In amongst all the misery we endure, there are a few humourous points.
After being beaten emotionally senseless by Yula I kind’ve decided being single was probably a better idea. I mean, poking up one’s butt for the sole purpose of finding out how sharp the next rasp will be is a negative proposal.
So I had accepted a future of soleness. I’m pretty happy with my own company so it wasn’t such a hard choice.
But I hadn’t factored in the world of chance.
A bit of background.
About 30 years ago I wandered into an office. I was lost and looking for directions. A youngish (actually 2 years older than I) woman sat behind her corporate desk. In an instant of a look I knew this woman (Julie) was to be my wife. And she became so.
I had absolutely zero information upon which to make this judgement. I hadn’t even opened my mouth, nor she hers. It was just one of those events in life.
Twenty eight years later we separated but have remained great friends.
Meantime, Davey has done Yula. Ugh! Davey finds peace in singularity. Sure, he looks, and even does the odd date, but nar! Sorry. No magic.
Last week, Davey wandered into a shop, looking for a shirt. Boom! There’s five-foot nothing, Ms someone who had exactly the same affect as Julie had, so many years ago.
But being more than a bit gun-shy, Davey just walked away. Night after night, her face surfaces in his dreams.
Bugger this. I’m going back to propose (something).
So back I went. But she wasn’t there!!!
I set about, lurking. Yup. I lurked. Pretending to be terribly interested in the offered product range.She wasn’t there!
Day one, I lurked. Day two I lurked. Day three I lurked.
All I could see in my imagination was this lovely face, the eyes, the lips, the twitch of the hip, the wicked tooshy.:–))
On day four of lurking a significantly overweight, obvious queen approached. I’d been noticed, you see…lurking.
‘Something we can do for you, deary?’ asked the sweaty, fat queen.
Gawd. I know it’s not PC to despise fat,sweaty, queens, but yuk!
Anyway, I managed to fabricate a story about how ‘some’ woman….can’t remeber exactly who. except she was kindv’e blah, blah, blah…and went on with a detailed description.
Said queen saw straight through me and said, ‘She’s gone, darling.’ The joy in his eyes, at seeing another halted in love was rather appalling.
She’s gone. Left the job. New staff have no idea on her whereabouts.
What do I do folks? I just know this lovely woman is my next soul-mate. But she’s gone!
As Alex Portnoy said, ‘AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
You are a definately a romantic.
I think you have been in a relationship for so long that you may need some new tips for dating.
I can understand what you are saying about the ‘moment when 2 souls meet thing’ but it is not something you should dwell on or try to persue. Especailly with barely getting out of the clutches of CYFS. Others may not understand what you are doing and create their own story (yes, as I had).
This ‘souls meeting moment’ when the eyes fix and the body freezes, heats and melts at the same time is attraction. Don’t be fooled by it.
Even friends do it at times and even husband and wives do it with other people outside the relationship.
My recommendation would be to write a list of what qualities you would like in a partner.
For example; work ethics, home ethics. And what you expect from others. Don’t compromise for less than your minimum standards because that is just setting your self up to fail.
If you want more than sex don’t go to a bar but go to a pottery class or something. Go to a night course to learn something you enjoy.
I am sure you will get many other tips along the way.
Ahhh. I love a romantic story and it’s great that you are still willing to risk a relationship. But listen to Julie-you need to protect your heart with your head. I’m a great believer in fate and when the time is right you will find someone(or they will find you). Enjoy yourself, have fun but hold a bit in reserve until you know it’s right. I found my manfriend on a dating website! but this can be a minetrap and sadly it seems to be women that mostly mis-represent themselves on them.however it is fun to get emails from people from all over the country(or other countries) and no pressure to meet them etc. I hope you find this lady or someone equally as good.
It’s cheap and easy for you a couple of women to coo about David being ‘romantic’. You wouldn’t have to take anything near the risk any western man would in getting hitched. Your encouragement of what appears to me to be David’s utterly misguided foolhardiness leaves me disgusted.
All his bull bravado about knowing she’s my ‘soulmate’ at first sight.
Puleaze can we change channel now, or are we stuck on Oprah.
Now take a deep breath folks and read on – The Gonzman at mensnewsdaily blogs with a dose of reality ready made to innoculate against the sickness of sickening woman’tis ism.
David – take three times daily until the fever subsides.
The Gonzman’s words are perfect.
But I am wondering what you mean by
you are getting very predictable Stephen. I thought you got another partner so are you saying that was a mistake? If you read a bit closely you will see that both Julie and I have told David that he needs to be more wary and not let himself fall ‘head over heels’. You post enough warnings on the evils of women and yet some men still want to find someone that will love them and treat them well. I still think that both men and women want to be in relationships and that is a good thing. but you need to make sure that the object of your affection is worthy and you need to use your head and a touch of healthy paranoia to not leave yourself vulnerable. We all have sad stories of broken relationships but most of us are willing to try again but we set limits on what will be acceptable and we keep our eyes open. To keep ‘falling in love’ with the same unsuitable type is foolish and a sensible person learns from their mistakes. Most of us crave companionship and for someone that will love us for all our faults. David doesn’t have to be anti-women because of the past and he doesn’t have to spend the rest of his life alone. You should be supporting him and helping him to make the right decisions. Becoming obessed with a stranger in a shop is probably not the best way for David to find someone – but it does indicate that he is unconsciously wanting to find someone. When he finds someone he should be getting his female friends to check her out as it is easier for a woman to see through another woman. I always get my male friends to check out men I’m interested in for the same reasons.
It’s not often I venture into triviality …(!) but Chrissy says “I still think that both men and women want to be in relationships”
I agree; Problem is they all want to be in relationships with women!!!!
That was a interesting read Stephen. Straight from the soul of the author. I have an uncle whom, after being ‘hang out to dry’ by the first wife 20 years ago, has never since looked at another female. Hes a lovely guy and its a shame. It makes me worry about my own son. I think I might need to forget about garding the daughter and perhaps gard the son!
You might want to start by educating him, Wendy – the schools won’t. Chances are he’ll be illeterate by the time he fails NCEA 1 ….
Your #6 Post made me chuckly -just a bit- Thats what happned to my hubby, his ex-partner is……ummm how do you say it, bisexual? She was caught in bed with another female and somehow managed to blame my hubby for it! insisting she couldn’t trust him! Figure that out. I still wonder though how dose she explain it to their son? when one minute there is a male in her bed and the next a female?
Post #8, oh yes I am a big supporter of homeschooling!
Julie, what I meant was precisely what I said.
Granted you and Chrissy have both offered some sensible advice to David about avoiding falling in love. But niether of you has acknowledged that doing so for men in western cultures is generally much more risky than for women. A minefield in fact.
So my point is that it’s all well and good to say take it carefully and use your head, but at the end of the day until social and legal conditions change I personally wouldn’t recommend any man there get hitched.
Romance is so 20th century.
Perhaps you can explain why when a relationship breaks up(even if no kids involved) that the man so often just walks away and leaves everything behind. I know of too many men who have slept in their cars until they can afford to find somewhere else to go when a relationship ends. Why don’t they fight? it can’t be just about the way society views things or that the legal system might screw them. My own manfriend walked away from his partner with nothing – she didn’t want him so he left.
This is what worries me most about David and his shop-woman. He sees, he falls hopelessly in love. no sense of self-preservation. what if she’d been there when he went back? would she have moved in with him? would he have protected his assets before she did so? If she tired of him, would he walk away with nothing?
From what I’ve seen, it is men that are the hopeless romantics and that is why they get burned so badly.
Us woman like a romantic story but I think we are probably more hard-hearted when it comes to reality.
I do believe ‘falling in love’ is a trap for both parties. So I am happy that you explained what your words meant and I agree with what you say.
I like the way you wrote falling in love and then crash.
But I wonder what ‘falling in love’ means?
(you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to for I will think about it.)
You should ask your manfriend why he walked away from assets. I don’t know him.
As to why men in general do so, perhaps it’s because we’ve been instilled with chivalrous notions of protecting women. Perhaps we see it’s better to make a clean break. Perhaps being the ones most often dumped women form gameplans which get them most of the assets and men can’t be bothered with the hassle of fighting a war she planned for in advance and ambushed us with.
Perhaps we men are the less materialistic sex. We actually quite like roughing it from time to time (in cars, tents, caves etc). It’s a man thing – testosterone fuelled adventurers. We don’t crave comfort the way women generally seem to.
Mix and match any of the above and I suspect you’re going to arrive at the reasons some men leave it all behind.
From all accounts record numbers are eschewing being with women in the first place.
It seems whilst women gain economic and political power they become less attractive to men.
I can relate to that entirely.
Western women are now so enttled I wouldn’t dare call myself thier equal and get embroiled in a close relationship with one.
Your last comment was intended for Chrissy but what you say is true.
I just want to add that it is not just men that walk away leaving everything behind for I have done that too and I know other women who have done the same. I think some people just feel when they have had enough, they have had enough. And it doesn’t matter what you say to them their mind is made over. Sleeping in a car can be a better option than trying to do things that will never work.
Sometimes the arguments or the fight is not worth the energy. Putting the energy into relocating seems more pleasant and promising than fighting for material things or even children. When people achieve once, they know they can achieve twice and so they just move on.
Others, well the pain and effort to them is not worth the possible rewards. You have to weigh up the risks and benefits. If the risk seems too much, forget it. Life is too short to focus on one particular relationships.
For them friendship is a better option with no strings attached.
Julie and Chrissy,
sorry about the mistaken identity thing.
Stephen, has your post been sanitised? I’m sure it read differently a couple of days ago.
I beleive you got that wrong. My posts on this thread haven’t been ‘sanitised’ or changed in any way at all. They’re exactly as I posted them.