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Why do men have children?

Filed under: General — triassic @ 6:05 am Wed 18th July 2012

This post is requesting readers to supply an answer to the above question. I am conducting research on the subject and keen to hear from the ‘horses mouth’ what it was that motivated you to pursue fatherhood. I assume a lot of men on this site will have mixed feelings now but if you can focus on what you originally expected from fathering I will eventually juxtapose it with a myriad of research already done on why women have children. Good men project  is one of few sites where you can read what some men think fatherhood, or not, means to them.
Some reasons may be:
Social expectation.
Pleasing your partners wishes.
Achieving Fulfillment for your life.
A further expression of your loving relationship.
An unconscious effort to correct your own unhappy childhood.

Biology of fathers is worth watching for reflection

I thank you in anticipation of some thoughtful replies.


  1. A good question,well my four beautiful kids came along after wonderful sex. Not one of them were planned. Nowadays they all love me so must have done something right.

    Comment by dad4justice — Wed 18th July 2012 @ 6:29 am

  2. In both cases my wife simply surprised me with the fact she was pregnant, it was the thing to do 4 years into a marriage, we had the house, the job, the dog, then came the kids, we did it because that was what was expected. I was never really consulted,
    dont get me wrong i love my kids to bits even though i dont see them because she turned them against me, and i miss my son amazingly. But as far as planning, nope most of the time anything to do with the kids was not in my hands at all. i was taken along for the ride and simply provided the cash.

    Comment by Mr Cellophane — Wed 18th July 2012 @ 7:20 am

  3. Sorry Mr Cellphone you made me laugh “i was taken along for the ride and simply provided the cash.” I think that is true of most men. if you dont have your own plan someone will make one for you and that will usually be a women. I think i had a deep down feeling of wanting to be a father but nothing overt or desperate.
    Anyway i love my kids and my ex-wife uses this continually to her advantage. Children really are the ultimate weapon to use by women and the state against men.

    By the way who has seen the new womens refugee advert on TV and finds it offensive? Talk about the demonization of men!!!

    Comment by David — Wed 18th July 2012 @ 11:18 am

  4. Triassic

    Since I never wanted children I can’t answer the question! For my own part, before I got married to the woman who ultimately produced 3 kids she was fully aware of the fact. She was also aware that my refusal to commit to kids had resulted in 2 previous relationships failing. The reason I married her was because she said that she wasn’t bothered about kids either! I took her at her word. We were married for 7 years before she told me that she was pregnant. Her becoming pregnant that time and the 2 subsequent occasions were her decisions alone. At no time did she talk to me about the fact that she wanted babies or that she had stopped taking the pill! She only advised me of the pregnancies when she could no longer disguise the fact!
    That said, when the kids came along my original reluctance did not affect the natural paternal love and affection I have for them even though we now do not have contact or meaningful relationships.

    Comment by Kelvin — Wed 18th July 2012 @ 5:02 pm

  5. Why did I become a father?
    Well isn’t it obvious?
    I had a child like many other men to have him abducted by his mother and the femily caught colluding together under the crusty old rubric of ‘in the best (sic) interests of the child’.
    I had a child in order to keep lawyers, psychologists, femily caught staff and judges very well feathered and smug.
    I provided a typically classic opportunity for these people to lie, ignore and twist reality to suit their cravings for power and control.
    After heroically enduring this and for my services I was awarded the FMO (Feminist Medal of Oppression). I am now officially a piece of shit not worthy for a woman to step on.
    Quite an achievement spawning from a 5 minute fuck don’t you think young fellas?

    Comment by Skeptic — Wed 18th July 2012 @ 7:44 pm

  6. I had a wife (two actually)and children because I really wanted them. I think life is basically empty without wife and children to provide for. What else is there except a life of meaningless self serving pleasure? I love a house full of children (so does the cat, she always gravitates towards the children). So I have 5 children and would have had more if I could have persuaded the mother(s) (ps next time I wont try persuasion, liquor is quicker).

    The state tried to kill my relationship with my first two children because my wife chose to dog-date me with another man, but that is a long story.

    Comment by bruce — Thu 19th July 2012 @ 2:01 pm

  7. “I think life is basically empty without wife and children to provide for. What else is there except a life of meaningless self serving pleasure?”

    Use a little imagination and there’s limitless amounts of altruistic service you can do without having a wife and kids!
    BTW as well as helping your family having a wife and kids is a form of self serving pleasure too!

    Comment by Skeptic — Fri 20th July 2012 @ 12:21 am

  8. Interesting comments, and rather disturbing in places.

    Skeptic #8. I know parents who have knowingly adopted children with Downs Syndrome and fetal alcohol syndrome – are they self serving pleasure seekers also?

    Comment by bruce — Mon 23rd July 2012 @ 10:38 am

  9. my upbringing was in an adopting family…
    incredibly happy and thoroughly enjoyable, but…
    i felt very keenly the lack of a biological parent
    when I was 18 i became god-father to a nephew,
    that gave me a part time option as a pseudo-dad,
    the lad had no idea who his dad was…
    and at 31 still has no specifics…

    but once I settled down at nearly 40,
    I knew i was ready and so was my wife,
    she made the move to stop taking the pill,
    i knew but it was still a pleasant surprise,
    that we were to form our own family – now two kids…

    why? mainly to give the little blighters the best of me,
    ie by being involved I knew they would get a good dad
    and hopefully do better/have better than i’d had,
    so far so good, they still want hugs at 13 & 15!

    Comment by realkiwi — Mon 23rd July 2012 @ 1:09 pm

  10. As long as I can remember I have wanted children. Once I became an adult I don’t think I have ever wanted anything more than to have and raise my children. Hence I was good at it. You would think that would not be too much to ask.

    Comment by Vman — Mon 23rd July 2012 @ 3:32 pm

  11. bruce @ #9 – Yes. They are pleased with themselves for being so helpful.

    Comment by Skeptic — Mon 23rd July 2012 @ 4:23 pm

  12. I have raised four children, two sons, two daughters, all adult now. I went through all the separation drama, custody battles, false allegations etc. Neither of my sons will raise children. I won’t answer for them as to why. To me this is a microcosm of why our society is no producing children.

    Comment by John Brett — Wed 25th July 2012 @ 8:56 am

  13. John @ #13 Yes, I know of many older parents who should be grandparents but have no grandchildren, because their children are not interested in having a family. Or they have one or two when they should have five or ten grandchildren. You are right, our politicized, divisive family law system and society in general are much of the reason.

    Skeptic @ #12 I think you have become too cynical.

    Comment by bruce — Fri 27th July 2012 @ 2:21 pm

  14. I do have one lot of grandchildren, which I have refused to have contact because of fears of false allegations.
    My partner Miriam has grandchildren to her sons, and is estranged from them after her son’s marriage breakups. So We have six small dogs, four of them are Tibettan Spaniels, which we love to bits, show, breed, and we call them our grandchildren.
    The joke is, when we go to shows, WE meet our friends, the DOGS also meet their relations!
    Our grandchildren may or may not be doing well, we don’t know, however the pups we have reared are having great sucesses and we keep photos of them all.
    We are expecting to meet up with our last litter of pups at the NZKC Nationals, they will take prizes, and probably beat us (to our pleasure).
    The more we learn about people, the more we like dogs!

    Comment by John Brett — Sat 28th July 2012 @ 9:15 am

  15. I must say that i had no biological urge to have kids, but after the magic of the births, I thought that it was my true role in life, seeing those babies grow up, being a father.

    Comment by Ian Martin — Sun 29th July 2012 @ 8:58 pm

  16. I was the same, I was happy to hear my wife was pregnant and to know I would be a dad, I felt afterwards that single people know only 10% of life without children.
    Little did I know what would happen later, about the family courts and how mothers easily poison kids against their fathers


    Comment by billy whizz — Sun 29th July 2012 @ 9:09 pm

  17. I had two kids, because I wanted them. I was married and happy. We were financially secure and I looked forward to sharing in their growth and development.
    Our seperation was caused by my ex never truely committing to the marriage. She had a chronic control freak streak so it has been a huge financial struggle to maintain access to the children. I am not dissapointed that I married her, because I have two wonderful children. They are old enough to see the truth. It is a struggle and it is expensive, and it is downright disgusting to see how the judicial system immediately sees fathers as bad. Some of the stupidest statements from supposed mutal parties are phenomenal. I love being a dad. I love having my kids with me, even when they are sick, and spend the night in my bed, coughing away. I know full well that by the time they reach 14 years old, I will be just a place to get a feed and bed, but that is the role of all parents. Kids must be given the chance to develop their own identity, and I am glad to be a part of that.

    But why actually have them? Because I got sick of spending my life in warzones and needed a new challenge.

    Comment by Dad — Sat 1st September 2012 @ 9:25 pm

  18. Interesting song writer.

    Comment by Down Under — Sat 13th October 2012 @ 9:21 pm

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