Bigotry is a magnet.
In the late 70’s I was living in London when the National Front (An extreme right wing political party right) marched through central London. As I photographed some of the marchers I observed that a lot of them were young and angry, however my lens captured an old lady that looked as sweet as they can be. After the march finished I approached her and introduced myself. She was very pleasant so I asked her why she was marching. She spent the next hour telling me a horrific story. Idi Amin, ex president and despot of Uganda had expelled thousands of Ugandan Asians and as most of these had British passports they arrived on British Shores. Massive social upheaval occurred particularly in London where most of them wanted to settle.
This old ladies anger had two dimensions to it. Her sons were all on a waiting list for council homes and were living in atrocious conditions for two years. Just when they were due for consideration they were put to the back of the waiting list and the immigrants were jumped to the front. One of her sons had committed suicide shortly after.
If that wasn’t bad enough she continued with her story of misery. One of her granddaughters was viciously raped and left for dead by an Asian immigrant from Uganda. He was caught and charged but his light sentence reflected the States acceptance that he had been through hell in Uganda and was not fully in possession of his faculties at the time.
I empathised with this ladies pain and understood why bigotry can get such a big hold in people’s lives. She said she could forgive if she felt that all had been done to stop it from happening to others. Every time she saw a black person she had anxiety attacks. In London that would mean a constant state of tension. The only way she could see change was to stop all immigration whatever their colour. Her anger and grief had blinded her to the fact that she was supporting a party that would, if it got into power, create far greater pain and misery for society at large.
I tell this story because three and a half years ago my life as I knew it was shattered. Every day I struggle to trust that my property and child are safe. I know that there are laws that are suppose to protect me and my child but have learnt that they in fact do not.
There is a subtext to all law that eliminates us from all being treated as equal. The Female of the species has become an elitist gender. I cannot go into detail regarding the facts and should you require them you will have to wait for my book.
One thing I do know……if you empathise with my plight from having been there your self, think beyond revenge and short term solutions.
I found this is a very thoughtful post which goes to the heart of a matter we have to think about carefully if we ever want to succeed in bringing about change. As you say, though our anger and fear concerning what has become of our children may be legitimate, any appearance of bigotry or extremism on our part will dissuade the majority of people from syupporting us.
Not only that, but if we did succeed in bringing about a bigoted or unfair type of change, then we would have created a worse society than that which already exists.
Somehow the dads movement (if it can be called that) has to find ways to connect reasonably well with the mainstream of society, and not only expect society to come around to seeing things our way. This topic is closely connected of course to the thread of discussion that’s going on under John F Smith’s post: “Is Bad Press Better than No Press?”.
Comment by PaulM — Tue 30th May 2006 @ 2:37 pm
Triassic,
Excellent post.
Comment by julie — Tue 30th May 2006 @ 5:28 pm
Thinking beyond revenge and accepting no short term outcomes are possible is fact in my case, and is what makes me sick in the gut every miserable morning. As a forced criminalized parent it makes to hard to find any happiness.Call me what you like but call me a bad dad and you might as well rip the jugular cord from my throat, at least that way the pain does not linger !!!
Comment by Peter Burns — Tue 30th May 2006 @ 10:02 pm
Hi Peter,
I personally know males that have gone through similar events with the system as you have.
And years of it.
For myself going through the system for 11 years I find it hard to give others advice on child rearing. For who am I? Well I’m classified as one of the worst mothers in New Zealand.
Yet I read books and books from conception and I have done every parenting course (days, nights and weekends) available during those years.
It is not until you know the insanity of the system and the emotional effect it has on parents when you rip their children away can you truly comprehend.
All I know is that you have to get on with it. You have to find happiness because at the end of the day, this is your ‘one life’ and each moment of it
cannot be replaced.
Good comment Paul.
Comment by julie — Wed 31st May 2006 @ 9:22 am
Hi Julie
Unfortunately we have something in common – we are both classified as the worse parents in kiwiland .I only wish this was a fair fight .
Comment by Peter Burns — Wed 31st May 2006 @ 9:58 am
fair fight?… you have to be joking to expect a fair fight guys…
you have better chances of viewing a blue rooster than getting a fair fight.
the fight will only be fair when the bias is removed, the fight will be fair when the current mindset in courts change, the fight will be fair when all allegations made are challenged ad the perppetrator recieves punishment accordingly instead of getting accepted as the truth without any basis.
Comment by starr — Wed 31st May 2006 @ 12:35 pm
Starr,
I hear what you are saying. I am under the impression the law itself is what needs to be changed or the FC doesn’t exist.
Problems will arise if everyone that is at fault has to be proven. Maybe there could be intervention in place while the criminal sytem hears cases.
That I would think will be discussed at a select committee, and in readings to parliament.
There are always grey areas.
Comment by julie — Wed 31st May 2006 @ 1:40 pm
Guys,
there are alternatives to ending up in the father stripping femily caught. That secret mothering society which specialises in creating male servitude as the expense of female privelege.
But you want to be a depressed wageslave who doesn’t see your kid’s instead right?
Look fellas, you can avoid the whole stinking shithole NZ divorce industry in the first place.
Join the marriage strike as advocated by Matthew Weeks (You can google him easily for his very well reasoned article).
Cool your heels for a few years en masse fellas.
Then watch NZ women desperate to breed ‘suddenly’ come round to taking an interest in why you’re totally with good reason commitment phobic.
Oh, they’ll howl and moan about it for a while, and there will be times your frustrated at the conflict your in with womenfolk. But that’s the price you pay as a man for taking charge of your life instead of being seduced into servitude.
Aslo stay tuned into news of the soon to arrive (and so far tested in three countries as safe) male birth control pill. It will be a mighty weapon for you against paternity fraud and the plethora of relationships built around women’s fertility.
In the process you can watch politicians wring thier hands about the falling birth rate, influx of imigrants to make up the shortfall and ageing society.
Tough shit. They made your life hell shit in the first place with thier feminista ‘courts’ and femily law.
You didn’t volunteer for a life of hell in the first place.
Another alternative is to save up your sheckels and leave NZ (for a while if not permanently).
There are plenty of places with much fairer women and family law in Asia, South America, Oceania.
You don’t have to put up with NZs instititionalised misandry.
Bottom line is you don’t need to end up an alienated wageslave for some woman you had the hots for who oh-so-easily took advantage of you.
After all do you think women with all thier family law and relationship perks are doing anything to change your oppression and voluntarily disempower themselves from thier currently overpriveliged position?
Do you think male politicians who make thier daily bread from sucking up to the sisterhood are going to magically recant and suddenly start supporting justice for fathering kids?
Don’t hold your breath there mate.
If you’re like me you’ve been telling NZ womenfolk and politicians for years about how unjust things are for NZ men, but did they lift a finger to change things. Yeah right!
Take action guys.
Your progene are worth it.
Comment by Stephen — Wed 31st May 2006 @ 3:04 pm
Stephen,
After looking at men’s sites that are all over the world, I see goals have been made for 2007 – 2020. Hey that’s cool and i’m sure we will se alot of changes in that time.
It is a good thing if we start having less children because this world cannot feed the amount of people or we don’t have resources such as wood etc if we continue to grow the way we have globally.
I hope the male pill becomes available to all countries and is not expensive for more reasons than mens issues.
Also, I don’t know if this idea of leaving NZ to better women overseas is what you say it is. But if it is at present I wonder how long it will last.
Instead of running from the problem for a better life where the grass is greener on the other side, maybe we should change behaviours here in New Zealand.
I mean, if the grass is greener away from here, once you get there you will find the grass is greener somewhere else.
Comment by julie — Wed 31st May 2006 @ 6:20 pm
Julie,
Having studies lots of different arguments about disparity of incomes in various societies, global resource allocation and the like, I don’t think the problem is one of lack of resources for the current global population. Rather it’s the politics of resource allocation which creates so much poverty IMO. So I’m not bothered about the level of global population.
I do think though the male pill will be tremendously empowering for men though. For I believe we are currently held hostage to women’s fertility. Women can UNILATERALLY abort or give birth and force a man by law to pay 19 years of child support. That’s total power. It doesn’t matter a flying fig what the man wants.
Oh, no, no, no. The power (legally) is all with her. So I believe it will be a great leveller when men have a sexual revolution of there own due to the male pill.
Speaking of which have you noticed the absolutely GIGANTIC silence from NZ about the forthcoming male pill.
I suppose many realise thier days of female only fertility power are limited and are too terrified to talk about it. It’s quite staggering to see the sex renowned for talking being so deafeningly silent about something THAT HUGE.
I agree with you about men moving to greener pastures though.
Maybe once guys move to better places than nz they’ll keep on finding even better places to go……..
……….and then they’ll go there too!
What a great idea men caring about themselves so much!
Personally right now I’d rather keep a healthy distance and critique nz from afar, than live in the depressing shithole I’ve found nz has become. All power to those who stay and fight the good fight however. But I don’t believe those who leave should feel bad about doing so. My God, life’s so short. Why waste it getting daily dumped on by a bunch of misandrists if you can be somewher better? How dumb is that!
Comment by Stephen — Thu 1st June 2006 @ 6:49 am
Hi Stephen,
It is a worthwhile question to ask why the male pill is not being talked about here.
I have been talking alot over the last few days with my boys about getting a girl pregnant and they are really wising up. Only after a few months of dating my neighbours child (17) has found himself a dad to be. He is a great young man, very consistant worker and has so much going for him. Now he will have to pay child support for 18 years if his relationship does not end up working.
He is not the first in our neighbourhood for another neighbours son (18) is also a dad to be after dating for about a year.
I would really like for my boys to plan their children when they are ready after they have enjoyed single years.
Comment by julie — Thu 1st June 2006 @ 8:35 am