Forced to allow ex access despite DV charges.
Please help, my daughter is being forced to unsafe and abusive visits with my ex.
My daughter is 11 and lives with my partner and I full-time.
The Interim Parenting Order states my ex is allowed supervised visits only.
This is because my ex wilfully breached a trespass order and attacked me.
My ex was arrested and faces two charges of wilful trespass and common assault with a weapon all witnessed by my daughter.
During recent court ordered overnight visits the supervisor has broken her court promises and left my daughter alone repeatedly with my ex
and my ex has broken the court order not to discuss any court proceedings by bombarding my daughter with statements attempting to
change her mind about what happened
My daughter does not want to see my ex as ordered.
LFC interviewed my daughter and misrepresented her wishes resulting in the overnight stays. An attempt to correct this resulted in further more serious mistakes.
She has contacted LFC with her concerns and stating her wishes but LFC is refusing to act.
My daughter has requested LFC be replaced but this has been ignored and the LFC has told my daughter she must obey the Judge and she also said not to use email in future to ‘avoid confusion’.
The supervisor is my ex partner’s current partner’s Mother!
Despite my strong protest that ‘i do not agree, she is not known to me, she is not neutral’ in court the judge ‘made a ruling’ and declared the ‘mother in law’ suitable as a supervisor.
I suggested several other suitable candidates but my ex disagreed to them.
I even suggested Bernado’s etc and offered to pay if this was a concern, all ignored by the judge.
I have complained for three weeks following the Family Court website suggestions and have not yet had one single reply.
My daughter gets very upset days prior to her forced visits with my ex.
I want the visits to stop in accordance with her wishes.
I want the visits to stop because of the multiple breaches of the court order.
How can I achieve this and prevent my daughter from being exposed to further abuse and an unsafe environment?
“…my ex wilfully breached a trespass order and attacked me.”
Did your ex ever attack or directly threaten your daughter?
Just how immediate is the danger to your daughter?
It’s always hard to say with only limited knowledge of the situation and history.
I’m not sure stopping visits entirely is the answer. That might seriously undermine the relationship between the child and your ex before it ever got to a full hearing. Most likely that will be a tragedy for the child in the long run.
The other thing to consider, is that in about 3 or 4 more years, the court will realise it will be fairly powerless to tell your daughter what to do.
Already at 11 years, the court MUST consider the wishes of the daughter.
One reason the court can ignore the wishes of the child is if they believe the daughter has somehow been coached to not want to visit one of the parents.
Unfortunately it makes a massive different what the gender of the attacker is. If the victim of the violence is female then the entire state machinery will swing into action. However if the victim of the violence is male then the state machinery usually works to punish the male victim and the child further. So if you are male, then I can better understand your concern at the loose supervision going on.
Comment by Vman — Sun 19th November 2017 @ 3:11 pm
Kia ora Never give up,
Where are you based? This public forum isn’t the place to discuss sensitive issues like you have raised here.
If in Auckland contact Brendon from Father and Child,
If in Wellington, Tauranga, Hawkes Bay or Taranaki contact me at Kidz Need Dadz.
Allan.harvey”at”xtra.co.nz
Comment by allan harvey — Sun 19th November 2017 @ 5:47 pm
This is exactly what we must discuss out in the open. I agree. Had this been a male offender causing problems he would be in prison . Our state apparatus in NZ is programmed to only protect the mother. Never protct the father.
In fact in this example the system is just begging for you to react to the mothers horrific behaviour so they can get you.
We,must all be vigilant ….the govt want conflict between parents.its great for business. Crisis. Conflict.control.
In NZ they care not about the impact this is having on the children.
In my recent case with the nz police. They allowed a naraccassitic elder abusing domestic violence offender to create fraudulent trespass notices against me. Who claimed falsely she was now the owner and occupier of her mothers home.
##### I hear you brother. I hear you anger and thats ok.
Will you share with me what action you have taken so far, what mechanism for change is set in motion?
Can I help at all?
Comment by Hornet — Mon 20th November 2017 @ 8:56 am
What is happening in Europe now with the African invasion is one of human kinds biggest tragedies. The same people who started WW1 and WW2 are behind it. It is an attack on what they see as liberal ‘protestants’ and is to pave the way for making the whole world into their Third World model under Islam. Their other weapons are feminism (only directed at Western countries) and white powder drugs, all designed to break up families and destroy Western countries. In Trail of the Octopus (banned in the USA) Lester Coleman describes how the intelligence services were bringing heroin into the USA and how that may have allowed for the Lockerbie disaster. He was an agent right there at the time. It goes back to an old African story that has a very bad ending and then came to infest Europe after they were kicked out of Egypt. In that story, a Pharaoh who was a megalomaniac and a very disturbed homosexual wrote much of the Old Testament. It reads like that of a a ten old except for the parts that were lifted from other cultures. The Romans wrote the New, to counter this story of world supremacy which conflicted with their own. Universities used to only teach one subject. That was theology. In many ways they haven’t changed. The attack on Europeans is obvious if you go to any university or watch TV. We care paying a terrible price for this madness.
Comment by holy hell — Mon 20th November 2017 @ 6:08 pm
Im male of course. my ex has not physically attacked my daughter.
LFC has now stated she suspects coaching from me and has threatened s15 if ‘things are not resolved’ prior to hearing this Thursday using the word ‘wardship’
im in Auckland and will contact Brendon from Father and Child, thank you.
Comment by never give up — Tue 21st November 2017 @ 10:50 am
#5 never give up. I suggest you contact Anthony Morahan instead of Brendan. You’ll find his number and the support group in the “Support for Men” area. Look for the Hillsbro’ Parent’s Support Group. We’re there on Tuesday evenings.
Comment by golfa — Tue 21st November 2017 @ 6:05 pm
Comment by hornet — Wed 22nd November 2017 @ 9:04 pm
Comment by hornet — Wed 22nd November 2017 @ 9:12 pm
thank you men and all, I value your comments, all and sundry.
###########allan harvey says:
alan harvey i followed the only possible support choice at the time and called Brendon Smith. Thank you so much for this suggestion.
Brendon listened and committed his morning to supporting me with the lawyers and the crisis at hand (today).
fantastic results were achieved and im buzzing at the positive shift in dynamic created today in favour of me, the father!!!!
Im volunteered in support to his NGO as a grateful giving back to his immediate and effective support.
thank you soooooo much, you guys helped save me from drowning. bless you all.
Please keep commenting, its all gold.
Comment by never give up — Thu 23rd November 2017 @ 4:55 am
You the man!
Never give up is the right name
Our children are too important and we need to do the work for them.
Hats off to Brendon and his team for the great work they do.
Remember guys that keeping Father and Child and Kidz Need Dadz running is dependent on support from our volunteers, from donations and from feedback like the above.
Never Give Up, our children do better with dads active in their live!
Comment by allan harvey — Thu 23rd November 2017 @ 9:13 am
Im a Man. Im fierce, dangerous. I go to war when ordered and try to kill as many of the enemy as I can.
I do this for Queen, country, my wife and children.
Im also disposable, valued so cheaply its ok for me to die.
Equality? Sure. All fathers stay home and care for our children. (less abuse cases maybe) allowing all mothers to be treated as equals and get stuck in to it.
Sorry this is a ramble poor quality.
Men, lets not ramble any further, lets not bang on about the same old personal issues posting any place that might hold text.
An alternative to banging on and sounding like a victim is to move into action and get something done about it.
And maybeeeeeeeee, just maybe, we can begin with baby steps if necc, start more of that mature and effective dialogue I’ve read on here, support each other, help each other, be gentle, be fierce, be safe…. we are men thats our job.
Comment by never give up — Thu 23rd November 2017 @ 10:58 pm
administrator…..why were my two comments taken down? Just so I know the reasons……
This is very relevant to what I am going through right now, where a woman is being permitted to commit crimes, breach codes of ethics in an attempt to try and lure me into violence and conflict – how much longer are we going to allow a system to do this?
It is adversarial in all aspects – with only one sad outcome and that is more of the same. Allowing Provocation enticement, encouraging , facilitating, makes those involved with this as parties to these crimes, aiding and abetting the very offenders…..
As we are all seeing first hand, some are being allowed to break the law with impunity to incite violence, and they know they will never be held to account for their actions……..if we choose not to talk about this, nothing will ever change for men or women who we should be encouraging to unite and cease conflict for the sake of the children and their future. Surely that is a more positive outcome for all, instead of this constant conflict game we have been lured into……….divinity is merging ones opposites into ONE…..and becoming WHOLE…….a divided mind will never see peace.
Those who are benefiting from harming kids and our elderly are engaging in what is now called CRISIS CAPITALISM – where those creating the CRISIS and CONFLICT – encouraging it and enflaming it, are the ones who are directly benefiting $$$$ from it.
Our system has LOST SIGHT of its CORE function to Protect kids and the elderly – in fact in the current environment they are NOT PROTECTING our most precious and vulnerable citizens – they are PREYING ON THEM for PROFIT.
As I have seen with my IRD sister, those behind her are actively assisting her to commit crimes, allowing her to breach codes of ethics, encouraging her to commit crimes to which she is not being held to account – this is all designed to try and deliberately provocative me to CONFLICT, so I can be CONTROLLED by Secret orders in a secret court.
This makes those behind the scenes parties to this offending, they are complicit, aiding and abetting this to occur since they also benefit. They are guilty with dirty hands.
lets never forget those in charge removed the defence of PROVOCATION from our statute books to allow this to occur – provocation, alienation and conflict are great for business – a corrupted and unlawful business that has to be shut down. Since only a few are currently benefiting from this at the expense of the many – many good people who just want peace.
Kennedys death is very important for us to all remember. We are all allowing what he warned us about – to continue…..secrecy must END.
“The very word “secrecy” is repugnant in a free and open society; and we are as a people inherently and historically opposed to secret societies, to secret oaths and to secret proceedings”.
Comment by hornet — Fri 24th November 2017 @ 7:04 am
The problems I am seeing first hand out of Manukau Police, helping my sister who worked at MANUKAU IRD, are very real.
We see the police actively helping a woman who is committing crimes.
We see the police initiating an investigation into me and my firearms – BEFORE any protection order was even issued. They told me my sister had one, when she did NOT.
I was lied to again by Manukau Police. Directly misled and lied to.
The Police told me directly there was NO evidence to support her Protection order application and thats why it was declined in the first place.
Which is why I have now sent an IPCA complaint to govt and informed the minister of Police – what is going on here???
Then the cops put all their efforts into trying to serve notices under urgency to help the offender – the police committing crimes in the process – are we going to allow this to continue?
this is the problem we now all face – the police breaking the law, allowing a woman to break the law as they target a man, and try and lure him to violence……is this the new crazy we have to endure????
I am told my charming sister is headed to court to try yet again to get orders – on what evidence we have no idea…..my wife and I are at a loss to know whats going on.
Comment by hornet — Fri 24th November 2017 @ 7:11 am
Hornet, a very good friend of mine had his firearms seized after his ex (a cop) made false statements about him and put a protection order in place.
I have known the guy for 30years and he is one of the most well balanced calm guys you’ll find.
The firearms were directly involved in his livelyhood.
NZ Police arrived on his door to serve the protection order, – two cars with lights on and four police. Grandstanding to dent his reputation in his neighbourhood.
They returned later in similar fashion to seize said firearms.
He had to contest what had happened in court in order to have his firearms returned (Judge was scathing of NZ Police) still no dice – he had to go back to court a 2nd time from memory as the Police decided to ignore the Judge and just hang onto his firearms!
I’ve had a strategic protection order put in place against me by my ex at one point when she had decided to go back to FC yet AGAIN to try and reduce my daughters and my time together and started “building her case against me” AKA “making sh!t up”.
I got THE weirdest call from a female sergeant at the local police station offering me contract !!! – seriously.
“If I was willingly to accept liability for damaging part of my ex’s house (that she had falsely alleged I had done) and was willingly to pay for the damage then the police would not press charges – all I had to do by way of acceptance/documentation was return-call the female sergeants at the Police station.” – sneaky bastards.
Now most guys would be outraged – they would call back the number they were given at the police station – and bang they’ve made contract before opening their mouth.
I never returned the call – nothing came of it. It was bought up in court eventually – I explained it to the Judge who considered it, nodded and replied “Well done”. (That was a WTF moment).
Regarding LFC’s – never heard of a good one.
They side with Mum (LFC in my daughters case was having dinner/coffee and hanging out with my ex!!!) and try drag the whole demented palava out as long as they can in order to clip the ticket as much as they can.
Comment by Hillbilly — Thu 30th November 2017 @ 4:35 pm