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The familycaught$ wasn’t there?

Filed under: General — MurrayBacon @ 7:54 pm Mon 13th January 2014

The mediation myth

Family Court counselors and mediators try to resolve matters out of court. But at whose expense? Here’s Norm’s story. (Norm is not his real name, but it’s appropriate because his story is fairly normal).

I’d like to talk just a little bit about what has been and continues to be the worst period of my life.

I arrived home after a particularly bad day at the office, to find a note saying “I’ve gone, and I’ve taken Susan and Michael and I won’t be back, P.S. Don’t try and find us or the Police will deal with you”.

I was horrified.

Notes such as this are given to wild, drunken, violent men. I know that if I was listening to someone telling me that story I would probably be thinking “yeah sure, she probably left for good reasons, you’re probably a wild drunk or someone who belts his wife up”. The bit that hurt the most was not that she had left. It was that my children were gone too, and there were a few assumptions and rules to this game that I didn’t understand. The first thing was how come the Police would get involved? Was she suggesting that I would stalk her? Go after her to do her harm? Why would I? On the other hand, who gave her the right to forcibly remove the children? And why would the Police see this automatically as O.K.?

I was shattered, I was closer to being a criminal than ever before in my life. I knew that any attempt to see my children would be seen as an act of aggression towards my ex partner. I was being reconstructed into a potentially violent man, despite never having ever threatened either physically, verbally or otherwise, any member of my family.


The story does get a lot worse. Read the whole story.

However, it is strangely familiar. Considering how child and father dangerous the story is, it is horrifying that it is so generic through western societies.

The Journal Certified Male has a lot of good material in it.

When I asked for help, the familycaught$ wasn’t there?

The Judicial Oath, if it exists at all, is a judge’s promise to hear all people on an equal basis:

18 Judicial oath
The oath in this Act referred to as the judicial oath shall be in the form following, that is to say:
I, [specify], swear that I will well and truly serve Her [or His] Majesty [specify as above], Her [or His] heirs and successors, according to law, in the office of [specify]; and I will do right to all manner of people after the laws and usages of New Zealand, without fear or favour, affection or ill will. So help me God.

Stop laughing, this is serious stuff, it is meant to be!!??

Australia, NZ, USA, UK or Canada – different legislation, different marketing lies, same thievery!
Remember that the familycaught$ only hurts people who take it seriously.
Protect yourself, only trust them as far as you can throw them.
Look before you leap.


  1. I have no doubt that the story does get a lot worse and thus I would like to read it.
    In effect the children were abducted from the house and so far one parent cannot do anything about it. Please tell us the rest.

    Comment by andreas — Mon 13th January 2014 @ 8:28 pm

  2. Andreas, please see: The Mediation Myth from:

    Comment by MurrayBacon — Mon 13th January 2014 @ 8:56 pm

  3. Another all to heart wrenching familiar story of another family destroyed by the evil that is the family court. We see these stories daily, we live this story daily, yet nothing changes, the status quo remains the same. The madness, self riotous, arrogance law unto themselves of the family court prevails and more men and children’s lives are destroyed on a daily basis. When will the onus shift of one of allegation to one of proof? When will perjury be taken as seriously as it should be in the family court? When will taking a mans children from his life without warning and hiding them from him be recognised as it should be – a serious offence of kidnapping? When will the gravy train of tax payers money be stopped for these hideous devil lawyers? It is as I see it the most blatant abuse of fraud ever committed on the NZ tax-payer! $500,000,000 paid to family court lawyers over the past three years?!? Imagine that money spent on roading, education, health for the benefit of all NZer’s instead of benefiting these thieves, these devils with no concince, these whiskey swirling, office sharing, golf buddy, family destroying, self riteous fools. Gods gift to these deceitful, emotionless, heartless, compulsive lying and story telling women that are a disgrace to the word Mother and protected by the laws and secrecy of the kangaroo family court otherwise known as family caught lawyers. I and most other Men on this site and stuck in this hell hole of the family caught can relate well to this story. How do we force change?!? How do we get the legal system to do what it is there for and what we all believed it stood for before being thrown under the family court bus. Innocent till proven guilty? evidence over allegations? Women charged with lying under oath and committing the very serious offence of perjury? Charged with wasting police time? Charged with false allegations? Charged with abducuton and kidnapping? Instead the lawyers and these nasty heartless psychopath women laugh in the face of these serious offences and continue on their path of destroying you and your children’s emotional state, well-being and relationship at any cost. The family court and everyone riding the gravy train in it are the biggest disgrace to the justice system in this country. What Justice. When will the politicians listen, when will enough family’s be destroyed, when will enough fathers have committed suicide or make the heart breaking decision to save the little sanity you have left and walk away from your children for good? When will the justice system actually protect the true victims – the fathers and the children? When will they do “what truely is in the best interest of the child”? When will the legal aid gravy train be stopped in its tracks? When will men not live in fear of the next knock at the door being the police or the IRD assessor? In my lifetime… I doubt it.. This is the Berlin Wall to great and proud NZ fathers who would die for their children in a heart beat, we just want fair time with our babies to be the fathers we want to be and have a god-given right to be! Without persecution, without court orders, without supervision, without constant mental abuse, without fabricated stories and allegations, without fairy tale affidavits, without watching the clock. Let us be fathers to our babies, let us look into their beautiful eyes, let us kiss them and cuddle them tight, let us tuck them into bed with a story and or two and a simple I love you, good night. Let us be fathers! Brick by bloody brick we need to knock this bastard down!

    Comment by Never Give Up — Wed 15th January 2014 @ 6:19 pm

  4. it never ends, watching news about the murder of the kids and turning gun on self makes all this become even more true as men will get stereotyped more and women get given more power, i see there be more men depressed and even suicidal because of this and more probability of breaches etc because rights of a father taken away, I have been going the same as you i have hardly seen my girls and the courts will to nothing, they keep passing us to counseling but i have no trust as she false affs in regular, even ringing lawyer for child and when youngest say wants share he refuses to listen and says from what mother says she should be in full with her, I am in tears nearly every night don’t hear on fathers day , birthday and xmas (i not had xmas with kids for 4 years, even when won right to but courts never enforced it)

    Question with story’s like yourself and any other guys why not write a book , let the stories come together so it more out there, let bring to light the pain we a fathers go through and how we got there, but also if people have gotten through it how they did to give hope that in time it can be better

    Comment by Aaron Bell — Sat 18th January 2014 @ 12:17 am

  5. Welcome to the poultry farm Aaron.

    Comment by Soothsayer — Sat 18th January 2014 @ 10:53 am

  6. in time it can be better

    Yes it can. My prescription: make that time as short as possible by deciding to walk away then doing it. Don’t engage with “the system” if you can possibly avoid it; it’s not there to benefit you, nor your kids for that matter. It only eats.

    Without having your time and energy taken up in a conflict which, unless you are extraordinarily lucky, you can only lose, you have more to devote to your own future. The past is done; move on.

    Comment by Ted — Sat 18th January 2014 @ 11:29 am

  7. Without knowing any of the facts my Labour Party stooge lawyer, Len Brown, told me “You won’t be seeing much of your children anymore” and by way of consolation “At least you’ve done the most important years”. His inhumane but nonetheless sound advice was to “Take the money and run”. He was wrong about the former. My children almost lived with me for the next four years while I provided them with ‘treats’ like food, clothes, education, shelter, medical care etc. It just cost me my life savings and my career.

    As the sayings go ‘Behind every successful man is a woman’ and ‘Behind every successful woman is a lazy man’. Forget logic, the children’s welfare, their human rights, their legal rights, your financial, human and legal rights. The only consideration is that a woman is in control of the your money. If for some incomprehendable reason (at least to them) you really, really want the priviliage of seeing HER children (don’t expect any acknowledgement for being a parent), your best chance is to remarry. Maybe, and it is a long shot, your new ‘partner’ (slave master) will want to care for the children and thereby reduce your (her) child support payments.

    You could of course start again. This time in a homosexual relationship and adopt a child. You would then at least have some rights.

    It’s a mad, mad world and the lunatics are running the asylum.

    Comment by Soothsayer — Sat 18th January 2014 @ 12:37 pm

  8. Should you remarry be aware that no matter how well you treat her and her children. Should she be able to snare someone whom she perceives as being of higher status or of having greater material well being, she will change ‘partner’ as easily as she changes her wardrobe.

    Being the dumb, weak, disgusting pig that you are this will of course be entirely your fault and you must be severely punished for this. Likely she would have already withdrawn your ‘joint’ savings (the dual signatuary rules are only there to protect her). Don’t complain to your bank about this. If they operate like the ANZ Bank does, your personal accounts will be blocked indefinitely without notice. That you have children to feed and clothe is irrelevant to them.

    Comment by Soothsayer — Sat 18th January 2014 @ 1:28 pm

  9. Yes, Lucille Lloyd, I’m talking about you and your pathetic ANZ Area Manager.

    Comment by Soothsayer — Sat 18th January 2014 @ 1:30 pm

  10. I am dealing with this exact situation and feel powerless and at the mercy of lawyers and the familycaught, I am following the process but feel my chances are slim, i dont know how the familycaught works but am just trying to get the contact with my daughter that i am allowed by right, yeh right we say if the system looked at the facts and truths of my case in particular then our daughter would not be left with her mother period.

    My familycaught$ spent already are crazy and we have got nowhere as yet, i am looking forward to some factual, truthful, and in the childs welfare results, do i feel like it will happen? I feel dejected, beaten, and depressed already as i have this horrible feeling i am going to be another casualty of the system, I am no quitter but i too cannot live out of a tent.

    Comment by Dan_NZ — Fri 31st January 2014 @ 7:51 pm

  11. I hope my comment can give some of the fathers on here a bit of hope. I have been locked in a custody dispute since 2011 and is now ever slowly drawing to an end. I found the first year extremely hard because of fabricated comments in a protection order application, you in an instant lose complete rights to your children. I was a victim of one but I was adamant my ex had to prove her allegations in court. She backed down right before the hearing and subsequently I achieved week about care of my children which took effect for approx 6 months until she decided to up and leave with them. As soon as I got wind of her move I applied for a Without Notice order preventing the children being removed from the local area and the order was made. An interim hearing followed shortly after and I was granted Primary care of my children. Since then I have had CYFS investigate every kind of abuse through her ridiculous and untrue allegations and now her cries fall on deaf ears with the Court, CYFS and Lawyer for Child.

    I used to think the courts were against me as that was how it made me feel, now I can see that they were just following the process. I never spoke negatively about my children’s mother to them and only offered reassurance. This allowed my children to form their own views on each parent and as their mother couldn’t and still cant resist imposing her personal hatred for me onto them, my children now resent their mother.

    Comment by Matt — Mon 3rd February 2014 @ 10:41 pm

  12. Glad it worked for you Matt and I hope it stays that way.

    Isn’t it interesting that CYFS will investigate anything a mother says but not a father. I have given up going to them as they say they can’t do anything including investigate.

    Comment by Scott B — Tue 4th February 2014 @ 8:59 am

  13. My advice is stay well away from CYFS unless we are talking large bruises, sexual abuse etc. The better way is get health care as needed for the child and if the health practitioner wants to call CYFS then so be it.
    Most calls to CYFS are one parent just trying to dob the other in. I understand they act on only about one third of the calls they get.

    Comment by Allan Harvey — Tue 4th February 2014 @ 12:42 pm

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