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Discharge of Protection Order

Filed under: General — telemachus85 @ 10:48 am Tue 6th June 2017

My ex partner took out a protection order and I challenged it as she accused me of several things but as it always goes I lost and it became final …. I breached the temporary protection order by communicating with her online and sending her texts as I wanted to assure her I meant no harm was convicted and fined for it.

From there on I decided I need to let it go as she is vicious and can just destroy my life so now it’s been 4.5 years I never ever contacted her or go in the area where I think I might bump into her. I applied to courts to lift the order as I have been in a steady relationship for last 2 years and have no desire to contact her anymore. I received a letter that she has engaged a lawyer and going to file a defence. What do you think are my chances of getting the order lifted as I just want to move on in my life. Is it worth contesting it or try again in 2-3 years time? I was advised by community lawyer that if 3 years have elapsed it is a good time in my case it’s been 4.5 years already… Any suggestions


  1. Depends how much the protection order affects your life.
    If it affects your options for employment.
    Or something else that in real terms affects your life.
    Then it may be worth trying to get it discharged.

    If it has no effect on your life including psychological.
    Then it’s a worthless piece of paper.

    There is always a risk that you will accidentally bump into her resulting in your arrest.
    For that reason follow through with what’s happening.
    Attempt to get rid of the protection order.
    Just avoid spending money.
    IE don’t feed the parasites. (lawyers)

    Comment by DJ Ward — Tue 6th June 2017 @ 12:18 pm

  2. The difficulty in applying for a discharge is that this order was given to the woman. It’s her civil order, by which you were criminally convicted, and criminally recorded.

    An application to discharge the protection order is a request to take it off her.

    Regardless of why you want the discharge, understanding that is a good place to start.

    Comment by Downunder — Tue 6th June 2017 @ 12:36 pm

  3. Yes apply to discharge the protection order as it might take many months to even get to court , i was told by my lawyers she would have to prove why she needed it to remain , but after 3 years it was removed by consent , if you are dealing with a vindictive bitch then its time to remove the noose thats always ever present there,for your own sake and your future, bearing in mind that the court will possibly ask for both of you to come in and explain and be satisfied shes not in danger, which as you know is all based on how she “feels” nothing more, good luck !

    Comment by dom — Tue 6th June 2017 @ 1:28 pm

  4. If you’re dealing with a vindictive bitch it’s time to remove the noose

    Getting rid of a protection order, doesn’t get rid of her. I can asure you that while I have lived without a protection order for 17 years, after 20 years I am still pursued by her and her band of legal demons – they are always willing helpers.

    Comment by Downunder — Tue 6th June 2017 @ 1:58 pm

  5. @ down under, yes you are right, Once a vidictive piece of trash always a vindictive piece of trash, let me clarify what i meant,

    I meant, if you can get it removed , she has no / a lot less power over you anymore, when it comes to her “feelings” its a lot harder to get the police to bust down your door and leave you overnight in a cell for “technical breeches”

    Comment by dom — Tue 6th June 2017 @ 2:35 pm

  6. Walk away, second thoughts …..RUN AWAY don’t waste another day in the family court scam – you are well rid of her, get a trespass order against her if she continues to harass YOU ….. I did against mine and it worked a treat especially when the cops were turning up on her doorstep and not mine!!!!! Isolate and ignore – they really hate that …….

    Take care of those important in your life.

    Enjoy your new partner and don’t waste another second even thinking about the past.

    You can NOT change history, you were snookered by the system, lesson learnt – don’t ever go back for more – the system wants more conflict, don’t support it.

    Comment by hornet — Tue 6th June 2017 @ 4:52 pm

  7. Hello Guys thanks heaps!

    I have definitely moved away from her mentally as well as emotionally and have no desire to ever contact her. It was a very unhappy time for me. I requested incident reports from the police for last 4.5 years and it shows that she has not laid any incidents which proves that I have moved on and she hasn’t it seems like and she plans to contest it and defend.

    I have been seeking advise for community law which is a free service. As everyone has said I just want to get rid of that piece of paper so that she can not use it again to wreck my life. I mean when I breached it I was only fined so no prison or anything and I learnt a lot from that.

    Has she got any grounds apart from the history to go on and tell the judge she wants the order to be in place ?? I was reading few recent case notes and judge said her fear is not a valid reason for the protection order to remain in place, there has to be an objective reason with tangible evidence for the order to not be discharged… please do shed some light

    Comment by Max — Tue 6th June 2017 @ 11:05 pm

  8. I think there comes a point where it is not fear, but obsession.

    A morbid desire to continue the fight through the agency of lawyers and the court, because she is not able to do this through you.

    Not that you should try and say that, but hopefully that is the conclusion that is drawn.

    The difficulty as I am all too well aware, is that the incompetentant, irresponsible or purile behavior of some legal workers, leaves even the woman unable to extract herself from a situation where they are defending their own sillyness.

    Comment by Downunder — Wed 7th June 2017 @ 8:22 am

  9. Max, Can you list or quote the cases where you have seen judges make comments or rulings about ‘needing objective reasons’ or ‘what constituents fear’.
    I have tried once to get PO removed and want to lodge every yr, do the matter myself, till its gone. Ta

    Comment by Rocky — Wed 7th June 2017 @ 1:34 pm

  10. Hi Rocky please follow this link –

    I went to see the lawyer today and she said she was really surprised to see that she wanted to defend the order from being lifted. I got an incident report from the police that there has been no complaints filed by her over the last 4.5 years and it clearly indicates that she is being vicious now and not letting me move on in my life

    Comment by Max — Wed 7th June 2017 @ 5:16 pm

  11. #10 Max, I believe that Judge is the ONLY Judge who has jailed a Mother (twice, if memory serves me) for failing to comply with a Court Order to allow the child to see the Father.

    Comment by golfa — Wed 7th June 2017 @ 9:10 pm

  12. The Poindexter judgement seems to have the parties actual names, yet has been put on the familycaught$ website.
    Is that due to carelessness by the judge, or registrar has put wrong copy on website, or has there been a change in laws?
    (Personally, I think that whenever the coercive power of Government is called into play, real names should be published.)
    Thieves and clowns……

    Comment by MurrayBacon — Wed 7th June 2017 @ 10:01 pm

  13. These women, don’t like the changes to family court procedures, procedures that are well overdue, and still very slow in response to fathers being treated unjustly.

    Comment by MrFatsworth — Thu 8th June 2017 @ 10:18 am

  14. Max@ 10

    Bloody brilliant and thank you for posting that one

    Absolutely A typical of f….. women using the system to deny access to children by the father.

    I think that its about time that the Family Court be made to go Public with outcomes and you will find
    A. the number of applications drop by 90%
    B. Claims of assault and abuse drop by 80%
    C. Time spent on custody issues drop by 80%

    If a bond is paid $2,000 -$5,000 to the court so if either party gets caught out for deception, deceit or provocation by way of false allegations then the opposing party gets the BOND.

    This is how you take away POWER from the system, however what will happen is

    Courts will become less congested
    Lawyers will not be able to make money
    Judges will be far more accountable
    Families will be under less duress

    Bingo – separation becomes a fairer and equitable objective.
    Fathers become more in tune with life and liberty, show structure and support to children as the burden of debt is removed.

    I also believe that if caught a second time-custody becomes imminent to the other party as the children no longer become pawns.

    Please don’t say ” Who can afford that” amount of bond!!!

    Easy – its called carrot and stick methodology, and if you love your kids then YOU WILL find a way

    Comment by Buster — Sat 10th June 2017 @ 6:48 am

  15. Yes, most FC judgments are interesting and elucidating to read. Openness in our ‘justice’ system would keep us all aware of its operation and would reduce the incidents that lead to its involvement, because the public would become increasingly aware of what behaviours end up there, how those behaviours are interpreted in Court and the consequences. The Family Court’s default secrecy of operation is a scandal and the justification for this, the privacy of children and litigants, is of questionable merit. Aside from low accountability and other problems, such secrecy actually serves to maintain the tap of lucrative business for the FC and its profiteers.

    The FAM-2010-079-000128 case referred to in comment 10 was interesting in many ways. Firstly, the protection order was imposed without any physical violence but was on the basis of threats to kill. Sure, that’s serious and a criminal offence that can result in imprisonment up to 7 years (which many people seem not to know). But realistically, most threats to kill are not genuine intentions but expressions of high frustration and anger. Such threats are often throw-away comments in conflict situations, and if made by someone who has no history of committing violent acts will often be no more significant than the slamming of a door. The criminalization and ability to punish regarding such threats may be justified but the idea that they necessarily amount to psychological violence justifying the need for a ‘protection’ order is invalid, ideological and will often result in institutional child abuse through depriving the children of a full relationship with their father. Of course, when a woman in an argument with her ex says “I swear I’ll kill you if you say that again”, the FC will be likely to view that as a throw-away comment and will be very unlikely to impose a protection order against her.

    The FAM-2010-079-000128 case also appeared to demonstrate the anti-male sexism routinely practised by our police. They were prosecuting the father for breaching a parenting order! How often to we hear of mothers being prosecuted for breaching parenting orders, something they nearly all seem to do and believe they have a right to do? When a father goes to police about his children being kept hostage by their mother contrary to a parenting order, preventing him seeing the children as required by that parenting order, what do police typically do? “That’s a civil matter sir, and you will need to get the Family Court to issue an enforcement order before we can do anything.” But it seems when a mother complains to police that the father has breached the parenting order, police get on their white-knight steeds and prosecute the father. Even though the father is in the weaker parenting position and the mother herself has breached the parenting order by limiting and interfering with his ordered contact with his children. Incredible.

    However, FAM-2010-079-000128 does provide further evidence of the changing tide, in this case the FC attempting to nurture, protect and respect a father’s relationship with his children and calling out the provocation, vindictiveness and low sense of responsibility for bad behaviour shown by a female litigant.

    Comment by Man X Norton — Sat 10th June 2017 @ 11:06 am

  16. telemachus85 – I’m in agreement with hornet – keep the beast wear it with pride and buy yourself some new tyres or a new car depending upon what you were intending to spend. You can always crash the car into a wall if you change you mind – same result.

    Comment by martin — Sat 10th June 2017 @ 8:23 pm

  17. I have a small campaign in the Wellington area seeking to discharge 10 Protection Orders. We are learning with each hearing. Allan

    Comment by allan harvey — Sun 11th June 2017 @ 3:36 pm

  18. #17 Allan please share your email and other contact details please

    Would love to hear the learnings and experiences please.
    Thanks heaps

    Comment by Max — Mon 12th June 2017 @ 12:28 pm

  19. Hi Guys,

    So acting in the advice of the Senior lawyer from community law.. I filed my affidavit for discharge on 2nd May and the assessment date was set for 31st May when I heard from the court that she only strayed to act on it on 17th May and have seeked a counsel and the counsel has seeked extension till 15th June. 15th June came and went and they have failed to file an affidavit/Notice of defence and the reason given by the registrar was oh they didn’t get in time the Ministry of Justice report with regards to when I breached the order I.e contacted her via online and text messages5 years ago and was also made a passing comment that if you have a lawyer system favours you more and the judge has given them the weekend to file the affidavit now. How unfair it is and the justice system is so biased anything I can do or challenge ?

    Comment by Max — Sat 17th June 2017 @ 10:02 am

  20. Max, are you talking about challenging her defence based on the technicalities of late filing etc? If this is the case I wouldn’t bother – she will likely get a defended hearing as that’s just the way it is. I would stick to your application based upon any hardships it carries – evidence of discrimination in work, having to avoid her street, etc, etc and of course the length of time it has been since she has raised anything with the police.

    I’ve only skim read the thread, but why was it you wanted the PO lifted again?

    Comment by martin — Sat 17th June 2017 @ 11:09 am

  21. Hi Max,
    It’s really up to you – having a PO doesn’t mean you won’t get citizenship ( am I correct ?). I don’t want to sound condescending but a PO is for life in NZ, unless you go to court. The fact that you ex wife is opposing it is more significant than you staying away from her and wanting to move on unfortunately – I don’t write the rules.
    Having said that, going to a defended hearing doesn’t necessarily mean she will win. If it was me, I would emphasise that you have avoided any conflict with her for 5 years. Can you tell me why she is opposing it?

    Comment by martin — Sat 17th June 2017 @ 2:40 pm

  22. The Department of Internal Affairs will definitely have access to that information Max, Immigration and probably one other because it is lodged with the Police.

    If you want citizenship then find out from the Police by making a request for information on you, then go from there.

    Just remember, your ex knows then so does her lawyer!

    Comment by Buster — Sun 18th June 2017 @ 8:25 am

  23. Hello Martin,

    I am aware of the PO staying for life but I just want to move on and close that unhappy chapter of my life and have nothing to do with her even if I accidentally bumped into her I don’t want her to use it against me.
    The reason why she is opposing it is based around 2013 events and there is nothing new around it. It’s historic for last 5 years there has been no contact or any sort of confrontation as I have moved on and clearly she hasn’t it seems like. If it was discharged internal affairs looks at it more positively than if it was still there. There is nothing in terms of any incidents or anything to suggest that ongoing protection is required by her

    Comment by Max — Sun 18th June 2017 @ 8:42 am

  24. I have received a written letter from the police suggesting that there has been no incidents at all reported by her since 2013 which clearly states that there has been no further contact or any intention from my side to do anything with regards to her and not do I want anything to do with her.

    Comment by Max — Sun 18th June 2017 @ 8:45 am

  25. Max, I tried for 2.5 years to get rid of mine, and it was only dropped when she consented to have it dropped. All cases are different so good luck with it. Even if you get it dropped, it doesn’t take much for her to get it back again.

    Comment by martin — Sun 18th June 2017 @ 11:04 am

  26. I was successful at getting the order discharged represented myself. No lawyer.

    Comment by Telemachus — Thu 3rd August 2017 @ 10:25 pm

  27. 28, Well done, tomorrow is a new day. enjoy the fresh air.
    thanks for updating us, very pleased for you!
    I’m sure its unnecessary to add, DON’T DATE CRAZY BITCHES AGAIN!

    Comment by voices back from the bush — Thu 3rd August 2017 @ 10:41 pm

  28. Congratulations.
    Good work as representing yourself isn’t always that easy.
    There’s an old saying.
    He who makes the same mistake twice is ……..
    At least your experience will help lessen the chances of you falling in the same trap again.
    Also if you find yourself in similar circumstances with a female magically turning feral.
    We have a first in first serve legal system. Don’t be afraid of using it to protect yourself as females will jump at the chance of abusing it if you don’t.

    Comment by DJ Ward — Thu 3rd August 2017 @ 11:27 pm

  29. @30 that’s a little harsh.

    Once is a mistake, twice is forgivable, but three times is stupidity.

    Comment by Downunder — Fri 4th August 2017 @ 6:45 am

  30. 30, Yes first serve system is true from my experience also, police are unable to consider if they are mistaken, the accuser=victim, the accused=offender.

    I was told repeatedly “the only reason we would open the file is if we decided to charge you again”.

    When police are involved, the seccond mouse gets no cheese.
    He is just the bait for the sis-tem.

    Comment by Voices back from the bush — Fri 4th August 2017 @ 10:02 pm

  31. @32 When you look at the role of Police, and how that has changed in the last 40 years, we might also consider this.

    Before women got the vote one of their political catch phrases was something along the lines; Children, Prisoners, and Retards, are the only others not to vote.

    When you look, at the introduction of our Bill of Rights, which effectively took away women’s equality and gave them, like children, special status under the law, women become children of the state, and this is reflected in the behaviour of Police.

    Comment by Downunder — Sat 5th August 2017 @ 8:16 am

  32. I was an amateur representing my self and her lawyer got hauled over and over again by the judge. Finally after so many truth has prevailed! It was hard to live with the fact that my character was maligned again and again by a vicious person. Finally someone in the Justice system however flawed it may be has seen through the fabricated lies.

    Comment by Telemachus — Sat 5th August 2017 @ 1:03 pm

  33. I was just a father and got a Jewish judge.

    Comment by Downunder — Sat 5th August 2017 @ 1:27 pm

  34. I represented myself and got a judge who wasn’t a family court judge. He was asking legal questions to my ex’s lawyer because he didn’t have a clue.

    Comment by DJ Ward — Sat 5th August 2017 @ 3:55 pm

  35. I had the same problem as you with one of the series of judges I had.

    She, the opposition tried the, I know the book.

    Poor bastard had a nose redder than Rudolph and whiskey bottles for eyes. He didn’t need me to dump on his morning, and he started throwing law books around, when I said, “That’s not what the law says, your Honour.”

    The registrar had her hand over her mouth, and she was shaking with humour, trying not to wet her seat.

    We just sat there and waited for him to work it out, then he told her to go away and think about it.

    Comment by Downunder — Sat 5th August 2017 @ 4:10 pm

  36. Would just say if you are honest do not give up! When I went to file my affidavit. The registrar at the reception rolled her eyes and said no use fighting this and the orders don’t get discharged. Tempted to file a formal complaint about her attitude and judgement but who cares! Good luck people

    Comment by Telemachus — Sat 12th August 2017 @ 6:40 pm

  37. Hi

    I need an advise . i will be applying for a PO discharge . One of my arguments will be that she very grudgingly admitted at the Court hearing that she used to hit me on several occasions The Judge totally ignored her admission and it is not mentioned in the verdict .

    1. Should I ask for Court hearing transcription to prove that or should I just mention it in my Application for a discharge . Is asking for Court hearing transcription complicated process ?

    2. The Judge labeled me as a robust , domineering man born in Macedonia with a loud voice and she was described as a shy whispering person from Japan . The Judge rejected all her allegations for slashed tyre . loitering , fake photos etc. but said I developed a ” tunnel vision ” to get to the bottom of her allegations by asking few of her direct witnesses to prove she wasn’t even there when alleging loitering . I got three affidavits saying she wasn’t there but asking for was taken against me .

    Do you think I should be putting an emphasize on the obvious ( to me ) racial discrimination and

    the related stereotyping or should just keep quite not to rub the Judge on the wrong side ?

    Thank you

    Comment by tony — Tue 28th July 2020 @ 11:29 am

  38. Hello Tony,, I assume you have kids together,, in order to get the Judge to turn their ear your way it might be best to put emphasis on your children, it will help take away any need for spotlight on yourself. Sorry if the kids are no longer the issue.

    Comment by mama — Wed 29th July 2020 @ 6:55 pm

  39. Hi Mama . Thank you for the reply , I need some emotional support at the moment . No ,we don’t have children . I have to thread very carefully using mitigating words and lot of modal verbs as well as words like : Judge’s unfortunate choice of words , With all respect , In my humble opinion – just to blunt the edge of what I really , really want to write .

    However , do you have any experience with asking the Court for the Hearing transcription ?

    Comment by tony — Wed 29th July 2020 @ 8:15 pm

  40. 1. Do you know if the same Judge who presided over the PO will preside over the discharge application ?

    Thank you .

    Comment by tony — Wed 29th July 2020 @ 9:29 pm

  41. 39 and 40,, Hey there again Tony, in the family court it is usually a different Judge every time, I am unsure for your circumstance, as for asking for a Hearing Transcript, I will ask some one who may know..

    I feel bad for you, protection orders can be so tricky for you if you live in the same area and have friends in common.

    My Son now has few friends in his old circle of friends since family court involvement and the under mining of his character , his ex partner and mother of his child is now with one of those friends ,, consequently leading to friend alienation on top of parental alienation. He needs emotional support, but it is hard to come by in the right, for the individual, form. The best thing would be just to feel good about and confident in himself again… but I can not tell him this, not that I have not… besides,, how can he ‘JUST’ do this?

    Comment by mama — Fri 31st July 2020 @ 4:18 pm

  42. @41

    Yes , such a situation can be devastating for your son . I hope he has a basic life structure in place : job/study , hobby, some sport and at least a lover to start with. He needs some quality distraction which will stop his negative trains of thoughts . As a general rule , if one spent one year in a relationship , one needs two years to really move on .

    Also , it will help if parents in such a predicament, have some exciting content in their own lives .

    Comment by tony — Sat 1st August 2020 @ 12:50 am

  43. Hi Tony,, very true…and thank you for your thoughts..

    As for asking the court for a transcript to be released ,,, it would be highly unusual,, only if you were hearing impaired on something like this aparantly.

    Comment by mama — Sun 2nd August 2020 @ 2:27 pm

  44. Will go On Tuesday to try my luck with my Court transcript .That is the only chance for me to prove she admitted she hit me several times .The Judge ignored that .

    Comment by tony — Sun 2nd August 2020 @ 11:13 pm

  45. Good Luck,,,every thing should be taken into account, nothing should be ignored.

    Comment by mama — Mon 3rd August 2020 @ 9:07 pm

  46. @45

    Hi Mama . Today I received the FVIR and after the PO there are no complaints against me , which is good . But during the legal phase she alleged 5 breaches of the TPO – all of them were rejected by the Police . When I compared the applicant’s time and locations of my ” breaches ” with her sworn Affidavits describing the same ” breaches” , I found out they do not correspondent at all . Just one , in the Police record she said her car tyres twice flat while in her home driveway . In Affidavit – tyres flat but only once at the parking of Postman’s Leg restaurant . There are other 5 ” breaches ” which are differently described in her Affidavits and she she reported them to the Police .

    I asking you : If you were me , Would you point out on these facts or not ? I am asking you because when I submitted three sworn Affidavits in my favour the Judge labeled them as ” psychological abuses ” and I got PO .

    I have a trauma Mama because of this .

    Comment by tony — Tue 4th August 2020 @ 11:07 am

  47. I am not surprised Tony that you have been traumatised by this all.

    Comment by mama — Wed 5th August 2020 @ 6:28 pm

  48. Thank you Mama for your support . I will stop bothering the present members . It seems again and again very man on his own .

    Comment by tony — Wed 5th August 2020 @ 8:53 pm

  49. zdravo Tony,, you need to meet with people from your own kind now and then, I hope you have some friends from home,.. , time is hard to come by and lives are so busy so an ear is expensive to lend, so many feel like they are going it alone, big shame indeed.

    Comment by mama — Mon 10th August 2020 @ 5:08 pm

  50. Zdravo Mama . All good . Thank you .One is enough for me .

    Comment by tony — Mon 10th August 2020 @ 11:06 pm

  51. Hey Tony,, you can call me annoying..feel free..,,,

    Comment by mama — Tue 11th August 2020 @ 10:20 am

  52. Hi Mama . Thank you for the information as I am sure MCSNZ is a good place to be at . But in my spare time I do salsa and bachata twice a week , so I am not really in contact with my country mates.

    On top of that I am preparing my Discharge Application and taking care for my rentals . By doing so, I am trying to keep my personal feelings and trauma away from this legal document .

    Thank you for your support.

    Comment by tony — Tue 11th August 2020 @ 12:03 pm

  53. Awesome Tony,,,

    Comment by mama — Tue 11th August 2020 @ 6:41 pm

  54. @53

    Thank you Mama . Since you are the only one who showed genuine empathy and support for me I would like to ask if it is OK to have a look at my Discharge Application before I send to the Court . Not from a legal aspect, only from the aspect of preventing me using strong language , which I am sure , it will not be taken lightly by the Judge , regardless of me telling the truth and facts .

    Thank you

    Comment by tony — Sat 15th August 2020 @ 2:08 am

  55. yes Tony.. that’d be fine.

    Comment by mama — Mon 17th August 2020 @ 8:52 pm

  56. Thank you Mama . How can i e mail it to you ? It seems I can’t post my e mail address here ?

    Comment by George Simon — Wed 19th August 2020 @ 3:22 pm

  57. Hi

    Just came from today’s Court directions hearing regarding my application fro discharging the P.O . I better say nothing about what happened to me today . However , I would like to conulst a lawyer . Can you plese point out to some experinced and balanced lawyers .

    Thank you

    Comment by tny — Tue 15th December 2020 @ 12:06 pm

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