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Meeting with MP

Filed under: General — nzleagle @ 4:31 pm Sat 24th October 2009

As mentioned in my previous post, I will be meeting with the Hon, Dr Wayne Mapp, to discuss the Family Court etc… etc… I was thinking it might be and idea to give him and idea of how many people are in a simular postion to what I am in. 

If you want to write a letter by e-mail, to Dr Mapp, I will print them out and happily deliver it to him personaly on Tuesday when I meet with him,  The more leters I get the bigger the impact there will be on him.

my e-mail is [email protected]


  1. Please add my contribution to your pile of letters and thank-you.

    I am 46 years old. I’m Dad to three children and Granddad to five grandchildren. I have been separated from my ex-wife for almost ten years. My ex-wife holds a Protection Order against me although she has recently apologized to me for insinuating that I was ever violent towards her. She confessed that she should not have sought a Protection Order against me because I was never violent towards her. She confessed these things privately, between just her and me, and also on another occasion in the presence of my 23-year-old daughter.

    I met my ex-wife when I was 21 years old. She already had a 14-month-old daughter and so we were a ready-made family from the outset of our relationship. We had another daughter and then a son, making three children. My oldest daughter, my stepdaughter, is 26 years old and still allows me the privilege of being her Dad. She visits her younger brother and me almost daily. My son is a student and is still dependent upon me and so lives with me at my home. I am his primary caregiver after winning custody in the Porirua Family Courts in 2002. My 23-year-old daughter also visits me frequently each week. I’m not what some people term to be a bitter loser. I consider myself to be a bitter winner.

    I’m bitter because …

    I was the Primary Caregiver of all three of our children.
    My ex-wife seemed quite content socializing while I raised our children. I cooked, cleaned, did the laundry, ironing, shopping, changed nappies, arranged vaccinations and transported my children to and from school every day unless I was too ill to drive. My ex-wife never shopped for children’s clothing, shoes or birthday or Christmas gifts. I did all of that and also worked to support my family. Mostly, I was our children’s only caregiver even though their mother lived with us.

    I called the Porirua Police, with the assistance of my older brother and his wife, in early July of 1993. I was desperate that they find my three children because my ex-wife had taken them in her car after threatening to kill hersself and them too. My son was only six weeks old.
    I waited in despair for hours and hours to hear that my children were alive and uninjured.
    The Police didn’t speak to me when they arrived at my brother’s house. They spoke to my sister in law. I never knew what they spoke about although I have my suspicions now. The Police left and I went home to find my wife and children who all appeared to be fine.
    Later that evening my ex-wife explained how she had driven on the wrong side of the motorway with the intention of causing a head-on collision with another vehicle. She told me that she was lining her vehicle up with another when she suddenly changed her mind and braked sharply and swerved just in time to avert an accident. I believed her.
    She had often threatened me with the death of my children, herself and me if certain expectations of hers weren’t met. This was the first time that she had actually carried through with her threats although I felt confident that she was serious about her previous threats.
    My two oldest daughters remember this incident and can confirm that their mother did in fact attempt to kill them all. My oldest daughter also remembers other occasions when her mother tried to kill them. I had not been aware of those other incidents until my oldest daughter had spoken to me about them. My other daughter remembers one time when she was in her mother’s car and her mother tried to use the exhaust from the vehicle to cause their deaths. She stated that her mother had used newspaper to seal up the gaps in the garage doors and had run the engine of her vehicle. I did not know about this incident until she told me about it recently, in 2009.
    My ex-wife boasted to me about how she had spoken to the Porirua Police and then rushed to hide behind her counselor. I know she lied to the Police and they believed her.
    The Porirua Police never gave me any explanation for their lack of assistance to my children or me regarding this incident.

    CYFS Porirua was involved with my family however they did not have the skills to notice the plight of my children and me.
    CYFS did not understand how violent my ex-wife was when others weren’t looking on. They knew that there was a Power & Control issue. They knew that my ex-wife had Power & Control over me. But they never explored that further so that my children and I could be safe. I was never able to speak to CYFS without my ex-wife being close by. She watched my every move.

    If I displeased my ex-wife I would be threatened with the death of my children. I remember this happening very frequently, sometimes many times each day. I knew that she was serious. I also knew that there was no help available for my children or me. I had tried to get help from CYFS and the Porirua Police. My ex-wife ran circles around them. I was stuck so that my children could remain safe.
    I was stuck for another nine years under the control of my ex-wife, too afraid to place a step wrong in case she decided to carry through with her threats to kill my children again. She often reminded me of her previous attempt to kill our children whenever she made new threats.

    My Mother and Father arrived unexpectedly at my home one day. They wanted to remove my rifle to a safe place. They had grown concerned at my ex-wife’s apparent fixation on stories being reported in the United States of America where women had killed their husbands and avoided the usual consequences by claiming spousal abuse. In fact my ex-wife and I had discussed this subject a lot but I had not mentioned that to anyone else. My parents responded to their own observations. My Mother worked as a psychiatric nurse and felt certain that my ex-wife was a paranoid schizophrenic. Mr. Rolly Masters, psychiatrically trained Charge Nurse — Porirua Hospital — deceased, also advised me to be cautious after expressing a similar opinion to that of my Mother. I had a working relationship with Mr. Masters and he had met my ex-wife often.
    I absolutely believe that my Parents saved my life by acting as they did.

    My ex-wife would often awaken in the early hours of the morning after having an adulterous dream. She would suddenly remove all of the blankets from our bed, so as to register her dissatisfaction with the character played by me in her most recent dream. She would often spend the next few hours slamming and banging doors and cupboards and yelling foul things about me. Our children witnessed it all. They were often frightened by their mother’s behaviour. My son would often run to the safety of the matrimonial bed to be close to me during his mother’s episodes. He was frightened. We all were.
    I could not leave or there was a very real risk that I would have to live the rest of my life visiting the graves of babies. I just could not take that risk. I would not risk my children’s lives for anything.
    I had to stay living in the matrimonial home so that my children had protection from their mother and her uncontrollable rages and whatever it is that affects her mind so much.
    Even if my children had been safe if I had left, they would not have had their needs met by their mother. Their mother struggled with any domestic chore.
    I was the Primary Caregiver of my children because of necessity, not because of any conscious decision. However, I do not regret being the Primary Caregiver of my children.

    My ex-wife was always embroiled in some kind of crisis or another. Often she involved herself in the crises of other people. Friends and family often accused my ex-wife of starting crises and many of them refused to visit my home because of their feelings toward my ex-wife.
    My best friend told me that he would never visit my home again after recognizing my ex-wife’s campaign of slanderous lies against me. He told me that he had considered me to be an arse-hole, for months, after hearing from my ex-wife about how lazy and useless and abusive I was. Yet every time he visited us he had noticed my ex-wife sitting idly while I prepared a meal or did some other domestic chore. Every time he had noticed any abuse, it came from my ex-wife, not me. My best friend was angry that he had been manipulated by the lies of my ex-wife. He wanted to maintain our friendship without my ex-wife being able to sabotage that friendship and so we decided it would be best if I visited him and his family at his house. Although whenever I visited my best friend my ex-wife would already be on the telephone when I arrived at his house and would then arrive there shortly afterwards.
    Although I was upset by my ex-wife’s behaviour and the repercussions that it had on my relationships with my friends and family, I was not surprised when my best friend confided these things in me. He was just the latest victim of her manipulations.
    There was nothing that I could do to stop her being so destructive and dishonest.

    My ex-wife gave up drinking after she told some of her family members that she was prostituting herself and that I was her pimp. She had been drinking for most of the day with her family members while I stayed at home. I’m not against drinking alcohol however I rarely drink. Although this was just another of her schizophrenic delusions, or an attempt to gain attention, her family organized for two car-loads of people to break in my front door of my home, rip my telephone out of the wall and remove my children by force while I was beaten up by approximately 300 kilograms of fat people in my lounge. My children were missing for ten hours before being located by the Police.
    The Porirua Police charged no one with any crime over that incident.

    It was frightening for me when I discovered my two-year-old son with blue lips, choking on a small toy left by his mother. I had asked, pleaded and begged her to stop leaving dangerous items within reach of our baby. She just ignored me completely. Fortunately for me, and my son, I had been extensively trained in First Aid and was able to confidently use the Heimlich maneuver to extract the small toy that had lodged in his airways.
    I despaired over the thought of what might have happened if it had been his mother and not me available in his time of urgent need.

    It was frightening for me when I received a phone call to meet my ex-wife and infant son at Keneperu Hospital. My son had fallen in a bath of scalding hot water. He had burns covering his forehead and backside and was in a lot of pain.
    I arrived just as the nurse administered morphine to my child. He immediately developed a local reaction to the morphine injection and I informed a nurse. A machine with paddles was rushed to the bedside of my son, just in case his heart needed to be restarted I imagined.
    I had pleaded with my ex-wife to stop running her bath by using hot water only, and then running the cold water to cool it to her preferred temperature. My pleas fell on deaf ears. She seemed to have very little comprehension of the dangers posed to our children.
    My ex-wife told me that although she had warned our son to remain out of the bathroom, he had ignored her to retrieve an item from the side of the bath and had slipped and fallen in.
    My son told me that his mother had asked him to retrieve an item from the side of the bath while she sat on the toilet in another room. He told me that he slipped when he tried to reach over the bath to retrieve that item for his mother.
    Fortunately my pre-school aged child healed without any scarring being apparent.

    It was frightening when I discovered that my ex-wife had been stupefying me. I had become suspicious after experiencing two days in a row where I suspected that I had been drugged. I kept vigilant and caught her attempting to place an unknown substance in a cup of coffee that she had made me. I had to be much more careful when accepting any food or beverage from her.
    I suspect that she has caused damage to my insides. I began suffering from Irritable Bowel Syndrome in September of 1993.
    One of my daughters recently informed me that she overheard her mother boasting to her friends about how she placed Jayes Fluid in casserole that she had fed me.
    My ex-wife recently told me that she had fed Jayes Fluid to her father in a casserole and had damaged his insides. She told me that her father was hospitalized. She told me that she received Police Diversion for her attempt at poisoning her father. Her father denies her story completely despite his daughter, my ex-wife, believing it to be true. Regardless, poisoning is on her mind.

    My ex-wife had obtained a Non-Molestation Order against me after an argument early on in our relationship. She obtained this order to secure Power & Control over our home, chattels and children. She has admitted that I was never violent.
    My ex-wife has already publicly admitted that her current Protection Order against me was fraudulently obtained and that, despite her treatment of my children and me I, had never been violent towards her.
    Her original Non-Molestation Order was automatically converted to a Protection Order when the laws changed in New Zealand.
    The Protection Order held by my ex-wife against me allowed her to have ultimate Power & Control over me and my belongings and our children.
    She invoked her Protection Order one time when she was upset with me, which caused the Porirua Police to incarcerate me overnight. She organized for a friend to collect me from the Porirua Police Station the next morning. She then rang me at the friend’s house and apologized to me for her behaviour and told me to come home.
    I could not bear to leave our children in her sole care. I was frightened for their well-beings and so I went back home.

    Near the end of my relationship with my ex-wife I had a visit from my ex-wife’s best friend who informed me that my ex-wife was having an extramarital affair with one of her mates. This lady told me these things while sitting in her car in my driveway. My ex-wife came out and overheard the allegations and chased her friend away while trying to grab hold of her friend’s hair through the window of her car and screaming obscenities at her.
    My ex-wife tried to speak with me about her friend’s allegations however I refused to engage her with that subject. I could tell from my ex-wife’s reaction and behaviour that the allegations were true. I strongly suspected that her stupefying of me was so that she could sneak off in the evenings to be with another man.
    My ex-wife manipulated her lawyer, Robert Brace, to threaten me with a letter demanding that I comply with my ex-wife’s request for marriage guidance counseling or I risked being removed from my home and children. I knew that counseling would be a waste of my effort because my ex-wife refuses to be honest with people. She preferred to blame me as the reason for all of her violence.
    I had already been to a marriage guidance counselor who had spoken to my ex-wife about the marriage problems before she even made an appointment to see both of us together. This incompetent counselor’s first words to me were “Mr. X, so what’s you’re problem?” This counselor never spoke to me without my ex-wife being present. I could not tell her the real problems without being punished for it when we got home. I never went back after the first meeting with this counselor.
    Another opportunity to help my children and me was lost on the gender discrimination displayed by this marriage guidance counselor.

    Please accept that what I have written to you is merely the tip of the iceberg. I have included some of the incidents that happened to my children and me during my seventeen-year relationship with my ex-wife. There are far too many incidents to cover in this letter and so I have not included many of them.

    I am bitter because despite all of these serious incidents my children were placed in danger of being abused when I finally separated from my ex-wife.

    I separated from my ex-wife one morning after I felt it necessary to ring the Police. My ex-wife had already been screaming threats and other foul things at me for an hour. Although I had refused to respond to her behaviour, by placing myself away from her, she kept stalking me wherever I went, yelling the same obscenities over and over. The whole street would have heard her yelling. Our children were present while my ex-wife behaved so appallingly. Sometimes she has remained angry, violent, abusive and threatening for three weeks and I could tell that this episode would be an extended one unless I acted.
    Four Police Officers from the Porirua Police Station arrived at my home while I waited on the telephone with the Police Operator. My ex-wife tried to deny me the telephone. She held on to the cordless phone and so I used the spare phone to ring 111. The Police Operator had to ask my ex-wife repeatedly to get off the other phone so that she could hear what I was saying to her.

    When the Porirua Police arrived my ex-wife had stopped screaming obscenities at me and instead began to cry and shake. I told the Police that my ex-wife was stoned and also told them where to find her stash of drugs.
    I was asked to pack a few clothes and leave by a Police Officer. He appeared uncomfortable with his decision but explained that her Protection Order allowed her to have me removed from my home and children.
    I left and never went back to her.

    I immediately found alternative accommodation and engaged a solicitor so that I could continue to parent my children in the capacity of their Primary Caregiver.
    My ex-wife also engaged Robert Brace to represent her albeit on Legal Aid.

    One of my first contacts with CYFS Porirua, after I separated from my ex-wife, was with a social worker that had already been manipulated by my ex-wife.
    She appeared to have no comprehension of my very real concerns and instead preferred to berate me for my ex-wife feeling abused. This social worker even wrote deliberate lies on the CYFS database about me. She deliberately misrepresented my conversation to her after I asked her if I might fare better if I had breasts. She wrote on the CYFS database that she had ended the telephone conversation with me after I rudely mentioned such things as ‘cocks’, which is a deliberate lie. I never said anything of the sort.
    This caused me to begin recording any conversation between staff from CYFS Porirua and myself. This action helped protect me from any further dishonesty by CYFS social workers. I made it known that I was recording every conversation. It helped keep them honest.

    Although Robert Brace was initially the Legal Aid solicitor for my ex-wife during our Family Court case he eventually removed himself from providing assistance to her.
    The second solicitor engaged by my ex-wife, using the Legal Aid system, also asked that she be removed from providing assistance to my ex-wife.
    My ex-wife had to be assigned to three separate solicitors using the Legal Aid system before one could be found that could cope with her behaviour, or so it seems.

    During our Family Court case in the Porirua Family Courts the solicitor who represented my ex-wife, Ms. McMillan from Waikanae Law, allowed her client to offer perjury after perjury to be presented as fact in our case.
    My ex-wife told one lie after another and yet there were no consequences for her each time her lies unraveled before the Courts. She just presented new lies.
    The Family Court Judge, Judge Mill, continued to allow my ex-wife to submit perjured affidavits despite the obvious lies previously presented by her.
    This lack of action by the authorities in this case extended the length of this case, unnecessarily drove up my solicitors costs immensely and also caused my children to suffer much longer than was necessary while they waited to be returned to the day-to-day care of their Primary Caregiver.

    I waited two and a half years before Judge Mill finally made a decision to have my two remaining dependent children returned to my day-to-day care.
    During this forced absence from my babies:
    My 14-year-old daughter was allowed to quit school.
    My 14-year-old daughter had access to her mother’s drug supply and did in fact begin using marijuana while in her mother’s sole care.
    My 14-year-old was allowed to consume alcohol.
    My 14-year-old was allowed to have her boyfriend stay over with her regularly.
    My 14-year-old was alienated from me by her mother.
    My 14-year-old had very little understanding of what was the truth and what was a lie after two and a half years of her mother causing alienation between us both.

    My 7-year-old son was physically assaulted by his mother because the ‘professionals?’ informed his mother that he preferred to live with me, his Father.
    My 7-year-old son was prevented by his mother from enjoying his Family Court Ordered visits with me that had been agreed to.
    My 7-year-old son was prevented by his mother from enjoying his Family Court Ordered visits, even after me being required to apply for and pay for, and receiving, an Order to enforce the first Order. Ridiculous isn’t it?
    A dangerous dog attacked my 7-year-old son and his wound remained untreated until he told me ‘secrets’. He was instructed by his mother to deny me any knowledge about his injury from this dog because the local Council wanted it for destruction.
    My 7-year-old son suffered psychosomatic symptoms due to the immense stress that was placed on him by his mother during the two and a half years of the Family Court case.
    My son’s school complained often about the unkempt appearance, unhygienic odours, lack of lunches, poor school attendance and general backsliding of my son while in his mothers care.
    There were no reports from my 14-year-old daughter’s school because she simply didn’t go.

    I was ordered by the Courts to undergo an Anger Management Course because my ex-wife sought a new Protection Order against me.
    It was during the fourth counseling session out of ten that my counselor realised that it was me who had telephoned the Police on the day that we had separated. He had previously been confused about the facts of my case.
    He failed to understand that any of my efforts to reunite with my alienated daughter would be opposed vehemently by my ex-wife, out of the public view. I wasted his time and mine on pointless exercises anyway. It was a gross waste of taxpayer’s money.
    My ex-wife was Ordered by Judge Mill to also undergo an Anger Management Course and also a Drug & Alcohol Course.
    She went for two sessions of her Anger Management Course and then quit, telling him that she preferred to receive her counseling from her Drug & Alcohol counselor.
    My ex-wife asked our oldest daughter to supply her with a urine sample, which she then submitted to her Drug & Alcohol Counselor. Then she quit her Drug & Alcohol Course, stating that her negative result proved she did not have a drug problem. My 26-year-old daughter will confirm this information.

    My ex-wife regularly rang my phone number screaming abuse of all kinds. She would then immediately make accusations against me for breaching her Protection Order. She regularly threatens me with arrest because of her fraudulently obtained Protection Order. In fact she did that to me very recently. Fortunately I had a witness with me that most likely saved me from being arrested on a false complaint.
    Fortunately I had already been recording any incoming telephone calls to my house and recorded my ex-wife being abusive on many occasions.
    I transcribed the conversations and submitted them as evidence to the Porirua Family Court, for all the good it did me.
    Judge Mill decided that he could not ascertain a clear interpretation of the abusive phone calls to me because he could not hear any tone, or volume from my transcribed recordings.
    Judge Mill behaved in such a way that my impression was that he preferred to keep my children with their mother.

    In summing up Judge Mill said that he suspected that the truth was somewhere in the middle of the testimony of my ex-wife and my testimony.
    This was despite numerous and clear examples of deliberate perjuries being submitted as evidence by my ex-wife throughout the Court case.
    This was also despite the advice of the Family Court Expert, Geraldine Keith — psychologist, advising the Courts that my ex-wife should be psychiatrically examined and eluded to her being delusional. Ms Keith also advised that our children should be in my day-to-day care. Ms Keith also remarked about the parental alienation conducted against my 14-year-old daughter by her mother and suggested a remedy for that.

    Judge Mill finally ordered CYFS to place my children in my day-to-day care after my ex-wife started threatening death once more. She threatened to commit suicide in front of our children if her demands weren’t met.
    My 7-year-old son, who had turned 9 years-of-age while he waited for a decision from the Family Courts, was placed immediately in my day-to-day care.
    Counsel for child, Peter Harrison objected to my 14-year-old daughter, who had turned 16 years-of-age while waiting for a Family Court decision, being placed anywhere against her will, suggesting that her legs would decide who she lived with.
    Unfortunately Judge Mill agreed with Mr. Harrison and left my daughter to rot with her abusive mother.
    The Family Court process allowed a violent parent to damage her children further while their Primary Caregiver paid $10,500 and waited two and a half years to save them from that abuse. I believe that my ex-wife manipulated the Legal Aid system, the Family Court process, the Family Court Judge and her solicitors to extend our Family Court case to punish me for daring to leave her.
    I certainly felt punished after the conclusion of the Family Court case. In fact I strenuously advise any father to ignore our Family Courts completely. The bias against Men is obvious and abusive. Our Family Courts definitely do not provide anything that comes close to Justice for Children. Much of the emphasis appears to be about helping mothers to win custody of their children rather than providing children with the best outcome for them.

    You could not possibly imagine the nightmare that I have lived. You would never understand the misandry that exists in New Zealand until you have walked in my shoes, or the shoes of other Fathers who love their children and are living similarly to I lived.
    My love for my three children kept them alive when CYFS and the New Zealand Police cared more for being politically correct. They should have helped my children and me. My children shouldn’t have memories of their mother trying to kill them, especially when their Primary Caregiver has tried so hard to stop that happening to them.
    Where does a Father go to stop his children’s lives from being threatened if the Police won’t listen?
    Where does a Father go to for help from an abusive partner if CFYS appear to prefer to follow feminist ideology rather than offer genuine help?
    Where is the Refuge for men, for Fathers and children who are experiencing the life that I escaped from?
    Please don’t tell me that Fathers are not worth investing money in.
    How much would it cost to:
    Have contracts with a couple of Motels in each city/town that are prepared to house Fathers and their children who are experiencing abuse from their partner?
    I’m confident that Motels would appreciate the potential business.
    There would be no ongoing cost for ‘bricks & mortar’ unless the service was used apart from Advertising, which is extremely important.
    The budget for something such as this would be minimal compared to the funding provided to the Women’s Refuge.
    The Police in each district could easily adapt their practices to consider particular Motels as being a safe-haven for Fathers and their Children.
    I am evidence of such a need. My children need not have endured what they did. There are others, children, who are still living the life that my children and I lived.

    What would the savings be if the Women’s Refuge were also set up in such a way?

    Although I don’t profess to have the solutions for everything, I can say with confidence and certainty that our current system fails miserably. My life and the lives of my children are testament to that.
    I am bitter because nothing much has changed to prevent other Fathers and children from suffering as my children and I have suffered.

    My ex-wife visited my home two days ago, 23rd October 2009, wanting to discuss something regarding our oldest daughter. She was loud and threatening towards our daughter and I asked her to calm down four times before I asked her to leave my house.
    She refused until I picked up my phone to call the Police.
    She screamed at me “You fucking wanker” and “You’ll be arrested for breaching my Protection Order”. She then proceeded to the Porirua Police Station to have me arrested for breaching her Protection Order. She believes that I MUST have a meeting with her or it contravenes her rights under her Protection Order.
    The Police issued her with a Trespass Order.
    She has two more pre-school children to another man who is currently serving a jail sentence for beating her up. Yes, she threatened to kill his babies too. Go figure!
    When will this madness end?

    FP 115/89
    My name is Wayne.
    I can be contacted by emailing me at: [email protected]

    Comment by SicKofNZ — Sun 25th October 2009 @ 1:44 pm

  2. I was in a relationship with a woman with a history of mental unwellness. 18 months ago when I left after her increasingly bizarre behaviour became too much, she applied for a protection order to prevent me having anything but supervised contact with our children.

    When I defended the application, she changed hers to exclude me from having any contact whatsoever. She also asked for an occupation order and a furniture order. She made bizarre claims of violence going back years that came as a complete surprise to me and pinned all her previous problems on me, despite her family history showing otherwise.

    I was foolish enough to put all the assets in her name and relationship property has still not be divided despite my application to the Family Court in January. She has all the money and the property, which is considerable and allows her to employ a top lawyer. I am self represented.

    Legislation says these applications should be heard within a statutory period of 48 days. The application was put on notice. The Family Court did not hear this application until five months later. All three of her applications were dismissed. Defending this application cost me $38,000 in legal costs. I was placed under considerable pressure from the lawyer for the children to allow my partner to have this protection order granted to save her distress, and thus save my children from being exposed to this distress as they were in her care. That was the argument the court considered. Not that I was a danger to anyone, but that the granting of the order would be in the children’s best interests and welfare as it appeased their care giver. I was stunned.

    Police reports supported my position and posed serious questions against my partner. A court appointed psychologist provided a report that cast considerable doubt on my ex-partner. Witnesses said I am not a violent man and was in fact dominated by my partner.

    In dismissing the application the judge ruled the matter should be referred to CYFS for care and protection issues as he was concerned about the care arrangements for the children while in their mother’s care, but she still left them in her care. The judge refused to wait a couple of weeks for the court psychologist’s report to be ready. When this report did come out, it painted a very different picture to what my ex-partner had claimed.

    CYFS investigated and said there were care and protection issues and recommended the children be referring to counselling for issues of alienation because they didn’t want to see me. My partner opposed this counselling. She refused to attend a Family Conference recommended by CYFS. She refused to attend Court-led mediation. But like the court, CYFS are happy for the children to remain where they are until the court decides.

    The only solution is a week-long hearing set down for a date almost two years since the first application was made. The cost to both parties will be in excess of $60,000 in legal costs each. I haven’t seen or spoken to my children for almost two years. My ex-partner refuses to let any members of my family see my children. They have become completely alienated from me and I despair of ever seeing them again as the cost of Family Court justice is too great.

    Comment by Gerry — Mon 26th October 2009 @ 12:33 pm

  3. SickofNZ and Gerry.

    Your stories are horrific, and yet they continue to be so on so many levels.

    I have seen your pain in my step-children, my children and my partner, and yes he was a ‘battered husband’.
    I feel your pain and know that I have to be the rock otherwise my family will just crumble under the continuous strain of constant pressure.
    My partner has awoken to his ex sitting watching him sleep holding a knife, to name one incident.
    His ex has the FC eating out of her hand, a petite woman that sits in the Court room shoulders shrugged, head lowered and plays the victim oh so well.

    Comment by sonnyking — Tue 27th October 2009 @ 8:31 am

  4. Sound like one of these.

    Comment by Skeptik — Wed 28th October 2009 @ 12:59 am

  5. Sorry,
    I’ll try to make a better link


    Comment by Skeptik — Wed 28th October 2009 @ 1:01 am

  6. Thank-you for the link.
    A very interesting read.
    I read the article to my partner and he said that he couldn’t believe how close the article was to what his ex wife was like.
    He reckoned the article described her to a ‘T’.

    I always had suspected Munchausen by proxy as she has and is still using the children.
    This professional victimhood is more precise to what she is doing.

    Comment by sonnyking — Thu 5th November 2009 @ 8:32 pm

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