Battered husband who snapped
Journalist AN MUNRO over at stuff.co.nz has written an very sad and detailed article about Anthony Sherna killing his partner after suffering years of abuse and being sentenced to 14 years in jail.
For almost 20 years he submitted in order to keep the peace. When she demanded he change his surname to prove he loved her, he agreed.
When she insisted he not see his friends or family, he complied. When she taunted him by resuming an affair with a former boyfriend and suggested he ”grow some balls”, he swallowed the insults.
When she said he was too smelly to use the toilet at home, he restrained himself until he arrived at work. When she refused to let him sleep in their double bed, he dossed down in the spare room on a camp stretcher.
He was sole breadwinner but she rationed his cigarettes – just 12 each day – and controlled their money. Each week after withdrawing the housekeeping money he handed over the cash, his ATM card and receipts.
It is shocking that he was sentenced to prison when he is a domestic violence victim and she a controlling abuser. If it had been the other way around and he was a she, he would have gained sympathy and walked free.
She is what is known as a narcissist and over at mensnewsdaily, they have Dr. Tara J. Palmatier writing articles about this type of women and the abuse men go through. She writes:
Why is it so difficult for men who are being controlled by narcissistic, borderline, histrionic and other abusive women to end the relationship? What keeps them tethered to these abusive personalities sometimes even after the relationship has ended?
There are two basic hooks this kind of woman uses to keep men on a readily yank-able chain: the fear of loss and the need for approval. These are the two most powerful control devices in their arsenal. The worst part is that, in many cases, men unwittingly play right into their hands.
Dr Tara goes into detail explaining how the fear of loss is used by these women. She writes, “Inducing fear, guilt, shame and a sense of obligation are how abusive women control you. If you’re afraid of loss and your wife/girlfriend/ex knows it, you’re basically at her mercy.”
Dr Tara also goes into detail explaining that another highly effective device abusive women use to control men is by denying approval and acceptance. She says, “Being criticized, demeaned, rejected and told repeatedly, “not good enough,” “you don’t measure up,” or that you’ve “failed again” is demoralizing. It also spurs you on to try even harder to please her and herein lies the problem: These women are never satisfied. Nothing you do will ever be good enough. She will never bestow upon you the kind of love and acceptance you seek”.
For Anthony Sherna, the trigger was when Susanne Wild stormed into the laundry of their home, where he was rocking their pet terrier to sleep.
That was part of his routine. She was drunk. That was part of her routine.
”Hubble just shook like a, really frightened … that upset me very much [and] she started mouthing off at me again,” he says.
Dr Tara J. Palmatier writes many articles on Narcissist women as a shrink for men. If you think you are in a relationship like this or have just left one, you will learn a lot from her site and she responds promptly to comments.