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“bury me in the Family Court”

Filed under: General — Julian @ 6:13 pm Wed 31st May 2006

My ex used the Family Court to “steal” my child from me. By writing a pack of lies in affodavits, the training came from a new partner, who had “used” the Court also to personel advantage.
I am now forced to do supervised access, as this is the only way to see my child, even though I filed a defence to the Court, I beleive the decision was made before I walked in the door ?
I have a big problem with how the Family Court operates, changes are urgent, before any more families are damaged and destroyed in this Country.
below is my list of issues
1. without notice applications that are not necessary.
2. The closed doors and secrecy.
3. The adversorial system that operates, “who lies the best wins”
4. State funded child theft.
5. No one “teaches” you the system until you fall on your face into it.
6.The way the service changed from my Lawyer once I changed from paying to legal Aid.
7. There was no thought for the effect on my child or other siblings in the family.
8. You need to be wealthy to have any chance of a “fair go”
9. The Court delivery people who smile at you when they deliver something that destroys you sanity.

I have now joined the Mens support group, who have been warm, welcoming, understanding and supportive.
It is shocking to meet so many people who all tell the same “horror story” who are also living the same nightmare. how can so many people have the same story to tell ?
for my next occupation, I will be at AUT studying Law, so that I can help other victims in a few years time.




  1. Julian,
    You are so not alone. Most people have no idea what to do when the other parent has things in place. I was one of them.
    It is all just one big game yet the people involved are real and the consequenses are real.
    Thank-you for posting and for giving your view of the changes that are needed.
    We can change this if we all work together. Why don’t you join one of the groups that are already going?

    Comment by julie — Wed 31st May 2006 @ 6:34 pm

  2. Occasional I use the Law library at Uni. And its not long before I am talking to a student browsing the Family Law section. I normally get talking with them. One of the obvious questions I can never go past is. Why are you studying law?
    You would be surprised how many answer, ‘Because the Family Court distroyed me and this is the only way I know how to stop them’. I sit back and hope, that perhaps the next generation of Family Lawyers will TRULY know what they are doing, since they have been through it themselves. In effect, putting current and past Family Lawyers to much deserved SHAME!

    I wish you all the best in exploring the law and hopefully making the much needed changes.

    Comment by Jadie — Wed 31st May 2006 @ 6:52 pm

  3. You are right Julian the Family court is a farce!
    I took one of my Administrative Review cases to the Family Court and was treated like I was a criminal but without any rights.
    Half way through the case I realised that I was being “had’ there was an agenda so I said.
    “Rip me then for what you can get”
    The response from the Judge and the other parties’ lawyer spoke volumes.
    They attacked me in denial like two youths stealing in collusion or having sex when they shouldn’t be.
    The Family Court judge, one judge O’Donovan that took my case is a thug.
    I have no respect and no longer recognise a judge or a court that chooses to ignore evidence.
    The fool came up with the same exact figure for what my income should be accessed to be using an entirely different route. A different route because I was able to prove that the Adin review officers decision was based on falsities. Part of the Judges reasoning for ordering me to continue to pay as I was, was that I had paid the money in the past.
    That cost, or denied me and my two children $10,000.00 for the court judge ordered me to pay all costs.
    For now I am a very bitter and angry outcaste (but only toward the foolishness of a family court judicial system) and proud to be for above all I stand for Justice, Fairness and Truth.
    Roll on the Revolution.
    Let me know when you have your law degree Julian

    Comment by Phoenix — Wed 31st May 2006 @ 7:16 pm

  4. Julian,
    As I read your post I feel I am being transposed back 2 1/2 years to when my partner left me and I blundered unknowingly into the most evil realm of the Family Court.
    The hurt and anguish still affects my every waking hour, and 2 1/2 years later I am still waiting for a custody hearing.
    You are not imagining the injustice, the inhamanity or the corruption, and Julie is right, you are certainly not alone.
    Stay strong and don’t give up hope. You are now among friends and compassionate people.
    Share our strengths, and support our cries for change, for only in numbers can our cries be heard.

    Comment by Wayne — Wed 31st May 2006 @ 7:20 pm

  5. Jadie,

    I was hoping I hadn’t scard you off from my commenting the other day. Study and comments clashed for me.

    Anyhow, I am wondering what these law studunts actually think they can achieve?
    The laws they work within may not change so how can they change it? And do you think they will be taking personal issues into work? How will they know who is the right one to fight for? What if they are hired by the parent who seemed like their ex?
    I know you can’t answer all these questions. Just food for thought, I guess.

    Comment by julie — Wed 31st May 2006 @ 7:32 pm

  6. hi julie
    at least then they can ensure these “ex’s” recieve true form of justice as they should for all the game playing they do… that way they will be able to dish out the injustice suffered, that way they will make these feminazis feel what we are feeling…
    so my encouragement to these guys.

    Comment by starr — Wed 31st May 2006 @ 8:30 pm

  7. Hi Julie
    I’m still here, I get busy so just try to pop in when I can.

    Your right in asking those questions. Thats why I just ‘hope’ things go well for those law students who. I do feel though that their heart is in the right place, its just how they use that heart that is important.
    Law is a interesting subject, and the legislation or Acts. Its all about how you interpret it. Take “best interest of the child” as it is written in the Care of Children Act. I bet you could line up three different judges, three different lawyers asked them to define this. You would get six different interpretaions of it. Throw in a psychologist, CYPFS and you would have a party! hehehe
    I believe lawyers hold a lot of power over how a case can proceed. For better or worse.
    While I would like to explain more I am just a little bit busy too.

    Comment by Jadie — Wed 31st May 2006 @ 8:36 pm

  8. Are not lawyers hired by a person and then proceed to represent them?
    I am aware there are lawyers who just represent women and I am sure there are lawyers who just represent men.
    And then of course these lawyers become barristers and then judges.
    I really don’t know how a law student can think they can rectify problems. I don’t see how they can challenge people that are like thier ex’s.
    Yes! I am waiting for a book referral if need be.

    By the way Julian, this is not a dig at you wanting to be a lawyer. I think it a worthwhile occupational chioce as there is plenty of business. I am just asking questions to know more.

    Comment by julie — Wed 31st May 2006 @ 8:48 pm

  9. Julian good to see you are taking positiive steps. You done good Getting yourself involved with the mens group they need you, you need them. Make the best of it both ways.Good luck with the law study I hope you are able to put it to some good someday.Remember a lawer is in court to win for his client tricky I know,but then a lawer has the right to turn down a client if he or she feels it would be against thier principle’s.I wonder how many such lawers there are in the family (destroyers) court today.Perhaps if any one knows of any they could post thier names on this site and man will they be busy.Good luck my friend.

    Comment by DAVE L — Wed 31st May 2006 @ 9:10 pm

  10. Dear Julian,

    I am glad that you found the Mens support group warm, welcoming, understanding and supportive.
    We are recorded as being an intimidating and threatening organisation who take innappropriate action against poor defenceless legal workers and agencies, who carry out their duties in good faith.
    It was great to have you along at the last protest and I hope the help we have given you has been useful.
    Look forward to meeting up again.

    Kind Regards

    Comment by Paul Catton — Wed 31st May 2006 @ 9:42 pm

  11. Hi Julian

    Glad we’ve been helpful.

    It would be interesting for everyone to read the details of the accusations made against you – but be careful not to have any details that could identify you.

    I would also like readers to read lots about supervised access and how parents are treated. This has become an important aspect of our society that is almost totally unknown by people who aren’t involved.

    Comment by JohnP — Thu 1st June 2006 @ 8:18 pm

  12. For anyone who is worried about

    but be careful not to have any details that could identify you.

    go back and read Rhys and Connor, and dominion of contempt.

    Didn’t we just open that door, and still we fear nothing but fear itself.

    Comment by Bevan Berg — Thu 1st June 2006 @ 11:04 pm

  13. why be afraid… we have already lost our kids to the system what more can we lose?

    why be afraid?.. is it just because our voices have got the few worried and are attempting to curb us? that these people will be held accountable for what they did?

    i say speak loudly and with confidence towards making a change in the current mindset.

    viva la revolucion…

    Comment by starr — Fri 2nd June 2006 @ 12:41 pm

  14. Let me initially say I am not a law student, I am currently in the health field,I intend to study law because I can do a better job myself than the “people” who currently claim to be “Lawyers”

    I am forced to do supervised access as this is the only way I can see my child now.
    The Interim parenting order was granted under section 59 of the COCA, which relates back to section 29, which states “an oder depriving a parent of a child must not be made unless the Court is satisfied that the parent is for some grave reason unfit to be a Guardian,and that the order will serve the welfare and best interests of the child”

    Admitedly, I was unwell and was admitted to Hospital, I was not caring for my child at the time.

    The “ficticious affodavit” by my ex was accepted without any evidence or proof or investigation.
    As Tommy Cooper would say “just like that”
    Even on defence I was still not listened to, mainly because I got so emotional ( whatever you do, don’t show any emotion in the Family Court! )

    Supervised access is a farce, I won’t name the providor, but it is dirty, broken toys everywhere, you are followed about like you are a sex offender, you can’t even take your child to the toilet !
    The place is full of anxious parent’s who are scared to put a foot wrong in case they write a report about you ( oh yes you get one ! )
    The “workers sit” around talking ( mainly about nothing to do with the children ),
    I have met 5 different workers at this “place, 3 are nice, two need the sack, one would think that they would clean this place up or tidy, not read magazines or do their homework for Uni ! they do little and when it is time for a parent to leave, you are told it is “time” like a prison visiting, they sit around again, two minutes before the child’s other parent arrives, they jump up and make a fuss of the child.

    It is the most horendous experience you can imagine, I now know why many parents refuse to do supervised access, when this nightmare is over I will do something about it but at the momentI am too scared to put a foot wrong, for fear of reprisal.

    oh yes, when this is over watch this space……………
    I will change things if it kills me, because no human should have to put up with this.

    I have never been on a protest in my life, never belonged to a political party, the worst thing I have ever done is get a speeding ticket !…… I WILL BE ON THE NEXT PROTEST ORGANISED …….

    Comment by Julian — Fri 2nd June 2006 @ 5:54 pm

  15. TKS julian you just gave me a bit more ammunition for my fight ahead. much appreciated.

    Comment by starr — Fri 2nd June 2006 @ 7:25 pm

  16. I agees with starrs # 13 post. What could be worse than what the FC has already done? Even if they put you in jail you can still make the noise, there are still others who can speak for you. PPl need to stop being afraid of what they THINK the FC could do and start PROTESTING. FC have done much worse and you can prove it.
    Good luck julian, i will look out for you in the furture. I know you will make an impact.

    Comment by jadie — Fri 2nd June 2006 @ 8:49 pm

  17. Julian,
    With regards to section 29 of the COCA.
    My son and I were ‘sentenced’ to 5 months supervised access because I withheld my son at the end of access and appeared on the Holmes Show. I withheld my son at the end of access for a total of 11 hours. But I should add, the mother was flying out that day, wednesday, half way way through my week of school holidays access!, and even though the mother and the judge said I would get extra access to make up for it, the mother refused!
    The police stormed the motel where I was staying with my son (warrant to uplift was signed by FC judge the day ‘before’ I even withheld my son!) and my son was then taken to Vietnam (non Hague signatory) against my wishes by his mother who earlier admitted to immigration fraud in the FC (falsified documents among other things).
    On her return, the mother breached the custody order and refused to allow me to see my son for a total of 64 days.
    I filed an ex-parte application to enforce access, and was succesful, but the next day another judge rescinded it!
    Then in court, the mother agreed with the judge that she had no concerns about my parenting, but simply ‘didn’t trust me’. There was no history of violence, no protection orders, and if the mother had not breached the Non-removal in the first place when she bought the airline tickets without my knowledge, I may not have taken my son on the Holmes show at all.
    Clearly, the mother is the untrustworthy one here, having breached court orders several times, but she asked the judge 3 times to give me supervised access, and that’s what I got. After not seeing my only child for 64 days, then we only get to spend 2 hours per week for 5 months. Outragous!
    They also took away our shared custody (giving her interim custody, as she requested), and the $60 per week cost of supervised access broke my back and forced me to sell my house quickly for way under value.
    Clearly, supervised access was not in my son’s best interests, but simply used by the courts and mother to punish me for going to the media. The mother’s barrister even ask the judge to consider further limitations to access if I went to the media again.
    I also find it incredible that the judges didn’t even blink at the mother breaching court orders 4 times, yet signed a warrant to uplift before I even breached the court order! Is that bias or what?!!!

    Comment by Wayne — Sat 3rd June 2006 @ 2:19 am

  18. With all these comments, I am starting to see why it is a good to have lawyers who have experienced the FC as a parent. They do hold alot of power in their hands. I hope the one’s that exist at present take all this on board.

    Comment by julie — Sat 3rd June 2006 @ 8:46 am

  19. Dear Julian
    As an Englishman we have similar problems in the UK. I look forward to seeing you in a few weeks when your back home.


    Comment by Rob Pooler — Sat 3rd June 2006 @ 11:30 am

  20. keep up the good fight m8 i know 4 yrs i have been fighting with 2yrs so far supervise visits but all changing now judge chucked out the protection order said if i had defended the first time i would have won so just go to show what a lot of money this family court lawyers judges clerks posties couriers security gaurds doctors of all sorts the list goes on and on and on. But hey at least when the child/ren are old enough you will have a written story to show how much we fought which is better than do nothing.

    Comment by alfred — Sun 4th June 2006 @ 9:31 pm

  21. Julian,
    It is good to hear the men’s group was helpful. What men’s group was it?
    In 2001 my children’s mum stopped access to me after 10 years of regular access. She refused to negotiate and believed she had all the power (custodial parent). I was dumbfounded and and I didnt know what to do. I felt powerless. Fortunately I went to a Union of Father’s meeting in Tauranga and got one on one help. We prepared and submitted an application to the Family Court to reinstate access and establish a formal access arrangement. Up til then we only had an informal arrangement. My support people helped me each step of the way with judicial conferences, affidavits, etc etc. The kids’ mum pulled out all the stops with very nasty accusations in her affidavits etc. I didnt like the idea of pulling out the dirt on her but my advisor told me I had to take the gloves off to be able to win (seeing as she was holding nothing back). The guy who helped me most was Alan Harvey and his coaching allowed me to represent myself and beat the case prepared by my ex’s lawyer (which cost my ex approx $6000). We got access reinstated via an ex-parte application approx 6 months after access ceased.
    At the end of all the proceedings my ex then applied to the court for me to pay her costs (unbelieveable cheek. That application was denied her as well. The total proceedings was before the court for approx 3 years.
    So it is critical to get effective legal guidance as well as emotional support.
    In fact the winning starts once we begin to gain the empowering insight that “Father’s have just as much rights as Mothers regarding access to their children”
    I too considered becoming a lawayer as well after that. I thought it would be fantastic to help people who are getting ripped off by bad motives (ex’s), bad lawyers and bad court judgments.

    Comment by Paul — Mon 21st July 2008 @ 12:33 pm

  22. Hi Julian, you are not alone, we are all going through the same thing, mutha f-cka social workers, lawyers, judges etc, something has to be done, everyday i have the police turn up at my bussiness arresting me for abusing a cypfs social worker when i only asked to see my son

    Comment by Hadi Akbari — Mon 21st July 2008 @ 1:27 pm

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