MENZ Issues: news and discussion about New Zealand men, fathers, family law, divorce, courts, protests, gender politics, and male health.

Mens needs wants and desires dont feature highly on the agenda of modern marriage.

Filed under: Gender Politics,General — MurrayBacon @ 7:05 am Sat 24th September 2016

Bettina Arndt is currently co-hosting a new relationship programme which has just started on Tues nights, 9-11 pm on Sydney radio 2UE. It can be accessed online:

She’s planning to start off softly but if the programme develops she’s hoping to cover some of the more meaty topics she has been writing about recently. But in order for this to happen the programme needs to attract listeners and callers to the talk-back programme. So could you please listen and persuade others to do so. And please call in and contribute to the discussion.

Next Tuesday September 27 she is talking about whether marriage has become a dud deal for men. Here’s an article she wrote about this some years ago.

Here are some of the themes:

It’s long been assumed that marriage is good for men but bad for women. But has that now changed?

Bettina suggests men are waking up to the fact that they are being offered a dud deal. Men’s needs, wants and desires don’t feature highly on the agenda of modern marriage.

It’s rare that they complain openly about their lot but beneath the surface there’s an undercurrent of discontent. Experts working with men report males are bewildered to find themselves in marriages where they never get it right, where they never get any thanks for what they do. Once Dad’s contribution was acknowledged and respected – “Dad’s home! Come on, kids. Don’t bother your Dad. He’s worked hard today.”

Married men are now on a very short leash. Gone are the days when married men could drop off at the pub for a pint or three on the way home from work. Men’s leisure time has dropping for forty years – down two hours between 1974 and 1987 and another ¾ hour since then. Men have seven minutes more free time each day than women (37 minutes compared to 30)
Even though men are working harder than they ever did – and matching women in their total work hours (paid plus unpaid) this rarely gets acknowledged.

This should be a great talk-back topic.. talking about whether men are allowed to come home via the pub anymore.

Also there’s the issue of Mum now making lots of decisions that used to be left to Dad… i.e. whether the son should play football.

We hear endless complaints from women about men’s reluctance to tie the knot – maybe because men have noticed the risks in marriage are loaded against them. Generations of men have watched their friends, their fathers, being turfed out of their marriages – giving away a house and losing contact with their children. She’d love to hear from someone who can talk about MGTOW.

And the second half of the programme will be all about sex –

If you asked men what they’d most like to change about their marriages, there’d be one resounding answer – more sex! There’s been an extraordinary shift from back in the 1950s when sex was amongst a wife’s marital duties to the current situation where women feel entitled to shut up shop if they aren’t interested. Men know the sex supply often dries up in a marriage – and that’s a big deal for them.

Please contact her if you would like more information. But also try to get listeners and callers for her. This is a great opportunity for discussion of men’s issues – provide the programme is successful.


  1. ‘It’s long been assumed that marriage is good for men but bad for women. But has that now changed?’

    Haha yeah maybe back in 1960?

    Marriage has been in decline since the early 70s

    Comment by mantrol — Sat 24th September 2016 @ 5:42 pm

  2. I have been separated for 9 years. My daughters are 15 and 13 and doing well in school .My ex is Australian. Her father has been diagnosed with terminal cancer. We had an extensive fight over the issue of her returning to Australia some 7 years ago, and in mediation she agreed to stay here. She has now demanded that she be allowed to return to australia, and i have advised her i do not consent (a whole lot of reasons). IS anyone aware of precedent in such matters?

    Comment by shafted — Tue 22nd November 2016 @ 9:04 am

  3. @shafted.
    You cannot stop your ex-wife from returning to Australia. Period.

    I take it she would like to upheave the domestic stability of your daughters insisting their inclusion for her relocation.
    What are your daughters views on this development?

    They will have the most significant input because of their current age assuming they have no diminished capacity .
    Their views will outweigh any conflicting viewpoints between you and your ex-wife’s reasoning for determination of remaining in New Zealand or accompanying the mother to Australia.
    13 years has been established by the Swedish Supreme Court regarding the age of self determination for location by a New Zealand child and recorded by the New Zealand Family Court.

    Comment by Paul Catton — Tue 22nd November 2016 @ 11:26 am

  4. Thanks Paul Naturally their view is they want to return. This is as a direct result of their mother’s coaching.
    I suspect the same as you say,but will see how it pans out

    Comment by shafted — Tue 22nd November 2016 @ 12:13 pm

  5. I would attempt a negotiation of beneficial terms for an unopposed relocation, if the writing appears to be on the wall.

    Child Support payments should be non-existent enabling an adequate travel fund for you to pop across the ditch on a frequent basis and also bring them here for a spell.

    An ability to have unfettered access direct with the girls using any virtual medium you currently have with them (or any future other you and they wish to use) would be a start.

    Insert upon agreement any other accepted stipulations.

    Set it down in a Memorandum of Consent and file it with the Court for an Order to be made.
    However, since my days in Court they may try and make you both jump through various hoops to maximize a revenue.

    Comment by Paul Catton — Tue 22nd November 2016 @ 12:54 pm

  6. Thanks Paul

    Comment by shafted — Tue 22nd November 2016 @ 1:07 pm

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