MENZ Issues: news and discussion about New Zealand men, fathers, family law, divorce, courts, protests, gender politics, and male health.

Open Letter to the Public

Filed under: General — sonnyking @ 9:50 pm Thu 24th April 2008

I wanted the local newspaper to publish the following letter. I was hoping that some of the public in the small town we live in would come forward for the sake of X (child), but unfortunately the newspaper would not publish; their excuse, the public would have trouble understanding the letter.

Open Letter to the Public
I would like to commend a member of our valued community.

She deserves an Oscar for a most outstanding seven year performance. One I have been privileged to view and experience for six years.

She has worked meticulously to perfect her character, that some have come to believe, that is who she really is. Many have been captivated and enticed onto her stage, developing their skills as professionals to enhance the performance to a height of splendour. Those of us, who know her true, have taken a step back to watch her act.

This member of our valued community is well-known and has performed her acts for many members of our society. On numerous occasions, her incomparable acts have quenched her appetite. Other times, her acts have flopped and her cravings have not been fulfilled. Whether or not her acts have satisfied her desires, they have developed affects, rippling beyond belief. The infectious ripples have crawled under the skins of those lured onto her stage and clouded their judgment. The combinations of clouded judgements and superb acts have inflicted havoc on two.

This havoc has affected those from her womb. Those who should be dearest to her have endured the worse. One has been saved. One has not. Their souls have cried out to many. Who listened? One kept calling out and was finally heard. Now the other has been corrupted by means of pharmaceuticals and continuous mind games. Those now committed to her act have become weak, afraid to speak, fearing her sting. They have heard the cries of a sweet, pure soul, yet chose not to hear. This soul of innocence has been tainted by her hunger for control of her audience.

The poignancy of it all is that her supporters have encouraged the havoc.

It is a crime, the innocent soul?s only saviour, has never been heard either.

The letter ends here.

This woman does not know what unconditional love for a child is. She has consistently told X not to learn, not to do as he is instructed, be naughty, and cause problems, just so he appears ?a behavioural problem child?. I know this sounds absurd, but true; she use to do the same to his sister, but his sister had her peers. This woman didn?t make the same mistake with her son; she managed to have him removed from mainstream schooling, removed from his peers. X had nothing to guide him, telling him that he should not be treated like that, except for us, it wasn?t enough for him, and we didn?t have enough contact with him. X has managed to speak out a couple of times, but it has been twisted around by his mother and her usual cry to the FC, alienation. X has then received the repercussions from his mother and her partner. X is scared. X?s mother has managed to fool Te Roopu Kimiora and now administers Ritalin. X asked to see his counsellor by himself, X?s mother refused, pitifully the counsellor complied.

X is 9 and kept so tiny by his mother, what chance does he have?


  1. Dear sonnyking,

    I apologise if my comments sound pedantic or harsh. Alas, public criticism is difficult to manage, it either achieves nothing at all through being lost in politeness, or it strikes too hard and possibly leads to constructive improvements. (My criticism is really aimed at the familycaught, although I am not sure whether they are involved in your situation?)

    Your letter brings out the reasons why the familycaught has been able to remain publicly aloof and unaccountable to a generation (25 years) of criticism. Through this aloofness, it has been able to drift at various times, both forward and backward, whilst other areas in our society have made spectacular advances, for example medicine, science, teaching, engineering, plumbing, building, communications, libraries, democratic process, farming, forestry, counselling, aviation, music (need I go on?). It is through being able to stand up in public and be accountable, that organisations are forced to move forwards in the real world. Monopolies, such as familycaught, avoid this accountability, at the price of their integrity.

    When you decided to submit your letter, did you consider the newspapers position?

    1. Word limit for letters to the editor (often 125 or 250 words)?
    2. Clearly written, so that any reader can understand what is being discussed?

    You haven’t named the person you are talking about. This results that most readers will not be able to guess who the target of your criticism is and this makes your piece unclear to most readers. This prevents it having value to each reader. (In this case, maybe your letter should be posted directly to just the people involved, with names given clearly, so that they can take constructive actions.)

    3. When any article is “anonymised”, people’s names altered, places falsified, sorry anonymised, professions altered, then effectively the article starts to lose all credibility and value. Incidentally this is the same for familycaught judgements! The article would only have some residual value, if we knew that the writer is respected throughout the community and their word is trusted. (Incidentally, what level of trust does the public have, in words from familycaught judges, when they are spinning publicly over cases that have been taken into the public domain? )

    I am not sure if you have publicly identified yourself?
    I am not sure what your credibility is?
    In general, members of the public, even well respected journalists, identify themselves and give means of contact, so that any issues arising can be expeditiously resolved.

    I am aware that people who have dealings with familycaught, may feel under considerable extortionate pressure, from the familycaught judges. I admit that I have been cowed by this pressure, when my children were under 16 years old. The threat of being denied access to your own children, is a cruel and harsh sanction. This is particularly so, when you don’t trust the integrity of the familycaught judge who may be able to exercise this power both legally and extra-legally. Many familycaught judges like to emphasise that they will exercise this type of sanction, even threatening to exercise it illegally. Members of the public, who lack a law degree and several years experience as a barrista, may be very intimidated by this “power and control” type illegal behaviour.

    By not clearly identifying yourself, you are not accusing within the principles of “natural justice”.

    Any real court, should balance the right to accuse, by requiring clear identification of the accuser and also giving the right to the accused to reply and answer the criticism. This is called “natural justice”. Unfortunately, the familycaught mocks these time proven principles and acts more as an object lesson to show that these principles are still true!

    If you are seeking to put constructive pressure onto the actors that you accuse, then you can only do this effectively by naming them unambiguously (and yourself too).

    In any case, a liar or con-artist, can only perform in an absence of clear communication. You can only aid clear communication, by clearly identifying who you are talking about. Otherwise, how can they be sure that you are in fact talking about them?

    To be fair, liars do waste a lot of time. Most members of our community like to take people at face value. It takes considerable time and wisdom, to check up and cross check.

    Stepping back a little, your main actor surely only serves up lies, because the recipients of these lies are willing and stupid enough to act on them? They must share in the responsibility. You haven’t named who these parties are? If they had a reputation for carefully checking facts, before taking their decisions, then your liar would be quickly caught out and wouldn’t try the same again in the future. It is only because your liar is confident of the stupidity of these people, that the liar is motivated to try out their lies again and again. It is important that you draw these other parties out into the bright light!

    I believe that our fetish with secrecy is courting disaster. I would rather receive competent treatment in Family Court, than private but usurous incompetent treatment, at the hands of the present familycaught. My children’s welfare is too important to me, to put privacy before my children’s welfare.

    I hope that I have persuaded you to aim your words at all of the relevant targets and to waste no time on pussyfooting around with privacy to protect the guilty and the incompetent. Just remember that bullets can and should fly in all directions.

    Anyone with sense wouldn’t wade into such an unclear discussion. Nobody else has. I’m told that “fools rush in where angels fear to tread”.

    Best regards, MurrayBacon ph 09 638-7275.

    Comment by MurrayBacon — Sun 27th April 2008 @ 11:30 pm

  2. Murray, thank-you, I consider your point and no your comments are not pedantic or harsh.
    I purposefully did not reveal my name, the person I was writing about, we?ll call her Y, or the child?s name simply for the sake of all the children involved. My step daughter gets enough repercussions from other children at school that have information that only her birth mother, Y and the immediate family know. Yes this is being dealt with.
    No I wasn?t aware of the word limit for letters to the Editor and was not informed by the paper either.
    The particular letter would have made perfect sense to the ones it was directed to. If it wasn?t for the children I would not have a problem with identifying myself. I am well known in the community, I am a teacher.
    Yes we are very familiar with the FC system and have represented ourselves for three years now and surprisingly, have moved forward further than when with lawyers. This has been a seven year matter and we are well under way into our 8th year.
    It was probably quite fruitless to write, but at the time I was shall we say ?at my wits end? and it was probably more for my sanity than anything. Although I was hoping the newspaper would print as it felt I was getting it off my chest. Probably all the wrong reasons for doing so, but at least the kids haven?t received the repercussions they would have if names had been placed in the letter.
    Unfortunately yes, her lies and actions have portrayed her to the FC and to members of the town as none other than a victim. Her principal cry has always been alienation and she has even cried that her own daughter is alienating the brother from her. The daughter, now a senior of school life came to us a shadow of a child, she looked like a little waif with no self-esteem, no confidence, hid behind her father?s legs when there was company and starving for security and affection. It took approximately a year for this little girl to build her trust in me. Now ?.. she is a typical teenager and we wouldn?t have her any other way.
    You say that I should direct my arguments to the sources involved; I have, only for this to be turned around in the so-called medieval FC and use me as the scapegoat. I am the step-mum so therefore must be the cause. Believe me, for my own children?s sanity I would?ve walked away years ago but for the fact of firstly, a little girl, now a little boy. My children are the angles that have had to ride this insane rollercoaster with me and have still stood by me. They are my rock in all of this.

    Comment by sonnyking — Mon 28th April 2008 @ 1:10 pm

  3. I hear you Sonnyking – C4C told me that I was probably the reason that my husbands daughter didnt want to see him – due to his ex wife continually alienating child & dad because of his relationship with me. My step daughter also told my husband that he had me and that mum needed her because she is lonely….well after 5 yrs of being on your own youve got to wonder what sort of nasty piece of work she is. How could any mother put the guilt onto a child (9) when they separated that she is lonely and needs the kids…..Parent of the Year!!! NOT Maybe she should have rephrased that and said because of her mother’s action when my husband was married to her he no longer wanted to be married to her INSTEAD of trying to pass the buck of blame onto me when I didnt even know him when he separated!!!! I cant be that bad, my 2 children have a great relationship with their dad in another town and their step mum and I will continue to encourage that relationship everyday!!!!

    Comment by Karen — Mon 28th April 2008 @ 5:28 pm

  4. Dear sonnyking, it is painful to hear the familycaught or counsel-for-child blame alienation onto a step parent situation. Sure, sometimes there are problems.

    However, the familycaught have a very poor record for identifying the source of problems. Their judgement is just a gamble, not a (relevant) professional assessment of what is going on around a child. Curious, as I see most teachers as having skills relevant to solving family problems, far more so than legal workers.

    I like to hear stories of people assembling a new functional family from the ashes and fragments of a previous family.

    I believe that it does happen more than is talked about. I strongly believe that we should mention, discuss and honour people who can make good, from a history with problems. This is especially so with families. In my humble situation, my partner and I have not been able to have more children. I guess that this has made it much easier for my children to adapt. Also, where the new partner happily gives their time to the children, then the children gain more good attention from the new partner, than they lose from their father due to the new partnership relationship.

    It seems that the familycaught is so lost in picking winners and trying to support the “less powerful” party, that they lose all sight of responsibility. It is only through supporting responsibility, that children’s interests can be protected through a period of time (long after the judges and legal workers have never been seen again).

    If we play our cards right, then both parents should be able to win through a separation.

    Funny though, how it seems that the victim that was forced to separate, so often seems to pull their life back together more effectively? It’s not an accident, but a symptom of these people’s coping styles.

    I do like the idea of writing a letter, sleep on it at least once. Then either decide to post it, or laugh, screw it up and feed it to the worms in the compost. This way, something good has come of it.

    You mention that the intended recipients would have understood the letter. I suspect that they wouldn’t have understood, as they perhaps only have the problem, because they lack sufficient understanding, to be able to avoid or get themselves out of this situation. Thus the barrier to solution probably requires quite a big chunk of learning. Unfortunately, ego is so often a barrier to taking in this learning, especially from their protagonist. Unfortunately, you may have to wait until some independent person can show them?
    A wise man can learn from a fool, but a fool cannot learn from a wise man.

    Anyway, in the mean time, you are building a good life for the people important to you to enjoy. Don’t let anyone take away from that. Best regards, MurrayBacon.

    Comment by MurrayBacon — Mon 28th April 2008 @ 9:46 pm

  5. In understanding my letter.

    I can define quite well, how I came to examine religion.
    Which started properly, at age thirteen.
    And interestingly, it began in proving its not true.
    Of the few things I wrote in the past, I have a snapshot.
    An argument titled, God does not exist.
    It stoped at a dead end, on the subject of evolution.

    In arguments over God not existing, I had to argue it existing.

    What then of Jesus, as he made many claims.
    Yet I have written elsewhere, you have none of his words.
    All you have, is the words of humans.
    Him speaking the word of god, and humans recording later.

    Certainly you would not record, if it wasn’t special.
    What then, of the words written after his death.
    To me there is a part, that most people miss.
    Jesus took some aside, and taught them how it worked.
    So Jesus had an understanding of a thing, that he could teach.

    So to me, that’s being Universal Theory compliant.
    Certainly many things written, are written using it.

    So to me, Jesus was a very special person.
    And when speaking, you would know he wasn’t normal.
    I have only mentioned in innuendo, it happens to me.
    That if you asked him a question, you would just look at him funny.
    I myself have accidentally, made parable arguments in speaking.
    And had the same result, to the listener.

    It has made the scariest moments, that I would get discovered.
    I was first confronted, as a teenager just out of nowhere.
    I made my argument, and the boy just looked at me funny.
    Are you Jesus he asked, and I just couldn’t respond.
    In rare later identical events, I had a new strategy for the problem.
    I would respond with the obvious, do I look like Jesus.
    And shocked at myself, it would be me that flees the scene.

    It is never a subject, I have discussed in real life.

    Comment by DJ Ward — Fri 25th February 2022 @ 10:54 am

RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URL

Leave a comment

Please note that comments which do not conform with the rules of this site are likely to be removed. They should be on-topic for the page they are on. Discussions about moderation are specifically forbidden. All spam will be deleted within a few hours and blacklisted on the stopforumspam database.

This site is cached. Comments will not appear immediately unless you are logged in. Please do not make multiple attempts.

Skip to toolbar