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“All custody and access should be 50-50.”: Education expert

Filed under: Boys / Youth / Education,Law & Courts — Vman @ 6:18 pm Mon 8th June 2009

Education consultant Joseph Driessen said children who came from broken homes were typically 25 per cent behind other children in achievement.

“Boys are affected by divorce very deeply because 85 per cent of custody goes to the mother and guys just disappear. That needs to change,” he told The Press.

“We need to have a family split-up philosophy where we realise that sons need their fathers. All custody and access should be 50-50.”

Full article here. (includes further useful references.)


  1. 50/50 shared care would be great… just can’t always happen sadly. But it should be what is the default when parents seperate.

    Comment by Scott B — Tue 9th June 2009 @ 12:43 am

  2. Access should be granted at the mother’s whim. She should ideally have a Protection Order so that she can safely abuse the father and their children according to her present mood. Fathers should refrain from feeling frustrated at the mothers deliberate attempts to prevent access and must silently despair so as not to cause harm to his children. Mothers should engage the support of Warmans Refuse, Child Youth & Man-haters, Femily Caught and any other misandric support available to ensure that her rights remain paramount.
    Seriously… I think that any parent who interferes with their children’s right to access the other parent should lose the right to make those decisions. Access decisions should forfeit to the other parent who will hopefully remain child-focused.

    Comment by SicKofNZ — Tue 9th June 2009 @ 2:09 am

  3. The only way 50/50 access is possible, in reality, is when there is a sufficient income level/time off of either parents to support 2 households.

    Comment by Scott — Tue 9th June 2009 @ 5:53 pm

  4. I tried the 50/50 thing having my son week about with his mother. It was hard on him. It could have worked if his mother had been child focused instead of being intent on destroying me for leaving her and the daily psychotic episodes.

    The Femily Caught Judge ordered that my son be placed in my care every alternate week after my ex-wife refused access between my son and me, even after my obtaining an Order to Enforce the access. She quoted her PO as reason enough to deny my son access to his father (ME). My son had also been missing too much school, his school complained about his unkempt appearance and his presenting to school with no lunch. My son was suffering from psychosomatic symptoms due to the immense pressure placed on him by his mother, he had been told to keep secret that he had an untreated dog-bite to protect a dog which was being hidden at her house from the local Council who had ordered its destruction, he was questioned incessantly by his mother about my stuff, he was assaulted by her many times with one assault being verified by CYFS, she used drugs daily in his presence and had alienated my daughter so that there was no contact between us. My ex had presented letters in my daughters name to the Child for Council demanding that her mother win custody of her brother with reasons that mirrored her mother’s testimony. The Court appointed psychologist reported that my ex should be psychiatrically examined and has a problem with the truth. Even after suffering so much my son was only given respite every second week from his mother’s madness. It was months later before she threatened to commit suicide in front of our children before the Femily Caught Judge finally saw sense and directed that my children be placed in my care
    The 50/50 theory is sound. Not all parents are sound though. Neither are some of the skills of our Femily Court Judges sound.

    Comment by SicKofNZ — Wed 10th June 2009 @ 12:30 am

  5. SicKofNZ

    Well said

    I too have experienced week about **Equal Parenting**. I too believe the 50/50 theory is sound – I sent my Son to live full time with his Mum due to the demands on him driving him nuts

    That could of been relieved if the state and for that matter her religious mates had the teeth and foresight to insist that the value of Mum and Dads input into our Child were of Equal Value – That is currently not the case and we as a Nation fail our Kids and bring over a third of them up deprived of FATHER, Men-Tor and pay a huge price.

    Kids pay that price in the immediate – Society pays the price with statistics that shame our Nation well above others in the Bad Stats areas.

    With your experience, my experience and many others who have tried to make it work, seen the pitfalls and have enough intelligence to see the Good that can/could happen need to Stand Strong for **Equal Parenting** and drive it into World-Wide FAMILY Law and Social Policy. Making sure their is an opt-out for the few situations that can’t make it without opening the door further to those who would destroy good old fashion FAMILY given half a chance.

    Onward – Jim

    Comment by Jim Bailey — Wed 10th June 2009 @ 2:54 am

  6. “her religious mates” don’t even get me started on those people! Not just the mates either… the whole damn church! I stopped short of writing to the pope! I wish I had now, just to see his response… if any!

    Comment by Scott B — Sun 14th June 2009 @ 2:29 pm

  7. Avoid Femily Caught misandry!
    Send your sperm and dollars to India and pick up your new baby in nine months time.
    60 Minutes – Two Men and Two Babies

    Comment by SicKofNZ — Sat 20th June 2009 @ 9:13 pm

  8. All the men on this site seem really jaded. i guess it must be easy to feel that way when things seems unfair. i lived with a man for 9 years who was also jaded about his ex and her ideas about child custody arrangements (he wanted 50 50, she wanted more). i saw the men’s side for a while but now i have a child of my own i feel like a mother’s role is more important. that’s my opinion.
    equality of care is a masculine concept but does not necessarily equal what is good for the child.
    traditionally mothers have raised children. they are biologically predispised for it – ie carrying the child, breastfeeding etc.
    i also know that my child’s father will be a great influence on my daughter and needs to spend significant amounts of time with her for various reasons.
    i think more research needs to be done regarding what is best for a child but i think presuming that 50 50 is the best is not yet backed up by evidence.
    i also think that father’s need to acknowledge the value of the femenine characteristics that a mother brings to the relationship and that mothers need to acknowldge the mascualine charateristics.

    Comment by Fiona — Wed 1st July 2009 @ 12:56 pm

  9. All the men on this site seem really jaded.
    Thank-you for the stereotype. The Family Court Judge, CYFS and the expert witness (psychologist) all agreed with my (jaded?) view once they rid themselves of their preconceived notion that my children should be with the female parent.

    You’ve changed your view at least twice already. Could it be possible that your view is determined by the advantage to you?

    Comment by SicKofNZ — Wed 1st July 2009 @ 2:05 pm

  10. Neat of you to add your thoughts.

    Comment by julie — Wed 1st July 2009 @ 3:25 pm

  11. “i feel like a mother’s role is more important. that’s my opinion.” You couldn’t be more wrong. Both parents are equally important.

    “i think presuming that 50 50 is the best is not yet backed up by evidence.” This is backed up by evidence, do some research.

    What are your motives for being on this website and calling us jaded?

    Comment by Scott B — Wed 1st July 2009 @ 3:34 pm

  12. Ive said farewell to my children as a father who could possibly influence his daughters the way any biological father would or could. Both ex partners have made life for me with my 4 daughters near impossible. The countrys legal system is also a big hurdle rather than a help. If in the end my darling daughters never realised my continuing love for them in the past and even now. Then, all I can say is that since they have my inherited blood then something else has influenced them that way.

    Comment by tim gray — Thu 2nd July 2009 @ 2:24 am

  13. About 6 months ago I applied for day-to-day care of my 16 month year old daughter. We eventually done counseling and came to an agreement. My ex and I were still trying to be friends and we still having a sexual relationship, and everything looked fine. Then in the space of bout twenty fours hours this all changed. She took it to a judicial conference and claimed I was violent towards her when we were in a relationship, I have drug and alcohol problems, I suffer from depression and was on medication (my doctor is still trying to find that in my medical file ), and my house was damp and moldy and smelled of cigarettes.

    The courts have “directed” me to do anger management, drug and alcohol counseling, a parenting course, a letter of welling being from my GP and a social workers report.
    I recently lost my job due to re-injury and don’t even know how I am supposed to pay for all this and have no clue what to do. I am on legal aid, and so far every lawyer I have used has been pretty useless but i’m to skeptical about representing myself.

    The current orders are that I see my daughter, supervised at her home every Sunday from 12pm until 2pm but her mother and her family are either not letting me see her or the few times they have they kick me out forty or so minutes early.
    When I leave my daughter she becomes very distressed and starts crying and screaming, clinging to my leg.
    I don’t mind the interim orders but am worried about the effect this is all having on my daughter. Is there anyway to get this all moving faster?? I feel 50/50 shared custody would benefit my daughter more then just one of us having day-to-day care. Any advice anyone could give me would be much appreciated.

    Comment by crijken — Mon 6th July 2009 @ 1:28 am

  14. First of all welcome to the “screwed by our ex and the law club”.

    Secondly there is very little you can do. The courts could care less about truth and evidence. Nor do they care for children. My advice after fighting in the system for nearly a decade and getting nowhere, is to save yourself the stress and just walk away. Harsh? Yes, but it’s really the only option.

    Comment by Scott B — Mon 6th July 2009 @ 11:14 am

  15. I have a 50/50 shared care arrangement with my 10 & 7 year olds oldest (from first marriage). I have them every Wed and Thur, every 2nd weekend until monday morning and half of every holidays, so its a full 50/50. It works really well and the kids are happy, successful and well adjusted. I think its better than week-about, because all week days are consistent every week.

    My 2nd wife has recently left me, we have a 2 yr old, and she is pregnant. I would like to gradually move towards 50/50 with the baby as well, but i suspect that my ex is going to use breastfeeding as a weapon to minimise the amount of uninterrupted time I have with the baby – and this will significantly reduce my time with the child, and lenghten the time to get to 50/50. Does anyone know where I stand legally, with regard to giving the baby formula, or asking my ex to express milk? She is exceedingly pro breastfeeding, which is fine, but will want to continue probably until the baby is around 2.

    Comment by Rippey1 — Fri 2nd October 2009 @ 12:58 pm

  16. I have been working on an article for Union of Fathers newsletter on breastfeeding.
    Write to me at [email protected] and I will e-mail it to you.

    Comment by Allan Harvey — Fri 2nd October 2009 @ 9:08 pm

  17. I’ve been trying for years but haven’t got the hang of it! But I would be more than happy to read your article and give feedback.

    Comment by Hans Laven — Sat 3rd October 2009 @ 4:38 pm

  18. “equality of care is a masculine concept but does not necessarily equal what is good for the child.”
    Actually you are dead wrong there. Firstly it is not a masculine concept at all. Secondly there is a wealth of empirical information showing this is best for the child in the vast majority of cases.

    “traditionally mothers have raised children. they are biologically predispised for it — ie carrying the child, breastfeeding etc.”

    You are trying to justify for discrimination against fathers.

    Since that is your view, is it also your view that ‘traditionally men provided for the family. They are biologically predisposed for it – i.e. shoulders wider than hips, strength, speed, hand signals, spacial awareness, hunting etc.’?

    If that is also your view do you agree that there should be discrimination in favour of man in the work place? Perhaps women should only be allowed part time jobs. Stuff like collecting berries because they are biologically predisposed for it. After all they “can be a great influence on” the males in the workforce.

    If you don’t think there should be discrimination in the work place then please justify your views.

    Comment by Dave — Mon 5th October 2009 @ 11:28 am

  19. Every human is made up of male and female cause as influence. To deprive one for the other or the other for one is an abuse from reproduction. It would be reprehensibly ignorant to claim by general term that either could effectively consolidate an education on behalf of the other and patronising in the absolute to assume that the other should or could empirically or otherwise qualify by rules of influence for or from either.

    Comment by Benjamin Easton — Mon 5th October 2009 @ 12:10 pm

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