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Interim Parenting Orders

Filed under: General — BF1972 @ 11:02 am Thu 6th March 2014


By accepting an interim order, would you be effectively delaying any action that the court would take on the matter?

Appreciate any thoughts on interim orders.




  1. Interim orders are the usual process. They only last a year but often are a means of contact happening with the other parent.
    Court processes take time anyway so I doubt accepting an interim order slows things down.
    Depends a bit on the parties and what motivates them.
    Contact someone with local experience.

    Comment by Allan Harvey — Thu 6th March 2014 @ 1:12 pm

  2. Ok, thanks for that. Contact is occurring without the interim order the issue is around day to day care. By accepting an order that states one parent has day to day care does that then make it more difficult to reverse the decision in court.

    Comment by BF1972 — Thu 6th March 2014 @ 1:18 pm

  3. BF1972, how do you accept an interim order? By doing nothing about it? I personally would jump up and down if someone applied for an interim order to have day-to-day care of my children.


    Hey everyone, what about these interlocutory applications? I know one dad whose ex decided to involve court while they were going along nicely with shared parenting.

    He didn’t like what she wanted and made an interlocutory application to get his case in front of a judge ASAP. He had it all sorted within a few months.

    Comment by Julie — Thu 6th March 2014 @ 2:06 pm

  4. There is another issue that doesn’t relate to the court process and that is your legal position.

    Before any order is made you are effectively equal parents, however once an order is made, you become caring parents and paying parents in accordance with the legislation and any court orders.

    By accepting an ‘order of the court’ you are consenting to the legal process and those legal identities.

    Another way of looking at it is through the old custody and access system. Yes, you can have access, but for there to be an access order, a custody order must exist. It is not access to your children, but access to the custody order, that is being granted.

    A lot fathers wanted access but didn’t realise that this automatically gave their ex wife a custody order, with all its associated legal positions.

    If you accept a position that is far removed from what you are seeking it may be hard to change the status quo in a protracted court case. In that case any interim order may be simply holding your children to ransom to obtain a strategic advantage.

    Comment by Downunder — Thu 6th March 2014 @ 3:14 pm

  5. Downunder’s comment is very sharp. How many men would ever guess the repercussions, from just reading the legislation?

    NZ legislation may read well, but if reality is destructive, then that is what people need to be warned about.

    Comment by MurrayBacon — Thu 6th March 2014 @ 3:30 pm

  6. If contact is happening then I agree with Murray and Downunder.
    I was working on the assumption contact was being impeded and that an interim order may be better than nothing.
    Still a good idea to speak to someone who know the local legal situation and personnel to guide you though.

    Comment by allan harvey — Thu 6th March 2014 @ 4:27 pm

  7. Like Mr Punches comment to young man thinking of getting married [first published 1916] the answer for any legal process after separation is “DON’T. Try to work things out with spouse don’t involve the law if you can possibly help it.

    Comment by andreas — Thu 6th March 2014 @ 5:01 pm

  8. for me contact is being impeded I have not seen my daughter for three months, I think i should be adjusting my parenting order for shared care but my lawyer is telling me for an interim order with one day and two evenings a week, not sure which is best? anyone have comments?

    Comment by V.O.F.M — Thu 6th March 2014 @ 5:14 pm

  9. V.OFM and anyone else reading this take care negotiation anything other than a court appointed order from a judge. Taking some time with your kids will certainly delay the final outcome you want (which I’m sure is 50/50) but depending on your child’s age you might be forgoing a quicker result for short term upside.

    Avoid mediation if you x is vindictive and get to court. Mediate if your x is not as the court takes 5 times to happen than you think.

    Comment by Swfw — Thu 6th March 2014 @ 7:57 pm

  10. Protection Orders are the worst kind of child abuse possible as they seperate loving children and fathers. It is against the law not to report them as child abuse to the police. Please report all Protection Orders as child abuse. Family Court is a $scam.

    I am convinced that Judges are insane or as sadistic and evil as the vindictive women who go to court because they are basically trying to remove all trace of their childrens father and to get as much of his money and possessions and make life as hellish as possible for him.
    I have never hit or shouted at or intimidated anyone and yet my ex-wife got a Protection Order from Judge Coyle without notice and i was taken away from my kids who love me and kicked out of our home and she got me arrested for taking my own possessions with me and got her pig mates to make me give them to them including my work tools and sleeping bag and pillow!
    My children have been prevented from any free communications with me for 2 years for no reason other than i may discuss ‘adult’ issues with them and the mother and L4C and Judges and Psych ‘have concerns’ that i may b paranoid. Its obvious who is paranoid.

    An Interim Parenting Order was given against my children only allowing them to talk to me for 10 minutes at sports events if the mother was not there. She had promised to leave if i turned up and only to go to half the matches. She has failed to comply with her promises. Judge PR Grace said i could not even congratulate my children after the game in case i discussed ‘adult’ issues (never defined by the Judge or L$C Chris Dellabarca.
    I have serious concerns about the sanity of people who do this to children.
    My children said they loved me 1 year ago and wanted to live with me.
    If they say different now then it is becuase of parental alienation caused by the mother and the Judges and L$Child.
    The worthless Interim Parenting Order expires soon and i don’t know what to do either.
    I hope some may benefit from my experience in some way. My children have not.

    Comment by Sane in an insane world — Thu 6th March 2014 @ 8:55 pm

  11. I have done extensive research and found that the Family Violence statistics are all bullshit as most men don’t bother reporting female violence as they know its a waste of time. I know a guy who asked a cop called if he should report female violence just after he had been attacked and the cop said don’t worry about it as nothing will be done. The guy found out later that she lied and said he had attacked her! The pigs wrote up the report without even telling him or talking to him. Protection Order granted.

    The females have taken over. Men are just labour and $ to women and the state in my experience. Sad and selfish. If only the children really were paramount as the law lies.

    Comment by Sane in an insane world — Thu 6th March 2014 @ 9:13 pm

  12. The comments about personal situations are telling of the mess orders can make. Gosh, they are awful and it’s understandable some men struggle to find good in women. Thank you for sharing them.

    One thing I would like to say is that families are doing their own thing these days. For sure there’s men and women in traditional roles but there’s also a lot of families where both parents work. Dads these days can be very ‘hands on’ parents outside working hours and we can’t forget stay-at-home dads.

    On another note and a bit off topic. Have you noticed how an individual can divert a situation by saying, “What about women” when you talk about men or “What about men” when you talk about women? Well, here’s a thought. It doesn’t matter how a problem is solved as long as it’s solved and the more people working on a solution the better, IMO.

    A men’s social worker who is a single father because his partner died, told me listening to the women’s problems with the family court is just like listening to the men’s problems with the family court. It’s true, IMO. If you look only for differences, you’ll find only differences while if you are open to see similarities, you’ll see similarities.

    Also, the father I spoke about in my comment #3 made a post elsewhere under the title, “Men have it hard in the Family Court”. Women came on giving support and shared their stories. Later the father changed the title on his post to, “Parents have it hard in the Family Court”.

    I mention the above to give hope to those finding themselves at the start of giving up on the opposite sex. It’s a slippery slope that can lead to hate which is a very destructive feeling and that’s one thing I suggest people try to avoid.


    Anyhoo, I am going to follow up on the interlocutory applications elsewhere and come back with what I learn. Perhaps it will help. 🙂

    Comment by Julie — Fri 7th March 2014 @ 12:25 am

  13. @V.O.F.M – It is difficult to give general advice without knowing the wider context. You have a parenting order but this is being impeded to the point where your daughter has not seen you for 3 months. I don’t know what this parenting order defined for contact and I don’t know what your practical situation to care for the child is.
    However I will assume that the current order limits your contact to less than “one day and two evenings a week” and that you feel a shared care arrangement would be better for the child.

    For my experience the entire system operates to exclude fathers from children’s lives. What I recommend is a slightly different approach.

    What I suggest is that you place all of the burden onto your ex of demonstrating that the current order is working and is sufficient.

    You simply state that it is not working and it is not sufficient.
    You state that any order needs to allow for the reality that the mother will prevent a significant amount of the ordered time with the father from occurring.

    You apply for full care or some shared care that is sufficient to ensure the child has a meaningful relationship with both parents in spite of the mother’s continuing obstructions.
    Don’t be obstructive, just don’t leap over every hoop. Sit back and and let her be obstructive and document it all.

    This only works if you have independent third parties that can vouch for the quality of your relationship with your child prior to the obstructions. Because you will be demonstrating the the mother’s obstructions are harming the child’s relationship with you.

    Hence with this strategy, the longer the mother fails to comply with the parenting order and prevents the child seeing you – then the stronger your position at the end.

    Hence just sit back and let the mother be obstructive and shut your daughter out of your life. To be brutally frank any steps you take in the Family Court process will not change that any way. So just save your money and turn the entire sorry virtual child abuse to your and your child’s long term advantage.

    Place all of the burden on the mother and on the family court to prove that the current parenting orders are working and are sufficient for the child.

    Comment by Vman — Fri 7th March 2014 @ 2:33 pm

  14. @Sane in an insane world – you are correct. It is barbaric and it is a form of child abuse.

    Not only that but protection orders are an unmitigated failure. more and more protection orders have been issued and they have not protected children. They have only been successful in harming children’s relationships with their biological father which put children at much greater risk of all kinds of negative outcomes including being victims of violence.

    Comment by Vman — Fri 7th March 2014 @ 2:38 pm

  15. By accepting an interim order, would you be effectively delaying any action that the court would take on the matter?

    Appreciate any thoughts on interim orders.



    In practice applying for an interim order will delay action by the court. The whole process runs in a serial process of steps. If you add more steps it takes longer.

    However accepting a interim order ‘by consent’ will not delay things much.

    The problem with interim orders is that in NZ the Family Court doesn’t usually deviate from the status quo.

    Comment by Vman — Fri 7th March 2014 @ 2:43 pm

  16. thanks Vman,

    there are currently no orders in place but my x attempted to bring an ex parte protection order on me but the court did not make any orders to date parenting or protection, I haven’t seen my daughter for three months and my x is apply for custody.

    my lawyer said that because I have no contact it would be better to get some now by means of interim order however I feel her case is weak and I should be applying for shared care now before it’s too late and any orders are made as my understanding is that to get shared care later is quite a task?

    Comment by V.O.F.M — Fri 7th March 2014 @ 4:19 pm

  17. I would like to add that support through this ordeal for men is very limited, I have contacted lawyers mens groups for assistance, unless u are shitting cash or sign up at a mens group so they can get there funding you have nothing no support no advice no future with your kids, I have exhausted every avenue including mens groups and have experienced a complete lack of interest unless u assist their funding or have the cash to pay a lawyer wh will drag your case out for their financial benefit.

    the system is fkd and a voice is needed how can we succeed for change? I don’t know the answer but am going to make it my responsibility to find out how and do as much as I can to assist in a change for parents male or female as I’m sure this injustice is not completely one sided

    Comment by V.O.F.M — Fri 7th March 2014 @ 5:17 pm

  18. Guys I have a situation at the moment which I believe could and would change the publics outlook on things. I however am only one person and need the assistance of others to make this story known.

    If you could help please let me know.

    This is one story that a lot would not like published.

    Comment by bob39 — Wed 19th March 2014 @ 2:31 pm

  19. Hi Bob39
    what assistance are you looking for?

    Comment by kiranjiharr — Wed 19th March 2014 @ 8:29 pm

  20. bob39 have you contacted Steve Taylor from The New Zealand Family Court Consumer Website? He is very good at posting stories from the family court including lawyers, lawyer for child and judges names… He is starting to get a big public following and getting some of the issues we face out in the public domain which is great news! The more we can expose this dangerous devil court the better off all men and fathers will be.

    Comment by James Henderson — Sun 23rd March 2014 @ 4:56 am

  21. Greetings fellas,

    After a one year shared custody 50/50 on my two kids 5 yrs boy and 10 years old girl. My ex texted me yesterday that (50/50) is OFF. It was agreed mutually and everything was sweet but she has bipolar depression and she SUX ! I was served an interim parenting order and she is stopping me from seeing the kids ‘ Just like that’ !

    I miss the kids and now i am sure they are very sad because the mother isn’t allowing them to come to my place. We had no issues at all and everything was going well but my ex suddenly decided 50/50 is OFF. How MEAN is this ? isn’t this considered emotional child abuse ?

    My 10 yrs old daughter had a history of physical abuse with her mum’s ex-bf and she hates her and the boy loves his dad alot.

    So now i want to respond for this interim parenting order and also apply for full custody. Can you guys advise about the process and what forms do i have to do .

    I don’t want to involve a lawyer. because i cannot afford this and all lawyers i contacted when they knew it legal aid , they told me that they were busy !!!!!

    Appreciate your Help people 🙁 . I am so stressed and i cannot do anything and i miss my kiddies :(.


    Comment by Bill Smith — Mon 5th May 2014 @ 11:10 pm

  22. mate i feeling all your pain, If you wld like to talk to me.I may be able to help you and put your mind at ease. call me on 022 170 8992.

    Comment by chris dey — Mon 12th November 2018 @ 4:11 pm

  23. I am only one person i am 43 year old and a father to a 2 and half year old girl, A 8 yr old boy,A 9 year boy. A 12 year old girl,A 14 year old boy, A 20 year old man and a 25 year old man.I have been planning and training so I can leave the comforts of my home and my beautiful family. On the 1st of january I am traveling to invercargill and I am committed to getting signatures from everyone who doesn’t believe in our family court system. Everyone has a story and no one out side your family and mine are doing anything there are just a lot off words but no actions. I am committed to nz families to walk the south island east cost to west coast.I cant make change for you today tomorrow .But if we do this right and show some compassion i believe us NZ families can make big changes and show our government that we will not except them making mistakes with children woman and men of our proud families.I am committed 100% and that is my contribution to NZ family i’ve had to put my feelings aside to make this work and am hoping not to be ridiculed for what i am going to do.i have realised in my own case with two of my children that i will never beat the family court system and never be able to pay a real lawyer to fight for my children rights and i’m sorry to say this but the same goes for 50 % of nz families im sorry but from my experience over the last 6 years with family court that its come to this for me. be positive i believe in you and hope you believe in my cause. Number one thing you must do nz families is no matter whats going on in your life with the courts is don’t let it take hold and control your mental health it will destroy you and leave you feeling lifeless and that helps no one, be strong for your families and get involved.I will set up a face book page just for this cause closer to the date, when i can confirm more I hope that our media will help but still waiting for a email. This isn’t a instant fix but it is the only way to get change in my eyes I have no idear how long walking the south island will take but i am hopefull that i will get support from other families that may make my time away from my family
    shorter Thanks for taking the time to read this.

    Comment by chris dey — Mon 12th November 2018 @ 5:57 pm

  24. Good for you Chris. I’m not down the South Island so won’t be able to do much to help
    But please do keep us posted.
    I’ll do my best to spread the word of your pilgrimage.
    It’s a great idea. If I could, I’d come with you.

    Comment by Voices back from the bush. — Mon 12th November 2018 @ 6:49 pm

  25. #23,, Hi Chris,,Do you know any one from the South Island Mens’ groups?.. you should let them know of your cause and plans,, they may be able to help with exposure and you might find some company for along the way.

    Comment by mama — Mon 12th November 2018 @ 7:22 pm

  26. Good on you Chris. Keep us posted. Maybe We can provide some more signatures via the internet.

    Comment by Ministry of Men's Affairs — Mon 12th November 2018 @ 9:49 pm

  27. There may be other people who want to take this walk with you, Chris, or support you on parts of the journey.

    Can you put a link to the Facebook page in the comments or perhaps a post about what you are doing and where people can catch up with you.

    Comment by Downunder — Tue 13th November 2018 @ 7:20 am

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