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Tell ya something!

Filed under: General — PGRoy @ 10:39 pm Wed 8th March 2006

I read Als comments about international womens day, what a day of “celebration” it is, for women, and I look forward to international mens day…yehaa bring it on.

I just have some thoughts on some things I notice:

I’m a music nut, love videos of music. Ever noticed how many vids over the last few years depict women throwing stuff around rooms, or beating up on boys/men?

I did.

I like music TV, not a fan for regular TV, watch how the men get treated on some british soaps, and local ones.

The ads are shockers, leave the dead meat behind and get a younger one, look at the loveable dopes, but at least we are good with tools, we love them at christmas and birthdays, no jems or jewels, no overseas trips no flings on far off shores. Socks are good!

Yup TV has an off button…. thats why I’m typing.

OK schools, aren’t the girls doing well, great, good on them. Is as much done for boys?

I saw a shop in town with T shirts for girls/young women. Slogans like these:

Oh him he’s just a freind (weird I really like my woman freinds theyre lovely)
Boys are smelly
Wanted boyfreind,,,must have own car, credit card, boat, house, billionaires welcome.
Does all this give me the right to be the same in reverse?

Maybe someones getting their own back. But I see the faces of boys and young men look so…… hopeless or sad.

I hate this whole gender bashing /male bashing thing, what signals do these messages/ads send our boys and young men, no wonder suicides and crashes claim so many.
Our older men are struggling. We all understand that.
Equality is obviously good for everyone. freinds in the health sector report women working hard get the same stress problems as men have had for years when the men were the sole earner.

OK so we know all the work and research and retraining in NZ is in relation to mens violence only, not other sectors. Theres little info on violence against men.

Lots of people talk to me, I like people and talk to any one, and listen to anyone.
They ask me about stopping violence work too. They ask what I do.. whats happening for me in this area of life? I say I try to help guys get it together a bit. I think men are changing, i know we are. They ask about who goes there, I say anyone goes there, They ask what about people who are on the receiving end do guys get beat up?, and I say yup we help hurt men too, I don’t don’t know why violence against men is not reported, and why men don’t take protection orders out, maybe it isn’t easy to admit being mistreated, macho bullshit and shrug my shoulders. Protection from violence should be for all.

I notice this too when I get asked about family splits.
I still think that we should remember that it was said to me that the system of settling family separations is adversarial. That is, it pits one party against another. (came from a law person)
Heres why I think men need to be careful. Why I think we need to deal with our feelings with good support. Could it be that much of what is done is to set a man who is feeling vulnerable “off his centre” and “make him” appear “violent and angry” and that he “has a problem” so that evil man culture can be upheld. Its like theres an industry set up around family disputes, I hear stories from men which almost look like theyre being set up as villans.
Men have enjoyed a bad reputation perhaps, and our government mouth piece it almost appears, feeds that and spouts its view forth at six pm apparently reinforcing the negative image of men. This in a time when male role models are so needed.
This isn’t a conspiracy theory, more an unhappy set of circumstances. Men report and women i’ve spoken to report it is “EASY TO SET A GUY UP”
That is why it is so important not to hook into games and setups to remain calm if we can, so it’s important to look for the games, and not play them. To find some good support and deal with OUR anger, which is an ok way to feel, so we can be men, not be made to look like male demons in our dealings. That will take the toys away from those who espouse males as doers of brutality, and the opportunities to demonise men.

As I go through life i listen to people, I get requests for help from all members of society, and i am asked why doesn’t some one do what you do for men for us. I have to reply that everytime we try it gets shut down by lost momentum or interst in something else takes away the focus from your people.
It sort of gets left behind after the original yes lets do it energy.
That tells ya something.


  1. I think having a men’s day is a great idea. If a women gets one then of course a man should get one.

    Having only one of the sexes getting a day does bring about the wrong impression for young people.

    Men should start speaking up about abuse from women also.

    It is true that a black eye shows abuse rather that a women’s scorn through words.

    I have seen marriages break up because the male decides he no longer wants to share the same bed with the women. The women have become so ugly to the men.

    As a women I will admit I have been abusive in my so called subtle ways through words, backstabbing and the like. I had no idea that I had done so much damaged until it was too late.

    My abuse was so much more destructive than a black eye. I am so sorry today.

    I wish I had of been educated as to the results of my actions before I did them.

    I do share my knowledge with other women and younger teens so that they don’t do the same.

    Bringing abuse into the open is the only way we are going to change it.

    Comment by julie — Thu 9th March 2006 @ 12:19 am

  2. Hi Julie,
    What a refreshing change it is to hear a NZ woman openly admit she’s used verbal and emotional abuse tactics and damaged men in the process. Wow! It’s hard to beleive you’re for real. I’m so used to NZ women portaying themselves as paragons of virtue whilst too often backstabbing, lying and being decietful. I’m pinching myself here.

    Another reason that women will have to stop such crap is that the technology is soon arriving that makes all of this redundant. You’ve probably caught that idea, but for the uninitiated here’s some food for thought.

    Samsung have this week just released the most powerful cell-phone on earth. Toshiba, Erikson and others will only strive to best it so it’ll soon be the next standard phone. These phones will be ubiquitous carried everywhere as personal assistant accessories.
    Actually to call them a cellphone is not quite doing justice.
    The new Samsung carries 8 Gigabites of processing power! one button instant audio recorder, 2 megapixel camera with 3 times zoom and video function, instant access to websurfing, e-mail and file documents. You can add memory capacity to it with memory cards.
    (As an Helen Clarke and her APEC entourage were exposed to this and other digital technologies here in Korea recently and were gobsmacked. She returned to NZ and immediately spouted comments about improving NZ’s broadband – I can get broadband internet and TV on a cellphone travelling in my car at up to 150kph clear as a bell here).

    Now all this may seem like gobbledygook to many and admitedly the Samsung is (for a year or two) a high end phone that only the wealthiest can afford.
    However this year Samsung also launch a 16 Gigabite flash memory storage card. That’s huge meory and processing power on a card the size of a fingernail!

    These things will only become even more powerful over time too.

    OK, enough of the techno-rant.

    What I’m trying to get across is the idea that it will very soon be within most folks reach to actively record evidence of mailicious behavior and present it as evidence. Think of the movie 1984, only it’s not Big Brother watching you, You and everybody is Big Brother watching everyone else.

    The surveillance age is here.

    So for example let’s say I’m a Dad turning up to pick up my kids for weekend visitation. Previously the occasion has been used by the ex to verbally bash me or even deny me access without good reason. Now I simply record for evidence the whole event – Me staying cool and insistent that visitation should take place – her incriminating herself by telling me the kids have been sent off elsewhere to thier maternal grandparents because it’s important for them to be with family (like I’m not!) – This actually happened to me once. Add your own petty excuses used to deny you visitation in full knowledge of imunity in a misandric family court.

    Another example – I forget to return a toy with my son after weekend visitation. I phone up to apologise and enquire if it’s needed and get an earful of dreadful abuse – click, it’s recorded from the phones earpiece, click, click I record a video diary showing my distress, click, click,I record my new partners reaction as she was standing next to me when I took the call. Click I send a short e-mail with attached audio and video to my lawyer or direct to the family court, police, social services.


    Go for it guys.

    Men invented the technolgy to free up women from previous roles, but left themselves behind in the process.

    Catchup time.

    Have a good day folks.

    Comment by Stephen — Thu 9th March 2006 @ 3:43 pm

  3. OK, I hope I get to say this right cos it is real.

    Alot of women feel the same way as I do yet most of them are still with the father of thier children.

    If all of us think back to being young children who thought nothing of differences we probably all thought we would live happily ever after.

    I am no expert but hurting another often comes from one’s own pain.

    So we (both men and women) do things we shouldn’t do to those closest to us. We seem to kick into this survival mode as the animals do to protect ourselves.

    That’s why I have said it is sad how you can love someone so much one moment (and many moments) and then hate them the same another (and many others).

    This hate or resentment is so negative. Whether it be shown in a black eye or said through hateful words or other actions.

    The truth comes after the anger is over.

    It is then that we realise what our actions have done.

    I guess it is like war. We fight for our survival and when the war is over we think about the consequenses.

    We create our own war between the sexes particularly as parents.

    But we do come to a place of reflection. Sooner or later. And realise what we have really done.

    We say we love our children but in moments of war we don’t even consider them.

    And that is also as you have brought to my attention, in moments of selfishness.

    If we truly love our children then we must come to this conclusion as early as possible.

    You see, even though women think they can do it all, cause they see the little children walk, talk and go to kindy and pre-school (which are such fun days) the children hit intermediate school and then high school.

    Oh my god. The fun is over. The children now have demands of boundaries, they start puperty.
    There are things that women cannot do. What! Women can do anything a man can do! Bullshit. A male is a very special human being. I guess God know’s better. (By the way I am not religious, it is a good metaphor)

    It is at this stage a woman has to ???? Beg for forgiveness? Find another way? Or be an idiot and pretend this isn’t real.

    Comment by julie — Thu 9th March 2006 @ 5:04 pm

  4. Why wait for hi-tech cellphones?

    I record ll my phone conversations with the ex and my children.
    I am subject to supervised Contact.
    Baggy pants can conceal a tape recorder quite nicely.
    I have recorded some sessions, but alas missed one conversation that the ex later tried to suggest was evidence of my violent nature.

    I have attended one or two specialist courses. Unfortunately I did not feel able to record any group meetings. Confidentiality is imperative. But I did record a few good conversations with people running these courses, which include admissions and confirmations from these people that I am not a risk.

    Unfortunately none of this is admissable evidence in court.
    You must advise or seek consent in advance fro such recordings to be admissable.

    I am due to have a change in supervsed Contact provider soon. I will be explicitly telling her I record some or all of Contact between myself and my children.

    My golden rule is COVER YOURSELF.
    Do whatever you need to (within the law) to prove you are violent.
    But do not, repeat do not, resort to any behaviours that will get held against yopu in family court.

    Note, next week I hope to avail my guide to how to cope with Supervised Contact.

    My full version, which I will send to anyone who wants it, includes full details of definitions of violence, the basis of the femi-nazi’s work, from
    – Women’s Refuge;
    – Stopping Violence Services;
    – Ellen bass’s travesity, The Courage To Heal
    and a few other other references.

    Comment by Al D Rado — Thu 9th March 2006 @ 6:27 pm

  5. Al D Rado, I am really happy for you.

    But I am saddened that things have come to only more war between the sexes.

    What exactly are you trying to achieve?

    Is just looking for a better way for you to gain not being selfish? Will this only anger the other party?

    Are you really aware of what this site and other sites for women are about?

    Maybe, I am reading them wrong but I see that the government has given to women and men seperately but they are both having to work towards equality.

    Do you think that your comments will influence other males? If you do are you not responsible for them to go to such extremes?

    Is going to such extremes benefitting your children? How will this affect them?

    Comment by julie — Thu 9th March 2006 @ 9:13 pm

  6. You may misread me Julie.
    I am fully proposing that men who have been subject to allegations of violence or sexual abuse take whatever steps the see as ncessary to protect themselves.
    If someone (particularly my ex wife) wishes to make further allegations of sexual abuse (even though the judge has already found “no evidence”) then I fully intend to defend myself.
    And if that means covertly or overtly recoding every conversation, then that is what I’ll do.
    Any man tht has been subject to such allegations will understand the full impact that such allegations have.
    To falsely accuse your husband of perhaps already, and certainly wanting to, rape his own children is the worse single thing a woman can do.
    And then to only front up in court with “well I don’t know – he might have” – well someone should be locked away for such lies.
    And that a female judge does not act upon it?

    Hence why we men need this site, and networks to support each other.
    Women have had these for years.

    If you have ever read Ellen Bass’s book – if you even think you may have been sexually abused, then you almost certainly have been – was one of the greatest travesties to beseige womandom.

    Comment by Al D Rado — Thu 9th March 2006 @ 9:49 pm

  7. And OOPS!

    My earlier post should read

    “My golden rule is COVER YOURSELF.
    Do whatever you need to (within the law) to prove you are NOT violent.”

    Comment by Al D Rado — Thu 9th March 2006 @ 9:51 pm

  8. I hope to never, ever have to go through what you have gone through. My head cannot even comprehend it let alone understand how one would cope with such things happening.

    But notice the word, “Gone.” That means past.

    I know it isn’t easy to gamble again but you have to. You have to move on with the present and the future. Otherwise you will waste what belongs to you. YOUR LIFE FOR YOU and your children. It doesn’t mean you have to get into another relationship but you have to still be the inner you. You don’t need barriers.

    Why would you resort to taping her now. I would think you would want to only concern yourself with the children.

    Comment by julie — Thu 9th March 2006 @ 10:06 pm

  9. My battle is over the day I can freely enjoy my children in my own home.
    Then, I can relax.
    Until then, and I make no apology for this, I will do everything, and encourage other men likewise, to cover myself and not give any room for further false allegations.
    As far as i can tell, just about every man whom I have seen post in this forum, who has attended mens support groups, has had to battle the system, because they have had all manner of allegation thrown at them.

    Comment by Al D Rado — Thu 9th March 2006 @ 10:25 pm

  10. Well then, I will stand by on the fence line and watch you battle.

    Hmmm, battle the system you say.

    No, you don’t go to these groups or post on this website to battle the system.

    If you want to battle the system you talk to others who have already battled the system and won.

    Men and Women.

    Just out of curiousity, how long have you battled the system?

    And I don’t mean battled your ex-wife.

    Comment by julie — Thu 9th March 2006 @ 10:34 pm

  11. I didn’t mean to be sarcastic on my last comment. Everyone needs support when they are going through battles. This site and men’s groups are great.

    It is your battle. I am not going to give advice to you but I hope it finishes soon.

    Comment by julie — Thu 9th March 2006 @ 10:51 pm

  12. Julie – I’ve said this before in these forums, in so many words :

    Physical wounds repair quickly and easily comapred to emotional wounds. In general Men lash out and do physical damage, women lash out and do emotional damage. Which gender then should have the refuge centres ? Which Gender is doing the most harm ?

    I believe physical wounds are nothing compared to emotional wounds. And yet Women are experts at inflicting emotional wounds compared to Men, and go about this unchecked, yet the focus remains on us “Evil Men” “beating up 1 in 4 women”

    And why do we need an International Womens Day ? Womens day is every day goddammit !

    I have removed the idea of any sort of relationship with a Woman as of 2 years ago for all the reasons posted at this website and more. It’s a big decision but a safe one. The way I see it, having a relationship with a Woman, and possibly children is like giving an armed nuke to a monkey to play with. It just simply is not worth the risk.

    Comment by Moose — Fri 10th March 2006 @ 11:30 pm

  13. Yes, I hear you Moose.

    It is just that I have never looked at wounds, abuse etc that way.

    This is new to me and I reckon it is new to women in general.

    As a women I have been trained I believe to think of men as strong unemotional humans.

    Men do need centre’s like women’s refuge. When relationships end often the male is thrown out then and there. I wonder how many of them just sleep in thier cars.

    Comment by julie — Sun 12th March 2006 @ 2:07 am

  14. One friend of mine slept in a tent, and then in shearer’s quarters whilst he battled the system.
    He endured all the usual allegations, but somehow won custody of his children.

    Comment by Al D Rado — Sun 12th March 2006 @ 1:12 pm

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