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The Modern Truth About Domestic Violence

Filed under: General — Ministry of Men's Affairs @ 2:16 pm Sat 5th April 2014

I picked up a hitchhiker last week. He was accompanied by his smallish dog. I know what it’s like to have a dog. (S)he needs you, is a member of your human family and if you need to go somewhere there is often little choice but to take the dog. It was unusual for someone to hitchhike with a dog and his thumb was out somewhat tentatively, making it difficult to decide whether they were actually hitchhiking or perhaps just walking, so I drove past him initially. In my rear view mirror I saw he was in fact hitching and I thought he may have trouble getting a ride with the dog. The dog looked happy and healthy, my helping instinct was aroused and reassured, and I turned around.

Like his hitching thumb the man’s demeanour was tentative and sad. This obscured his unusually developed body including pectoral muscles a professional weightlifter would be proud of. When he had sat himself in my car he extended his hand and introduced himself in a friendly way, thanking me for picking him up.

The man explained his situation. He and his dog were hitchhiking back to his home town because his partner had abandoned him while they were visiting his dying mother. The previous evening the partner had become drunk and had violently attacked both him and his sick mother. She had done this kind of thing many times before and was prone afterwards to take off, leaving him to find his own way home. Today he just wanted to get home and retreat to his bed, to allow his bruises and broken heart to rest and recover.

“Interesting” I thought, and how coincidental. In my life I have happened to cross paths quite often with men describing broadly similar experiences featuring a pattern of physical abuse from a female partner. In fact I have met about as many men as women in situations of partner violence, sometimes mutual and sometimes barely so. When it came to violence from other extended family members, e.g. parents, siblings, cousins, partner’s family members, I’m sure I have met more men than women suffering it.

I asked my passenger if he had sought assistance from police to discourage his partner from her habits. “Yes” he replied, “Five times”. On two occasions they had charged him with violence for which he was subsequently convicted and punished, even though he asserted strongly “I have never hit a woman”. In one incident she had stabbed him several times puncturing one of his lungs. She had then stabbed herself in the leg somewhat superficially and alleged to police he had done that to her first, so they charged him but not her. On the other occasion he called police because she was beating him viciously, upon which she threw herself down a bank and then claimed he had pushed her, so police charged him and not her. On the remaining occasions he had tried to lay a complaint but police had laughed at him and refused to record his complaint, noting he was the one with convictions and pointing out that with his physique it was ridiculous for him to be frightened of a woman.

But frightened he was. He was a body builder and worked sometimes as a personal trainer but his deeply ingrained protective code towards women ruled out the use of the kind of physical force that would have been necessary to subdue his partner during her drunken rampages. He was also frightened of some of her family and associates whom she could easily manipulate to exact ‘retribution’ against him if she felt her own need to harm and dominate him had been frustrated. And he now knew that he could expect no help whatsoever, quite the opposite, from the police his taxes paid for. He was frightened all right.

“Why haven’t you left her?” I asked. Well, he loved her and when she was sober she was a nice person. He relied on her to transport him because a visual problem prevented him from driving. They would make up and she would promise not to do it again. Those were the reasons as he saw them. I could have added a few more reasons. Services concerning domestic violence are still based on beliefs such as those held by the police whom this man repeatedly approached for help, that women are the only gender who can legitimately claim to be victims and men are generally the perpetrators. Unlike women, there were no refuges for him to approach, no promise of protection if he did leave her or support to establish himself anew. Suggestions from police that “well if she’s so bad why don’t you leave her?” only resulted in him feeling even more foolish, inadequate and to blame for his problems. This is what the domestic violence industry and feminist propaganda machines have brought about. This is the true picture of modern domestic violence.

It behoves us to remember that both women and men can be trapped in patterns of unrequited cruelty at the hands (and feet, knives, clubs, tools, pots, stiletto heels, actions, words etc) of partners. Usually both parties will be victims and perpetrators to some extent and their relative status can be difficult to judge fairly despite the confidence with which police and judges do so. But some situations like my hitchhiker’s are clearer, one party being seriously diminished through repeated, undeserved violence unleashed by alcohol or drugs and expressed in response to figures who abused the violent party historically rather than anything much about the current victim. The attacked person blames his/her own inadequacies for the partner’s violence and believes he/she is neither worthy of nor likely to achieve any better situation except to live in hope that the partner will one day value him/her enough to stop the violence. The difference between male and female victims is that women have a vast array of support services designed especially and (mainly) exclusively for them and they are more generally supported by an ideology that shows them understanding, sympathy, validation, encouragement to escape and lawful strong-arm support where necessary. Even that’s not enough to enable some women to move to a safer and better life. None of it’s enough for men.


  1. I was at a work function a few years back and there was a couple, known to present company as say, your average Kiwi couple, until she got pissed, then decided he had looked the wrong way at another woman.

    She walked up to him, gave him a good uppercut, and laid him out with a single punch. She looked like she was about to put the boot in for good measure until a few guys got in her way.

    And then just the other day, I’m in a shop and this woman comes in and starts having a go at her partner/husband over the counter (he’s on customer service) couldn’t believe it, she couldn’t wait for him to get home, she had to bring it to work.

    New Zealand bitches are just running out of control – it’s no wonder no one wants them any more.

    Comment by Downunder — Sat 5th April 2014 @ 3:16 pm

  2. Per description it sounds like a relationship with typical female psychopath.

    Comment by CSA — Sun 6th April 2014 @ 8:36 am

  3. My own experiences, are very similar, put up with being abused, physically, mentally psychotically, made to look the bad person by a self serving narcissist , being hung drawn and quartered, then being accused of being the women basher , dragged out of my home, losing everything including my child and years of pointless make up what ever crap you like just to allow the other party to constantly use every bit of power given to them at their disposal, so they could continue. even after multiple assault convictions which were discharged “without convictions” this just continued on for years at every opportunity with the tools given at the start constantly used over time, Its more than a joke its just how guys have got used to it and think its normal.

    Comment by Dominic Dilligaf — Mon 7th April 2014 @ 8:50 am

  4. Hi Dominic –

    ….its just how guys have got used to it and think its normal.

    We don’t get used to it! We have no options really do we; “male assaults female” is what we are told and the converse does not apply! It is normal for women to behave badly without repercussions; all the enablers are there to encourage their behaviour simply to aid the the state to rob men, unchallenged, of their “worth”.

    Comment by Bruce S — Mon 7th April 2014 @ 9:46 am

  5. So how much more evidence do we need – the system has been corrupted by lawyers who are only in it for profit……and govt for revenue…..

    So how many more good parents must be sent to slaughter before they wake up and demand change for the better……..

    If you want to ENFLAME CONFLICT for MONEY

    Allow one party to take total control of the children and deprive the other of any time what ever it takes….
    Allow one party to make any allegation or accusation without consequence – which will and does destroy the other parent.
    Allow parental alienation to go on unabated – destroying kids and parents in the process…….
    Allow Child support to be used to inflict massive economic harm on parents in the pursuit of revenue….

    All these things we know – there is enough evidence demonstrating this – so what are we going to do about it????

    the only ones laughing at us all – are the lawyers – they make the rules which in effect means they have made this corruption – LEGAL……..

    Parents are being used to generate massive income for these parasites…….

    Comment by hornet — Mon 7th April 2014 @ 9:50 am

  6. Sadly, given the TOTAL REFUSAL of the SYSTEM to actually HELP a parent –

    the ONLY option left for most once you exhaust the legal avenues – is to take the law into your own hands – which sadly plays directly into what the system wants – for once you have a conviction for Domestic violence – you have NO CREDIBILITY, and that suits the system just perfectly……

    Remember – the one thing they want – is for you to have NO CREDIBILITY – because then no one will believe what you have to say…….

    Notice how attacks on your credibility and character are PERMITTED and are never contested or prevented by the system – this is DELIBERATE – totally DELIBERATE so you are removed from the equation………

    then your wealth, and property are up for grabs………………attack the individual, and make sure they will never be heard……thats the systems tactic…….deliberate deliberate deliberate………

    GOOD PEOPLE – GOOD PARENTS are being forced to to take the law into their own hands – and thats exactly what this system wants…….then they have you by the balls – literally……….

    I have seen first hand what this system is doing to good people – they care not about your rights, your kids, or you as a person – its all about the money……or the revenue collection…………

    Comment by hornet — Mon 7th April 2014 @ 9:56 am

  7. I think we have to start calling it like it is – it is corruption of power. Total corruption of a system for the benefit of a few…… the expense of so many good parents, and children………….. we are just collateral damage……. CONFLICT CREATION = DEBT CREATION.

    Comment by hornet — Mon 7th April 2014 @ 9:59 am

  8. its not just lawyers.. it is our gorvenment as well jumping into bed with them..

    Comment by kiranjiharr — Mon 7th April 2014 @ 3:22 pm

  9. I think you guys have summed it up pretty well.

    The difference between men and women is well illustrated by the initial post in that you still give deference to possible female victims of domestic violence.

    Feminist and Women’s all pervasive domestic violence propaganda always talks as if only men can perpetrate domestic violence. Maybe we need to fight fire with fire just to give a more balanced and real view of how violent and malicious and vindictive females really are.

    Comment by Feminist = male hater — Wed 7th May 2014 @ 9:16 pm

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