Some of us know what it is like to have to flee a violent woman, or be routinely removed from our houses and shoved out on the street, because society thinks a woman is always right.
Guys have to spend the night(s) in a police cell, or if they are lucky on someone’s couch or in their car because they have been banned from their home.
This post is about survival tips and how to stay alive when you get shoved out in the cold by feminism.
How did you cope, when you got kicked out?
If you have a tip or a good recipe that makes life easier for the post-separation bloke, post it in the comments below.
If you’re trying to live out of your car, buy a packet of Weet-Bix from the supermarket, then each morning you only have to get to a gas station and buy a packet of milk. Open the milk and drop a couple of Weet-Bix in and you have an instant breakfast.
Tip – never leave home without a spoon.
Eating is easy enough. Showering is the hard part. put your lazy walk on and blend in with tourists and you can walk straight in and out of the ymca and use the showers without anyone questioning you. Check each cubicle as people often leave soap and shampoo behind.
If you’re banished to your car, go to the wharehouse and buy tea light candles. $6/24 pack..They make good handwarmers.
A portable gas stove is $20 + cartridges.
Then you can cook tinned food. Get the ones with the ringpull tops. Pop the top and place Tin on stove. Wait two minutes then stir. A roll of those cheap blue dishcloths is a must. They are napkins and also your towel. Get water from in between the bowsers at the petrol station.If you are also broke and lost your job because you are accused…borrow the squeegee next to the fuel bowser. Now you have a new career as an intersection windscreen attendent. Many employers ask if you have been charged so best you practice on your own windscreen and get good at it. The blue Dishrags come in handy as drivers appreciate the quality cleanup. You will not have had the option to pack so keep a spoon in your car as mentioned above. Light a candle and thank your lucky stars if its only temporary. Because for many of us we never got to go home again nor enjoy our belongings ever again.
Then there’s the accusation to deal with.
If you worked last year you won’t get legal aid as your considered too fortunate.
You’ll be extremely pissed off. Don’t do anything stupid. Go to the library. There’s free internet. Tell us at menz what’s happened.There’s many of us here to make you feel much less alone.
Go to your mp and complain. Then go to another mp and complain. Go and sit in on a court case so you get a realistic view of how you will be treated from there .good luck..
An empty 2 litre bottle is handy too. If it’s a cold or rainy night you can piss in the bottle instead of getting out of your wagon.
Better still. Hot foot it down to The Warehouse, and score a cheap little tent. And a $5 Sallies’ mattress. Then head to any freebie camp site (there’s still plenty close or just inside the ranges in both islands). Or a $5/night doc campsite – they usually have a loo. You’ll sleep a lot more comfy in a tent than curled up in a car.
Then go down your local library, set up a gmail email account, change ALL your previous known internet account passwords (bank, phone, power etc), and set up all your regular bills, bank statements etc to online bills etc, so you can forego a physical address. This is the big BREAK. Do it BEFORE your partner cleans out your account and maxes out your credit cards. Consider IMNMEDIATE closure of these, and set up with a new different bank.
Next, CANCEL all accounts to which you are the account holder, that you will no longer use. I’m talking your (ex)home power, phone, internet, sky etc. Depending on your beliefs on how your situation will pan out, keep your mortgage and insurance payments going.
To all intents and purposes, as far as your ex is concerned, you are GONE NO ADDRESS. If you are on talking terms, give her a cell phone number so she and/or your kids can contact you. If you’re not on talking terms, she can contact you through your lawyer, which you’ll sort out in the next few days.
Then? Well you can survive on a loaf of bread and a jar of marmite for a week if you have to.
All of this is the brutal approach. Many guys will disagree with me, but I’ve seen more than a few guys continue to pay all the ex’s home bills, mortgage etc, house reno’s, credit cards etc, in the belief that it will somehow convince the ex to take him back, or he’ll somehow get a fairer deal in return. And One after one, I’ve seen them proved wrong – and simply get cleaned out further than they would have, had they cut ties sooner.
So as far as I’m concerned, if she calls the cops on you and has you removed from the house, GO!
And don’t forget to slam the door shut (metaphorically) on your way out.
Downunder. This is the first time my response has been more informed than yours. I’m living the moment.
Next your going to suggest that it a good idea to cut a hole in the bottom of the two litre container to warm your feet.
And omg. – by Paper/scissors
Car beats tent. !
depends on the size of your car!
And don’t be daft. Don’t cut the bottle. Use a good lid and viola! an instant hot water bottle!
Sleeping in a normal car sucks big-time, and you can’t function well if you don’t get proper rest.
In the 70’s I lived briefly in a MK1 Cortina, and I solved the problem by ripping out the front bench seat and bolting an old armchair to the floor to drive from, leaving almost enough space to stretch out on the other side. It got several WOFs, but things might be a bit stricter these days.
In the mid 80s I spent a summer living in a small delivery truck, which had the huge advantage of showing no signs of habitation when closed up. This meant it could be parked almost anywhere without attracting attention. It had room for my two young boys as well.
The suggestion of a small gas camping stove is a good one, but it is very important NEVER to run it inside a closed vehicle – when the oxygen level drops a bit it will start producing poisonous (and undetectable) carbon monoxide which WILL KILL YOU.
Lots of parks and picnic areas around Auckland (and maybe elsewhere) have electric BBQs that are often free.
Most beaches have cold showers which are fine for washing in the summer – because my current house isn’t connected to the city water supply I still use these regularly when rain is scarce.
Milk will not last through a day if it is hot – I use milk powder if living in a vehicle without a fridge.
Bread and marmite is hardly a balanced diet – I would eat mostly rice, fresh veges and whatever protein I could get my hands on if in a survival situation. A few condiments like soy sauce, sweet chilli sauce, etc. can make a big difference. Chinese supermarkets have lots of cheap dried/preserved food, and fresh vegetables tend to be cheapest in this kind of shop.
At certain times of the year there is lots of free fruit around if you keep your eyes open. Some places are listed on this map.
lol, fun times though you don’t think of it this way at the time.
I like the YMCA tip. How does that work?
I used public toilets and often just washed my hair in the sink. Not a good thing in NZ where a few cultures thinks that’s taboo.
……. My tip is…..
If you don’t have to work, haul yourself to Auckland or Wellington. The bigger cities don’t have enough people to fill their rooms and homes for the homeless.
I don’t know what NZ is like for squatter rights but in Aussie you can move into an empty state home and live there for years before they even notice the home is occupied (with electricity, phone, etc). Perhaps NZ has similar or go to Aussie.
Added if you want a break……
If you don’t have to care for kids, go overseas. Live off the land, learn how others live. 🙂 (go for 3rd world countries)
PS – I didn;t do the last one. I have recently met up with men who do.
Above the ‘Camping suggestions’ I would put maintaining your self-esteem and self respect. Turning up to a meeting with e.g. Court Councelling Co-ordinators, dressed in smelly, dirty, rumpled clothes, or with the demeanour of a tramp will not work for you.
You will be referred to as a ‘Deadbeat’ behind your back.
I was luckily able to get an unemployment benefit, which allowed me to rent a room. Facing down the liars and cheats in the Police, CYPS, and Court is easier when you have had a proper breakfast, and look respectable.
I’ve been thinking about this post a little. I think everyone should have a car, his and hers too for at least whoever runs out of the violent relationship has someone to lay their head whether it be a man with or without children or a woman with or without children or pregnant.
Every man and woman who has had a violent partner knows IMO it’s not about who the police believe, or the politician or the lobbyist or anyone else.
If your partner is violent, you are going to be wrapped to be safe. You see living in your car as better than being beaten or worse, DEAD.
……….On another note,
Just say the police believe the victim, then what? Do people think a police request to stay away for up to 5 days (PSO) or even a piece of paper (protection order) is going to stop someone from harming or killing you if they are inclined to do so? No, nothing is going to stop you from being hurt except getting out and hiding. (the ego damage alone is going to be disastrous)
The winner is the victim who gets free not the person the police believe. Besides, many victims have perpetrators who charm the police, judges, lawyers, etc while some perpetrators are upfront and think it’s their right to beat up their partners. (some family and criminal court affidavits blow your mind, IMO)
Anyhoo, I think there should be a lot more sensible advice given. Hijacking abused men to attack feminists only hurt men who are in fact victims, IMO.
Since I am not upsetting anyone here 🙂 (thanks upfront)
When a single mother told me the first 4 cases she got when volunteering for victim support were beaten men, I phoned the police stations to ask, “Where do you send the men?”
The answer back is, “We don’t”.
This is the greatest gap for abused men and I believe all writers here know this. I also know everyone here knows there is abundant support from government down to councils to provide the support, only no-one wants to go further than complaining which is fine, IMO, because most (or all) writers are activists not advocates or community workers. (the women’s side is the same – they call it lobbying, lol)
Until someone or some people get busy providing a list of support, some women’s groups have men’s refuge information on the walls of their centres while some women’s refuges work with men’s refuges. They are the best present option for beaten men, IMO.
But don’t expect the women’s refuges to take men.
I met another single mother who studied social work and at the end of her study when asked, “Where do you want to work?” she put down (in writing) [with] ‘refugees’ but someone misread her words and put her in a church refuge. On one of her first shifts, she put a dad and his kids in a room and the next day the staff came in and told her off. “This is not a refuge for men”, they said and boy, did they get an earful back from this women.
PS – Thanks for letting me add stuff.
feminism is a hate cult and allows women to abuse men with impunity due to their all pervasive govt funded propaganda. wake up. andyone who is a feminist is part of the problem.
If someone accuses you of impurity, they think you or your nature has been spoiled in some way by sin.
Julie Impunity- different word to Impurity
I’m just wondering; if you have pasta, do you have to cook it, or can you just soak it to make a meal?
You have to cook most dry pasta. You can buy noodles that are already cooked, and which could be eaten cold if necessary.
Before it happens:
Step 1- Don’t rely on someone else (Mum, Girlfriend, etc) to cook your food, or look after you.
Step 2 Just as some men are intimidated by a woman who can fix cars, build stuff, etc. many women are intimidated by men who can cook, clean, sew or deliver babies. Learn how to look after yourself.
Step 3- Stop using joint bank accounts.
If it happens-
Cancel phone, power, rent contracts with your name on.
I like to truly understand someone’s/everyone’s comment/s and that’s why I look up words.
Afterall, sentences become powerful quotes. 🙂
If someone accuses you of impunity, they think you are exempt from punishment or freedom from the injurious consequences of an action.
That’s much better. 🙂
I think it’s normal for caring people (those that generally give their time in the community) to look at the reason someone does something. But then, as a lawyer said to me the other day, “Even bad people have the right to be safe” meaning a reason cannot be an excuse. Society does not allow a person freedom to harm others.
Hmmm. If we want everyone to live the same way, we do need to invest in people.
Other than that, society has a funny way of balancing itself. I find that if one is kind, another punishes and sometimes it’s extreme. We are very dysfunctional, lol.
Protection order served on me on 2007. It was shock because I just moved to NZ and was an immigrant working for IT industry under NZ immigration skilled match program. I didn’t know anything about what is protection order and how to deal with it. I even couldn’t understand English. I have two kids and even after protection order served on me I was going out with kids and ex almost everyday, didn’t know I am doing something illegal.After 3 month I got noticed from family court that order will be permanent; so I went to lawyer and filled affidative and pass it to fc. When my ex found out about this, she made complaint in police and police arrested me. Arresting me was easy because I was working in police station updating their security equipments,etc. I had bad days same as you guys, living in Hamilton garden, my car and then because of bail living in Tauranga,etc. I also spent days and nights in Waikeria prison just because my kids loved me and they run after me in Pack and Save. I am not going to tell all of story because I am sure you all know about it. I lost my job,my house,my car and all of my money in bank and my criminal court for breaching the order continued for year. However when they returned my passport I bought the first ticket by my visa card and left NZ on 2008 and never returned again.I was working in NZ IT industry paying 500$ tax every week and supporting my family but the system didn’t let me continue. My ex went on Dbp??DPB?? and still receiving benefit from government because she is not working. After leaving NZ I got a job in school and I have more than 120 students here. I have never seen my kids again. I still love NZ as a country but I hate the system there. I had 50$ in my wallet when I went to Waikeria prison and when I released money was not in wallet I asked the guard where is my money and he told me we will return your money next time and he laughed. I was sleeping beside Hamilton lake in winter because I couldn’t go back to my home and as I was new in NZ I didn’t know anybody. 7 years has pass and if you ask me what is NZ I tell you a beautiful country but never go there if you are male. This is what I always tell my students. Sorry for bad English.
A few tips on cooking rice.
You can cook rice in a pot and it will eventually soften, but the first secret is having a lid on the pot. This increases the temperature and can give you cooked rice in 10 minutes.
So, you’ve got a small pot with a lid.
Put 6 desert spoons/soup spoons of rice in the pot.
First you need to wash the rice because some countries process rice with ‘other stuff’, so add some water, swill it around and drain off the water.
Add some more water, just enough to cover the rice (this is trial and error here) and leave it to soak if you do not need to cook the rice straight away.
When you cook the rice, bring it quickly to the boil and then turn the heat down and let it simmer. (This is easy on gas stoves, but with electric stoves it can be easier to use to elements at different heats.)
Let the rice cook until the water has gone and remove from the heat.
If you have the right amount of water and heat your rice will be perfect. Leave the lid on to continue cooking and then stir to loosen the rice.
If you want to cook bigger quantities of rice it is best to use a solid bottom pot in the above process, so the rice doesn’t catch on the bottom of the pot.
Once you’ve got your rice cooked then you add your favourite ‘whatever you like’ to the rice and you have a meal.
Try it out and see how you go.
Dear Downunder- I cook rice in the Microwave, in a glass casserole dish. Add double the volume of water to rice. Bring to boil, then cook on low for at least 30 minutes. Perfect every time. In the caravan, I would have to use a saucepan, and risk that it might catch on the bottom. I haven’t worked out how to do it in a car, though. I would eat something else.
If you get a chance to take your children tramping and camping, this is an easy dessert.
All you need is a container with a cup of rice, which is enough for 4 people, a tablespoon of sugar in a bag, an egg, and a camping billy.
You put the rice in a container and bury the egg in the rice so it doesn’t break.
When it comes to cooking time, whether it is on gas or an open fire, you add water to your rice and cook until it is soft.
Don’t put too much water into start with, just keep adding the water you need to keep a nice mix that you can stir and don’t get it too hot.
You can tell when it’s ready if you can crush the rush against the side of the pot or between your teeth.
Stir in the sugar.
Break the egg into the pot and stir around for a few minutes and there you have it, your rice pudding.
Dear Downunder- You seem to have lost the plot here- This thread is about survival tips for dads who are having to live rough. Taking the children camping suggests a father on the run, having ignored a protection order, and having kidnapped his children. If that is the scenario, a better plan is to forget the camp rice, and concentrate on fleeing the country. (You get meals on the plane)
I said in the post,
While this may refer to the days immediately after separation the post separation bloke may also be able to see his children.
I think there are a variety of situations and experiences that can include many recipes.
So, no, I don’t think I’ve lost the plot; well not in my humble opinion anyway.
OK- I know that SOME fathers need to learn how to cook- BUT so also do some mothers.
In the event of having to ” flee a violent woman, or be routinely removed from our houses and shoved out on the street,” cooking for the children is one of the most unlikely scenarios.
In the unlikely event that your children DO get to visit you, access to someones kitchen could be more of a problem, with flatmates wanting to eat your food, (and to eat what you are cooking for your children).
For instructions on ‘how to cook’ just buy an Edmonds Cook book, or buy takeaways.
Not many men living rough or camping, or living in their car … have a microwave to cook with….
It’s not about learning to cook. It’s learning to deal with the sudden adjustment.
Many fathers post separation don’t have the luxury of accommodation the same as the family home for access. They have to find ways around this and other issues, which for some can be as basic as accommodation for themselves.
New Zealand is full of good camping spots, where you can take the kids away for the weekend.
It’s affordable, and better than a couple of hours at McDonald.