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Board of Shame

Filed under: General — Eric @ 6:44 pm Fri 17th December 2010

Still battling to see my kids via the Family Court. Not even getting a hearing date. I think the system is on its last legs.

Just had an idea. Has anybody thought about having a Board of Shame on the internet listing all the mothers that prevent fathers from seeing their offspring? I am interested to know if such a thing could be stopped and if so, how. Comments pse.


  1. Hi Eric,

    Sorry to hear what’s happening to you.

    I remember a ‘name and shame’ website for CYFS social workers getting media attention and sparking debate in NZ. But not a ‘name and shame’ for parental alienation. Not a bad idea.

    I am interested to know if such a thing could be stopped and if so, how. Comments pse.

    Maybe a better question could be, “How do you do it?” rather than, “Can it be stopped?” IMO, everything can be stopped, lol.

    I can think of one man who can help, but he’s away at the moment. Hopefully others here know how.

    Comment by Julie — Sat 18th December 2010 @ 2:07 pm

  2. Actually it’s quite simple. Set up a website with a local domain name, but with hosting in another country, this would make the website very difficult to shut down.

    Make it clear what the website is about and add an email address to it. The moderator of the site, (who would need to remain anonymous, and would be best to be located outside of New Zealand,) could simply add the names to the website manually as they are submitted. Not an especially difficult thing to do.

    You need to be aware though that ALL domain names once registered have the buyers name and address attached to them on the register, which anyone can look up, so the person setting this up would HAVE to be outside of New Zealand (and probably Australia) in order to avoid any problems.

    Comment by Phoenix — Sat 18th December 2010 @ 3:39 pm

  3. Would the facists who came into my home please come and collect the pen they left behind. Just more underhanded, undignified and unethical behaviour. Standard MO for these parasites.

    Comment by Peter — Sat 18th December 2010 @ 9:09 pm

  4. My partner had engaged a solicitor seeking seperation. At the recommendation of my then employer, I made an appointment with Len Brown. He told me that he wasn’t actually practicing matrimonial law but that he would make an ‘exception’ in my case.

    Straight off it was clear that we not on the same page. He told me that I wouldn’t be seeing my children anymore and that I should be focusing on the financial matters for my future. Not altogether bad advice however I had been the primary caregiver of the children for many a year and I also had serious concerns regarding neglect of the children.

    Len Brown chose to ignore my instructions and without my approval made extremely generous concessions to my ex. At this, I paid my account in full and engaged another solicitor. It took approxiamately three months for her to finally recieve my file from Len Brown after his stalling with all manner of false excuses and attempts to bully her.

    Only in later years would the significance of Len Brown’s political allegance become apparent.

    He was quite correct as regards my finanical situation but in error regarding my contact with our children.
    For the next four years I remained quite substantially the primary caregiver and even then I have the letters from my ex begging for me to have them even more! With my ex being an IRD manager there was no chance of even a hearing for shared parenting, so inevitabily I went broke. When I couldn’t produce money out of thin air, typically my ex turned nasty. Victimising the children, making false allergations,….stopping all contact.

    Unable to see my children and being illegaly persecuted by various government agencies, I took up employment and exile overseas (paying child support and generous allowances directly to the children). Unbeknowns to me, the eldest child (17) had been thrown out of his mothers home and left to fend for hiself. Thankfully, we made contact and I was able to send him funds from my county of exile.

    However the evil tenticles of the New Zealand Government’s repression and persecussion extend well beyond it’s borders. Helen Clark using her position with the UNDF to have me suddenly terminated and thrust into a poverty trap. Denied the most fundermental right of a parent to provide for their offspring. But what would Helen Clark know about that?

    I have spent most of the last year living in a trailer park with my eldest child (my sleeping on a two seater couch). After a couple of false starts in NZ and living in a more supportive environment, he has actually completed a course of study. His living costs, fees and airfares all at my expense of course. I have just paid for him to return home for Xmas because as always my first concern is his wellbeing.

    This is but a brief summary and the details are more disturbing.

    The Truth will be my sword.

    Comment by Peter — Mon 20th December 2010 @ 10:05 pm

  5. The effects of unfair child support payment are destructive to the paying families financial and psychological wellbeing.

    Does anyone know of any research (here in NZ or abroad) that have investigated these effects? Especially the personal effects to men which can then filter down to their second families and children?

    After reading many posts condemning letters written to MP’s begging for a system change, I would have to agree that these letters are falling on deaf ears. Proof from research results showing the systems destructive effects need to be investigated. This must have been done already somewhere in the world?

    Comment by Kathleen — Tue 21st December 2010 @ 9:21 am

  6. Hi Kathleen,

    Does anyone know of any research (here in NZ or abroad) that have investigated these effects? Especially the personal effects to men which can then filter down to their second families and children?

    You raise an excellent idea IMO. I personally haven’t seen anyone doing any work in this specific area from here. To date, most work has been around helping individual cases and trying to change law and policy from what I’ve seen.

    Maybe an overseas men’s group has done some research or maybe there is ….. mental health could be a good start and the universities.


    IRD told me [yesterday] they get busy this time of year because those receiving CS want more money for Christmas. It could be a worthwhile cause to take up.

    The Family and criminal court are finally looking at suicide. Why not IRD and CS?

    Comment by Julie — Tue 21st December 2010 @ 12:43 pm

  7. Hi, related to this topic can anyone point me to someone who can assist me with my massive CS payments? I’m paying the max possible which the children do not get! I don’t mind paying but need to rearrange my income so that IRD deals with it at a lower amount. My accountant advice so far has been hopeless. I need to be clear my motivation is only so that ex and IRD come to the table reasonably. Paying is not the issue. Others must have the same problem. This is really now causing me grief with my new family. Thanks

    Comment by CK — Tue 21st December 2010 @ 7:55 pm

  8. CK, on these pages, somewhere, there’s a link to a group who do CS. Maybe the person involved will see your post. They charge for it.

    Also, you can contact a local men’s centre. They will be able to help you. Maybe if they do a good job, you can give a fair donation. 😉 (beats accountant fees and they know what they’re doing).

    Where abouts are you in NZ?

    Comment by Julie — Wed 22nd December 2010 @ 7:53 am

  9. THanks Julie, I’ll get on that advice early in 2011. I’m in Dunedin. I had a call from IRD yesterday. we have had a private agreement for over 10 years and suddenly the ex has contacted them and they have done an assessment that counters the legal private agreement as agreed with the court. I politely pointed out they have no right to make an assessment as under their own IRD rules on their website, as far as i can see, it says that both parties need to sign for the dismissal of the private agreement. Their claim now is that i dont have shared care, but the agreement was made on the ex’s desire to have my daughter one more day than i would have. So how about that! I would love to have her more and completely shared care but they have jumped to thinking the info presented by the ex is correct, and its not. as i explained, the only way i see to get some headway is by forcing them to the table to negotiate. have a good break, thanks

    Comment by Callum — Wed 22nd December 2010 @ 3:38 pm

  10. Hi Callum. Are you saying that you have your daughter 1 day less than your ex ?
    If so, that is still deemed to be shared care.
    I’d also be interested to know about that little fact regarding the private agreement needing both parties to agree before it is dismissed. My ex applied for IRD child support while we had a private arrangement so got 2 lots for the 1st month until I stopped paying her directly and put in for child support via IRD.
    All the best

    Comment by noconfidence — Thu 23rd December 2010 @ 4:14 pm

  11. Does anyone know how to make a formal complaint regarding family court registrars? My office (Akl) won’t even tell me what the complaint procedure is!!!

    Comment by noconfidence — Thu 23rd December 2010 @ 4:17 pm

  12. Try these links.

    The NZ law society is an interesting site and I’ve always found them approachable and give good info – even listen to you complaints.

    Comment by Julie — Thu 23rd December 2010 @ 4:26 pm

  13. I think you will find that the following link gives you the information you need.

    On a more serious note, and if you really want to push for a law change, rather than just complaing about a member of the Family Court you can always put in a petition to the House of Representatives, which is part of our government. According to their own information they are responsible for:

    * providing the Government (Executive) from amongst its members
    * making new laws and UPDATING old laws
    * representing the people (note, not just women)
    * examining and approving Government taxes and spending

    And my favourite:

    Perhaps if enough of us demand a law change at this level the government will have to start taking notice and stop discriminating against men.

    Comment by Phoenix — Thu 23rd December 2010 @ 5:01 pm

  14. Nothing’s changed then.


    Comment by Peter — Sat 25th December 2010 @ 2:23 pm

  15. How about taking the piss out of misandry?

    Comment by Skeptik — Thu 6th January 2011 @ 8:39 pm

  16. Hi noconfidence

    Our advice is go straight to the top. You may address a complaint to the Minister of Courts, Hon Georgina te Heuheu QSM and/or the Minister of Justice Hon Simon Power c/- Parliament Buildings, Wellington. The boundaries are kind of blurred as to which Minister has responsbility for what in terms of the courts – registrars are both officers of the court and Ministry of Justice employees. So copy it to both, they’ll work it out between them. Mention in the complaint the lack of assistance you got trying to find out about actually making a complaint. Every government department must have a complaints procedure that is available to the public it supposedly serves.

    Ministers of the Crown are obliged by their oath of office to address complaints from constituents and their correspondence is better tracked. At least you will get a response. If you send a complaint to the court it may get forgotten under the mountain of paper they receive every day, and besides there is hardly any incentive for the court to want to fast track it! The Minister will refer it to a senior official in his/her department and no one ignores a query from the Minister, in fact they are likely to address it quicker than if you write directly to the department itself.

    You may complain to the Ombudsman as well, but only if the complaint refers to an adminsitrrtive matter, an Ombudsman can only investigate complaints that relate to a registrar acting in his/her administrative capacity, the Ombudsman Act prevents an ombudsman from investigating a complaint against a registrar acting in his/her judicial capacity, which is most things they do.

    You may also in theory complain to the presiding judge in the case, but be aware the judge works from the same court as the registrar and deals with this person on a daily basis and has an existing rapport with them. Judges rely heavily on court registrars and you will be as an outsider asking a judge to examine and possibly censure someone they have to work with and to a degree rely upon. So go figure? I wouldn’t bother with this avenue myself. Jeremy 🙂

    Comment by GerryMen — Sun 9th January 2011 @ 1:06 am

  17. The system isn’t on its last legs, that is just how it operates!

    Comment by Scott B — Sun 9th January 2011 @ 11:29 am

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