I want to share with you my experience in the men’s movement because I think it is important to help changes.

We all know that NZ is a small place and that if we put ourselves out there we will get labelled. What label we wear to many people depends on what they think of us. We all know that the Father’s coalition has been labelled disgruntled fathers to the leaders but the public are sympathetic to the fathers and those in the community groups are also because these people can see the bias the leaders such as feminist lawyers and judges and politicians show through their words and actions. For instant, what sort of a potitician calls fathers DEADBEATS? If you just use common sense you can see that these politicians are horrible people. And lawyers that use DV orders against fathers are also horrible people plus greedy.

But what about everyone else? What about the media? Are all these men and women anti men? No, they are not. Ask them. From my learning they don’t like to interview the men’s movement because they find the men so angry. But then when you explain why the men they have interviewed in the past are angry, they sort of want to hear some more.

What about politicians? None of them disagree that women are also violent but they say the statistics show men to be the major perpertrators. So they see DV is good the way it is. Are they bad for not looking for more information? No, for they have a job to do and their jobs are full on as your jobs are. Does your boss or do you as a business owner allow you or others time to research stuff? No, of course not. They rely on the information given just as you do.

The only way these people are going to change is;

1. They interview the fathers coalition or other protestors more which is a good thing and;
2. You start giving them proof things are not how they are being shown.

There is one piece that many people can’t do when they are hurting and that is LISTENING to the other side. That is listening for the answer. It is almost impossible to give of yourself to listen when you are already overwhelmed by your own troubles. You don’t have the energy to give away. That is normal.

I have come to the conclusion that anger is not going to change a thing. Unless you can use it positively.

I have written to almost every group and every website and every politician. Many don’t reply when I insult or I demand. And I understand their thinking. They think, “If you are not part of the solution, you are part of the problem.”

The men’s movement needs to be a part of the solution. Not making the problem worse by “I want because I deserve because I say so.” I know that is not what men or women are thinking when in pain but it does come across like this to the side that is being attacked. They must almost think, “Well, abuse is part of the territory. You can’t please everyone.”

For some strange reason (maybe through my anger at JimB), I am being asked my opinion from a certain group of politicians. I am not going to say who because although many have contacted me during my time here, this one is the most special and the only one I think gets the big picture as a full picture. You can guess who I speak of.

On another note, I have realised complaining to these websites is a waste of time although I will still do so. I know of the Family Violence Clearing House. They don’t give a toss at what I say. The publishers of ‘Bad Dad List’ don’t even have the courtesy to reply. In fact I think telling poeple who don’t already get of their butts is half a waste of time. I think the people that are already active in the community are the ones to contact. They are doers. Doers are a different “cattle of fish” than those who moan only. Although I understnad that moaning is healthy for the one that moans. So dumping your problems outside of yourself is healthy.

It is a good idea to listen to UF. The public needs to know. And as Jerry posted, people who are hurting is one thing but getting involved in helping males before they get to that stage is also important. That is giving. When you give, you are not being selfish. People don’t want to help people who are selfish. People want to help people who help other people. And also when you give you have someone elses rights to think of. You tread differently for others as you do for yourself.

It may be time to contact the scout leaders, the youth clubs, the soccer and rugby coaches. It may be time to teach people that are go getters rather than those who have given up. People are giving you the answer if you listen carefully.

Maybe, because I am a female I can hear the words. Maybe like JimB says men speak differently. Maybe men can’t hear words. Maybe men can only see actions. I will try to see actions if men will try and see words.

However, JimB, you are not allowed to reply if you are going to be negative. I am not here to compete with you. Just show a different side than what you believe.