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Domestic Violence – from Ideology to Inclusion

Filed under: General — Julie @ 5:42 pm Mon 3rd August 2009

Should Domestic Violence in New Zealand be portrayed as men are batterers and women are victims? Should we really be shown one sided abuse through Family Violence campaigns, policies, advertisements on TV and radio? Should our laws, police work and community care reflect this Ideology of men are bad and women are good?

Here is something worth watching to gain some perspective of what’s going on with Domestic Violence and Ideology from Paul Elam aka

Glenn Sack’s has been writing quite a bit about the Los Angeles domestic violence conference “From Ideology to Inclusion 2009: New Directions in Domestic Violence Research and Intervention.”

The conference featured many domestic violence dissidents–researchers and clinicians who do not believe that the mainstream domestic violence establishment and its “men as perpetrators/women as victims” conceptual framework is properly serving those involved in family violence.

One of Glenn’s articles discusses Carol Crabson, the Executive Director of the Valley Oasis domestic violence shelter, which has served male victims for 17 years. She discussed her experiences running a shelter which accepts male victims and explained the way their refuge treatment centre is set up and run.

Our setup is conducive to being able to provide a wide variety of services to all victims of domestic violence.

We do have services specifically for male victims. They receive individual counselling, they receive men’s support groups, they receive case management on an individual basis. But we also utilise transference and counter-transference in our groups. And we bring both genders in to do therapeutic groups. And what we find is that it’s very effective to them.

NZ already has programs like this working in other fields. We are far behind the times when it comes to Domestic Violence.

Carol continues…

Being able to talk to a male, for a female victim, who is not going to be abusive to her, who is not going to be condescending, or is not going to verbally attack her — and vice versa — really, it’s part of the healing process. To be able to sit in a room with someone that will totally respect you, that can validate your feelings and your issues…

Many times what we get is that we will get a female sitting in a room with a male victim who will actually apologise to the male victim for what the spouse has done, and vice versa. The healing power of that is just — you can almost watch it happen in a matter of seconds. That there’s this change, this shift, this softness that comes over the faces of these two individuals. It’s so powerful and rewarding.

Wow! This is a wonderful way to empower men and women. You just can’t imagine the freedom you get when working with both sexes. It keeps you balanced.

Hey, few can imagine the feelings and thoughts that come over a person who is surrounded with one sex as victims and one sex as perpetrators. It can turn the heart black.

But if somehow we could get past the black hearts and look to freedom where everyone is able to share their experiences with the opposite sex and they can share their story back, magic will happen for gender equity. And not just that but each sex will help one another to become strong.

Shame we have some horrid female advocates who stop progress in the name of Ideology. Shame on them for not putting the welfare of men, women and children above their own bias.


  1. Just to add a little balance to the NZ and US view – An article just in from the UK

    For the original Article/Video click this LINK

    Women’s refuge closed by ‘politically correct’ council as it does not cater for abused men
    By Andy Dolan

    Supporters of a women’s refuge were ’shocked and stunned’ to be told it is being closed — because it does not cater for men.

    The emergency shelter was set up 13 years ago for women and children and adult males are not allowed to stay.

    But council officials have now ruled that, because it does not serve both sexes equally, the money used to run the home would be better spent on an ‘outreach service’ to help battered husbands as well as wives in their own homes.

    Unequal: An emergency shelter set up for abused women has been forced to close because it does not cater for men

    Brian Ellis, a councillor who helped set up the refuge in Weymouth, Dorset, in 1986, branded the move a ’step backwards’.

    ‘It doesn’t make sense,’ he said. ‘The women are there because of what men have done to them and their children. When people suffer from domestic violence they need an immediate escape and that’s being taken away.’

    Refuge, a charity for women and children affected by domestic violence, said: ‘There are not enough refuges for women as it is.

    ‘It’s already difficult to get help and women often have to travel long distances. Losing beds that are already there is really devastating. It is a whole community that has lost that kind of safety.’

    The shelter, which can accommodate six families, costs £82,780 a year to run.

    It is funded by Dorset Supporting People — a partnership of Dorset County Council, six local district and borough councils, NHS Dorset and Dorset Probation.

    The partnership said the refuge will close in March. A housing association which owns the building is working to find the women alternative accommodation.

    One mother, 47, who used the refuge after being abused by her husband for years, said: ‘I wasn’t sure about where to go and what to do and then I found out about the Weycan’t-mouth refuge. It was a place where I felt safe and I hadn’t felt that for a long time.

    ‘I can’t believe they are going to close it — it’s so important I can’t even put it into words.’

    A domestic violence outreach worker, who asked not to be named, said she was shocked and added: ‘If there was a need for this 20 years ago then I see why not now. They are always full and there are women constantly trying to get in. I just don’t understand it.’

    In the last year, 6,323 people have reported domestic violence to Dorset Police.

    Dorset County Council confirmed that one reason for closure was the lack of facilities for men.

    A spokesman said: ‘We want to make sure both men and women are catered for and we are not able to do that within the small building.’

    Anthony Wilsdon, spokesman for Supporting People, said the new outreach service would help more people. He said: ‘We have identified a need to support more people in their own homes.

    ‘There is also a need to make support open to male victims and families with older male children.’

    Read more

    Comment by Jim Bailey — Mon 3rd August 2009 @ 5:57 pm

  2. Very little will change until we get beter public acceptance of female violence. When that occurs much will change.

    Comment by Allan — Mon 3rd August 2009 @ 6:03 pm

  3. Thanks Jim for sharing this news. Things have to be fair and equal. Women can’t just expect to make all men things 50% women things and then get upset when it comes their turn to be equal.

    Comment by julie — Mon 3rd August 2009 @ 6:09 pm

  4. You got the Database Julie, It’s already out of date! I will disseminate V1.0 soon

    Allan, did I send you a copy?

    John Can I send you a copy?

    Comment by alastair — Mon 3rd August 2009 @ 6:16 pm

  5. Well done Jools.

    Comment by amfortas — Mon 3rd August 2009 @ 8:16 pm

  6. I completely agree with Julie.

    And moreover, I reckon there will be a massive decrease in domestic violence cases as well as women and men now will know that there is no where to go.

    Men all around the world are treated as mere Violent creatures! But, what leads a man to a state like that? Isn’t that something that needs to be analyzed!

    Domestic violence is the outcome of both partners and not just the male partner and it has to be treated so. This is a no-brain’r to me. Physical violence is in most cases the end-product of a victim of mental, psychological and emotional abuse. But, why isn’t law-makers able to get this simple thing into their minds? It’s so clear that this is pure FEMINISM? If the law could cure the base-product there wouldn’t be any end-product.

    All men are not born as mentally handicapped who know just one thing – DOMESTIC VIOLENCE. Situations and circumstances tend to push most of them to such a state and the female partners also have their part of abuse towards men in most of the cases. And that’s a hard to digest and hard to accept FACT for most feminists out there.

    Government must make Anger management and / or relationship courses compulsory to all those who want to get into a relation. Instead of spending money on solving such domestic violence cases why doesn’t the government invest in eliminated the route cause by giving awareness to all those who are getting into a relation!

    Think Think Think

    Comment by Men At Risk — Mon 3rd August 2009 @ 11:52 pm


    Comment by Benjamin Easton — Tue 4th August 2009 @ 4:47 pm

  8. sorry a little off topic but I am looking for the link to the lies about domestic violence and/or rape. I know it is on the site somewhere but I just can’t find it. Any help would be appreciated thanks.

    Comment by Scott B — Tue 4th August 2009 @ 9:45 pm

  9. Up on the top right of this page you’ll see a search facility. I typed in ‘domestic violence rape’ and it resulted in quite a few posts from here. You should try that to see if you recognise the particular topic you’re seeking.

    Comment by SicKofNZ — Tue 4th August 2009 @ 10:05 pm

  10. yeah I tried that thanks, came up with so many, just thought the poster might see this, to save me some time. Just being lazy I guess.

    Comment by Scott B — Tue 4th August 2009 @ 11:20 pm

  11. Explain a bit more there MR. Scott 😀

    You can just look up rape+julie or domestic violence+julie

    See if any of these help you out.

    Comment by julie — Wed 5th August 2009 @ 1:03 am

  12. problem is that it was just a link that wasn’t named those things! I have searched and searched. It was fairly recent! Will keep trying. Thanks all!

    Comment by Scott B — Wed 5th August 2009 @ 1:46 am

  13. I am still amazed at the ignorance of the N.Z. public. There is nothing equal about an abusive relationship,nor does the victim provoke or enjoy it.How many more woman & children will die before you open your eyes & stop talking crap about something you obviously have never experienced.Stick to topics you know something about.

    Comment by Hope — Wed 19th August 2009 @ 8:53 am

  14. Hahaha-most of the men & woman who beat,burn,degrade,& kill the people closest to them are definitely psycopaths who are incapable of change.This sort of ideological approach to the CRIME of domestic VIOLENCE is a joke. People who abuse their families are criminals & should be treated as such.ITS NOT OK !!!

    Comment by Hope — Wed 19th August 2009 @ 9:08 am

  15. “”nor does the victim provoke or enjoy it”” That’s a sweeping generalisation isn’t it? I don’t condone any form of domestic violence, verbal or physical. But to say that the victim never provokes her/his partner is just bullshit. Some people (male and female) delight in antagonising their spouses. I know this from experience and I’m speaking from the point of view of a victim here not a perpetrator.

    Comment by Had_Enough — Wed 19th August 2009 @ 9:12 am

  16. Yes Hope, well done you and big hi fives for the use of caps to prove your point by “shouting” Of course, you do realise that could be construed as a form of abuse, dont you?
    “open your eyes & stop talking crap about something you obviously have never experienced.Stick to topics you know something about” I didnt realise that you knew the previous posters and had such a deep insight to their experience with Domestic Violence.
    I totally agree that Domestic Violence is not on.
    “How many more woman & children will die” did you forget men here on purpose or is it impossible in your eyes for men to be victims of Domestic Violence?
    Im still amazed at the ignorance of the NZ public too so I agree with you there whole heartedly
    “People who abuse their families are criminals & should be treated as such”
    But I gather from your posts only the men abusers huh?
    I think you have control issues and come to a site like this to abuse people even outside of your aquaintance.
    I would in all due deference suggest therapy!
    As you pointed out abuse is not on, in any form.

    Comment by mits — Wed 19th August 2009 @ 12:52 pm

  17. Hope says:…nor does the victim provoke it.

    Ummm…not quite deary:
    Reciprocity was associated with more frequent violence among women but not men.
    In nonreciprocally violent relationships, women were the perpetrators in more than 70% of the cases.
    Conclusions. The context of the violence (reciprocal vs nonreciprocal) is a strong predictor of reported injury.

    Hope says: How many more woman & children will die before…

    Are MEN & Children ever the victims of Female Domestic Violence in your world?

    This bibliography ( examines 254 scholarly investigations: 199 empirical studies and 55 reviews and/or analyses, which demonstrate that women are as physically aggressive, or more aggressive, than men in their relationships with their spouses or male partners…
    The Violence We Ignore
    … more than 200 studies have found that women initiate at least as much violence against their male partners as vice-versa. Men make up about a third of domestic violence injuries and deaths in heterosexual relationships. Research shows that women often compensate for a disadvantage in physical strength by employing weapons and the element of surprise …

    Hope says: I am still amazed at the ignorance of the N.Z. public.

    You can reduce that ignorance with a little reading.

    Comment by SicKofNZ — Wed 19th August 2009 @ 1:58 pm

  18. That’s a very naieve statement and shows a complete lack of understanding of human psychology. Psychopaths (now known as socieopaths) tend to kill in a cold blooded and calculated manner. Domestic violence is usually the result of jealousy, rage, possessiveness and hurt. It’s certainly not OK under any circumstances but I think both the perpetrators and victims can be helped if we at least try and understand the drivers behind domestic violence rather than spout stipid cliches. I have a background in counselling mentally ill, substance addicted and criminally inclined men (and women) and have some understanding of the subject. I changed careers many years ago because I suffered serious burnout and compassion fatigue as a result of dealing with drug addicted violent people all day.

    Comment by Had_Enough — Wed 19th August 2009 @ 4:19 pm

  19. If you had read yesterday’s paper you would have seen that 41 women and children were burned to death in a fire deliberately lit by a bitter ex-wife. She fits the category of psychopath, and will probably be treated as the criminal that she is. As it happened in Kuwait, she will probably have her head cut off with a sword in public. Happy now?

    Comment by rc — Wed 19th August 2009 @ 4:34 pm

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