

    Bang….!!!! beautiful said Good Sir….Might I humbly add the following …

    ‘Because as I am a Kiwi Feminist Woman ,thus ‘The Victim’ its my solemn Right to do so’…

    Kind regards John Dutchie

  17. Pete says:

    I counldn’t agree more paul.

  18. Pete says:

    Hmm, and I thought it was obvious that the ridiculously rude post I quoted (the one full of spelling mistakes) was snippet from one of Blah’s posts to another thread.

  19. Dave says:

    Two points:
    (1)
    This is all very well.
    So you imply women need men. (Since you do).
    I am a man.
    What do I need a western woman (as in wife) for?
    Is there some compelling reason?
    It might be nice to have for a while but the long term cost/benefit is unlikiely to add up.

    I have asked this before and no one has successfully explained why I would get married/defacto. I ask again because (a) I would love to love some special person for the rest of my days and (b) children do best with 2 parents.

    I am female. I can do everything man can do!

    But they don’t.
    If they can, then why do they want special prvilliages in every aspect of society?
    In any case it is patently crap. Of course women can not do everything men can do. If you want respect why make such ludicrous statements?

  20. Mary Poppins : says:

    Well don’t go to Thailand, because in Thailand you will not be able to own your own castle. You won’t lose 50%, you will lose 100%. You will be de-masculated, and have to live in her castle, under her name.

  21. Mary Poppins : says:

    And you don’t “need” anyone but yourself wholely and completely.

    Anything else is just icing on the cake. Don’t accept second-best. You don’t need a woman at all.

    You need yourself first, out of the fog, first…

    …the woman can come later.

  22. Paul Catton says:

    Dear Mary,

    Your statement is garbage.
    I do not believe you have the expertise of “Fiscal Management and Protections” regarding Thailand.
    I would hazard a guess you know little of Thai Law, Business and Culture.

    Shame on you to denigrate all Thai females of a stereotype being a gold digging bar girl only wanting “farangs” money in promise of honey.

    Kind Regards
    Paul Catton
    (09)271 3020

  23. Phoenix says:

    I think this is an excellent idea.

    One of the biggest problems I see in a site like this is that feminism has so seriously emasculated men in New Zealand that they quite naturally blame women for the current situation. And then look to women for leadership in solving the problem.

    Blaming feminism for all the current problems in men’s rights is nothing more than a cop out. The simple reality is that women fought for their rights and got what they deserved as a result.

    Men have not done this, and instead have gained a sense of entitlement, thinking that they will be given rights, or have their rights supported without a fight. Blaming the fact that they don’t on feminist thinking.

    If every man in New Zealand had the balls to do something about this, the current situation would simply not exist. This applies worldwide. Let’s be honest, the modern Western male is quite simply a wimp, too busy bowing to female authority to have the balls to fight for his own rights.

    Emasculation is just a big a problem as feminism. And in fact is probably more of a problem. The good thing about it though is that emasculation is a problem we can actually do something about.

    Only when men have claimed back their masculinity, will they then have ANY chance of getting their rights acknowledged.

  24. John Dutchie says:

    Reply to Phoenix

    Interesting post you have written Phoenix….And on the whole I concur with you..In my humble opinion, there is a other major problem in N.Z and its called…..’ Apathy ‘…!!!!!

    Kind regards John Dutchie

  25. julie says:

    This is a good point,IMO.

  26. Dave says:

    Mary, I am in a different place than you. I realise you are hurting but I am way past that stage. I have a happy life and a bright future.

    You need yourself first, out of the fog, first…

    …the woman can come later.

    I am not in any fog. Things are nice and clear for me. I am looking for reasons for “…the woman can come later.”
    You don’t offer any.

  27. julie says:

    Your statement is garbage.

    Mary Poppins must be a group of feminists since the IP addresses are changing.

    You could say the site is being hacked.

  28. Dave says:

    It is interesting how a group of feminists try to agrue men should not leave NZ and marry foriegn brides. They can see how this treatens their wider support base.

  29. Phoenix says:

    I am female. I can do everything man can do!

    A very typical feminist catch-phrase. Irrational and total BS.

    Interesting how feminism is based on this sort of nonsense, or is it an example of how female logic works?
    .
    .
    Reality.
    .

    You are a woman.
    .
    There are some things you can do that a man can do.
    There are some things you can do that a man cannot do.
    There are some things you can do better than a man can do.
    There are some things you can do that a man can do better.
    There are some things you cannot do that a man can do.
    There are some things that neither you nor a man can do.
    .
    .
    Amusing isn’t it that every one of the statements in this article fit into the first category while ignoring all the others.

  30. amfortas says:

    “the woman can come later.”

    Now, now. That’s very rude talk.

    🙂

    nyway, if she comes later she will complain a lot first.

  31. Phoenix says:

    I might add that there is another catergorie as well.
    .
    .
    There are some things that you can only do TOGETHER with a man.

  32. John Dutchie says:

    Reply to Dave

    Yes, correct Dave…Who would these Kiwi Femi Nazi Feminists have left in N.Z to Hate and to Destroy and pay there ‘I am the poor down trodden Victim’ wages…..

    Kind regards John Dutchie

  33. John Dutchie says:

    Reply to Mary

    ‘There is no man-drought on. I’ve had plenty of offers from Kiwi-men.’…Bugger and then you woke up,in a ‘foggy’ state of mind and realize it was just a horrible nightmare…Don’t you just hate that when that happens…??? Miss Kiwi Feminist

    Kind regards John Dutchie

  34. paul says:

    they must be brain dead

  35. Dave says:

    Yes apathy is a big problem in NZ. Speaking out on this or any other internet site is not apathy. Speak out whenever you get the chance. Don’t let anyone come on here and call you a winger. By discussing these issues on here you are doing something. If you can do more then that is better.

    I may have missed your point Phoenix. If I have please clarify.

    Try telling a father who has been through the family court that he didn’t fight for his rights or more accurately for his kids rights.

    I think you mean in other parts of society men are not doing enough to challenge the feminist assumptions that prevent him having equality.

    Us men are too accomodating. I do agree. At the same time there are many ‘fronts’ here. One can change the climate without diect confrontation.

    Let’s be honest, the modern Western male is quite simply a wimp, too busy bowing to female authority to have the balls to fight for his own rights.

    In this kind of “fight” as you call it there are many ways to do ‘battle’. Fro example:
    Thousands of males leave NZ to less feminised countries. In my view this is a powerful strategy. You may say they are not fighting for their rights. I say they are in 2 ways.
    (a) They are excercising their right to move. They are selecting a ‘battle ground’ where their own success is more likely.
    (b) They are leaving behind an inbalance. NZ women need and want men. As competition for the remaining males intensifies the remaining males’ expectations increase. Men don’t want to tip toe around the egg shells of a screaming banshee or a manipulating princess.

  36. Dave says:

    She could be logging in and out and getting a new IP address from the network each time. Is it in the same domain? I.e. first 3 numbers the same?

  37. julie says:

    Mary Poppins is not a group.

    Of course you could also be one person changing your IP address so you can’t be traced of banned. 🙂

  38. Dave says:

    John Dutchie – there was no need for that comment at all. For all you know she may have had plenty of one off dates. She might be pleasing to the eye and find getting dates very easy.

  39. paul says:

    if she is a kiwi women she should be a real dirty slut

  40. julie says:

    Hiya Dave,

    She could be logging in and out and getting a new IP address from the network each time.

    Interesting. I didn’t know this happens. But I wonder why she would log in? You don’t need to log in to comment.

  41. Blah says:

    Lol Pete. Snap out of it!! I have been watching this site now for two years and got some good advise off of here to help my partner fight for his kid. You get nowhere because of your attitude buddy. Out with the old and in with the new. Yes I am a pitbull and I speak my mind, but I stuck up for the new people who come onto this website in support of you men and people like you shoot them down and kick them out.
    Dont worry, be happy!

  42. Blah says:

    Paul do not put all women into that category. I could become a bitch right now and go for the opposing team, but because I love my brothers, fathers, sons, partner and men in general, they have just saved you another bitch to add to your list. Cut your sexist crap out!! Literally it pisses me off!!!!!!!!

  43. Dave says:

    Paul – technically within the rules but not what you call subtle.

    Mary do you really think your fact justifies your statement?

    It is an established statistical fact that there are about 50,000 more single females than males in the 30+ age group. This trend is increasing rapidly for almost 2 decades because men are leaving and not comming back.

    If you are a 34-year-old heterosexual woman in New Zealand you have as much chance of finding a male partner your own age as does an 85-year-old woman,

    This does raise another issue. We really need to do more to educate young men. They often make very poor choices and they need to know they are in demand.

  44. Phoenix says:

    Agreed apathy is a big problem here. And apathy is totally wrapped up in the victim mindset.

    “I am a victim and I can’t change anything so why bother?”

    As for men fighting for their rights…..when you see men doing the same sort of things that women did to get their rights…..on mass……we will see a result. Until then, little will change.

  45. Dave says:

    Login to the network I mean.

    Most networks loan out an IP address for a minimum period. However if you were short on addresses you might assign a new one each time they connect. More common on dial up. All standard stuff.

  46. Blah says:

    Mary Poppins go get your head read ah!! Honestly your pissing me off with your bullshit!! Take it elsewhere and get help seriously!! You make no sense!! You almost sound like a chick who has gone sooo wrong in the head!! Bye bye, tat tah, good riddance!!

  47. paul says:

    she has a very bad phyco problem i cant work her out the only thing i am sure of is that she should not be on this site,she reminds me of my x so much,She was a dirty lowlife theif who ruined the lives of my children and killed my own father.

  48. Dave says:

    I am very sorry to hear that Paul. Yes she reminds me of someone too. Dont let her drag you down to her level. As I said before she is illistrative. She doesn’t seem to have enough intelligence to see she is showing the world what we are talking about.

  49. paul says:

    whoop de do blah im not sexist i just cant stand kiwi women they have caused so much damage to this country it is unbelieveable.And yes i love my mother and my sister but i cant love my father because my x killed him.what am i meant to do?

  50. Blah says:

    Have you ever been held down and raped by a man and couldnt fight back?
    Have you ever lost a baby from being punched in the stomach by the father?
    Have you ever been punched in the face by a man and remember the full force always?
    Have you worked your arse off beside a man for 10 years in the same position and been paid less?
    Have you had seven miscarriages only to find you cant have children and then do?
    Can you handle seeing your fellow sex bashed, raped and called a cunt everynight from a husband and then sometimes killed?

    I could go on and on. But you get the picture!! Dont you dare go there you thoughtless prick!!

    You dont see me moaning at you because man did this to me!!

    And I still dont hate you………YET!!

  51. Blah says:

    Dont want respect at all. I am just stating I love my partner and we are equal and I blame my father for eveything that I can do, but love him because he reminded me that I am equal to all that breaths.

    You guys are really sour. SOUR SOUR SOUR.

    Let me ask you all this question.

    Who of you have partners and how do you keep them with all of this hate or do you all live separate lives??

  52. paul says:

    your right dave,the thing that the women on this sight must remember is that they are dealing with people that have had their lives and their familys lives ruined by kiwi women,i have lost so much because of her so when someone has a crack at me about being sexist,im afraid you dopey bitches brought it on yourselves,if you want to help us men get off this site and go down to the nearest womens refuge and give those family wreckers wht for,then head down to the ird and tell those blood suckers theyre part of the problem as well,and next time all you good for nothin solo mums get together for your men slag off tea partys all get up and look in the mirror,because what you will see is the biggest thing that is sending this country into ruin and destroying our beautiful children

  53. Blah says:

    Paul if you dont like kiwi chicks then piss off back to where to came from and if you are kiwi, come to me my son and I will put you out of your misery. I am a bloody good shot and Ill help you ease your pain!!

    Piss off with your bullshit. Feminism is not about being kiwi its about being women. Get you shit right and your facts right.. Your not here because you support men and being against feminist nazis. Your here cause you hate kiwi chicks. Totally f**cked up!!

  54. rc says:

    Paul do not put all women into that category. I could become a bitch right now and go for the opposing team, but because I love my brothers, fathers, sons, partner and men in general, they have just saved you another bitch to add to your list.

    This chaps is how women try to destroy men coming together. You should take close notice because it is a pattern that you’ll see again and again.

    Most women are threatened by the thought of men talking candidly with each other and exchanging their personal experiences – for obvious reasons. It’s the same reason the media is gagged and the family court is secret. Ignorant men are easy marks.

    The standard technique for breaking up a group of men is for a woman to demand a place in it. She’ll then be obnoxious and count on some men to respond in anger, while other men will then rush to her defense. Immediately the men start turning on each other. The woman will keep demanding that she be respected while continuing to bait and disrespect the men. She’ll keep ‘threatening’ to go elsewhere, or bat for the feminists, as if she were some kind of asset we couldn’t possibly do without.

    The whole charade depends on us giving a tinker’s cuss whether she stays or goes, and on a few men feeling a need to defend her rudeness, even though they would never defend the same rudeness if it came from another man. This has been told and retold by those men who have been in the men’s rights movement for decades.

    This ‘Blah’ character announced herself in the crudest terms with a screed of shaming language and personal invective. She’s now making demands that we change the way we express ourselves in order to serve her emotional state, e.g.

    Cut your sexist crap out!! Literally it pisses me off!!!!!!!!

    And she threatens to bat for the other team! LOL. We’d all be better off if you did this right now lady. Your behavior is atrocious.

  55. Blah says:

    Amfortas. I find you rather funny. And I dont mean that to be nasty! No I am just a typical kiwi chick. Like your daughter i enjoy getting dirty also. Man you express yourself and all you want is aaaawwwwsss and you get ruck. LOL. I love rugby and I play short blind side flanker. So I know all about rucks. Bring it on!!

    Good for the soul. And Im drinking wine and enjoying this literally.

  56. Blah says:

    paul I hate to say it but I am a solo mum that left my husband of 5years who had been my partner for 13years. I lived with a guy that changed me completely and made me a sad person just like him. I was outgoing and could concour the world. We had a daughter together who is now 6years old and my daughter sat inside with us because he didnt want to go anywhere at all. He wanted to play computer games. He brought me into debt because he took himself into debt and we fought all the time because we were poor. He is now bankrupt and I am richer than rich. Meaning I am good with money & he wasnt!! I worked full time & he worked full time and I payed all the bills, but I never knew where his money went. I was depressed, sad, lonely. I hadnt been shopping in 2 years to buy myself clothes because I was always paying his bills. I knew there was a better life than this so I left him. He was always verbally abusive to me and he was just down right sour. Do you know what though. As much as I wanted my marriage to work and I tried for 2 years giving him a chance. He never changed. So I left and our daughter and I shifted into our own home 2 hours away from him. But as much as I hated him, the fight wasnt between our daughter and us. It was just between him and I. So we kept it as normal as possible for our daughter. So he still gets to talk to her whenever he likes. He gets to see her every holidays and has her throughout the whole holidays. My daughter goes to her fathers tomorrow for 2 weeks. As much as I hate my ex husband, we both love our daughter dearly and she knows it. She has never seen us fight or debate. We do that when she isnt around. She knows why we arnet together and she is happy cause she still has both of us as parents. I am in a relationship now. And my daughter loves it that she has 2 dads. She is proud of them both!! So Dave although I havnt lost my child, I lost my life for 13 years of my life and now I have it back and I am myself again. So before you sour arsed men go dragging your arses on here, just think how did you get to where you are and if the problem was with you, both of you or your partner!!

  57. noconfidence says:

    My daughter goes to her fathers tomorrow for 2 weeks. As much as I hate my ex husband, we both love our daughter dearly and she knows it. She has never seen us fight or debate. We do that when she isnt around.

    Good work. I’m glad that despite your differences you can both do this as alot of guys on here have had ex’s who used the kids for control, alienated a parent, abused the hell out of the kids in so many ways because their ex was the father of THEIR children (and that is the problem as the child is both of theirs).
    And yes; dads can do this too, though normally the female is able to do it with more effect, have more resources avauilable from the state to do it and get away with it.

    and my daughter loves it that she has 2 dads

    Mind if I ask if your daughter understands the differences between her ‘2’ dads ? I ask as again some dads on here are ‘replaced’ by the mother’s new partner. I’m not saying that’s what you are doing, merely asking how yr daughter sees things…

  58. rc says:

    Here chaps is another technique to watch for.

    I make a comment that uses well-known facts. I don’t expect anyone to take my word for anything – I’m offering an opinion based on facts I couldn’t have just made up to suit my argument.

    But Blah here responds with a list of personal anecdotes, the truth of which no-one but her can be sure of. She’s set herself up as the gate-keeper of any information should anything she say be called into question.

    As soon as I see a woman do this, dollars to donuts she’ll follow up by casting herself in the role of victim. She’s setting up an argument where she can enlist the sympathy of others based on information she feeds them. Sure enough, Blah does exactly that.

    She then rounds out by calling me a ‘thoughtless prick’, as if my argument had any relationship to her alleged personal history.

    So far, the disrespect and demands for others to modify their behaviour have come solely from her. What do you think would happen if were me that used foul language on her? What if I made demands on her to modify her behaviour? You be the judge.

    Study these women closely when you get the opportunity. The tricks are few and easy to spot. Will save you a lot of grief in future.

  59. amfortas says:

    I am happy you like it. I used to play rugger too – a long while ago – and could claim to do anything a woman can. But of coure, I can’t. just as you can’t do anything a man can.

    Produce sperm ! Pee six foot ahead and write your initials in the snow with it.

    🙂

    I can’t have babies.

    And there are a few things I don’t really want to do. Paint my face everyday; wear clothes that show my arse; blame everyone else; carp on about what women have done to me.

    I could go on about what I have had to do as a man that I am sure you would not want to either. Get shot at by nasty folk in the Jungle, for instance. Support another adult for 20 odd years, providing home, food, clothes and friggin’ hot water bottles. And getting no thanks whatsoever.

    Life is a bitch, ain’t it.

  60. Blah says:

    Great question noconfidence. Im glad you asked. My mother is a genealogist, like I am. For any of you who dont know what that is, it is a person who traces family trees. My mum is also a primary school teacher and unlike myself has a clever knack at teaching children at their level. And also as a grandmother my mum can speak childrens tongue. If that makes sense. My mum taught my daughter how to do a family tree at the age of 5. She understands where her family comes from and how we got here. She also explained that my partner is a step dad to her. My mum explained to her how a family works and that many families are disfunctional dating back centuries ago! My daughter knows who her real dad is and my partner and I have taught her that my partner will never replace her Dad, but is always here for her as a Dad when her real dad isnt around. (Gosh this is hard to put into words, but I hope you understand). My daughter understands it totally and tells everyone. She has also clicked that because she has 2 dads and 2 families she gets more presents. Now she came up with that theory and we laugh at it everyday. She is very bright and most kids at a young age arent dumb. My partner has been around since she had just turned 3. She has understood since then. She dosnt see my partner as a Dad as such, but when she needs him she understands and sais to my partner this is something my dad would do for me if he was here. She just knows!! I never want to play with my daughters emotions at all. She can decide when she is old enough, if her dad is worth it or not. Just because I think he isnt dosnt give me that right to teach her that. She is her own person and has her own mind!!

  61. noconfidence says:

    She has also clicked that because she has 2 dads and 2 families she gets more presents

    🙂

    Yes, my son has already said to his grandmother that ‘sometimes its good to have 2 homes as there are 2 sets of presents’.

    I’m glad that your daughter can enjoy that. Please try to understand that there are dads on here that don’t get to see their own children; their children abused by the family court so that they are not allowed.

    I’ll start a new thread about this but I just wanted to say… we need to understand each other. Some are us are hurting, some are not. Empathy is important…

  62. Blah says:

    Noconfidence.

    I dont mean any disrespect or mean to hurt you when I tell you about my experiences. I feel for all men and their children. I cant possibly comprehend not having my dad around and I dont know what it feels like. But I could only possibly imagine.

    When I talk of my dealings with my ex husband and our daughter, I dont mean to gloat at all or brag. I am marely stating that it can be done and not all us females are bad!! Seriously it pisses me off that men on this sight think so!! But what pisses me off even more is that some women think they can use children as bait, and targets when it comes to controlling the fathers. That (pardon my french) fucks me off and the women deserve a bullet when they do it. Pick me I am nearly classed as sniper material lol!!

  63. noconfidence says:

    The comment wasn’t that you were smug about your situation. Far from it. It was more to point out that others are not as fortunate as you or I, and that it’s important to respect each other. And yes; I can agree that not all females are bad, and likewise for men. No-one on here should be hassling you because you are a women. But at the same time, some of your posts have perhaps been a little too blunt. But as this is all off topic I’m about to create a new post all about this 🙂

  64. paul says:

    I couldnt agree more,i believe we are at the crossroads of a very dangerous situation.Young men need to be aware that they will become victoms if they are not careful

  65. Mary Poppins : says:

    No, I wasn’t aware of those stats. Thank you for the link, and it does explain Minister Paula Bennet’s new announcements lately. On the one hand, her daughter’s partner, or father of her grand-child has just been deported straight from Jail, to Tonga, so a fat lot of use he is going to be with sharing the load with the child. Apparently she had to apologise to John Key, for trying to influence some earlier matters, regarding her daughter’s partner. The Immigration Minister was firm with kicking him out of the country. Perhaps the stats have also revealed that many of the men leaving, are the ones that did play, but did not want to pay, and Paula Bennet and John Key just haven’t released these stats.

    I know that is has been released that there is a huge Child-support bill, or billions in unpaid child support.

    Couple that with Dr Jan Pryor of the Family’s Commission leaving, coupled with Paula Bennet and her successful family life – NOT, and things do look really grim for NZ. Couple that with the current and the previous Police Minister’s attitude towards increasing violence stats and things do lool really grim for NZ. Couple that with the happy couples that I do know, and they have either already left or are seriously thinking about leaving NZ.

    And what does National do? They just blame the last government for wasting 9 years in power. They don’t do anything, but drive the people that could have made a difference, like Dr Jan Pryor away. I can’t believe they ever hired that woman with the dangly earrings and the short skirt… I can’t even think of her name… and that is the calibre of this government… no expertise to turn anything around.
    Paula Bennet, social development Minister, failure at her own family, and Police Minister Judith Collins, ex-family court lawyer, married to a cop/ex-cop… and just blames dysfunctional families… and knows exactly how Family Court works, or doesn’t work…
    Yes, definitely time to start planning a departure. What country does have good policies?

  66. paul says:

    good greif

  67. Alastair says:

    Are you aware Mary Poppins that much of the supposedly “Unpaid” bill is in point of fact monies due to the state as penalties and interest. There is little wonder that liable parents commit suicide or simply vanish! Are you aware that IRD hound the executors of a deceased persons estate for CS even though there is a secured debt!

    Equally CS assessed on a paying parent when the receiving parent is on DPB goes straight to the government.

    The great najority of CS assesements are impossible. e.g. several hundred dollars per week against a person on a benefit!

  68. Hans Laven says:

    wise words rc, in my humble opinion

  69. Mary Poppins : says:

    All parents need to teach their sons and their daughters celibacy, until marriage, along with teaching their children that marriage is FOREVER, like in the olden days.

    And that’s why my earlier proposal for legislating these old values is the only hope for the future.

    All the above contributers are right, no amount of skills and counselling is going to change people.

    …It is societal views/ways that must be changed back.

    In the olden days, it was considered a sin, and almost a crime to have sexual relations before marriage, for men or women. And if you had sinned, you certainly got married as before or as soon as the bump started to show.
    What has happened now, is that it is just NO news at all, if there is a baby on the way before marriage, or the marriage has fallen apart. Before there was an aire of shame, or it was just expected that whether the marriage was happy or not, you just went about the daily motions at least until the children grew up.
    People just accepted that if they had kids, then they must raise those kids through thick and thin, and that was that.

    It would have been scandalous to have an affair, and indeed you would have to leave the town or the country….

    It is BECAUSE it’s ok or even expected that the marriage will fail that the marriage fails. People are “groomed” to be selfish and want more and more, and if that conflicts with raising the children then so be it.
    It is the general societal attitude that is wrong.

    The attitude on this site alot of the time is racist, in that there is alot of blaming the “Kiwi” woman, and that is shallow nonsence. It is the societal attitude that relationship-break-ups are the norm, almost ESPECIALLY if children are involved.

    In fact alot of relationships do break up after the birth of the child… a little bit of strain, and wham-bam that’s it, it’s all over….

    Now how do we go back to the old days, of shaming people into keeping their committments to each other and their children? Well they say it takes about 30 years to change a Societal view, so the only other way to bring about change is to legislate.

    The simple new legislation will be:

    1.
    Sex before marriage is illegal.
    Anyone caught will be fined $1000, the first time, $2000 the next time, $4000 the third time, and $4000
    every time, there after. There will be no jail, just fines which can be paid or worked off in community service.

    There will be no CHILD TAX/Child Support (since there is a debt of billions, which will never be collected/men fleeing overseas)etc , because the fines will go into a general fund
    The fines will fund anyone who has the misfortune to be raped, in the form of the DPB, or they will have the usual options, so as not to encourage the underground dangerous abortions of the olden days.

    Those that do offend then do become pregnant will be forced into a life sentence of marriage FOREVER.

    So those that do wait, and shop around so to speak, without the sex, will hopefully make a very very good choice, and have a long engagement, and long courting periods will be encouraged by professional seminars/life-coaches/chuches or what is appropriate to their beliefs… and if they find they don’t like each other after 6 months, or 3 years, they move on, and begin another engagement period, until they find the right match. If after they are married they think they made the wrong choice, touch luck, and the hard work begins…. Courses and more courses.

    2.
    There will be no divorce. Once committed, that’s it. There will be enforced people-skill courses, self-help courses, cooking classes, mechanic classes, pottery classes, chinese language classes, sexology classes…. unlimited support and education, because all the funds currently wasted on Lawyers, Family court will be directed into this manner.

    If a married couple want to have separate bedrooms after their children, then so be it, but if they get caught having sex with anyone other than their spouse they will be fined. In cases where it is clear that the spouse is being vindictive and racking up fines to diminish the quality of life for the children and the other spouse, there will be public-displays, like in the olden olden days. They will have to put their head between one of those wooden frames on public display in the city square, and there will be a bucket of rotten tomatoes for the community to chuck at the adulterer. They will have the sign “adulterer” around their neck, and will be policed to ensure no actual big rocks are thrown for example by the husband or the wife…

    And they will do this for 3 hours for the 1st offence, if the family’s income was below a certain threshhold, and 6 hours the next time, and 12 hours the third time, and 12 hours each time there after on their work-day off. Male or female they will EITHER do their time or pay the fine.

    Violence, abuse of any sort will not be tolerated and fines, and public humiliations will be the same punishment, with jail and the death penalty for the more serious offences. Where possible, mobile jails will be place on the front lawn of the family home, with spouse-basher painted on the front, and a Probation officer will take the offender to and from the home daily, but the offender will be put back in the home jail. The kids will be able to talk to mummy or/and daddy through the windows and they can still watch their children playing with the dog or supervise homework etc.. The whole community will know but will come together as a community to radically change attittudes to treating the family-unit as first priority.

    Anyone that ends up remaining single may do so, but if they get caught having sex with anyone else other than themselves they will be fined, or publicly humiliated.

    When National does NOT get results with reducing DPB figures, and in general improving the economy, but in fact sees a rise in family break-down, due to increasing stresses on Families due to the generally worsening economy, and balooning debt, a referendum for this proposal will be floated.

    A Family-Unit is simply the soft place to fall, while focusing on the productivity of the Nation, and right now we are headed towards losing our land and democracy to China anyway (we are in debt $200 million plus a week to China) , so these are good healthy measures to avoid worse dark bleak measures in less that a couple of decades, maybe even less than that. So I may as well go to Fiji, since there will be democracy in NZ sooner than later, unless this government gets serious.

  70. Mary Poppins : says:

    typo:
    since there will be NO democracy in NZ sooner than later, unless this government gets serious.

  71. Mary Poppins : says:

    I am not disagreeing. The current system is an abysmal failure, hence why my proposed legislation below is not as ridiculous as it sounds at first glance, and it was informally in place for hundreds of years anyway…. Only this time round, things can be legislated to make it work better, and amendments can be added in from year to year to fine-tune it. The focus has to come back on the children, what is best for raising/paying for the children.

  72. Hans Laven says:

    I do not agree that women deserved what they got through their fight for “their rights”. The feminist fight was based too much on deceit and propaganda. It’s not that men don’t have the balls to do something about it; it’s just that men have been easily duped. They assumed that women’s fight was based on ethical argument and honest data, and that women’s campaigning observed honourable rules. When enough men realise that there are no rules, ethics or honour in the feminist’s war against them, they will be quite capable of fighting accordingly. It will happen sooner than many might think.

  73. gwallan says:

    @Blah…

    This was a really good post. Well done.

    If I may – a couple of points…

    Language is very important. I wonder if when you “blame” your father you actually mean “give credit”.

    You identify something fundamental and the reason why children need their fathers. They prepare their children to function independently in the outside world.

    But without man I am nothing!!

    Rubbish. You are a competent, able, individual human being capable of functioning effectively and responsibly on your own. This is the lesson of the womens’ liberation movement which has unfortunately been lost by modern feminism.

    A functioning, effective relationship or marriage is not a dyad. It is a triad. While it may contain two separate physical entities it also brings those two together as a functional unit. And the sum is far greater than the parts.

    I love my dearest and always will. Although I can do all he can, he is proud of me and we do it togehter equally! I need my man everyday. And everyday I tell him so!!

    And thus the “functional unit” is well nurtured.

  74. gwallan says:

    Now that’s odd.

    My post here is being displayed before posts made up to six hours earlier.

    There are five posts following this one with earlier timestamps.

    Weird.

  75. Hans Laven says:

    Yep, valid points rc. Your list of questions challenging Blah’s assertion that she can do anything men can do was based on NZ law and what is actually happening to a large number of men throughout our society as evidenced in our daily news media. Blah’s list in response contains personal claimed experiences some of which have occured to a small proportion of women as an aberration of normal existence. She also became personally abusive and threatening, contradicting her implied claim that women are more likely to suffer from male violence. Blah is correct though in saying she “could go on and on” and I’m quite sure she will do just that.

  76. Hans Laven says:

    Well said Phoenix.

  77. julie says:

    @ MP,

    Paula Bennet, social development Minister, failure at her own family,

    No, not at all. I think you are being too tough on people, expecting too much from them.

    It’s not mothers who make their daughters go out with good men, it’s the fathers, IMHO. Paula may have wanted her daughter to choose better and her daughter may have defied her. This doesn’t make her a failure.

    Paula once pulled girl’s off girl’s while they were having a gang punch-up outside the Henderson Mall. That was awesome because girl’s violence is ignored while women’s leaders blame men for their actions and say they’re victims. I’m so pleased I’ve got sons. 🙂

  78. Skeptik says:

    No Blah,
    Nice try but you can’t do everything man can do!

    You can’t paint the Sistine chapel like Michaelangelo.
    You can’t eradicate smallpox with a medicine you invented like Dr Edward Jenner.
    You can’t step foot on the moon like Niel Armstrong.
    You can’t bend it like Beckham.
    You can’t dance like Michael Jackson or make movies like Peter Jackson for that matter.
    You can’t return a serve like Roger Fedherer.
    You can’t split the atom like Earnest Rutherford, climb Mt Everest like Sir Edmund Hillary.
    You can’t invent the foundations of modern democracy like Plato, Socrates and Aristotle.
    You can’t write incredible sonnets still admired centuries later like William Shakespeare.
    You can’t write a bill of rights like the founding FATHERS of USA.
    You can’t get BILLIONS of people to follow your philosophy like Jesus Christ, Mohamed or Buddha.
    You can’t …….. (fill in your own realizations here sweet pea)

    You sure can master hollow claim bragging like countless feminists I’ve met over the years though.

  79. Mary Poppins : says:

    Paula Bennet has no family-unit, soft place to fall, and hence plays the blame-game. She talks of breaking cycles, when she herself repeats the cycle. She as a solo mum has raised a solo mum. How can she preach, and be seen as credible, and is supposedly going to get results, when she can’t even get her own personal infrastructure right?

    Dr Jan Pryor however is a success personally and professionally, and she resigned, because she most likely couldn’t get this govt to hear any sense.

  80. julie says:

    Thanks for sharing Blah. It’s nice to have a better understanding of where you are coming from.

  81. Mary Poppins : says:

    Paula Bennet and John Key both have good people skills and are very good in front of the camera, but that is all that they are good at. It was because John Key was so unflappable he did so well at being a money-dealer, being a master of the poker-face, and able to lead a team in bad times, but what is his team doing now? What expertise does his team have? Judith Collins has stated her position on violence rates: She doesn’t care about what the stats say? and Paula Bennet couldn’t break her own cycle, and Dr Jan Pryor resigned, so that’s that. Sleep well. Good night.

  82. julie says:

    Paula Bennet has no family-unit,

    Ummm, what’s your definition of a family unit?

    She talks of breaking cycles, when she herself repeats the cycle. She as a solo mum has raised a solo mum.

    I think you are unaware of what all this is about. It’s not about pointing fingers and saying, “You can’t speak because you’re family’s dysfunctional”.

    She’s in a perfect position to discuss these issues because she lives the issues, IMO. .

    Feminism thinks the state should raise children and that Doctors as Psychologists learn what’s the right way through education. I’m a sure fighter for experience being better than university training, but I can appreciate other women don’t think the way I do.

    Mind you, I am OK for both to work together as long as the letters behind you signature don’t mean more that experience. 😉

  83. Skeptik says:

    Wow! Mary Poppins. You’re back and writing rationally this time as your post doesn’t get deleted as irrelevant.
    Well done.
    I was enjoying that and agreeing with you until I read –

    “The attitude on this site a lot of the time is racist, in that there is a lot of blaming the “Kiwi” woman, and that is shallow nonsense. It is the societal attitude that relationship-break-ups are the norm, almost ESPECIALLY if children are involved”.

    That’s just plain wrong.
    The FACT is that Kiwi women initiate divorces about 70% of the time.
    So it’s totally in order to lay the blame (responsibility) at the feet of women.
    To try to whitewash that is what’s really shallow nonsense. Besides which I think you should have used the word sexist instead of racist.

    Your also overlooking the FACT that hundreds of thousands of Kiwi women initiated divorce simply because they could under no fault divorce laws which FEMINIST WOMEN DEMANDED AND GOT.
    It’s doubly mendacious then to demand no fault divorce, use it, then claim to be innocents.
    But hey where have we heard those kinds of dumb arguments before.
    And feminists want us to take their ‘issues’ seriously. What a hoot!

    Stiff fines (sorry about the pun LOL!) for people getting caught having pre-marital sex.
    Oh yes! I can see that one being a vote catcher in a country which has the most promiscuous women on the planet (see earlier thread for details)and where the TV series Sex and the city was a huge smash hit – with women.
    I can’t help but notice and mention also that for nine of the past ten years we’ve been under the tutelage of Ms Helen Clarke who gobmint had a senior minister Marion Hobbs on the front page of The New Zealand Herald holding up a vibrator and saying she was in admiration of Karangahape Road Sex shop owner ( a woman as you might have guessed) who epitomized small business success. Oh wait! The Labor guffmeant with it’s ‘inclusivity’ policy had cabinets stacked with queers, a tranie and there were even suspicions aired in publications that the big Helenski herself was secretly a bigtime muffgobbler.
    Are you getting the message yet? I could go on with screeds of FACTS which support the notion that NZers wouldn’t buy the idea of NZ being turned into a sexual gulag.

    The front lawn jail thing went out of fashion with headstocks in village squares. Still if you persist with the idea the Taliban may be interested to hear from you. They’re very good at public prosecution from what I hear – you know civilized stuff like cutting off limbs, stoning to death, beheadings,floggings that sort of thing. You never know, you may get first crack at the first man to get falsely accused. You’ll need to go into training though as he’ll just be the first of thousands to get locked up and it takes allot of physical effort to restrain a guy who KNOWS he’s innocent.
    By the way you forgot about tarring and feathering.

    By the way, I spent time in China recently and if it’s true what you say (snigger) that NZ is getting into hock to China at the rate of 200 million dollars a week I sure as heck didn’t see evidence of it ending up in China. I even looked under a few mattresses and floorboards for massive bulging bundles of dolleros butonly found dust and a few bits of rice and egg noodle.

    Gosh the drugs must be strong in NZ these days! Perhaps that’s more the reason.

  84. Skeptik says:

    Well it looks like I’m going to burst people’s party bubble, and just when I was getting encouraged that folks were
    But I’ve heard so many lies and half truths from Kiwi women over decades there that I don’t buy into Blah’s sob story of being the wronged party at the hands of your ex-husband as you describe him.
    Experience tells me it is much wiser to hear his perspective too.
    Experience also tells me that many women can and will divorce their husbands then make out their being all reasonable letting him have lots of access when the reality is it suits them to have the free time for THEMSELVES that comes from letting him have access.
    I believe the women of NZ know the score.
    They know they can block visitation on a whim with impunity yet notice how the vast vast majority of them DO ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to alter that situation because it suits them well to remain the gatekeepers of children’s access to their fathers.
    Therefore I’ll start believing all this ‘I’m a reasonable co-parent who only wants the best for my child/ren’ stuff when I see women demonstrating (as in with placards outside family caughts and writing snotty letters to MPs etc).
    Until then its just a continuation of female words without action.

  85. Scott B says:

    If you run for PM you have my vote!

    I couldn’t have said it better!

  86. John Dutchie says:

    Reply to Blah

    Nice thread Blah…Thank you for sharing, and believe or not after reading your posts,can tell you ‘shoot straight from the Hip’…I respect and admire that Tait..
    Welcome to you, and your Daughter as well, glad to have you on board.
    let me please clear something here with you,Blah….I will always respect,honour and cherish ‘Womanhood’ and ‘Motherhood’ ..But sorry Blah,this radical Feminism what I have seen and experienced here in New Zealand ,I truly Despise it and I totally Loathe it…….

    Kind regards John Dutchie

  87. John Dutchie says:

    Reply to Scott B

    ‘If you run for PM you have my vote!’…Make that two…Well said Skeptik…..

    Kind regards John Dutchie

  88. Scott B says:

    Add me on to the despise and loathe feminism list too please.

  89. John Dutchie says:

    Reply to Mary

    Are you truly serious with your post…!!!!..Whoa….!!!.Scary reading..!!!..May I suggest Mary, you look up the word,then read and define the meaning of…’Democracy’ since you have mentioned it a few times…

    Kind regards John Dutchie

  90. Mary Poppins : says:

    My youngest child’s first sentence was “We are a family.” I was so relieved and happy when he said that because that was after his father had chosen the Indian young woman, over, above, and at the expense of his immediate family. Up until that point, I had considered us a broken family, and unfortunately that is the way society views my family. We are regarded as second-class and those are the facts. I know that we are a very strong family unit, and my children are very happy because they live in a bubble. It is my job to maintain the bubble, and keep the real world out. In some ways, I know my children are settled, and well-adjusted because they don’t have their father throwing his choices in their face once a week, or fortnightly.

    When my ex showed up unexpected recently, my daughter’s knee jerk reaction after 3 years, was “who are you?” Of course he had just come to negotiate half of what IRD had assessed him for. But I made a special dinner, and gave the floor to my kids, and the kids dragged out all their certificates, and all their models they had been working on, and their art-work, and asked him a million questions, and they had a great time, and then he left, and they never ever ever ever mention him. I also gave him a copy of their movies for the last 3 years, school assemblies, outings museums, other citiess, and he makes a point of telling me that they are not in his will.

    It is my job to maintain the bubble, and keep the real world out. However, if the community threw rotten tomatoes at this man’s shameful choices the world would be a better place, and I wouldn’t have to shelter them/protect them by keeping the door closed 24/7. And I know women make these same shameful choices, and they likewise should have rotten tomatoes thrown at them.

  91. Mary Poppins : says:

    @Julie (slotted in the wrong place again…)
    My youngest child’s first sentence was “We are a family.” I was so relieved and happy when he said that because that was after his father had chosen the Indian young woman, over, above, and at the expense of his immediate family. Up until that point, I had considered us a broken family, and unfortunately that is the way society views my family. We are regarded as second-class and those are the facts. I know that we are a very strong family unit, and my children are very happy because they live in a bubble. It is my job to maintain the bubble, and keep the real world out. In some ways, I know my children are settled, and well-adjusted because they don’t have their father throwing his choices in their face once a week, or fortnightly.

    When my ex showed up unexpected recently, my daughter’s knee jerk reaction after 3 years, was “who are you?” Of course he had just come to negotiate half of what IRD had assessed him for. But I made a special dinner, and gave the floor to my kids, and the kids dragged out all their certificates, and all their models they had been working on, and their art-work, and asked him a million questions, and they had a great time, and then he left, and they never ever ever ever mention him. I also gave him a copy of their movies for the last 3 years, school assemblies, outings museums, other citiess, and he makes a point of telling me that they are not in his will.

    It is my job to maintain the bubble, and keep the real world out. However, if the community threw rotten tomatoes at this man’s shameful choices the world would be a better place, and I wouldn’t have to shelter them/protect them by keeping the door closed 24/7. And I know women make these same shameful choices, and they likewise should have rotten tomatoes thrown at them.

  92. Mary Poppins : says:

    People are naturally self-indulgent and unfit to be parents, because they are so self-indulgent, and therefore with economies now imploding serious legislation is required.

    We are going to lose Democracy anyway.
    If we want a sense of it back, then we have to act now.

    Look at China, they only made a come-back BECAUSE of serious legislation.

  93. Scott B says:

    First thing to do is get rid of the ministry of feminist agenda! (they go by the name ministry of womens affairs!)

  94. Mary Poppins : says:

    But no, the rotten tomatoes get thrown at the broken families. My children have no clue, and they are going to keep having no clue. As long as people are “happy”…. Happiness is just pure self-indulgence, and hence we have high divorce rates the world over. People are selfish, and shouldn’t be allowed to be parents if they think life is about pursuing a fickle intangible concept like happiness.

    And hence BECAUSE of the high divorce rate the world over, and because of the likes of China seizing the chance to undermine the world-economy, serious legislation is required now.

    Having Paula Bennet and Judith Collins throw rotten tomatoes at dysfunctional and/or broken families is not the answer. It’s called burying your head in the sand and waiting for the red-army to take over.

  95. John Dutchie says:

    Reply to Scott B

    Bang…!!!…I concur……!!!

    Kind regards John Dutchie

  96. Mary Poppins : says:

    I have found little that is “good” about human beings on the whole. In my experience most of them are trash, no matter whether they publicly subscribe to this or that ethical doctrine or to none at all.
    Sigmund Freud

    And that is the truth.

    Hence why China is succeeding, and the rest of the world is not, and hence we need serious legislation in NZ to restore the back-bone of our country, the family-unit.

  97. Scott B says:

    You seem to not like people of different ethnicities, in fact you don’t seem to like anyone!

  98. Mary Poppins : says:

    (slotted in the wrong place again…)

    “I have found little that is “good” about human beings on the whole. In my experience most of them are trash, no matter whether they publicly subscribe to this or that ethical doctrine or to none at all.”
    Sigmund Freud

    And that is the truth.

    Hence why China is succeeding, and the rest of the world is not, and hence we need serious legislation in NZ to restore the back-bone of our country, the family-unit.

  99. John Dutchie says:

    Reply to Mary

    ‘the back-bone of our country,the family-unit’…..That is the only sensible statement you have said so far,on the ‘Menz’ forum site ,Mary…You won’t get a argument out on that one,just this once….L.O.L

    Kind regards John Dutchie

  100. Mary Poppins : says:

    I like my children, and I like my sister and her husband, and then it is best not to get to know anyone else too well. Humans are fickle, and those are the facts.

    They wake up and think, I am not happy today. What is that? That is just trash talk. Just trash. And hence we have a high divorce rate the world over and broken families. Sigmund Freud at the end of his life, and studying people for his whole life, summed people up quite well.

    ‘They think trash, and therefore become it.’ …Well I am saying that now, as an extention of Feud’s life’s work.

    Serious legislation is require to change the “trash-thinking”, and then people after a few generations will become good people again, and because we are supposedly evolving, we can actually legislate this time round to IMPROVE upon the olden days so as not to repeat the mistakes of the olden days.

  101. julie says:

    But I’ve heard so many lies and half truths from Kiwi women over decades there that I don’t buy into Blah’s sob story of being the wronged party at the hands of your ex-husband as you describe him.

    Now, now. I didn’t write something to bring women to you so you could throw stones at them when they open up and are vulnerable. Of course her ex will have looked at the situation through HIS eyes just as all men will have exes looking through HER eyes.

    Therefore I’ll start believing all this ‘I’m a reasonable co-parent who only wants the best for my child/ren’ stuff when I see women demonstrating (as in with placards outside family caughts and writing snotty letters to MPs etc).
    Until then its just a continuation of female words without action.

    Rolls eyes.

  102. John Dutchie says:

    Reply to Julie

    Tongue in Cheek on your ‘Rolls eyes.’ …Yeah I know exactly what you mean Julie, after overhearing as in, been discussed by a group Kiwi Femi Nazi Feminists approximately two years ago ….!!!

    It was about ‘that All Men should be put into Prison for at least three months, as part of an ‘atonement’ for what all we ‘Evil Men’ have done to all the Woman of New Zealand..How F@#k up is that Julie…Are you ‘Rolling your Eyes’ on that one ….Julie..My Jaw virtually hit the floor after hearing that one….!!!!

    And I will say this Julie, thank God my Son is engaged to a wonderful,and as in a strong ‘Femininity’ Asia/India Lady….Not to a Kiwi Femi Nazi Feminist Woman..

    Kind regards John Dutchie

  103. Hans Laven says:

    Mary Poppins: Children benefit from having full, active relationships with their fathers. Your attitude as portrayed here is an alienating one, and certainly there is no evidence of supporting or encouraging your children’s relationship with their father. You came to MENZ initially to justify your own plan to take full advantage of NZ’s father-exploitation tax affectionately called child support. You now parade your own denigration and neglect of your children’s father’s role in their lives. Do you expect that men on a site called MENZ would support you in this?

    Reading some of your posts, I expect it would be difficult for your children’s father to maintain his contact with them because that would mean dealing with you and the heartache of seeing the psychological damage you are doing to your children through your paranoid beliefs and behaviours.

    My intention is not to be hurtful. I really encourage you to talk to a skilled counsellor about your situation. What you are bringing here is not helpful to us or to you.

  104. Mary Poppins : says:

    What has been psychologically damaging to my children is to have their father not have 1 but 8 girl-friends. To wake up again and again, and not be “happy” is self-indulgent trash thinking, and trash behaviour. And I am happy that he has chosen NOT to expose them anymore to his trash-choices.

    And yes, when my husband started this trash-thinking, he most likely could see it in my eyes that I thought he was trash.

    When I remained silent, he still went into a rage, because he knew his own truth. I didn’t have to say a word.

    I use to manage Mental Health homes, and took the highest accident/incident rate and turned it around into the lowest accident/incident rate in the district via Policy and Transparent processes. My success came from focussing only 25% on the clients bahvioural modification plans and 75% on the staff, and there was my point of difference.

    I am skilled, and so was Sigmund Freud. Humans are only self-indulgent trash, because the systems in place enable their trash-thinking.

  105. Mary Poppins : says:

    John Dutchie has supported me:

    John Dutchie says:
    Sun 4th April 2010 at 8:53 am
    Reply to Mary

    ‘the back-bone of our country,the family-unit’…..That is the only sensible statement you have said so far,on the ‘Menz’ forum site ,Mary…You won’t get a argument out on that one,just this once….L.O.L

    Kind regards John Dutchie

    Humans make poor choices, and hence serious legislation is the only answer.

  106. Mary Poppins : says:

    And that is where the big problem is, no one including the Police Minister is interested in focusing just on the statistics and turning the statistics around. Because people are simply self-indulgent: make excuses, play the blame-game and don’t even try to get results…. And that’s why we have double the violence rate of Australia, and have the worst murder rate for a developed country… Because of pure self-indulgent thinking from the top-down.

  107. julie says:

    Reply to John Dutchie,

    There’s no need to challenge me. 🙂

    I think I’m burnt out and had enough of all this.

    It’s really sad you overheard women saying what they did. I roll my eyes to that too. Let’s hope they don’t get to run the country.

  108. Hans Laven says:

    Your children’s father does not have to meet your approval to be their father; it’s too late to make that choice. Your children have a right to be influenced by their father for better and for worse; to deprive them of the positive things he has to offer is to damage their futures. It is not up to you to decide upon the standards a father must meet before you will respect his role. He probably has as many criticisms of your behaviour, wisdom and morality as you have of his, but would you think it ok for him to be the judge and to enforce his judgement of whether you’re good enough to have contact with and to influence your children? Only if there is good evidence that a parent is breaching the law in a way that would cause serious harm to children can it be justified for one parent to disrupt or fail to support the children’s contact with the other parent.

  109. Scott B says:

    Sadly Hans in the family court they have the same attitude as Mary Mary unbelievably contrary!

  110. Mary Poppins : says:

    @Hans,
    My husband has always bagged me from the start. This was his preparation/strategy, FROM THE START, so that Society wouldn’t bag him for his self-indulgent choices. Now, because I am not going to be self-indulgent and go into the details as before, I will get straight to the point.

    Currently there is alot of “he said/she said” both in the Family court and out of the family court, and it is “trash-talk”, and it is enabled and enabled and enabled, by the lawyers, Judges and it is a waste of time…. but it does make some people alot of money.

    Hence the trash talk needs to be ignored/stopped now, and serious legislation put in place.

    I agree, with your statement that “Your children’s father does not have to meet your approval to be their father; it’s too late to make that choice. Your children have a right to be influenced by their father for better and for worse; to deprive them of the positive things he has to offer is to damage their futures. It is not up to you to decide upon the standards a father must meet before you will respect his role.”

    Maybe he has chosen to finally remove himself from the children’s lives because he has decided to do the right thing, because he is no longer in denial about crossing the line. The only reason I didn’t shut the door on his face or call the Police (because he has evidenced what a danger he is to myself and the children), was because he was going to Kabul, Afghanistan, and hence why he had come back to organise the re-writing of his will, and IRD etc. If he admitted to what he had done, and got counselling, which would have been a waste of time, since what he did was simply pre-meditated, then maybe…I actually have more respect for him now, because he has chosen to remove himself. He hasn’t tried to get access through the courts. He hasn’t tried.

    The point is “he said/she said” has not been working, and violence has increased BECAUSE of the current status quo. The status quo enabled my husband to make the trash-choices that he made. His happiness was more important, than his children.

    And people around the world wake up daily, and say “I’m not happy… I want out” and hence we have the high divorce rate, broken families and violence and murders galore.

  111. Scott B says:

    Such a victim!

  112. Skeptik says:

    Julie wrote –

    Now, now. I didn’t write something to bring women to you so you could throw stones at them when they open up and are vulnerable. Of course her ex will have looked at the situation through HIS eyes just as all men will have exes looking through HER eyes.

    I’m disappointed with that response Julie. I stand by everything I wrote about Blah.
    As Hans has wisely pointed out a typical feminist tactic is to counter FACTS with so called personal anecdote so that their ‘truth’ can’t be challenged without being accused of being insensitive and not hearing them etc.
    I see I made the same mistake with my comments along the lines of …..”in my experience”.
    However I guess I can be forgiven for that seeing as this website is as it’s banner says for

    promoting a clearer understanding of men’s experience

    But I can do this the facts way instead anyway. Here goes……

    The FACT is Blah didn’t share any of her ex’s experience – only her opinion of him and her version of events. Nor did Blah direct her ex to this site so he could represent himself.

    The FACT is an increasing number of men have lost faith in women as they consciousness raise how they also were the victim of a woman/women’s false allegation/s and other manipulations.

    The FACT is feminism itself has been analyzed by an increasing number of men who have concluded that it’s premises amount to one huge false allegation.

    The FACT is that apart from the very rare exception modern day western women know that under feminist hegemony they have the upper hand in issues regarding domestic violence and family law.

    The FACT is that despite such knowledge we DO NOT SEE MASSES OF NZ WOMEN PROTESTING THAT men are treated as second class citizens but rather basking in their privilege instead. We do however see some NZ women get clearly upset and defensive when a Kiwi man/men states they feel unsupported and downtrodden by NZ womanhood in light of NZ womanhood’s apathy.

    The FACT is Blah has on this website expressed these things (QUOTE)
    “I will put you out of your misery. I am a bloody good shot and I’ll help you ease your pain!!”
    “Get a real job the lot of you and grow the f**k up!”
    “you lot are all f**cked in the head literally!! ”
    “Im bloody proud that he aint like you sad sacks of shit!!”
    “And ill give you bloody crude and condescending you whining f**cken baby!!”
    “As for you Julie you gay piece of shit!! You can go sit on it and rotate!!”
    “Julie your mother should kick your arse”
    “Oh p.s. dickheads whats the meaning of a feminist??”
    “I have to put bullets into a heard of 250 hungry cows. (scratching my balls feeling proud)”

    >So that’s the FACTUAL context Julie and now I have some questions for you –

    1. Given the facts do you really expect me to believe Blah isn’t simply demonizing her ex by describing him as she does, then asking for sympathy for her views based on a one-sided account of events?

    2. If you put yourself in a NZ man’s shoes for a moment and try to empathize would you feel so trusting towards NZ women as to believe Blah’s version of her ex without question?

    3. You mention that Blah makes herself vulnerable coming to this site and posting.
    Do you not realize that we ALL make ourselves emotionally vulnerable coming to this sight and posting repeatedly?

    4.Do you not realize that ONLY mentioning Blah’s vulnerability makes men’s vulnerability unacknowledged and invisible, and therefore seems like it’s dismissive of men’s experience and feelings?

    5. Do you realize that comments like “now, now” may come across as smarmy and condescending and look like you’re trying to shut down a conversation?

    6. Isn’t it the case that you’re personally disappointed that my level of trust in Kiwi women is so low?

    I’m aware I’ve challenged you before several times and you’ve wiggled and wriggled and wriggled in the face of questions you were uncomfortable answering – and so you wrote screeds of rationalizations, denials and tried numerous times to just ignore the questions and change the topic. Deny it and I’ll pull examples out of historic threads.
    Eventually though after being challenged on those behaviors (which I can tell you was sometimes onerously like pulling teeth) you answered the questions and grew emotionally and intellectually. You even thanked me for being a mentor and challenging you.
    This time you may be tempted to go back to old patterns, but you know by now that I’ll challenge everything that seems like avoidance and whitewashing. You also know I’ll challenge any feminists and chivalrists who reflexively come to your defense in knee~jerk reaction.
    So I invite you to find a place free from distractions and take some time where you can be reflective and sit with my words.
    I welcome you responding rather than reacting.

  113. Skeptik says:

    Mary Poppins,
    So your child’s first sentence was “We are a family” eh?
    Did he then go onto solving some quantum physics and potty train himself by day two?

    So your ex (QUOTE) “had just come to negotiate half of what IRD had assessed him for”
    But hang on a moment he also spent time with the kids(QUOTE) “the kids dragged out all their certificates, and all their models they had been working on, and their art-work, and asked him a million questions, and they had a great time.

    You start your post with an incredible fabrication, then follow on with a denigration of a man on a website for –

    – promoting a clearer understanding of men’s experience –

    Wow! that’s some bubble your in.

  114. Hans Laven says:

    I agree Skeptic. Unfortunately, we are at a point where we need to challenge and sometimes to moderate the involvement mainly of what appear to be women contributing here, to limit the destruction they wreak. It certainly seems strange, and I wouldn’t have predicted it, that when women join the MENZ discussions their contributions so often cause damage and distraction, even when on the surface they appear to be supportive of the cause. Is it just the tendency of people to defend their own privileges when it comes to the crunch, or is it something more fundamental about the ways men and women think and behave?

  115. Scott B says:

    I’m beginning to think mary doesn’t even have kids!

  116. Hans Laven says:

    Yes, Scott B. If she does have kids then how does she find the time to waste our time with so many long, irrelevant writings?

  117. John Dutchie says:

    Reply to Julie

    Firstly….Sorry, that you feel burnt out

    Secondly…Julie, I not challenging you..far from it..And I do appreciate all your effort here on Menz…and I on the whole,I do enjoy reading your posts….

    ‘Just stirring the Pot’ in a humorous way Julie …So could you kindly put down that lethal Frying Pan that you are clenching in your hand…..See, I can pay a sincere compliment to a Kiwi Lady….

    Thirdly.. With your statement Julie… ‘Let’s hope they don’t get to run the country.’…
    Personally with the previous Feminist Government of nine years I reckon there were some Feminist politicians that if they could have, they would have…

    Have a great Day with your Family Julie…Kind regards John Dutchie

  118. Mary Poppins : says:

    Sorry Typo: Rupert Murdoch. He basically owns the Fijitimes as well, and hence why the Chinese invasion has already started in Fiji… It’s all about forward-planning with the Chinese.

    Mary does have children and we have been doing the Easter Bunny thing since 6.30am this morning, and I already have been on two Easter trails today. Mary’s children are only 18 months apart, and since Mary is well trained in behavioural modification techniques, and hence has never had to smack her children, they are busy all day from dawn to dusk. Mary is sorting out pathways, and hence does her research in between, and they are very creative, 24/7…. painting, trampolining, sword fighting, and my daughter is writing a book, and has written alot of poetry, but if I pasted it here, no doubt some might get upset… Anyway you are right Mary has spent too much time here and will go, for a week, in fact.

  119. Scott B says:

    I want to be as perfect as Mary!

  120. Mary Poppins : says:

    No, my husband’s mother was the perfect one, who stayed with us 12 times in 1 year, and whom my husband adores. Now his sister is dieing of cancer, who lived only but a street away from the beloved mother, and I know that that could have been me, so I’m happy that we live in our safe and happy bubble, and my husband is happy in Kabul Afghanistan, which is exactly where he wants to be…. and so we are all happy. Yes, this is a very good site. Thanks guys. See you in a week.

  121. Scott B says:

    Did I just see a white ant run by?

  122. Skeptik says:

    Reply to Hans @18.
    Thanks Hans.
    I respect your thinking allot so it comes as welcome news when you post an agreement with me here.
    Here’s what I suspect is happening –
    We have indeed reached some kind of pivotal moment. A tipping point you might say.

    From what I can see it is finally becoming clear to feminists that NZ womanhood itself is being increasingly challenged as it is seen as terribly outmoded, hugely over-privileged and destructive.
    In essence we, the growing numbers of MRAs (both men and women) are asking, nay demanding the remaking of NZ womanhood.
    That’s a huge step forward.
    We’ve gone from defense to attack. We’re now setting the agenda instead of reacting to an agenda being set for us.
    In essence we’re saying come on, bring it on sisters and chivalrists, we’re not afraid of you, in fact we welcome you’re engagement so we can educate you about what it’s really like to be a male human being these days.
    In the process we’re also connecting with men globally and through the internet pooling together our local knowledge with that from other parts of the globe to consciousness raise at that level too.

    in the face of all this call for NZ womanhood to change the more bold feminist women (although they don’t call themselves that) are coming online where we’re witnessing their hysterical misandric online clamoring attempts to try and close down men’s conversation with each other and respectful conscionable women.
    Even women who come online with comments that are supportive of Men’s Rights seem occasionally confused as they get pinged for every slippage back into old ways of thinking and being that marginalize and oppress males.
    Many of the old feminine wiles are on display being used to try and distract men from their issues – using stupid comments, making inflammatory false accusations, distortions, rationalizations, minimizing comments, deliberately ignoring men, switching the subject to women’s issues, using personal conjecture instead of fact to butress their arguments and agendas, trying to set men against each other to divide and conquer etc.

    And what’s remarkable is …..

    they’re failing….

    And not only that there are LOADS of people visiting this site who are witnessing that failure….

    So they’re failing publicly and it’s humiliating.
    It’s very difficult to be told you’re wrong, you don’t understand me and other men, You’ve bought into the idea that your sex is the gentler, more nurturing sex, you think your supportive and sensitive but the reality is your self centered and unempathic.

    Meanwhile in the background NZ womanhood (which knows it is horribly over privileged at men’s expense) is so far remaining steadfastly passive aggressive and saying nothing, acting as though if they stay still the approaching juggernaut of more and more men (and female allies demanding equal rights for men won’t metaphorically hit them.
    Such denial of the fact that increasing numbers of emboldened men are calling them to account and demanding that they change and become male sensitive, male inclusive, really independent adults, true equals instead of pseudo equals!

    I imagine the vast majority of NZ women will be quietly terrified that they are being told to change or expect increasing numbers of men to fight them rather than pander to them as weak parents do pandering to spoilt kids.
    I can empathise with their plight, but do not sympathise.
    As I see it our job now as men is to hold firm supporting and challenging one another to not slip back in chivalric ways which dis-empower us. This will encourage more and more men and conscionable women to join the drive for long overdue Men’s Rights. It will also be the place where feminist try to drive a wedge, but my sense is this time that won’t work hence there will if anything be an increase in the traffic of confused, argumentative feminists (mostly women) visiting our site.
    Welcome to the new landscape.
    Your thoughts?

  123. Skeptik says:

    Blah,
    I agree with your statement –

    quote) – some women think they can use children as bait, and targets when it comes to controlling the fathers.

    What do you think could and should be done to stop NZ women being able to use children in such a manner?

  124. Hans Laven says:

    Astute analysis Skeptic, and optimistic! Yes, it has struck me also that the feminist juggernaut is nowadays frequently hiding from challenges, simply ignoring them from its fairly comfortable position of power. I recently wrote a letter to the Human Rights Commission objecting to a giant “Mate, show you’re against violence towards women” poster they had displayed in their reception area. I have had no reply whatsoever, and I will follow up soon with more correspondence as well as publishing my original letter here. When replies are forthcoming from Ministers of Parliament or from organisations captured by feminist ideology, those replies are usually little more than trite, patronizing slogans with no attempt to defend themselves against the basis of the challenge.

    Feminist ideology has captured so many corridors of power including global organisations such as World Health Organisation and the U.N., that feminists now believe their power is unassailable. But such arrogant complacency will be their weakness.

    (One can understand the temptation for global organisations to buy into feminist propaganda because the low status of women in many counties clearly deserves to be challenged and improved, and feminist ideology has been an effective vehicle for doing so in the west. But such change could be brought about more soundly, if perhaps more slowly, through honourable and honest means. The unintended consequences of applying dishonest ideology and subverted science take some time to emerge but those consequences are what men are now fighting in western societies.)

  125. John Dutchie says:

    Reply to Hans

    Hans, there is another advert on Television,and in my opinion… I find quite ‘one sided’ and Gender bias…Its called…. ‘Never shake a Baby ‘…And guess who is,the so ‘villain’ with the so called angry demeanor,as per usual ….The Father….

    Kind regards John Dutchie

  126. Skeptik says:

    Hans,
    Thanks for your reply and affirmation.
    I can totally relate to your situation with the Human Rights Commission.
    Some years ago I wrote to them complaining after complaining to the (female) manager at Whittcoulls bookshop in Central Auckland – the largest bookshop in NZ.
    I spelt out to the HRC how in the bookshop there was a book entitled
    “All men are Bastards (and that’s all they are)” placed right next to the children’s section of the store. It had even been positioned so that it was at the eye level of children rather than adults.
    I got a response from the HRC that it was outside of their jurisdiction to deal with such matters and I should take my complaint to another organization (who’s name escapes me right now) which deals with media matters.
    A few years prior to that I was a cleaner at university and happened to go into a university student counseling room as instructed to clean it. The room door was covered in feminist post-cards such as equating women’s position with that of blacks in South Africa, siterhood is global etc.
    Inside the room itself the walls were covered in posters which carried the theme even further. There were A3 sized cartoons. One poster had an two aliens in a spaceship looking down on planet earth. One alien saying to the other – “is there any intelligent life down there?” the other alien replying “the one’s with brains seem intelligent, I’m not so sure about the ones with testicles”. After making an appointment to see the counseling co-coordinator (a woman)and the counselor in question. Both staunchly defended the counselors behavior. The counselor went further and accused me of snooping at files she had strewn around her office on various surfaces (she was a lazy sloppy counselor too who didn’t know that it’s ethical practice to lock sensitive client files away in a filing cabinet before going home for the day!)
    I wrote to the Vice Chancelor who I later heard quietly got rid of her from the counseling services.
    A short while after that I heard from a fellow student that she’d moved on to another job position – at the Human Rights Commission!!!
    So, you see, my only experience of HRC is of it being an organization that has been ideologically captured by feminists. Not only that but I know for sure they are well connected with feminists embedded within all the institutions of power within NZ – academia, media, justice system, social services, police etc. However that’s for another posting.
    To bring this back full circle to the topic of the thread – when I told my father about this he couldn’t believe it. He was pissed off that he’s served during the entire cold war period to protect a countries such as NZ which had ended up so corrupt.

  127. Mary Poppins : says:

    @Skeptik, regarding why? the “ex” came back recently
    @Skeptik says
    “Mary Poppins,
    So your child’s first sentence was “We are a family” eh?
    Did he then go onto solving some quantum physics and potty train himself by day two?”

    Yes, Skeptik, his first sentence was “We are a family”. He has “articulation processing disorder” as a result of trauma lived through on New Years day, 3 years ago. He is a late developer, language wise, but is making good progress, in maths. They don’t do quantam physics yet, but I know he will have no problems there. And since I diagnosed himself, and therefore have been able to address his deficits, his language skills will get there in the end. He was unfortunately at that important developmental cognitive milestone, that the others had already gotten past, and hence their articulation skills were not impaired that day. He also gets state-funded speech therapy, so I am pretty lucky that the state is taking responsibility for my ex’s violent actions.

    @ Skeptik says:
    “So your ex (QUOTE) “had just come to negotiate half of what IRD had assessed him for”
    But hang on a moment he also spent time with the kids(QUOTE) “the kids dragged out all their certificates, and all their models they had been working on, and their art-work, and asked him a million questions, and they had a great time.
    You start your post with an incredible fabrication, then follow on with a denigration of a man on a website for —
    – promoting a clearer understanding of men’s experience –
    Wow! that’s some bubble your in.”

    @Skeptic, why he was allowed entry into the bubble at all:
    The first thing he said very quickly when he saw my alarmed face, was that he was going to Afghansistan shortly, and they he wanted to see the kids before he went. I knew he wasn’t lieing about Afghanistan, because we have both worked on similar projects before, and I knew this was an opportunity he would jump at, especially if there was alot of money in it.
    So for that reason only, I listened to his next sentence and the next….

    But, I didn’t consider his wishes for a moment. I only considered the possibility of a lost opportunity for the kids. I also considered the drama/trauma of the legal and Police action he was threatening if I did not comply. I also considered the court order in place that was getting actioned obviously, and the fact that his Police buddies had assisted him before.

    And yes, at first the kids looked to me for guidance, and at first the boys said “no” to seeing their father when I picked them up from school. My daughter had already started walking home, so she hadn’t had the advantage of the warning, and instead reacted with “Who are you?” My ex, who refused to give me my annullment, and hence most likely divorce is the only option now, looked to me, and replied he had almost expected that sort of response from our daughter.

    I made a special afternoon tea, and I made a special dinner, and let the children have the floor, and they took the floor. When it was time for bed, the boys asked their father where he was staying. He said nothing. I said nothing. They said he could sleep on the couch (behind our locked doors). They all gave him hugs and kisses good night. After they went to bed I got all the movies sorted for him to copy over onto his computer. In between copying, he told me how amazed at how smart our oldest boy was, and how good he was at Chess, and how our 7 year old had genuinely bet him a few times on some of the other strategy games. He had been taken aback by some of their questions, and commented on how they were also somewhat precocious. I said nothing. In between copying over folders, we small-talked about Afghanistan, and he told me about his girl-friend’s family being hypocritical… and he caught me up with developments in Fiji, and how he had become involved with the new project… and in between copying folders,
    …. I made up his bed on the couch, and he kissed me on the back of the neck, and told me how odd it was to be here with his wife again. I have not used his name for 3 years. He kissed every inch of my neck and back, my back-side, and very inch of my entire body. And he whispered hot breathe and talk between the kisses and the intimate exchanges, and he kept saying how proud he was of the children, and what great kids they had become. He was more intimate with me than he had ever been before. He didn’t f__k me at all. At the end he masturbated, telling me he was this time, in a committed relationship. That this time, it was different. I said nothing, and thanked him for the pleasures, and was happy that I was still celibate, and that he was finally happy (and then of course I came on this site weeks and weeks later, and vented like trash, just like everyone else does on this site).

    The next day, he told me that he was stunned that I said “I didn’t know”, when he had been telling me in between the kisses how much he cared for me, and that he had never stopped caring for me. All I saw the entire whole time, was that day in the swimming pool, and I forced myself to keep “safety” at the forefront of my consciousness. He had kicked down two locked doors before, and had held a hammer to my head, after smashing every telephone up in the house with that same hammer. This time I had clarity of thought, and I knew his every move, and knew his every reaction, and I let him fill the space.

    I also knew that the top Cop of the area knew that he was in my house, and that court-orders had purposely not been enforced… but that’s another story…. I know that they had wanted me to call. But this time, I did have amazing clarity of thought. I even surprised myself. In fact, I think the cops were the only ones that did get f__kd that night, but unfortunately for me they never give up, and hence life in the bubble.

    At one point he had stopped kissing me, and had asked for an answer. “You do know that I care for you?” I said nothing, and he asked again. I told him the ONLY truth that I was to tell him that entire night (because I had been saying very little that day and night anyway). I said, “No, I don’t know.” And he reiterated the words again, and doubled up on the intimacy. But know he didn’t f__k me at all this time, not physically, and not mentally. I believe he felt very proud of himself. He believed he had been faithful for once to his current true love.

    Just before he left, he gave me a long hug and a kiss, and then pulled me back for another long long hug and many kisses, and then he said, as he was driving off, “yes, we must get around to that divorce some day, but no he didn’t f__k me at all this time.

    He also had said that the company paid for a trip to anywhere in the world, once every 12 weeks, and that he would see all of Europe while on this contract.

    He said perhaps he would see the kids in a year. He didn’t know when, but it would probably be when he saw his mother etc., and his sister, if she was still alive at Xmas.

    Little boys adore their mothers until their mothers break their hearts. Some mothers don’t break their son’s hearts. My husband’s mother broke his heart, except he chooses not to know it.

    I choose not, to break my sons hearts ever again. My sons forgave me for not making their father sleep on the couch, but next time they may not be so forgiving. Next time, it just might break their hearts. I choose not to break my sons hearts, and I choose for them to not wake up randomly one day, and say “I am not happy.”

    My boys aren’t trash. Perhaps I still am.

    Yes Skeptic, THEY had a great time, and THEY, the kids have never mentioned their father since.

    When you wake up each day, or even say to yourself right now, “I am not happy because I have to pay child tax.” Just cut the sentence short and DON’T say “I am not happy”. Say “I am trash, because I choose to be trash”, and then you will be motivated to change your thinking, and then one day, you will just realise there is so much more to life than being self-indulgent.

    If your ex isn’t letting you see the kids, and making you pay “child tax”, just wake up differently tomorrow. Maybe start a new political party advocating for Mary’s suggested new legislation, for a move back to the olden days, when people weren’t allowed or ENABLED to be self-indulgent. Or just say, “Today, I am not going to be trash.”

  128. tren Christchurch says:

    Hi Blah,
    Your actions with regard letting your ex to have a normal relationship with your child are to be commended. That is great. Here we are not against women. Nor do we think that when a relationship goes sour it is the fault of the woman all the time. No there are bad partners in both sexes. What hurts us and turn ourselves upside down is the Family Court ways of intervening in a couple and their children lives. In nearly all cases the woman gets everything and the husband nothing (even his kids). His life now is regimented by a lawyer, a judge and an ird officer. I challenge you if you want to find out to go to the family court and ask for help. They will show you how. I warn you: you will ruin the life of your daughter.

  129. Skeptik says:

    Mary Poppins,
    I don’t have the time, interest or patience to read your latest lengthy diatribe.
    I’ve got better things to do as you’ll discover where I put my energy into on these threads.

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