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Being there when baby’s born

Filed under: General — Darryl Ward @ 9:19 pm Mon 19th October 2009

From: NZ Herald

Being there when baby’s born

If I wasn’t allowed to be present at the birth of my little girl then I would have thrown my toys.

This week’s revelations by British childbirth specialist Michel Odent, who reckons childbirth would be less painful and more streamlined if men were not in the delivery suite, are just ridiculous.

I tell ya, I’m no expert, but if I tried telling my wife that it’s probably best if I leave her to it when she is about to go through one of the most painful experiences of her life, then not only would I be ejected from the birthing suite, I would more than likely have found the door to our house permanently locked too.

Odent’s beliefs harks back to a time when giving birth was about boiling a pot of water, grabbing some towels, and sticking a bit of wood in your mouth to soak up the pain.

And surely the archaic and stuffy days of Dad waiting to be given the news about whether it is a boy or a girl are well and truly over?

My wife wanted me there for support. Whose hand was she going to crush otherwise? And who else was she going to be able to order around?

Hell, I didn’t mind. In fact, even though I was on the receiving end of a few stern swear words and demands, it makes you feel overwhelmingly proud of your loved one for getting through it.

She also wanted me there to share the experience, even if – to be honest – it’s not that pleasant, and extremely stressful at times. But, and excuse me for being cheesy, the joy and miracle of birth is a wonder to experience.

I bloody well wanted to be there because although she was doing all the hard work, the little bean that was about to pop out was half mine after all.

I’m not saying that’s the case for everyone.

For all I know some women don’t even want their man by their side. And some blokes will faint just at the thought of being present at the birth – many do pass out during, I’m sure.

But that’s nothing to be ashamed of lads, because at least you were there.

– Scott Kara


  1. 1. Well I actually delivered my last girl by my first wife with the midwife looking on so I wonder how he would have dealt with me. And my wife then was not cut as her own Dr dads Dr mate said he would have to do twice for our first two children born in “England”.
    2. I watched him do it to Sarah with the birth of my only son. It looked really painful to have done to the woman I loved back then, but it did not freak me out at all. The gynaecologist mate said to Para’s dad (not to Para) that he was going to have to cut her old chap in really plumy “English” .
    3. I was really high after that experience for 3 days and the local women were asking me to officiate since there was no resident midwife on Waiheke Island at the time. It was an experience I have etched in my brain of the perineum (spelling) migrating slowly over Hanna’s head as she was crowning. Now she believes she was sexually abuse by me and will have nothing to do with me. Hanna that is…!!! Hanna looked so lovely on Facebook when I found her there but she has since shut me out. A mother’s influence is final guys. If I ever write my memoirs all that lot will get a good few words of truths put to them, but they will probably never read them anyway. Not a total cynic but some English people are really tainted in some way.
    4. And I have all the pics still taken by another woman there at the birth.
    It was an advantage being brought up on a farm and having a really practical bent on life.
    Strange the twists and turns life takes one to at times. eh Henry

    Comment by Henry — Mon 19th October 2009 @ 10:16 pm

  2. when i went thru custody and access issues i learnt that if the man is present at the birth he has natural guardianship…in the eyes of the law its a powerful issue to have in ur favour…so i was told..if men are banned from births and cannot be present??…sways the family court scales dramatically…men will have less to argue/debate with

    Comment by ford — Tue 20th October 2009 @ 9:11 am

  3. This week’s revelations by British childbirth specialist Michel Odent, who reckons childbirth would be less painful and more streamlined if men were not in the delivery suite, are just ridiculous.

    What a load of rubbish.

    Comment by julie — Tue 20th October 2009 @ 10:08 am

  4. It was great to be the first person in the world to touch and hold my newborn son.
    Sadly like millions of other innocent children he was unwittingly set up to be damaged by the greatest civil rights abuse in the Western world today. The forced removal of children from their parents, usually their fathers, by family courts and social services agencies. Family courts in New Zealand and other so called democracies have virtually absolute power to take away people’s children without giving any reason, confiscate their property, and in some cases incarcerate them. These courts operate in secret. They are not open to the general public or press.
    Therefore a publishing blackout has protected this abuse, and until now no comprehensive exposé of this political underworld has appeared. Not only the systematic removal of children from fit and loving parents but the criminalization of the parents, often in complete defiance of constitutional protections and due process of law, is widespread and routine. The legal community in NZ awaits to be more challenged on such issues but already shows a propensity to ‘circle the wagons’ in denial of there being any problems.
    Under the guise of ‘protection of children’ feminists in nz have instituted a system of totalitarian abuse over men, and some women, but ironically worse yet over the very children who they are supposed to protect. Indeed really the toxic social environment that this bigotry creates affects EVERYONE.
    Arthur millar’s book – ‘The crucible’ comes to mind.
    Witch hunt indeed!
    Welcome to New Zealand son.
    Let’s hope you learn from my mistake and don’t repeat the old man’s tragedy.
    Intergenerational change for the enhancement of Men’s Rights… It’s a wonderful thing when a son can with Dad’s hard earned sage advice avoid the same pratfalls as marrying and procreating in contemporary NZ.
    You deserve much, much better than that Son.
    Fly far and fast Son!
    Go to other places where you are rightfully recognised as a truly worthy parent and can enjoy the mentoring of children legions of amazing western fathers have been denied.
    Either that or stay in NZ but don’t have children until positive systemic change has ocurred there.

    Comment by Skeptik — Tue 20th October 2009 @ 1:10 pm

  5. HI. In reply to Ford, yes I have concerns about the way ‘absent from birth fathers'(Herald blog) may well have to face yet more allegations of bad parenting as a consequence of staying away from the birth of their children should any weight be given to this theory of ‘uncomplicating child-birth.If this was to set a trend men may also be looking at alternative conception techniques so women don’t get too stressed out during conception.

    Comment by Paul MacKay — Tue 20th October 2009 @ 2:42 pm

  6. My (ex-)wife wanted me at the births of our children. I wanted to be there too. Fuck what anybody else wants. We would’ve had home births if we didn’t get the service from the $tate that suited us.

    The NZ Herald is contributing to the bigoted shit that occurs in our country by printing the ideas of some random crazy bitch. They need to print REAL news or continue to see the decline of mainstream media as people wake up and go online for REAL news.

    Don’t buy the NZ Herald. Toilet paper is way cheaper at Pak’n Save.

    Comment by SicKofNZ — Thu 22nd October 2009 @ 7:38 am

  7. This story got published because it is a far out idea. I think the guy who proposed it is just trying to make a point that the actual child birth usually goes better if it is a low key affair with help on hand if things become difficult.
    I was at my daughter’s birth. I even attended all the pre-natal sessions as well.
    The FC conveniently ignores any facts like that if the facts support the father’s case. It would only be relevant in the FC if it harmed the father’s case.

    Comment by Dave — Thu 22nd October 2009 @ 4:20 pm

  8. I was at the delivery of both of my children. The ‘nurse’ tried to prevent me at the first birth but was over-ridden by the Matron who I had to search out. I would not have missed the experience for the world.

    Mine were the first eyes to see the crownings. I was the one who handed my babies to their mother. I recommend it to any father.

    I also recommend, on reflection, that the Father stays at the mother’s head and holds her hand. It is into his eyes that she should seek encouragement and empathy and Love at that time. And an additional point: a mother doesn’t get to see the distention of her own vagina. Neither should the father.

    Comment by amfortas — Thu 22nd October 2009 @ 11:23 pm

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