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Churches bash males now that they are under feminists control

Filed under: Boys / Youth / Education,General — Julie @ 9:09 am Tue 13th May 2008

Pastors, Don’t Use Mother’s Day to Bash Dads
By Paul Coughlin, Crosswalk Contributor

A learning season is upon us, and it’s worth our time to heed its teaching.

This lesson is the difference between how we handle Mother’s Day compared with Father’s Day in church. If it’s like in years past, it won’t be pretty.

This Sunday we will extol the value and benefit of motherhood, which is great. But in some churches, this will be done by degrading Christian husbands, which is not great. “Our pastor makes us husbands get on our knees on Mother’s Day and beg for forgiveness. I don’t want to do it again this year,” one reader tells me. Another writes, “Our minister makes husbands write on paper all the things we’ve done wrong. Then we’re suppose to give it to our wives and pledge that we won’t do them any more.”

Most preachers will not be this heavy-handed. They will wait till Father’s Day (Sunday, June 18) to tell men how to be better fathers. Of course there’s nothing wrong with this message when taken as an isolated event. But when compared with Mother’s Day, we’ll discover that for some reason many ministers believe that fathers need correction on Father’s Day (and Mother’s Day) but women don’t. Why this double-standard?

Because much of the church sees men as a problem to be fixed when compared to women, not a gender to be appreciated. There’s prejudice and bigotry against a man’s nature in too many churches, Christian publishing, and on Christian radio (I was a program director of a Christian radio station – I
was part of the problem too), all of which have been beating men up for decades.

For example,

If there is a problem with their marriage, Christian men have been told by these sources that it is automatically their fault. Dr. James Dobson is one of a few authors brave enough to confront this false message. He writes in Love Must Be Tough that men are saddled with the unrealistic
expectation that “any sadness or depression that a woman might encounter is her husband’s fault. At least he has the power to eradicate it if he cares enough. In other words, many American women come into marriage with unrealistically romantic expectations which are certain to be dashed. Not
only does this orientation set up a bride for disappointment and agitation in the future, it also places enormous pressure on her husband to deliver the impossible.. . Marital conflict always involves an interaction between two imperfect human beings who share the responsibility to one degree or
another.” Sadly, Dobson’s common sense is drowned out by other and more shrill voices.

I was told as an impressionable and young Christian man in church that I was “irresponsible, thoughtless, and selfish,” when compared to women, who are innately more moral and spiritual. I don’t know everything about the Bible. But I do know two profound truths: It says a lot about morality and
spirituality. Nowhere does it state that women have a corner on both when compared to men. Instead, it tells us that both genders are uniquely and equally made in the image of God. It tells us that both are equally sinful and in need of redemption. There is no privileged gender in God’s eyes.

Still, this rose-scented inequality will spread across our country this weekend, creating unintended consequences. Many will hear about the dark side of fatherhood in America, but few if any will hear about motherhood’s dark side. How a child is more likely to be physically abused and killed by
his mother, not his father. The statistics vary from 65% to more than 80%, which includes adjustments for single mothers. How wives over 40 and with children file for divorce more than husbands (around 66%), and their reason has little if anything to do with abuse or infidelity. How wives are more prone to begin a conversation more harshly than husbands. These aren’t exactly family values. Listing these problematic facts of life will likely cause more shock than the facts themselves.

I could create an equally unflattering portrait of wayward fathering, which would include damning facts about fatherlessness and incarceration. But pointing out the ugly in each gender isn’t the point of this article. The goal is to explode the myth of gender superiority, create a more biblically sound perspective, and implore today’s ministers and lay people to treat each gender with respect and dignity during this important season by pointing out their unique value, which will foster genuine domestic harmony, among other blessings.

Here are some facts that can easily be worked into upcoming sermons about the importance and value of fatherhood. None is derogatory toward mothers but instead points out the complimentary nature of mothers and fathers.

1. Sociologist Brad Wilcox from the University of Virginia found that conservative evangelical fathers rank higher than other men in the United States in most every category. “Conservative evangelical fathers spend more time with their children, hug and praise them more, are less likely to yell at them, and commit the lowest levels of domestic violence than any other group in America,” he writes in Soft Patriarchs, New Men: How Christianity Shapes Fathers and Husbands.

2. These fathers are “also the most active, emotionally engaged husbands and fathers in America” whose wives report the highest levels of “happiness, love and affection.” These superior fathers and husbands are also more likely to “discipline their children, monitor their viewing habits, and know where they are at any given time.” This is why Wilcox refers to them as “soft patriarchs.” They “balance their traditional, authority-minded approach to parenting with a large measure of involvement and affection.”

3. Fathers excel when it comes to discipline, play, and challenging their children to embrace life’s challenges. They are more likely to partake in physical play with children, which is more important than many realise. Play “promotes social skills, intellectual development, and a sense of self-control. ” The playful side to fathers teaches their children how to regulate their feelings and behaviour as they interact with others. Children who roughhouse with fathers usually learn quickly that biting, kicking and
other forms of physical violence are not acceptable.

4. Fathers are more likely than mothers to encourage their children to take up difficult tasks, to seek out fresh experiences, and to endure pain and hardship without yielding. Explains Wilcox, “The bottom line is that fathers excel in teaching their children the virtues of fortitude, temperance, and prudence for life outside their family.”

5. Writes sociologist David Popenoe: “While mothers provide an important flexibility and sympathy in their discipline, fathers provide ultimate predictability and consistency. Both dimensions are critical for an efficient, balanced, and humane child-rearing regime.”

6. The publication Child Development found that children of parents who engaged in sex-typical behaviour, where the mother was more responsive/nurturing and the father was more challenging/ firm, were more competent overall than children whose parents did not engage in sex-typical behaviour.

7. The amount of time fathers devote to child rearing increased 170 percent between 1965 and 1998.

8. The largest factor in predicting whether a child will graduate from high school, attend college, avoid crime or drugs, and get pregnant before 18 is the presence of a father in the child’s life.

9. According to a recent report by the Department of Health and Human Services, “Fathers play a unique role in fostering the well-being of their children, not only through providership, protection and guidance, but also through the way that they nurture the next generation.” But there is a huge
catch. “A father’s involvement with his children…is powerfully contingent on the mother’s attitude” toward him. Research consistently shows that the father-child relationship depends more on the quality of the parents’ relationship than does the mother-child relationship. See the problem? If
men continue to be denigrated from the pulpit during Mother’s Day or Father’s Day, wives will be encouraged to have a low view of them. This low view may well drive a wedge between a father and his children, darkening their future.

10. This same report from the Department of Health and Human Services states: “Girls with active dads demonstrate higher levels of mathematical competence, and boys with more nurturing fathers display higher levels of verbal acumen. It is worth noting, of course, that girls tend to struggle
more with math and boys tend to struggle more with language. Having an active, emotionally invested father appears to help children overcome the intellectual weaknesses typically associated with their sex.”

11. Fathers are more likely to foster independent, exploratory behaviour on the part of their children, compared to mothers.

12. Children raised by engaged fathers are more comfortable exploring the world around them.

13. A playful, challenging, and nurturing approach to fatherhood is associated with more self-control and pro-social behaviour among children throughout the course of their lives.

14. One study of seventh graders found that boys who had close relationships with their fathers were more likely to control their feelings and impulses, to obey rules at school and home, and to make good moral judgement.

15. This same study found that boys with involved fathers had fewer school behaviour problems and that girls had more self-esteem.

16. Boys and girls who are exposed to the nurture of a father, and who see a father being nurturing to their mother and other adults, are much less likely to associate masculinity with predatory sexual behaviour and hyper-aggressiveness.

17. Fathers help their children, especially their daughters, develop the self-control and the sense of self-worth that protects them from premature sexual intercourse and teenage pregnancy.

If you have additional information about the importance of fatherhood, let us know so that we can create an even better resource list for ministers and others who want to change Mother’s Day vs. Father’s Day to Mother’s Day And Father’s Day. If your minister treats both mothers and fathers with the respect and dignity they deserve, we want to know so we can give them the kudos they deserve. Email us at [email protected]. We’ll put it on our website.

Paul Coughlin is the author of No More Christian Nice Guy, and the upcoming, No More Jellyfish, Chickens or Wimps: Raising Secure, Assertive Kids in a Tough World (June 2007). He is the co-author along with his wife Sandy of Married But Not Engaged. He’s also a founding member of GodMen.


  1. … gee … mother’s day last Sunday.
    And the preacher preached on Luke ch 7, vs 36 – 50.
    Look it up….!

    Comment by Frank & Earnest — Tue 13th May 2008 @ 7:45 pm

  2. Ah but the modern state of sin is enshrined in our maleness. Helen and her pharisaic cabinet know we men are sinful (even the enuichs sitting around the table – gays are some kind of gender neutral according to PC orthodoxy). The current state this nation is that the harlot is now defined as any male as malness is by definition illrepute.

    I’m also pleased to read James Dobson and Paul Coughlin have some sanity in their view of society.

    Comment by allan Harvey — Tue 13th May 2008 @ 8:45 pm

  3. Speaker Warns Homosexuality Being Used for International Secular Humanist Agenda

    Says pro-abortionists, activist judges, UN, part of final attempt “to demolish Christianity”

    TORONTO, February 7, 2003 ( — Militant secular humanists are now using homosexuals and homosexuality “to demolish Christianity once and for all”. That was one of the main messages given by veteran pro-life, pro-family advocate Gwen Landolt in her January 18 presentation to the Toronto Catholic group Witness.

    Landolt was invited by the group to give her presentation on the topic “The Homosexual Activists’ Push to Change Canadian Society”. Many present who were familiar with her past work found this talk by Landolt to be strikingly foreboding and accented by an uncharacteristically strong emphasis at the end on the importance of prayer and trusting in God.

    The talk and question and answer session covered a wide territory of related material including:
    * the now widespread and growing secular humanist attack on Christianity;
    * abortion;
    * the denial of reason and logic and related increase of emotion and intimidation;
    * the protection of AIDS by government and the courts;
    * the re-definition of freedom of religion by Canadian courts;
    * what tolerance and diversity now mean;
    * the implications of recent Supreme Court decisions;
    * the unaccountability of judges and their corrupt appointment and complaints processes;
    * the 1994 Cairo conference;
    * Svend Robinson’s Bill C-250 (adding homosexuality to hate crimes law);
    * strong indications that, despite Landolt’s previous skepticism, one world government may soon become a reality;
    * the great importance of individual efforts;
    * and much more.

    Gwen Landolt, a founder of Toronto Right to Life, Campaign Life Coalition Canada, and REAL Women of Canada, is a lawyer and has been organization legal council on life and family issues since the late 1960’s. More recently, she has directed numerous Supreme Court and other court interventions and parliamentary committee presentations by REAL Women, often joining forces with various secular groups and religious groups of different denominations. Landolt has also personally attended and influenced United Nations conferences in Cairo, Beijing and New York.

    Mrs. Landolt is acknowledged by many to have a special ability to evaluate long-term implications of legislation and policies, implications that most of her peers either miss or refuse to believe. Jim Hughes, president of Campaign Life Coalition Canada and vice-president of International Right to Life, told LifeSite, “time and time again Gwen has shown an uncanny knack for finding within legislation the true intent of what the writers are attempting to pass. Without her fundamental understanding of the Canadian so-called Charter of Rights and Freedoms we would not have been able to mount the strong effort that we did against its implementation. Unfortunately, we weren’t successful, but thanks to Gwen we were very much in the battle. Many of her fears, which were pooh-poohed by the establishment, have come to pass, such as the change in the judiciary usurping the role of Parliament in many cases to create new law.”

    SELECTED EXCERPTS from Gwen Landolt’s comments to Witness:

    “Hilaire Belloc predicted this in 1938 and it’s taking place now. Not only in Canada, the United States, throughout Europe, throughout the world…the final attack on Catholicism is the world of secular humanism, attacking and intimidating the church – and the idea is that the Christian faiths of all denominations are to be pushed aside, marginalized, taken out of the political arena, demoralized, so that Christianity will become small mutant sects which will have no input into the history of the world.”

    “It is to demolish Christianity for once and for all. And this is the period in which we are living and Beloc said one of the hallmarks of this final attack on Christianity will be reason and logic will no longer be applied and that it will be characterized by emotion, political correctness [he didn’t use that word] and that these will be the first signs that the Christian faith is now under the final, most vicious and most ruthless attack.”

    “How was the Christian faith to be attacked, demoralized … no one could ever have predicted it, it has come about that the tool, the worm gnawing away at Christianity, has turned out to be the homosexual movement. I would never have thought that 20 years ago, but I know it now.”

    “Homosexuals are the front, the advance guard of humanism, secularism, materialism.”

    “We are fighting an evil and we must pronounce it as such. We must not be intimidated… it attacks the very essence of Christianity and accepting homosexuality will be, as Hilaire Beloc said, to lose our reason, our rational thought and to fall into emotion and intimidation.”

    “…homosexuals (activists) are very closely involved in the abortion battle as well because they know it’s deteriorating and breaking down the structure of society.”

    “In 1986…the U.S. Supreme Court said, in a case that came from the state of Georgia, that homosexuality is not equal in law to heterosexuality. Therefore, the homosexual activists had to reach a new method to meet their objectives and they decided they will make the homosexual issue a human rights issue…”

    “They have done that very cleverly because there is no way homosexuality is a human rights issue. Homosexual behavior is changeable, it is not immutable and the only thing that distinguishes homosexual persons is their sexual conduct. Never before has conduct or behavior even fallen into the category of human rights.”

    “…They have very cleverly never publicized what is their sexual behavior, which is that promiscuity is inherent in it and studies, even done by homosexuals themselves, that so-called homosexual partnerships are not sexually exclusive. It seldom occurs.”

    “People are intimidated. They’re afraid to stand up for reason and common sense because they have moved the argument into the civil rights, human rights category which does not apply to them.”

    “We are not discriminating against them when we say their lifestyle is an unhealthy lifestyle and their conduct is affecting all of society – AIDS, STDs and now we have again, after many years, the return of syphilis which had been defeated. It has returned to our society because of the rampant homosexuality.”

    “…It is the first time in history that public health policy protects the perpetrator, not the general public. And if someone has AIDS, they are protected under our law, but not the general public. Not us. The homosexual groups have used the money that they have received from the federal government to fight AIDS in fact as a propaganda tool…the $40 million they get annually…is being used as propaganda, such as saying that condoms are the answer. It is irrefutable. Condoms are not the answer. The only answer to AIDS is abstinence.”

    “Within the past three years Canadian courts have changed the traditional understanding of freedom of religion to now mean “you are free to believe what you like but you cannot speak what you like nor are you free to act on your religious faith in the public square”. The most recent example was on December 20, 2000, when the Supreme Court of Canada said that in the public school in British Columbia every child…must be exposed to homosexual material. The court had no right in law because the properly elected school board makes that decision…”

    “Madame Justice Beverly McLachlan said “one is never too young to learn tolerance”. She said there must be tolerance and diversity. Tolerance is the code word for unconditional acceptance of homosexuality. Diversity has always meant multiculturalism, but diversity has now become another code word and it’s been changed from culture to homosexual conduct. I’ve not seen anybody raising that issue.”

    “People are shrugging it off, they are turning away. They’re becoming frightened. They’re becoming intimidated. It’s become so powerful that the highest court in the land has made this pronouncement. The ramifications of that are enormous, not only for the public school system but also within the Christian, Catholic private school systems, that they too will be obliged to accept tolerance and diversity.”

    “Nobody has become really aware of the significance of what she (Justice Beverly McLachlan) has done. Generations unborn are going to have terrible, terrible problems if this is not resisted.”

    “Then the second thing the Supreme court has done was on Dec. 19, the day before they handed down the B.C. decision.”

    “Throughout that judgment (Dec. 19), time and time again, they said, because heterosexual couples have an alternative to marry or live common law…and I read the judgment and it became to me quite obvious…they have now set the stage. Within another year or two they are going to be dealing with whether same-sex unions are in fact legal marriages and they prepared the pathway in that they have said homosexuals have no alternative…within another year they are going to declare and I am sure as I am standing here with you this morning,… they are going to declare same-sex unions are in fact marriages..”

    “Are we going to stand up or are we going to say ‘I’d rather let someone else do it. I’d rather not get involved’.”

    “The only way to stop all this is through the efforts of individuals.”

    “The Pope, bishops and cardinals need you and me to stand up. (this talk was to a Catholic group)”

    “The church and it’s leaders need you to say “I stand beside you. I stand as bravely as I can. I stand and face the humiliation, the attacks, the bitterness, the ridicule that come against the Church and against me as an individual, as a person, because I dare to speak out to change the dynamics of the debate — that I’m willing to stand for my faith. It is difficult for the priests too, to get up and speak for the truth against abortion, against homosexuality.”

    “Time and time again I have seen UN documents declaring that the most discriminatory organizations in the world are religious ones. Again and again they said that ‘We must get at religious beliefs’.”

    “The Justice committee won’t get to Bill C-250 until April or later. There have been thousands and thousands of letters from Christians across the country objecting to C-250.”

    “I called the Prime Minister’s office and found out that they have never received so many letters on any issue before. The Prime Minister doesn’t know what he is going to do about it.”

    “And if this Bill C-250 is passed, heaven help us, we will still fight. If I’m charged with hate crimes, so be it. If that is what comes, that is what we have to face. So be it.”

    “I am now writing a pamphlet called “Curbing the power of the Supreme Court of Canada” and it will be available from REAL Women within a couple of weeks.”

    “At the present time the Prime Minister appoints the judges to the Supreme Court of Canada in secret. And these judges are merely lawyers with very strong political connections. Every one of those nine judges all have a political tale to tell how they got there. We are going to have to demand public confirmation hearings by a joint committee of the Senate and the House of Commons.”

    “They are just politically connected lawyers who are using their appointments to adapt the country to their own ideology and philosophy…– abortion on demand, homosexuality. They put loopholes in the child pornography law. They’re left-wing liberals using their power to manipulate and adapt society to their secular anti-religion.”

    “Before I got involved in the UN people would talk about one world government and I said “oh yea, yea, yea”, I didn’t believe it. But after REAL Women has been to roughly 30 UN meetings I realize that the UN is a tool for maybe a handful of 300 people to control one world government, and certainly the international criminal court that is coming up is going to be used as the tool to attack the Catholic Church and all other religions. I know it’s coming.”

    “It’s all part of the same package. The homosexual issue is being used, discrimination, human rights are being used…to bring in the whole thing and one world government…”

    “I don’t want to say one world government is coming because I found it so outrageously unbalanced to suggest it, but certainly I can see something is happening out there.”

    “It is all in the hands of God. Remember it’s God’s issue. We are only his servants… “Just tell me God what I gotta do and I’ll do it”. It’s his problem. We can only do so much.. We do what we can and leave it in God’s hands.”

    Comment by julie — Wed 14th May 2008 @ 12:41 am

  4. If anyone is interested, I have started a new yahoo group:


    This group is a forum for discussing men’s issues as they relate to religion, including (but not limited to) responses (or the lack thereof) from religious organisations to issues affecting men and fathers; men’s experience of religion; religion and fatherhood; masculist spiritualities; and much, much more.

    It is open to followers of any belief system as well as those who do not follow any and is intended to be a forum for open dialogue.

    Please send an email to [email protected] if you are interested in joining.

    Comment by Darryl Ward — Mon 19th May 2008 @ 11:24 pm

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