BOOK by custodial dad – Game Plan to secure equal rights for dads in court
Aloha John…great site!!!
…just a quick question, ever wondered why so few dads are granted joint custody, much less sole? it’s really no mystery…makes perfect sense.
I want to invite your readers to my website, www.imadadmom.com … a 52 chapter how-to book on singleparenting specifically for dads. It’s the first ever book of such detail written by a custodial dad, not some woman or psych or doctor without a clue.
Is the problem in courts anti-dad bias?
What is the meaning of the term “A Judge’s presumption of ignorance and incapability“?
How can you fight this beast, increasing your chance of joint, and even sole?
The key is knowledge of what is expected of you as a potential custodial or joint parent. Most dads walk into court totally clueless as to what a judge is looking for.
Life after divorce is a totally different animal, especially for the kids, and if the judge sees that you don’t have a serious game plan to deal with all these critical issues and needs coming up, you’re dead. Find out why DadMom should be required reading for every dad before marching into court…and how he will greatly impress the judge.
Here’s my promise…if after you have read DadMom, you don’t gain at least joint, I will double your money back on the book. My word. Don’t go into battle naked. Read the book and you will be armed for a damn good fight.
Knowledge is power…the judge will see that plain as day. For dads with custody, DadMom is your roadmap to a successful journey, helping you build that stable and happy home for years to come…and helping you avoid costly mistakes…I should know…that’s why I wrote it… to help dads have an easier go at it.
FATHERSEMPOWERED!
Let’s all win. Aloha, Dave Crowley.
Wow! A bold claim Dave.
I wish you success in helping dads in NZ to take on it’s family court system. A huge ask.
For I find it difficult to see how an inherantly adversarial and insular feminist bastion can be toppled without major, major reformation. And I don’t see that happening without a significant change in family policy in NZ. Reading your website’s blurb I don’t see anything about bringing that sort of political change about about, only well meaning stuff about influencing judges. Still good luck with supporting a moer fatherful NZ.
Stephen Gee.
Comment by Stephen — Fri 4th March 2005 @ 6:52 pm
As someone who as a young child found myself torn between a mum who *did* know how to parent and a dad who didn’t (to a frightening degree), I have to say that this is a great idea! It would be much better for the kids if the dads knew what they were doing. Knowledge of what is expected of you as a parent benefits the dad in the courts and also the children in the home.
There needs to be more focus on developing parenting skills (and promoting joint parenting before divorce, not just after it) in the NZ men’s movement to convince sceptics like me.
Comment by Livus — Mon 7th March 2005 @ 11:30 am
I have a brother-in-law in the USA who is a family court judge, every 4 years he is up for re-election he is really carefull to give joint custody. For many judges are voted out if they are found to be biased against fathers on the basis of gender. This was discussed on bloke power 2001 january. This is going to become a plank in the Aotearoa Republican Party’s platform for 2005 election
Comment by Rick Hayward — Tue 8th March 2005 @ 9:31 am
Livus,
Sorry to hear about your experience with your Dad.
However there’s also much evidence around these days in our social science research libraries that most child abuse is actually perpetrated by mothers (see Stuart Birks website). I’m not making a case here for either mothers or fathers being worse parents mind you. I just think it figures as mothers are the ones that currently do most of the hands on parenting and so stuff it up the most.
The point I wish to make is that I feel sad seeing so many fathers worldwide, so often cruelly and unfairly lambasted as being unworthy as parents, and thereby barred from taking a more hands on role in parenting thier kids then getting your sceptical treatment.
I challenge you to think about your statement that only your Mum knew how to parent you. I for one simply don’t buy it. As I believe that choosing a husband who has good parenting skills IS ITSELF part of having good parenting skills. Have poor parental judgement in that area, make a lousy choice as to who’s going to be the father, and you end up producing someone who down the line is deeply disappointed and lacks trust in fathers per se.
Add to that the recent and ongoing terrible levels of father-bashing producing the need for many fathers initiatives worldwide including a Men’s Convoy to NZ’s Parliament – and what you’ve got seems to me ironic and doubly sad.
Kind regards
Stephen Gee.
Comment by Stephen — Tue 8th March 2005 @ 2:42 pm
I would like to tell a story about what I found is required to be a Dad.
In 1971 I married, and set out to raise a family, the same way that my dad had done before me.
After a few years, I had four fine children, a boy, a girl, another boy and another girl..
I was the only earner, so we didn’t have much money. I took them each to Playcentre, Kindy, School, Crippled Children’s Kindy (for my youngest). I changed nappies, fed them taught them to read and write, how to build tree-huts, tin canoes, make bikes, to cook and clean, all sorts of things. My wife also needed a lot of attention, and was always complaining about this and that.
After 22 years, I became tired and burnt out, (they called it depression) and I couldn’t work at that time. Naturally, my wife asked me to leave, as I was no further use, and made allegations that I had been abusing my youngest daughter, as was the fashion at the time. . I was then homeless, jobless and unemployed. It was then that I discovered ANGER!!!! I AM A DAD! I HAVE A DUTY TO LOVE MY CHILDREN! MY CHILDREN ARE BEING DESTROYED BY THESE MORONS WHO ARE TRYING TO DETROY MY PARENTING RELATIONSHIP!!
The ANGER was so intense, hot and fierce- that I realized that I would have to make some decisions on where it was going to take me!
Decision 1 MY CHILDREN HAD TO KNOW THAT I LOVED THEM.
Decision 2After all the Court battles and the Supervised Access had ended, my youngest daughter asked me to take her to a Creative writing class. We did this for five years, after which she had become a published author, and had won major literary prizes. Because of her interests and abilities I encouraged her to go to University, where got a degree in Science and Computer studies, got a good job to pay all her debts, became a world reknown expert in her field, and has now gained a cadetship at CERN, the world’s leading Scientific Institute. There is a similar story about my eldest son, who was thrown out at the same time as I was. I now have a new and prosperous life, he has emulated me and we share interests in many things.
The other two children have rejected me, and stick close to their mother. All three are ill, physically and mentally. All three live on State benefits. All three blame me for all their problems. One of them, my other daughter, has 5 children to various fathers, and the children are all in different foster homes.
I think I did my job as a Father!
I wish my children had had a better mother.
I hope one day I could be a Grandfather.
I hope my mother will live to see her great-grandchildren.
I feel sorry for people who have no respect for fathers, I wish they would seek to heal their own hurts, instead of inflicting their hurt onto fathers and their families.
Comment by John — Wed 9th March 2005 @ 4:54 pm
Oops- posted that last story accidently before it was complete.
I neede to say that
DECISION 2 was IT WOULD BE WRONG TO TRY TO GET REVENGE ON MY EX-WIFE OR ANYONE ELSE.
This actually turned out to be the cruelest thing I have ever done- she has spent many years since in finding ways of attacking me, and being unable inflict any pain on me, or get any response or reaction. I believe she has poisoned herself and her whole life with her poison that she used to pump into me.
Comment by John — Wed 9th March 2005 @ 5:02 pm
Hello I try to look up the book on web side and was not able to can you sugest something becouse I m in sydney and just going trough family court about parenting residence of my daughter Hannah
Comment by jozef janotka — Thu 10th March 2005 @ 7:22 pm
Jozef –
in Sydney you can get professional mediation assistance from Michael Green. On another site, Michael also maintains a list of local father’s support organisations – I recomend you make contact with one.Michael retired in 2009, and has shut down both his websites.Comment by JohnP — Mon 14th March 2005 @ 3:29 pm
Stephen – I find it interesting that you “challenge” me rather than listen to the facts about my life. Are you trying to suggest that you know more about my life than I do? I find your attitude peculiar and overly defensive.
I spent many weekends with my father in his sole custody. I am not claiming he was abusive, I am merely saying that he didn’t know how to basically parent, eg how to feed children proper food, provide medical attention for illness or emergency, or give proper supervision (even to the legal standards in this country). In this way he jeopardised our health and safety even though he loved us very much.
My mother married a nice man who lacked skills traditionally seen as “women’s work” and they had a traditional relationship where she took care ofthe kids. This was not one woman’s “poor judgement”, it was what our society thought was normal at the time. It was the “poor judgement” of western civilisation.
You know, this is what bothers me about you men’s movement types. Instead of acknowleging that our society needs to change and men need to expand roles, you prefer to take it to a personal level, point the finger at mothers and women in general, and display anger and hostility at anyone who questions you.
Men in New Zealand need help and they need healing. We need a more fair society where those of you who want to parent will be encouraged to have the skills, support and resources, so you can walk the walk, not just talk the talk.
Women need to work WITH men to achieve this! Don’t push us away!
Comment by Livus — Wed 6th July 2005 @ 12:29 am