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Domestic Violence – a man’s side

Filed under: Domestic Violence,General — Julie @ 2:01 pm Thu 12th July 2007

This was an interesting tale on another MRA site that i couldn’t resist.

Once again I will share my story of what happens in the Ventura county jail system:

Once arrested you are given a 8 day top (I served 9 and droped community service). During this time the male will be on suicide watch for the first 2-3. Day 4 they will take the male to a line to fill out forms for the public pretender. The line ends at a TV screen with a judges face on the other side. The male by this time is worn out and knows all he has to do to go home is take the plea-bargain. In total shame most bow down to the mighty judge behind the TV and go home after processing out for the next 2-3 days. The other option is stay in jail and risk 6mo-year jail, lose youh home, job, car ect. The sentence is:

DV classes 52 weeks $30 a pop miss 2 and go to jail exit and entrance fee of $30 = 1620
Fine of about $1450 payable in payments along with probation maintance fees (forget how much this is). 3 years formal probation. If a child was present when you were arrested then parenting classes are issued (I dont know the costs). Comunity service is normaly Cal-Trans 40 hours.

Now you have to remember that it’s not a communist country and your rights have been shot to hell. No, it’s a democracy that swears it will uphold the law as long as your a female ofcourse and only then…


So you might be thinking to yourself that you are lucky New Zealand isn’t this bad. But you are wrong.

Men’s suicide is an issue that New Zealand has and you are under suicide watch in instances. What you don’t know is how unclean these cells are and how the blood of the last victims are on the mattress you sleep on and the walls you stare at and you don’t know how you can walk out of there with life threatening diseases.

Also you have to remember that accusations for Domestic Violence towards a female is the same for here and now you have to realise that if a child is present you will be attending father classes at a place like Man Alive. As well as classes for anger management.

We have yet to have the judges on TV screens but the way things are going with the amount of cases in the Justice court system we will be looking at the same as what other countries do. They are looking at judges sitting at their desk and judging cases from forms lawyers send them. It won’t be long until men are convicted from a TV screen.

But notice how the male in this story pleads guilty so he can go home. Is that justice?

6 Responses to “Domestic Violence – a man’s side”

  1. Alastair says:

    Notice Refuge Industry are having their annual appeal?

    I suggest that if approached you should reply, yoy are happy to help, as soon as equal resource is directed towards male victims of dv

  2. julie says:

    Oh, Alistair that is funny. I will do more than what you suggest.

    I invited Man Alive to our meeting and Chris (CEO) look at me alot different as he did when he was defiant and loyal to his cause. “You didn’t answer my e-mail about Men’s month” I said. “And BTW can you pass this invitation onto (named a person)” “I don’t know this person”, he said. “Well that is funny”, I said, “You knew them him when I did a presentation.”

    I am intimidating these guys and they are uncomfortable and so am I. I e-mail some great stuff other MRA give to me from overseas.

    “Well”, I said, “Photocopy the paper work.” He did so and was asked nicely to pass it onto the rest of the staff. But I forgot to ask him if I could leave pamflets for their clients so I had to return. Of course I can but he said that none of the staff could attend the meeting because they have a meeting that night. Sorry to say but I don’t believe him.

    I think I am hurting these guys and even though i feel really bad about it I don’t have a choice. They will be taking care of my boys and their friends and my friends children soon enough.

    Alistair, I am not able to fight Nationally yet. But I hope you also speak your mind. People don’t know the truth of what is going on.

    IMO we should be unified as in chapters (American speech) but it means areas. And trust that each is holding their own to the best of their ability.

  3. Stephen says:

    Thanks for the link to the website.

    Yes, it’s no great surprise that Man Alive are getting uncomfortable at being called to account. It fits with my experience of the place some years ago now, which suggests the problems are ingrained.
    Go hard Julie.
    Your sons will be proud of your efforts.

  4. julie says:

    Thanx Stephen for the encouragement. I am lucky to have the support of the community at large. Wayne’s walk to Wellington showed me so much from my area. And it hasn’t stopped there.

    I will tell you another moment in time.

    When i visited Waiparera trust the man who is in charge of their father’s group and the one i will send clients to and tell everyone else to had his son there because it is the school holidays.

    The whole time was special to watch him as a father and I would have liked to take a picture because near the end of our time he held his son in his arms, cuddled and kissed him as if he was grateful that somehow he was one of the lucky fathers. Maybe our talk reminded him as he has been part of UOF since 2001.

  5. Stephen says:

    AND it’s any different in nz?

    In the USA – husbands murder wives an average 1,400 per year over the last 29 years.

    Close to 26,000 men killed themselves in 2004.

    That the feminist media, academics, and government focus on violence against woman as the biggest issue facing us.

  6. Rob Case says:


    The data for suicide in the US in 2004 is stunning.

    The figures for white men are 80 per day – about the same as a particularly bad day in Baghdad, only every day, ceaselessly, and no sense of urgency to stop it.

    I know the suicide rate is not generally reported on in NZ media, and I couldn’t tell you if it’s in the hundreds, thousands or tens of thousands. Nor does it seem to be an issue of any urgency with our government, who otherwise seem to be obsessed with addressing negative social indicators.

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