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Should a child be informed of a custody battle?

Filed under: General — Pritchards @ 6:21 pm Thu 2nd March 2017

Hi again

Appreciate your views again here

Should the child be informed or not?

many thanks


  1. Yes the child should be informed

    It depends on the context and how you intend to do it?

    USING the child to garner support will ultimately ping you, as the child will already have a opinion of each parent and only time will bring this out. Your very vague in your question and does the child not live or see you in NZ or are you the thread to which I have commented on before?

    Comment by brent — Fri 3rd March 2017 @ 6:20 am

  2. No, in general a child of that age should not be told because this is likely to cause emotional insecurity in the child. If any explanation is necessary regarding the effects of the court dispute, eg “why didn’t daddy talk to you?” then explain in a way that the child can make sense of and that doesn’t cause unnecessary fear, eg “Daddy and mummy are working on some things they might argue about and they can talk again soon.” It’s considered important not to burden the child with the adult issues, and the adults should deal with their dramas separate from the child.

    Comment by Man X Norton — Fri 3rd March 2017 @ 8:32 am

  3. Thanks to both of you for your replies,
    Much appreciated

    Comment by Pritchards — Fri 3rd March 2017 @ 12:39 pm

  4. New Zealand law, Care of Children Act (2004) says;
    a child must be given reasonable opportunities to express views on matters affecting the child; and
    any views the child expresses (either directly or through a representative) must be taken into account.

    So in matters relating to day-to-day care or contact children no matter what their age have a right to be consulted. For children who are pre-verbal this should be observations by trained professionals who not the bonding between a child and those seeking to offer care to them.

    Comment by Allan Harvey — Fri 10th March 2017 @ 5:26 pm

  5. #1

    Just noticed your final comments.

    Yes I am a bit vague
    We haven’t told the child anything yet.

    Comment by Pritchards — Sat 11th March 2017 @ 11:47 am

  6. #4 interesting.

    Not sure who should tell the child or how. Must be a terrifying thing to hear at that age. So leaving for as long as possible. Perhaps the case will be dropped so why stress them for nothing.

    Biological father is a real whinger who twists everything against us so we have to be very careful anyway.

    Comment by Pritchards — Sat 11th March 2017 @ 11:52 am

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