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Fathers and Children – website and refuge, Wellington

Filed under: General — vision @ 12:02 am Mon 5th June 2006

I have been in the FC system battling a co-op of Lawyer for Child, a Judge Wellington, an access supervisor and the system between CYFs and the family court law. Its been the most emotionally draining, un-reasonable, illogical and un-remitting series of events that I have faced. I have now seen my children taken out of New Zealand into a foreign country with jurisdiction remaining in New Zealand but enforceabiltiy now the issue for continued access.

I need help from the various organisations in New Zealand and have received some help from the foreign country – Fathers4Justice. But the new Care of Children Act 2005 now no longer includes the Hague Convention for International Abduction of Children.

I have established a domain for

I have yet to put up a home page etc, but the goal is to create awareness and expose the process so that fathers can perhaps take steps that will suit the FC system without causing too much damage from frustration. Its the number one emotion used by the lawyer for the ex that works against us – we all get frustrated, logical and reasonable arguments go unheard, contact and access to our kids are delayed and used to “bait” us into further frustration. Frustration leads us to make rash decisions that are then used by the lawyers ex to confirm the behaviours that the ex and the children should be protected from.

We all need to work the system and we all need to share how these tricks of the trade by the ex’s lawyer are being used. That is what this site is for, when we all get on the same playing field its going to be a bit more even.

Psychological Abuse on Protection Order applications are being used more often by the lawyers ex.

Fathers please read the thesis by Debbie Hager, on psychological abuse and the book:

The emotionally abusive relationship, by Beverley Engel.

If you are in a relationship, and your partner controls your income/finances, you are emotionally controlled or blackmailed- no sex etc, if you do this I will take the kids etc, you can’t do the things that you would like to do – then you need to get out of that relationship with your children and to a men’s refuge.

These are the very reasons women use to take your children away from you. But they say that you are using psychological abuse.

I ask this organisation and members for help in putting online the process steps so that fathers will not fall into the system, and get their children taken away from them.

I will be putting online the steps and the “tricks” used by the ex”s lawyer in taking my children away. We as fathers must be aware of how the system works so that we can at laest not be disadvantaged when we face the Family Court. More awareness and significant cases will help change in the system. Real change must come through Government, being a lawyer will help but changing the law would be the best result for fathers who want an equal parenting involvment in their child’s life. That is a committment we all make when we agree to have children with our partner, the family court doesn’t recognise that committment at the moment. The mother as we all know in most cases remains the primary day to day parent.

Our committment is measured by Child Support payments rather than being a comprehensive parent who is engaged in our children developing into adults.

I have my home and possibly another available for a fathers refuge, I have faced my children being taken into a refuge as a faint by my ex to convince the court that she should get custody, to hide the real truth that she psychologically abused me and I went into a deep depression – she threatened to take the children away from me, the FC agreed that this is psychological abuse of the father.

I sought help from a victim counsellor, but I have now heard a lot of fathers have faced controlling, manipulative, and emotional blackmail from their partners and ex’s. This is psychological abuse, not physical but its more damaging. I propose a refuge for fathers and their children in Wellington. I need help on this.



  1. Raymond,

    I wish you well in what seems an honourable exersize.

    Be careful not to expand the very system you have come to dread.

    Onward – Jim

    Comment by Jim Bailey — Mon 5th June 2006 @ 5:31 am

  2. I would be interested in reading the tricks used, to compare them with the “dirty tricks” that were used against me

    Comment by Julian — Mon 5th June 2006 @ 8:50 am

  3. JULIE.
    You seem to know it all”get real”stop …
    your attitude towards men&child formats… is a sick attempt to pervert.
    You would be better off listening and keeping your comments to yourself.
    You come across as a Want a be.
    Join a DATING agency.

    Comment by Peter — Mon 5th June 2006 @ 4:43 pm

  4. peter,
    i didn’t even comment on here.

    Comment by julie — Mon 5th June 2006 @ 5:55 pm

  5. No Julie you did not this time ,just read over your History.
    Thats enough..for all time..

    Comment by peter — Mon 5th June 2006 @ 8:17 pm

  6. Peter,
    Thanx for replying and using a possible real name.
    Why don’t you comment and post. It seems to be easy to sit on the fence and judge me. Why don’t you give me the same chance. If there were enough people commenting then someone like me would be happy to learn from you at a distance. There is someone from our group that says he keeps an eye on this site and that you seem to have it under control. Show me.

    Believe me, I am not making things easy for me by getting involved. I could be putting my time into my son’s high school or something in our community.

    Comment by julie — Mon 5th June 2006 @ 8:41 pm

  7. Raymond – you’re in Wellington? Supervised Access? Email me – I offer coffree / beer etc in a female-free refuge. We can share experiences.

    Comment by Al D Rado — Tue 6th June 2006 @ 7:40 am

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