MENZ Issues: news and discussion about New Zealand men, fathers, family law, divorce, courts, protests, gender politics, and male health.

Why girls can’t have it all

Filed under: General — Julie @ 4:04 pm Thu 28th February 2008

I remember last year talking to a female journalist over the phone about a story she wanted to do on single parents. At the time I was new to understanding what feminism was about and how fathers were being affected by it.

She told me that she had been part of a documentary team who interviewed Jim Bagnall and that she couldn’t understand why there was so much anger. It had thrown her and she backed away from mens’ issues. I guess women generally don’t hear words as much as they see reactions when it comes to men.

But since I had the chance to meet Jim Bagnall and learn about him I was able to tell her what he was about and what a remarkable man he is and where his frustration was coming from. It is really sad that the men’s movement has been so misunderstood by the public especially when what they were trying to tell the public was vital information.

But now women are starting to listen and starting to speak out. Especially if they are mothers.

You see, it is not just fathers feminism is attacking. It is also mothers. Feminism is socialism and communism. Why do you think it has had so much power and able to change things so quickly?

“Feminism, Socialism, and Communism are one in the same, and Socialist/Communist government is the goal of feminism.” – Catharine A. MacKinnon, Toward a Feminist Theory of the State (First Harvard University Press, 1989), p.10
“A world where men and women would be equal is easy to visualize, for that precisely is what the Soviet Revolution promised.” – Simone de Beauvoir, The Second Sex (New York, Random House, 1952), p.806
“The Women’s Caucus [endorses] Marxist-Leninist thought.” — Robin Morgan, Sisterhood is Powerful, p. 597

I am so proud to be a woman and a mother when I see my own gender standing up and speaking out. I just feel so good and encouraged when I read the articles women are writing questioning feminism and it’s promises are unravelled to basic truth.

Look at Rosemary McCloud from the Dominion Post and her article. She questions whether women can have it all and has come to the conclusion that it is wrong to expect women to cope with being a mother and competing with men. She questions motherhood and tells us of the wonderful side of being a mother and the hardship.

And then she looks at politics.

This is why National’s Katherine Rich would not join her then leader, Don Brash, in attacking solo mothers, for which she was demoted. And it’s also why she has decided to quit politics at the next election, despite the certainty of a Cabinet post if National is elected. She’s chosen to be a mother to her two young kids because she’s not a paragraph of dogma in a feminist manual but a human being, and the brave feminist model just wasn’t working for her any more.

I’d once have been embarrassed at acknowledging motherhood as pivotal in life, but life changes you. Even clever people struggle with having it all, and after 40 years the world of action is still geared toward men and single women, despite the rhetoric: the odds are still stacked against mothers.

To prove my point, a new woman politician is about to be sworn in as a Labour MP. Louisa Wall is a former champion netballer and rugby player, Maori, bright and personable, just five years younger than Mrs Rich — and gay. For her there won’t be heart-wrenching crying in the night, conflicted loyalties, the guilt of saying goodbye to small children. She can have the best of one world — which is fine — but we persist in claiming that women can realistically hope for two.

Keep speaking up ladies. Our children are depending on us.


  1. My Grandmother said to me once

    “These feminists are asking for too much, they will soon learn that they can not have it all without some hefty cost. You have to be very careful what you ask for”

    In a sense I think she was very right. It may work for some but from what I have witnessed it does not work that well for most. Men and women are built biologically different and wired differently for a reason. I think it is much better for men and women to work together than try to go it together separately.

    In the same breath I know of single mothers who are doing a fantastic job and of single fathers who are doing a fantastic job.

    Children do need a good solid female influence and a good solid male influence in their lives. How else will they learn how to relate to and respect both sexes?

    Comment by Andy — Thu 28th February 2008 @ 5:39 pm

  2. Andy

    Nice words. And I think your grandmother was a very wise woman.

    The hefty cost can today be measured in terms of youth suicide and the violence. Our prisons are full. We hear of extreme violence and murders every day thru the media. It sickens me when I hear yet another story about a gang of youths who attack and beat to death an innocent young man or woman.

    I am seperated. I have one young boy. I care for him 50% of the time. I love him so much.

    I dont want to see him beaten to death on the streets by a roving gang. I dont want him to become a member of a roving gang which would kill an innocent boy.

    So how do I stop it Andy? What the hell can I do as a loving parent to ensure my little boy never becomes violent???

    I cant lock him up to prevent him from being hurt. But maybe I can somehow prevent him from joining a gang and taking part in the violence we see today.

    Dont get me wrong…he is only 10, and a damn fine boy who loves life, loves animals, has a good sense of humour and repects his parents, elders and schoolfriends.

    I just want to keep him on this path. Got any advice?


    Comment by Morris Lindsay — Sat 1st March 2008 @ 12:20 am

  3. Morris

    The best we can do for our children is show them love, show them respect, be there for them and teach them right from wrong. In a split family this can be very hard to ensure. As I am sure you are aware you can not control how your ex will teach your boy. All young men need a good stable male role model. You are that role model!!!

    In todays world there seems to be so much that takes our children’s attention away from wholesome pursuits. I guess we need to be aware of what they are up to and set boundries. No means no and so on.

    I wish all good fathers (and their children) luck out there in the world. especially the ones whos ex’s are trying to poisin their children against them. All this ends up doing is hurting the child and not the Father.

    Much Respect

    Comment by Andy — Wed 5th March 2008 @ 5:06 pm

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