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‘Half of women’ tell of emotional violence

Filed under: Gender Politics — Bruce S @ 7:18 am Tue 15th November 2011

Full story here:

NZ Herald: Half of women tell of emotional violence

Just another small step for feminism and a giant leap backward for men.

“A family violence expert is calling for a national discussion about relationships after finding that more than half of New Zealand women have suffered psychological and emotional violence from their partners.”

Okay, so shall we commence that national discussion here then? Now we have elevated “emotional abuse” to emotional violence. Let’s ratchet up the hyperbole a notch! Let’s create an even larger catch net where males can now be classed as “violent” rather than mere abusers.

I note also, that if I don’t respond to her question “what do you think of my new dress”? then I’m hamstrung as well; now I can be accused of “ignoring violence”.

Where it it all going to end?


  1. more excuses for their bad behavior

    Comment by Ford — Tue 15th November 2011 @ 7:30 am

  2. I note also, that if I don’t respond to her question ‘what do you think of my new dress’? then I’m hamstrung as well; now I can be accused of ‘ignoring violence’.

    Where it it all going to end?

    Dont forget you cant know where your partner is now. Thats abuse. I guess this questions can you ask anything? how are you feeling? Is that also abuse for caring? Can we even ask when are they expected home? are we going to be allowed to know they are going to be late home?

    How many times do we as guys get accused of having an affair? Where are we? Why are you late home? Why didnt you let me know about “x”? Why is that women friendly to you? and the all famous “why didnt you stick up for me?”.

    Bruce is right about the famous question ‘how do I look or does this make me look fat’ type. We all have to lie else women feel (now) abused.

    Where does it end? thats a good question.

    I noticed there was no poll from a males point!

    Comment by 2c worth — Tue 15th November 2011 @ 7:55 am

  3. The physcological abuse of women as reported in the story is unacceptable – I wholeheartedly agree and many aspects of what have been mentioned probably reflect a deep seated distrust for whatever reason on the part of the perpetrator.

    The effects of such actions are corrosive and destructive – there can be little doubt of that.

    For the very same reason I require balanced reporting of the issue in respect of the number of men caught in the same abusive situations. I am passionate about it as I have 19 years personal experience of being on the receiving end of it and 12 months after leaving that relationships I am still working hard to address the enduring effects.

    I have no qualms about abuse being highlighted as a societal problem. It is.

    I have deep reservations when it is passively portrayed as a problem only experienced by one gender. This is very much not the case and that needs addressing in both reporting as well as ensuring adequate support structures are in place to identify and address instance of such abuse.

    Comment by Nigel — Tue 15th November 2011 @ 9:57 am

  4. All women are abused by men. 100%. All women have a history of bad dates and bad husbands. All women have cried and felt humiliated.

    Scientific explanation why all women are unhappy in relationships with men:

    Women have unlimited materialistic expectations from men. Contrary to men who can get satisfied by women fast, women are never satisfied because their desires for goods and services from men have no limit.
    No women gets from her intimate partner so much as she thinks she deserves.

    As ancient Greek philosephers wrote, the only way to happiness is to reduce desires. When women accept that, they will be happy and that will make men happy too. Because happy women means happy men and happy family.

    Comment by Ivan Zverkov — Tue 15th November 2011 @ 11:04 am

  5. Seems to me a desperate and easy to see through ploy by feminists to get more funding based on shonky ‘statistics’ ahead of elections.
    No doubt linked to Phil Goff’s pathetic chivalric pandering to the female vote.
    Ah Labor. So 1980s feminist. So yesterday. Poor dearies at Women’s Refuge must be beside themselves having to downscale their filching of the taxpayer’s dollars with such ‘research’.

    Comment by Skeptic — Tue 15th November 2011 @ 12:28 pm

  6. By the way.
    The publishing of such bullshit ‘research’ which doesn’t even bother to ask men their views on emotional and psychological abuse is of huge irony.
    For deliberately ignoring men’s domestic violence concerns is EMOTIONAL AND PSYCHOLOGICAL ABUSE OF NOT 50%, BUT IN FACT ALL NZ MEN, .

    Comment by Skeptic — Tue 15th November 2011 @ 12:33 pm

  7. How to lie like a feminist.
    Go to 1 minute 50 seconds – brilliant!

    Comment by Skeptic — Tue 15th November 2011 @ 2:13 pm

  8. women and thier causes abuse men in the process of what they are trying to achieve..they cant gain anything on their own merits because they have none so make their gains rubbishing men

    Comment by Ford — Tue 15th November 2011 @ 2:15 pm

  9. This type of bullshit isn’t even worth commenting on! Just ignore it and don’t give the feminists any further ‘facts’ to justify their arguments. There are far more important issues to address.
    I am sure there are a significant number of men who have suffered (and continue to suffer)emotional abuse but who do so in silence; it not being considered manly to ‘fess up!
    An old friend of mine, who I had lost contact with for about 18 years but reconnected with recently, said that when he heard of my separation 10 years ago he considered it “a tragedy”! I said that given what I had gone through in the last 3 years or so of the marriage the tragedy was that it had lasted as long as it did!!!!

    Comment by Kelvin Dunn — Tue 15th November 2011 @ 2:48 pm

  10. All men living in our totalitarian post feminist dystopian fascist police state are more than emotionally abused – they are practically abused. If half of women living in a totalitarian post feminist dystopian fascist police state are abused, then that means three-quarters of the entire population are emotionally abused or worse. Maybe we should go back to the way things were before a totalitarian post feminist dystopian fascist police state when not so many people were abused. I dunno. Just thinkin outside the box a little.

    Comment by Darryl X — Tue 15th November 2011 @ 3:41 pm

  11. Female on male abuse highlighted here.
    Where are the NZ women with the mettle to do what this woman is honorably and courageously doing in USA?

    Comment by Skeptic — Tue 15th November 2011 @ 11:36 pm

  12. nz women wont do works for them now squealing women dont want to ruin their own game

    Comment by Ford — Wed 16th November 2011 @ 8:10 am

  13. So women are never emotionally and psychologically abused?

    Its all in their little heads?

    Comment by Get a grip — Wed 16th November 2011 @ 8:46 am

  14. We spoke to Simon Collins the NZ Herald reporter who wrote the story and asked him the question about Dr Fanslow research on male victims of domestic violence. To quote Simon “I did ask Dr Fanslow about whether the emotional violence is reciprocal but she had no information about it.” Telling eh?

    The reporter accepted there is a story out there about male victims of domestic violence, so we would encourage people to contact him.

    Comment by Brian — Wed 16th November 2011 @ 10:09 am

  15. #13..hey men not get emotionally and psychologically abused?

    Does it not work both ways in that tiny little head of yours?

    Comment by Ford — Wed 16th November 2011 @ 11:09 am

  16. Get a grip says:
    So women are never emotionally and psychologically abused?
    Its all in their little heads?

    Of course women are emotionally and psychologically abused. The rate of domestic violence within lesbian relationships is 400% HIGHER than the rate of domestic violence within straight relationships (where men are present).
    Are you happy now?

    Comment by Wayne — Wed 16th November 2011 @ 12:33 pm

  17. Hey Griper,
    Nobody’s saying some women aren’t emotionally abused.
    But to claim that 50% of women are emotionally abused as though it’s some kind of issue is pure batty feminist bullshit.
    When you think about it rationally for a moment using one of their definitions of emotional abuse – being called a name – ABSOLUTELY EVERYONE, to the last man and woman, has at some stage in their lives been subject to being called names.
    It’s part of life.
    The difference is the vast majority of men don’t act like over-delicate little flowers and whine about it like hysterical feminist ‘researchers’ looking to top up their funding at the taxpayer’s expense do.
    Instead men’s complaints about being unfairly stereotyped and labelled brutish, dumb, sexual risks etc aren’t histrionics but grounded in facts.
    What the authors of this dumb ‘research’ are implying is that there’s validity to the aforementioned misandric stereotyping of men – and they’re trying to hoodwink and swindle the general public – every NZ taxpayer with their corrupt bleating.
    It won’t wash.
    They should pull their heads in and redirect their energy towards worthwhile causes like for a start putting an end to the kind of emotional abuse of menfolk that their ‘research’ is.

    The reporter should also know much better than to make such a basic mistake and only get one side of the story. He should at least have gotten it in print that the ‘researcher’ had no interest in gathering men’s views on the subject of emotional and psychological abuse.
    The Editor should have picked up this basic error too.
    But there you go. Much media is feminist dominated so perhaps the Editor and reporter ‘looked past’ the basic error.
    That’s unfortunately all too often today’s journalistic standard.

    Comment by Skeptic — Wed 16th November 2011 @ 1:57 pm

  18. Hi Get a grip (#13);

    So women are never emotionally and psychologically abused? Its all in their little heads?

    Please get your semantics right will you; it’s now officially, emotionally and psychologically violated; pay attention will you girl!! Otherwise we might just start believing there’s nothing in that little head of yours.

    Comment by Bruce S — Wed 16th November 2011 @ 4:38 pm

  19. Straight from the article.

    Almost half (46 per cent) SAID current or previous partners had insulted them or made them feel bad about themselves.

    Yeah they SAID it happened so it must have actually taken place (that was sarcasm). And even if it did, so what. If your girlfriend asks you “do I look fat in this dress,” and you say yes (giving an honest answer suddenly you are an abuser? And since when is a man responsible for the way a woman feels? Are we supposed to walk on eggs all the time because women are so full of themselves they can’t even handle the occasional insult?

    30 per cent had been “belittled or humiliated in front of other people”

    So if your girlfriend is behaving like a slut in front of others and you tell her so, you are an abuser? Reality is sometimes a woman DESERVES to be belittled or humiliated, just like all of us (male or female) when we are behaving badly.

    26 per cent said partners had “done things to scare or intimidate [them] on purpose”

    Exactly 26% SAID that partners had done things to scare or intimidate them, doesn’t mean it actually happens. Besides, women do this ALL THE TIME to men, can’t they take what they are dishing out?

    19 per cent SAID partners had threatened to hurt them or someone they cared about.

    Ok. Prove it. Pretty dangerous to write slander about nearly half the population with zero proof.

    Asked about controlling behaviours, 18 per cent SAID their current or most recent partner “insists on knowing where you are at all times”

    New Zaeland woman (according to a Durex survey and further research conducted by Massey University) are the most promiscuous in the developed world, perhaps there is a good reason for us guys wanting to know where they are.

    11 per cent said he “ignores or treats you indifferently”

    So now we are abusing women if we sit and ignore her and read the paper while she rants on about some bullshit that is irrational and irrelevant?

    10 per cent said he “gets angry if you speak to another man”

    See point about promiscuity above.

    9 per cent tried to stop her seeing friends

    Friends of what gender? See point on promiscuity above.

    5 per cent tried to restrict her family contact.

    Yeah so they can’t conspire against him and try to strip mine him of his resources. We all know of whole families that have taken sides against a man and ripped him to shreds.

    Interseting how they fail to mention the OTHER statistics that apply to women.

    50% of women will lie to their husbands if they get pregnant to another man in order to keep the relationship going.

    42% will lie about the use of contraception if they want a child and their partner doesn’t.

    45% tell white lies throughout the day.

    78% will pass of a second hand gift as a new one.

    50% have claimed a festive card “lost in the post.”

    83% lie tell large, life changing lies.

    54% steal sweets.

    25% have stolen from their parents.

    5% have had sex with their boss.

    And here is the truly laughable one. 68% of them don’t trust their partner.


    Comment by Phoenix — Wed 16th November 2011 @ 5:02 pm

  20. Phoenix
    And men do none of these crimes you listed?Men are such angels(victims).

    Comment by Get a grip — Wed 16th November 2011 @ 5:09 pm

  21. Get a grip.

    Why don’t you do your own research and present us with your own findings? A two line retort with no information or sources has no weight at all, and not worth further response. Your kind has been on here more times than I can count, answering researched material with little quips and wasting peoples valuable time with snooty, usually condescending, un-researched and (occasionally) clever sounding remarks, but unfortunately for you, those of us who have been here a while know your game.

    Comment by Phoenix — Wed 16th November 2011 @ 5:29 pm

  22. Me thinks Get a grip might be holding on to tight.
    I didnt notice a broom so unfortunately Fords advice seems to have gone unheeded.
    Be gentle guys there are obviously some very deep issues that would lead to this sort of trolling on MENZ.
    I suspect someone might have been told “its not the jeans………”
    Im not one to judge but maybe, just maybe, someone hasnt paid Get a grip the attention she feels she deserves and now we all have to suffer the consequences
    I do think in her case it does seem to be “all inside her little head”
    But why would someone say little head as compared to….
    oh no, weight issues hmmmmmm
    Me thinks someone is feeling abused and emotional
    awwwwww its sad really

    Comment by Mits — Wed 16th November 2011 @ 6:07 pm

  23. mits..a woman with a broom could be deemed abusive and controlling on mans part for telling her what to do

    Comment by Ford — Wed 16th November 2011 @ 6:47 pm

  24. Get a grip says:

    And men do none of these crimes you listed?Men are such angels(victims).

    The tone ranks of sarcasm; but the underlying ethos seems to seek to justify that it’s ok for women to do these things, because men do these things.
    One thing I have observed throughout all my years on the bench, is that women are very good at justifying their actions. “he made me do it”!
    It’s such a shame that I can’t point this out in my judgements, for fear of upsetting the ruling ethos and sentiment within our Court system.

    Comment by Family Court Judge — Wed 16th November 2011 @ 7:27 pm

  25. maybe you should start upsetting some people judge

    Comment by Ford — Wed 16th November 2011 @ 7:52 pm

  26. Judge, I’m reminded of a short sentence I read a short while ago that seems to sum up the essence of how many women behave.
    Women only maintain an air of innocence by making men look guilty.
    Although I’m not sure of the name of this, I am reasonably sure that it is recognized by the psychological profession (I think it’s called blame transference, but I could be wrong). If there are any psychologists out there who are active on here I would be interested to hear a professional opinion on this phenomenon.
    I also note that Get a Grip has not provided any evidence whatsoever to support her claim, she has just thrown around empty words, like every feminist supporter that has shown up here for the last 3 years. Words of course are cheap and unsupported opinions are essentially worthless.

    Comment by Phoenix — Wed 16th November 2011 @ 8:47 pm

  27. @Phoenix – I’ve experienced a similar phenomenon in the work-place with female supervisors. In the US, we refer to it as “making yourself look good by making others look bad”. It’s a version of manipulating others with the public spectacle of her chronic victimhood. “Projecting” her incompetence and malice onto others. That’s the psychological term – projection. Whenever a woman does something wrong, she projects it upon others with whom she is associated – usually someone weaker and less able to defend themselves and whom others will likely and gladly blame instead of her.

    She acts as if she was the one who was wronged and mistreated even though she is the one who has doen this. That’s the primary origin of false allegations – women are guilty of abuse but they behave as if they have been the ones abused and cast aspersions and blame others (their husbands and/or fathers of their children. The entire divorce industry is built around this phenomenon. It’s predatory. It’s manipulation, a primitive coping or defense mechanism in routine use by feminists today (not just most women but some men).

    There are many other similar coping mechanisms. Anything to absolve herself of responsibility for her behavior – to distract others and to deflect blame and to alleviate guilt. Other mechanisms include delusion, denial and splitting. Of course, some of these can overlap and some professionals lump some together as variations of the same thing or split into finer distinctions.

    Some professionals think that it is always involuntary, but others know it is voluntary and deliberate in almost all instances concerning women. The habit or addiction or predisposition starts at an early age (cute girls learn they can get away with this stuff – manipulating others) and become wired into behavior as an automatic response during adulthood. So it started out as a deliberate choice but over time the use of coping or defense mechanisms becomes habitual and addictive.

    I mean, some people under extreme stress and in response to adversity may behave this way involuntarily and presentation of this kind of behavior is acute but gets better as time goes by (and we further ourselves from the stress), but most women and some men do it deliberately all the time without any provocation or independent of any stress or adversity. That’s why men who are faced with unilateral and malicious divorce may behave improperly or inappropriately – the woman has successfully projected her chronic misbehavior upon the man and he has responded in turn.

    It’s the difference between being a primary psychopath (woman) and a secondary psychopath (man). The woman’s misbehavior is chronic but often ignored because society has become habituated to it while the man’s misbehavior, although acute and in response to extreme adversity, is of short duration but we are not used to it so it is more conspicuous and more often punished. Unfortunately, his short-term acute misbehavior is much less of a problem than the chronic misbehavior of the woman, which goes unpunished.

    Comment by Darryl X — Thu 17th November 2011 @ 2:39 am

  28. Putting women down constantly as many people do on this site does not make men look better though.

    Comment by Get a grip — Fri 18th November 2011 @ 5:21 pm

  29. Get a grip,

    I think you are mistaking discussion which involves (politically incorrect) facts about women as put downs. I’m sorry if you FEEL this way, but feelings are not facts and while the rest of the world may be overly concerned with the emotive opinions of women, many men are far more concenred with logic, reson and factual discussion, and I will remind you that you are on a men’s site.
    Perhaps you should try employing the more developed and evolved part of your brain and analyse the information presented to you in a logical and rational fashion.
    You do realise that your emotive response(s) are supporting both my own posts, and those of DarrylX don’t you? There is MASSIVE amounts of INDEPENDANT research that backs up what we are discussing both here and on other boards.

    Comment by Phoenix — Fri 18th November 2011 @ 8:45 pm

  30. Get a grip @ #28 says –

    Putting women down constantly as many people do on this site does not make men look better though.

    Putting women up on a pedestal doesn’t make you look good.

    Do you have anything relevant to add to this site devoted to Promoting a clearer understanding of MEN’S experience?

    or are you content to continue ignoring men’s reality to troll and badger them with provocative dribble?

    Comment by Skeptic — Fri 18th November 2011 @ 9:14 pm

  31. Phoenix and others
    If you read your and other mens comments you will see that what i have to say is relevant.If my attempt to help you look at your own propaganda is provocative then you have a problem.Why dont you read your own comments about women and see you are doing exactly what you say women do.All as generalizations of course as usual.Putting women down will not help your cause in a real sense.
    Check out other mens sites and you will find some more balanced,intelligent discussion that does not invlove such intense loathing of women.Women are welcome to enter discussion.This site quickly ejects women by being dismissive and mildly abusive.That is my observation.As for pedestals I have no knowledge or experience of women on pedestals.What is this all about?We were all born to a women.To hate them would be to hate ourselves would it not?

    Comment by Get a grip — Sat 19th November 2011 @ 2:23 am

  32. I do understand that a lot of men have been hurt by women .Being hurt is also something that women experience.Being rational about this hurt is not easy for anyone.

    Comment by Get a grip — Sat 19th November 2011 @ 2:25 am

  33. @grip – For the most part, information presented on this site is NOT “propaganda”. Propaganda are lies in complete contradiction to facts and data published in peer reviewed scientific journals (some by women themselves), including ones broadcast by the Nat’l Organization for Women and other feminist gangs. Among such lies are: (1) one in four women on college campuses will be raped or (2) one in four women will be victims of domestic violence or (3) that 85% of all rapes are unreported. These are just a few examples of so many they can’t be counted. These lies (propaganda) broadcast by feminists have destroyed our economy and civilization (they are the primary reason for collapse of our economy and the primary reason recovery will not be possible – you women are scrambling and clawing over everyone to get to the aft of the Titanic before it sinks but it’s still gonna sink and you’re responsible and you’re still going down with everyone else no matter how far aft you are so you should have thought about the consequences of your actions before you steered us into an iceberg). Ultimately, truth is the final arbiter of our fate and women themselves will suffer the consequences of feminist propaganda. Scientific literature is not infallible but it is much more reliable than the rubbish broadcast by feminists. When policy and laws and decisions in family and criminal courts are made as a function of these lies, then everyone suffers in the long-term (especially the children whom you hold hostage for ransom). Feminists may benefit in the short-term but ultimately they and other women will end up paying the greatest cost. You shouldn’t shoot the messenger just because you don’t like the message and it makes you look bad. Because you are bad and you must be held accountable for your egregious misconduct and criminal behavior. You won’t get away with your irresponsibility and lies and manipulation of others with the public spectacle of your chronic victimhood. Truth is the final arbiter of our fate. If you don’t get what you deserve on Earth, then you’ll get it in hell.

    Comment by Darryl X — Sat 19th November 2011 @ 5:17 am

  34. @grip – No, women are not “hurt”. Being “hurt” is when you worked your whole life to support a family and the mother of your children uses them to destroy you for no reason but to satisfy her addiction to power and control and to facilitate her adultery. She uses them as hostages for ransom and alienates them from you. Being hurt is being condemned to the street for life or to prison or to your death (either on the street from exposure or by suicide because your day to day circumstances are so unbearably painful that you can’t live anymore) or to exile from your country and family. Being hurt is being a fugitive for life because you cannot pay an excessive order for child support and law prevents it from ever being lowered or the arrears from ever being erased. Being hurt is having your passport and driver license suspended because you are too poor to pay the excessive order. Being hurt is when the mother of your children and the gov’t, for whom you made consdiderable sacrifices, breaks you and then punishes you for being broken. Equating the benign emotional response of a woman to having her heart broken with the practical and absolute destruction of a man and his children is solipsism and is an important symptom of severe mental illness. Get a grip. Really. You should be ashamed of yourself but because you’re too stupid to be ashamed of yourself, men like me have to be ashamed for you like we do everything else for you because you can’t even do that. Your behavior on this site is disgraceful and reprehensible. How dare you.

    Comment by Darryl X — Sat 19th November 2011 @ 5:26 am

  35. @grip – You write like Bill or whatever her name was. I’m guessing that’s you.

    Comment by Darryl X — Sat 19th November 2011 @ 5:28 am

  36. Get a Grip,

    Since you brought up the subject of propaganda, and clearly want to engage us on this topic, perhaps you should actually learn what you are talking about. I will refer you to an earlier article.

    Comment by Phoenix — Sat 19th November 2011 @ 9:05 am

  37. Get a grip,
    I see you aren’t adding to promoting a clearer understanding of men’s experience but simply here to admonish and belittle, deny and provoke, sidetrack and blame.
    Whether you like it or not (apparently the latter) men have their lifetimes of experience telling them certain things about women.
    To listen to that is to take a humane path and empathize and is totally relevant to what this site is about.
    To fail to listen to that, and conversely attempts to control by calling men’s experience mere propaganda is in my view digusting, shallow and disingenuous.

    You apparently hold the view that women get ejected from this site with “mild abuse”.
    Certain women have come here and left of their own volition.
    That’s their choice which I respect.
    They have been firmly challenged over their ignorant views of men – which have nothing to do with promoting a clearer understanding of MEN’S EXPERIENCE either at all.
    Apparently they couldn’t handle that and left.
    I have no sympathy for them however.
    I’m not interested in pedestalizing them either by pandering to their ignorance and blatant attempts to turn MENZ away from it’s banner aim – promoting a clearer understanding of men’s experience and usurp it into a website for women to mouth off what they think men are and should be.
    The state of men is in dire need of support in this day and age of the feminist/chivalrist complex.

    Do not delude yourself.
    There is a world of difference between loathing women, as you naively accuse, and loathing certain women’s views and behavior.
    The condition of men is in dire need of support in this day and age of the feminist/chivalrist complex, and the task at hand is huge.
    Ironic that this thread is about emotional violence.
    For I think in essence what you are trying to do is close men down from discussing their views of women with your own form of emotional abuse – trying to guilt trip outspoken men with baloney charges of misogyny.

    For the record – I welcome ANY woman to this site who is prepared to listen deeply to men and assist in giving support to the aims of this website.

    I think it’s you who needs to get a grip.

    Comment by Skeptic — Sat 19th November 2011 @ 9:38 am

  38. Skeptic
    If you truly welcome women to this site you will need to stop making gross generalizations about them.Many comments are very derogatory and abusive.Me telling you this is not abusive.It is stating a fact.I have a firm grip on reality for your information.
    Darryl X
    You need to spend your time more productively on supporting your many children.All the time you spend on this site is not helping them.Find an outlet that is healthy and productive for your pent up anger.Such a great mind seems to be going to waste.

    Comment by Get a grip — Sat 19th November 2011 @ 3:03 pm

  39. If you truly welcome women to this site

    Where on Earth did you get this idea?

    Read the caption at the top of the page:
    promoting a clearer understanding of men’s experience

    Vagina possession is not a pass here. Neither is unintelligent “worship the goddess” cant. Say something smart, interesting and germane and you might get a better reception.

    Comment by rc — Sat 19th November 2011 @ 3:25 pm

  40. Get a grip there,

    the ‘gross generalizations’ you accuse me of are are the views formed from many years of close observation of women and a lifetime’s MALE experience.
    Oh, but wait.
    It’s clear to me that you’d like to deny me the right to hold a view based on my entire life’s experience and muzzle me with daft tired old stereotypical feminist accusations (power and control).

    It seems to me that to speak of women’s hypergamous and materialistic character is uncomfortable for you (denial).
    Too bad.

    I see also you are conflating your mere opinion as being a fact (projection), in the process trying to reduce my lived experience as a man to being irrelevant (denial and rationalization) – and at the same time have the gall to try and shame me as sexist (reaction formation).
    Whoa. Irony +++.
    Do you do this with all guys or just the more outspoken ones who aren’t under your emotional control?

    Comment by Skeptic — Sat 19th November 2011 @ 3:41 pm

  41. Gents; get a grip is clearly the same person as Tanya / Bill and a few other “handles” in between. She has had nothing meaningful to add to any of the discussion(s) previously. Perhaps it may be best if we just let her construct her own little fairy tale world for troll(op)s where she can dribble and burble on, on her own?

    Comment by Bruce S — Sat 19th November 2011 @ 4:09 pm

  42. I don’t know why some people come here just to prove to men how stupid they are.
    We get it okay!
    Now, why don’t you Get_a_grip on that broom handle of yours and fly back out of here?
    Or contribute something that positively helps according to the theme of this board!
    Goodness! I wish there was an ignore facility here.

    Comment by Wayne — Sat 19th November 2011 @ 5:37 pm

  43. Sirs, kindly understand that no all male environment unsupervised by a woman is permitted lest the truth about womens’ integrity become known to all men and boys.

    Get a grip is resorting to the only means women understand to control men which is to treat them like children. It stems from this being the only time they can truly exert control over anything male – ie when they are boys. You are all naughty boys saying such nasty things about the girls. Snakes and snails!

    It’s obviously a bit ripe in the slaughterhouse for Get a grip so maybe she should take her delicate sensibilities outside for a smoke. With any luck the proverbial door will slap her fat arse into the middle of next century.

    Comment by gwallan — Sat 19th November 2011 @ 8:24 pm

  44. it should read..Over half of NZ womem are Emotionally Violent

    Comment by Ford — Sat 19th November 2011 @ 10:10 pm

  45. Great post. If anytning men are the victims of emotional violence.

    Comment by Click Here — Sun 20th November 2011 @ 8:08 am

  46. There you all go off again.Just to prove my point.
    Sad ,lonely ,angry men.

    Comment by Get a grip — Sun 20th November 2011 @ 8:11 am

  47. sure you dont visit nzdating..youd fit in very well on the boards on that site..sad lonely angry men because a female made them that way

    Comment by Ford — Sun 20th November 2011 @ 8:15 am

  48. Get a Grip.

    And there you go again. Manipulating and blaming, just to prove our points.

    Comment by Phoenix — Sun 20th November 2011 @ 8:16 am

  49. im guessing if women cant match men physically in a dispute then the next best weapon for them would be a headgame

    Comment by Ford — Sun 20th November 2011 @ 8:38 am

  50. Get a grip,

    Jesus. More deluded lying.
    Why bother when a kid could see through it?
    Right now despite having a slight head cold I’m connected socially, pretty calm, and content.
    It’s good to be amongst friends who are on the same page.

    I think you are doing us a wonderful service in illustrating attempts to emotionally manipulate – some of the very behavior we see many women acting out which should be included in any COMPLETE research about societal levels of emotional violence.

    Comment by Skeptic — Sun 20th November 2011 @ 12:38 pm

  51. And there you go again.Boring!

    Comment by Get a grip — Sun 20th November 2011 @ 2:04 pm

  52. Skeptic,

    Yes I agree. Get a grip (gag for short) demonstrates many of the attributes that have been commented on here, and her messages are greatly reinforcing the points that have been raised about women, manipulation and emotional violence.

    Comment by Phoenix — Sun 20th November 2011 @ 3:20 pm

  53. Get a grip says:

    There you all go off again.Just to prove my point.
    Sad ,lonely ,angry men.

    Get a grip is provoking domestic violence, by making deliberately inciteful comments of a seemingly frivilous and unsubstantiated basis, which appear intended to provoke a angered response by men.
    That, in web-speak, is called ‘flaming’.

    Others call it ‘trolling’.

    Get a grip; you have returned here on separate days, meaning you are either as ‘sad, lonely and angry’ as the men you accuse, or you have some ulterior motive for keeping up on others somewhat more productive inter-personal communications.

    The only logical reason you would do that, is if you are related to one of the posters here, or a family court lawyer, woman’s rights activist, or similar.
    Irregardless, you come across as a bitter woman, with a beef against men.

    Rather than make inane sweeping generalisations; rather than simply troll and flame, why not come clean, express some genuine and constructive opinions, ;
    Or else %&&**(&^&^ off.

    Comment by I've got a grip. Literally. — Sun 20th November 2011 @ 3:31 pm

  54. The only logical reason you would do that………

    Hmmmm. Do women need logical reasons for what they do?

    you come across as a bitter woman, with a beef against men.

    Hmmmm. I agree, like many women, Gag is clearly operating from emotional motivation (along with a severe case of narcism, shown by her inability to take the focus off herself and her opinions, which by the look of it have been formulated based on how she feels), which is exactly why her posts, on average, make no sense whatsoever, outside of being snide comments written to manipulate people into responding (showing a desire for attention), she seems incapable of adding to a logical, rational argument, or responding in a clear and rational way (with some evidence) to back up her opinions.
    I would suggest ignoring her from now on, rather than feeding her need for attention.

    Comment by Phoenix — Sun 20th November 2011 @ 4:20 pm

  55. @gag – My anger is not pent up. It is fully expressed. And yes I am angry about what was done to me and many others and at who did it. I am sad because I have not seen my children in many years and that likely they don’t want to see me because of so many lies. I also am angry and sad because I used to have faith in humanity that truth would have prevented us as a species and civilization from arriving at our current precipice. I used to believe that most humans were for the most part good if not a little misguided. Now I understand that most are not good, misguided or not. I am lonely because the reservoir of people upon whom I expected to rely for moral and practical support throughout my life has shrunken substantially to the point of nonexistence. Anger is not an anger management problem though. I own it and express it responsibly and constructively and without harm to anyone including myself. It motivates me and keeps me warm at night. My sadness is not depression as I understand the cause of my sadness and that understanding helps me manage it and gives me a frame of reference against which I may compare and contrast other elements of my life and it allows me to count my blessings and enjoy the many gifts God has given me to enjoy. My loneliness as I understand its source and cause of my anger and sadness is part of that frame of reference that allows me to appreciate those gifts. I am disappointed that there are no women with whom I may share my life but I also appreciate that companionship with a woman is not the only source of happiness. As I’ve written before, women have priced themselves out of the market. I am disappointed that no women are able to share themselves with me for the price of my integrity and character and courage and persistence and endurance. Instead, they want money, which has become a terrible vice for most. They can have their money as my integrity is worth much more. Death and prison and poverty and exile, of which I used to be frightened are now virtuous companions. I am grateful for my experience because it has revealed to me the harsh truth with which I can live peacefully better than most people live with their polite lies. It’s a profound statement that sadness, anger and loneliness are better and more reliable companions than a woman. Maybe that will change someday. But for now I am content.

    Comment by Darryl X — Sun 20th November 2011 @ 4:25 pm


    the truth is out there….X Files,..

    Comment by kiran jiharr — Mon 12th December 2011 @ 5:21 pm

  57. kiran jiharr (#56): Thanks for linking this amazing story. Of course, women never lie about such things so the authorities must have it all wrong. No, wait, sorry, I meant that she was forced into it through the husband’s emotional violence in refusing to agree to move to a more expensive neighbourhood. What was he thinking? Oh, no wait, sorry, I meant that she did it because of complex personal issues not of her own making but caused by her father, no wait, her boss, oh sorry, I meant her first, or was it second, boyfriend. Really, it wasn’t her fault. And anyway, only 1% of sexual violence ever results in a conviction so why are you bleating about a few false allegations? It’s only men who go to jail for long periods on the basis of false allegations, so what’s the problem? At least this poor, confused, abused victim of male repression only stands to get a maximum of three years in prison and probably will get no prison at all but a ‘helping’ sentence, for exposing some unfortunate man to the risk of ten years or more in jail. It’s a relief that she will get the care and support she obviously so much needs and deserves.

    Comment by Hans Laven — Tue 13th December 2011 @ 10:19 am


    her mother has let her down??!!??? what a bunch of crap for hand balling her own responsibility…

    Comment by kiran jiharr — Thu 22nd December 2011 @ 2:13 pm

  59. Hi Kiran (#58); can you just imagine the conundrum poor old Judge Wolff had to put himself through here; 2 victims; the beaten one and “tear jerking” miscreant suffering mum letdown syndrome. I really do not know how these judges can sleep at night. The dumb, retard beater should have just picked on the male party to the love triangle; she’d have gotten off scott free then. I guess, in summing up, the judge had to figure this girl was so dumb she was being locked away on the merit of her stupidity only!! Silly girl.

    Comment by Bruce S — Thu 22nd December 2011 @ 2:37 pm

  60. Perhaps off topic a wee bit; nevertheless noteworthy whilst we are on the subject of mummy letdown syndrome and the ilk; another one to add to the list might be – 25 social agency failure syndrome. In the recent highly publicized case of the woman convicted of “torturing” her 9 year old daughter; it has come to light that CYFS screwed up (nothing new there) but in addition this kid had been hot potato’d through at least 20 other social services agencies; all of whom were blind to the plight of the poor child.
    The details are here:

    NZ Herald: The system may be seen as failing this child

    So; whilst I agree that “mummy dear” was a bit of a dragon here and she failed in her duty as a parent; deflecting blame away from agencies such as CYFS is completely unacceptable and untenable. Once parent failure is recognized; as it had been clearly identified in this case; meaningful, immediate and resolute intervention by a tax payer funded support agency is the least a poor wee kid could expect. Instead the little girl just ended up with CYFS.

    I still do not understand what it is we have do to as New Zealanders to rid ourselves of this barren and useless bureaucracy. Until we do; expect more dead and tortured kids; quite clearly CYFS is more about having a “government” job with career prospects and pay rises and to hell with any job description, real performance appraisals and absolutely no need for an iota of accountability. Put ’em all on the dole; we’d all be better off; well at least I know of one little 9 year old who would.

    Comment by Bruce S — Thu 22nd December 2011 @ 3:12 pm

  61. Wake up guys.

    It may be called “domestic violence prevention”, but in truth it is “male obedience training”.

    If all it takes is a misleading name to lead us off the trail, then no wonder the sheilas are running all over us. To the point where they can torture kids and claim “the system failed me”, and the only time anyone will listen is when a female M.P. will actually say out loud that another female crim is both evil and manipulative (the fact that a man is still awaiting sentence and hasn’t been blamed in entirety is probably a sign of progress). Think also that the female M.P. is only talking this way because her well-being is under threat.

    Again, wake the hell up. There are basic psychological and evolutionary reasons why the women will not own up, no matter how much they should. They never created society and rule by law in the first place, and never would have.

    Comment by rc — Thu 22nd December 2011 @ 3:42 pm

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