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International Men’s Day NZ

Filed under: General — Iain Fergusson @ 2:23 pm Mon 1st October 2018


We have been working to promoting International Men’s Day in New Zealand. You can connect with us here:

We are in Christchurch and have a bikers’ run planned for Sunday 18th.

We are also encouraging everybody to post a short story about a man in their lives who has been a positive influence on them, or they admire, or are grateful for, to social media with the hashtag #MensDayNZ.



  1. Love, love, love your work!

    And especially the inclusiveness.

    We are hoping to start a similar group up in Auckland shortly.

    We should talk…

    Comment by Audi Alteram Partem — Mon 1st October 2018 @ 8:23 pm

  2. You could check his website out …

    My day job is running a support service for men based in Christchurch. Our goal is Happy Healthy Canterbury Men and it involves a range of different projects.

    Occasionally I come across people that say they want to do something more for men and boys. They aren’t thinking individual change but larger social change to address the many challenges that men/boys face.

    Usually, I shrug and say “I want that too” pat them on the back and say be sure to sign up to our emails and I’ll keep an eye out for ways they can help. It’s such a daunting project taking on a culture, and living in an earthquake-prone city with a complex rebuild of my house has made this even harder to focus on more esoteric issues.

    Comment by Evan Myers — Mon 1st October 2018 @ 8:46 pm

  3. Thanks Evan.

    I did… and read on past your excerpt that notes how challenging it all is… to the exceptionally exciting and positive excerpt as follows:

    It’s interesting for me to watch a group form and evolve. It’s all part of the community development I do in my day job. But I’m finding this project especially rewarding already and expect us to have much more significant outcomes than I’d ever considered. I hope I’m looking back in another few months and saying it was even bigger than I thought at this point. I look forward to making that further post.

    Comment by Audi Alteram Partem — Mon 1st October 2018 @ 9:09 pm

  4. Thanks for the support.

    You can email us at info [at]

    It’d be great if you wanted to do something in Auckland for Men’s Day. Doesn’t have to be big, perhaps just say you’ll be at a cafe if people want to meet for a chat. (maybe on Sunday 18th rather than Monday 19th.

    I should point out that Canterbury Men’s Centre is being supportive but we are not officially affiliated with them.

    Comment by Iain Fergusson — Mon 1st October 2018 @ 9:32 pm

  5. We are also encouraging everybody to post a short story about a man in their lives who has been a positive influence on them, or they admire, or are grateful for, to social media with the hashtag #MensDayNZ.

    Like this idea.

    Would be great to see a flood of short stories in the comments on this post.

    Comment by Downunder — Mon 1st October 2018 @ 10:06 pm

  6. Downunder

    You go first 🙂

    Comment by Iain Fergusson — Mon 1st October 2018 @ 10:24 pm

  7. Picking any one man to tell a story about is hard.

    As a child I spent a lot of time around older people who were generous with their time and teachings, I suppose you would call it. In that respect I developed a curiosity to learn from what I heard and saw, in that trusted environment, but I was never hurt by any man or my curiosity while I took what I could from what they had to offer.

    Growing into an adult I learned you could take as much in terms of learning from the not so nice people out in the real world, and there are some negative rather than positive stories that also hold significant value for me.

    I don’t have a single inspirational figure that I have endearing respect for, rather a collection of good and bad stories that I add to in life’s adventure.

    So, from that I will have to pick a favourite, and get on to writing the story.

    Comment by Downunder — Mon 1st October 2018 @ 11:09 pm

  8. My Story would be about three women ( a senior Fam Judge and two senior lawyers) who within a month of handling my case made conclusions about the dynamic that the men that had sat on this case for 9 years and a whole line up of conceited male judges could never understand.

    Because of these three women, I am a father again.

    WE should get all male Judges out of the family Court.

    Comment by JustCurious — Tue 2nd October 2018 @ 8:35 am

  9. If I was being honest, my heroes live in their books – not as literary heroes in a story but in their enormous and timeless written continuations – Michael King, A Penguin History of New Zealand is close to home.
    I have to say, I was more than a little disappointed when one of our significant female journalists admitted she’d never read Great Expectations by Charles Dickens. The first inspirational writer that caught my attention was the man hiding behind the original Star Trek, Gene Roddenberry. I found a fascination in his stories beyond the technology.

    But, sad to say, in this journey I’ve seen real heroes, quiet warriors, that often go unnoticed and since this story is going to be posted here I thought I’d chose a relevant one that our audience can relate to.

    COSA (Casualties of Sexual Allegations) has been mentioned recently. Something I only saw the end of in its transition to the NSMC (North Shore Men’s Centre). So, in that mixed room there were also casualties of the Family Court, and that I suspect made it even harder for COSA members.

    In that respect there was a greater professional significance to Felicity’s familiar presence, with John at her side, in that room, than any of the time-wasters who launched torpedoes at her, could ever own.

    They owned the couch against the wall.

    And in their view, there was another couch opposite and one to their left and a chair in between those two couches where Paul sat. A quiet, well mannered man, with his fresh face and dark hair. It’s not my place to repeat his story, other than to note its insidious nature and devastating impact.

    In that battle field of silent terror, under the shelling of accusation and perception sat a Willie Apiata, who reached out to those around him where he saw that need in others as much as he did in himself.

    Each week he came with a contribution; the latest intelligence on the enemy’s processes from his advance party.

    He’d crawled under the barbed wire, dodged the land mines, and swum the river to face the enemy, himself. They didn’t retreat or surrender. No, they had a psychological weapon waiting.

    He called it moving the goalposts, and explained in more detail to a quiet audience how this might impact them, and how, in the snap of two fingers, they’d be given a new obstacle course.

    The terror of war may be escaped by many but the viciousess of peace escapes even more of us.

    Comment by Downunder — Tue 2nd October 2018 @ 12:51 pm

  10. Thanks, Downunder

    I’ve had the opportunity to think about this for a while and so the ‘story’ I will share is really simple.

    I grateful that my brother is reliable and always willing to help out. He a good dude.

    That’s it 🙂

    Comment by Iain Fergusson — Tue 2nd October 2018 @ 2:27 pm

  11. As a child on the rare occasions that I could sense tension between Mum and Dad, Dad would say “I’m going for a walk” and he did. When he got home an hour or so later the heat had dissipated and they sorted things out amicably. Thanks Dad for the great lesson.

    Mahatma Gandhi – for showing how oppression can be resisted without violence.

    Marshall Rosenberg – for showing how non-violent communication is more effective.

    Comment by Audi Alteram Partem — Tue 2nd October 2018 @ 5:32 pm

  12. The teenage years stretch everyone to their limits so way or another. To help me grow with a sense of humour was a man named Murray Deaker, he was my social studies teacher, we learned of the local and worldwide wars, we were cheeky in his class and if we were not paying enough attention he shot chalk at us, and if someone was in need of an extra lesson in behaviour out came his fish nets, and that was how your lunchtime would be spent.

    He was our teacher, a friend, he liked us back and everyone respected him.

    Comment by mama — Tue 2nd October 2018 @ 7:14 pm

  13. That explains a lot 🙂

    If I was being honest, my heroes live in their books

    A nightmare for some is life outside the pages of a book or a screen.
    Education for most is a crime.
    In the past scribes used writing to codify the world around them and thus discovered magic and spells.
    Then the scribes became priests, followed suit and codified religion.
    With the pen and the written word, they enslaved kings and thus ruled the world.
    Upon discovering the power in the pen, Pope after pope claimed the land, then the sea and land and then all souls as God’s regents on Earth and thus the LAW of Trust was born.
    ad perpetueum….
    Since then, the pen has ruled the world.
    Old scribes turned priests became lawyers and judges. Witchcraft and spells

    Charlemagne once decided education was a right, little knowing the priesthood had a register already. The old family bible now state register.

    In this register, every child born is turned into cargo and then berthed on a certificate at the hospital, now the unloading dock.

    To balance such cruelty, romance and chivalry were invented and penned by drunkards and visionaries

    And idealism created to replace forbearance and tolerance or true Justice.

    It all started with “Take all the shit we give you and you will be rewarded in heaven.”

    Now this heaven is on Earth and a weapon of mass social disruption (equality, justice, fairness, democratie, representation) empty vessels of discord

    Tools of damnation and self dissolution

    An eye for an eye, he who kills by the sword shall perish by the sword, turn the other butt cheek. All Replaced by “justice”, “crime” and removal of rights – at their discretion.

    International men days in NZ

    Who are we kidding?

    Ghosts we are. just walking, shitting, breathing, fornicating, lying, cheating, hopeful, loving, caring ghosts of human.

    I feel sad reading about man day or woman day or worker day or child day or any segment of the world population day.

    This shows how education has brainswashed us.

    The scribes knew this when education became a prerequisite to social participation

    In the past only those knowing Latin could read the bible. Charlemagne screwed up the priesthood monopoly.

    Now that those times are long gone, they want every one to be able to read.

    But they invented a new latin called legalese

    Spend your childhood in front of a book.
    ON chairs, in an institution, 6 hours every day staring at windows.
    Or lost in a faerie tale just to passsssssssssss time

    Forget about the brook with the eels and yabbies children used to catch.
    Forget about playing tarzan on trees
    Forget about putting fireworks in mailboxes.
    Forget about playing doctor with your female friends out in the barn as a pre teen
    Forget about spending the day riding bikes.
    Forget about shoplifting as a dare and risk taking
    Forget about swimming to the island and running away from home.
    Forget about helping and contributing in the household at 14 or younger

    Easier to read Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn and yell out “Mom! I am hungry!”

    Good kids must read, they say. “what a smart kid!” “He reads all the time!!!”

    NO he is not reading, he is listening to the adult conversation behind his book

    Celebrate men days is a joke, a sad joke.

    Celebrate every right we have LOST AS HUMAN BEINGS –

    Comment by JustFuriousToday — Tue 2nd October 2018 @ 8:59 pm

  14. Dear Mister Just F Today.

    I would just (hiccup) like to (hiccup) say (hiccup) that I wuzzz not drunk when i says dat stuff bout shiver… shiver… chivalry… sho there!

    Comment by Audi Alteram Partem — Tue 2nd October 2018 @ 11:14 pm

  15. @13 You’ve obviously misunderstood what I meant by my heroes living in their books.

    Unfortunately Michael King was killed in a car accident some years ago and I never had the pleasure of meeting him. But having read A Penguin History of NZ I can appreciate the extent of his life’s work.

    As for Charles Dickens, he was the editor of a struggling newspaper and wrote a serial column with the help of a mentor (a writer) to explain the contemporary situation of the street people to the upper class. That was later turned into a book with a different ending, and that is how Great Expectations became such a significant book. Not to take anything away from Mark Twain as you refer to, simply different examples of contemporary writing processes.

    Let’s not get into a discussion about the adult voices in the background or Gene Roddenberry but I would point out his concept of the Borg.

    While I appreciate your summation of some of the negative aspects of the written word and the social impact on literature, let’s not take away from what Iain suggested in this post and followed up with himself …

    A story about a man, who has left an impression on you.

    Comment by Downunder — Wed 3rd October 2018 @ 9:04 am

  16. Murray’s split pseudonym disorder may be infectious.
    Just a moment’s rant Downblunder.
    Good ripost

    Comment by JustCurious-notFuriousAnymore — Wed 3rd October 2018 @ 1:21 pm

  17. @Iain

    What’s the story on the bikers run you mentioned for the 18th November?

    Is there a link to information on that?

    Comment by Downunder — Fri 5th October 2018 @ 9:26 am

  18. @Downunder

    Here’s the facebook event page for the bikers run

    Comment by Iain Fergusson — Fri 5th October 2018 @ 4:00 pm

  19. I checked out the MensDay website. It had a definate odour of PC or (Political Conformity). Coming from what my experiences have taught me, the male positive bit in it, is not obvious to me. I saw subjects in it which in my view are ambiguous and so can turn out to be male hostile. These days language is tortured and I consider that many statements in there can mean other than we might think they mean. I will leave that alone.

    Comment by Kiwi Keith — Sat 6th October 2018 @ 11:21 am

  20. I checked out the International Day literature and I would have to agree, it was over the top, groveling PC.

    First, I’m wondering if what’s happening in New Zealand is an extension of that … or are we doing our own thing #downunder?

    Second, “The language is tortured” … I’m curious … What does that mean?

    Comment by Downunder — Sat 6th October 2018 @ 11:37 am

  21. @19 and 20

    I think you raise fair points. I will explain what I was thinking.

    Men’s day is a Grassroots event. It is important that people can make Men’s Day their own thing. Our language is non-specific and a bit ambiguous on purpose so people can make Men’s Day fit their own vision for the day.

    There are several (generally overseas) articles online criticising Men’s Day. I have tried to address those critical ideas on the website. Most of the criticism comes from “Political Conformists”, as you put it, which means I talk about the things they are concerned about. This may be producing the odour you are detecting.

    Men’s Day will be what people make it. We want you to be involved. If nobody does anything, nothing gets done and we have lost any potential that is there.

    Comment by Iain Fergusson — Mon 8th October 2018 @ 2:15 pm

  22. We’re not seeing (as you expect) media on it here but the #metoo movement has sparked a #mentoo response.

    Comment by Evan Myers — Fri 19th October 2018 @ 6:46 am

  23. 22,, Evan Myers,,,, and there also is a backlash happening over ME TOO movement itself, Women are coming forward with their fears of the effect it is having on the Men in their lives and job prospects as well.

    Comment by mama — Fri 19th October 2018 @ 7:23 am

  24. 23, No surprises there Evan.
    Seems Every time someone wants to get rid of someone , Allegations pop up of sex abuse.
    The irony of the timeliness of the allegations is not lost for many of us.
    Grave consequences for those accused
    But there’s also a de-sensitising to the issue as a result.
    And many other negatives follow.
    Men not wanting to mentor young females out of fear of accusations.
    Men not wanting to travel in cars with female workmates or clients.
    Men not wanting to employ women as if they later needed to fire them,-An allegation could end his career and perhaps even his family life.
    Men not wanting to go to corporate dinners or staff pissups for fear of females
    testing their feminine attractiveness after a couple of large ones of the penis grease. Sometimes rejection isn’t taken well.
    The new rules about employers being responsible for domestic violence is going to be a complete disaster is well.
    “Is Jane going to make it to work on Monday or will she be playing the domestic violence card again? ”
    She pulled this one last week and we had to bring restructure the office to suit her victimhood.
    “I didn’t see any bruises did you Martha?
    “-Perhaps it’s not physical violence but emotional abuse?”
    “Right well I need one of you girls to befriend her and start hanging out with her and report back to me that she’s ok. ”

    Staff have always had a right to privacy on their weekends but now this will change.

    “Jane I’ve called you in to the office to discuss your weekend.
    I don’t think it’s good that you hang out with Tom anymore. I don’t want you drinking this weekend because
    We’ve got a massive week next week that fight you got into last weekend has cost the company big time”.
    Employers are now financially responsible for the safety of female staff, of course they are going to want to have an input into the females private lives to maximise production.
    And this is illegal.
    This is harassment.
    The solution for many is simply not to employ females.
    Everything these feminists bring us and tell us is good for us just creates more conflict.
    Everything they claim empowers women, ultimately harms them.
    They hate cohesion and they want to destroy society.
    More and more women are turning against these feminists and speaking out against them.
    These are the women that need to be appreciated.
    The Janice’s the Karen’s the Bettina’s.
    They are the ones that just might just save us all.

    Comment by Voices .. — Fri 19th October 2018 @ 8:54 am

  25. #7 Well described, thank you Downunder.

    I have tried to say the same to my children, to listen to each person’s story and see what useful knowledge and attitudes can be gained. The opposite of looking for shiny things…

    The impacts of present day media sometimes includes rather unpleasant values and attitudes, so that people watching must exercise discerning judgement, more than ever before.
    We see these impacts in the police raids at Ruatoria and many other places. Many american movies are not safe for impressionable police to watch unsupervised, but probably more ok for children to watch.
    Many of these messages are subtle and manipulative. Far more so than the personal conversations that Downunder speaks of. Not all children and young men can take the good and ignore the destructive in modern media.
    In my opinion, quite a lot of mental health harm is done, by people who take profit and leave costs for others to pick up.

    As a society, we should be evaluating what these media are doing and exercise more control to limit the harms and improve the constructive aspects. Advertising is the most obvious type of media, but similar issues apply to all media. The USA election manipulations illustrate how even apparently innocuous social media can be used for moderate manipulative effect.

    Modern media consumption is more under the user’s control. We choose what we read or watch. And generally children are better at that than us ancients. But the issue of quality and reliability of media and impacts of conflicts of interest need as much watching today, as they ever have.

    These old voices are being lost, due to the ignoring of old people’s stories. This is why I believe that we should be putting more effort into archiving materials that we see as being valuable or even potentially valuable. And then making them fairly easily available to anyone who is interested.
    #8 JustCurious yes these types of stories do need to be publicly available. The lack of them allows them to keep happening at many levels, the initial abductions, failure to return, failure to protect children after return. But I would caution about making a sexist judgement from a single case. My suggestion is that their skill set is inappropriate to the tasks that they are given, so perhaps all of them should be replaced?
    #21 #22 Thanks for the explanations of the practical realities of communication in our society.
    So that all makes telling, communicating and making available stories important.
    Thanks Iain for your work.

    Comment by MurrayBacon — Fri 19th October 2018 @ 9:32 am

  26. Have we got an update from Christchurch, Iain.

    Comment by Downunder — Fri 16th November 2018 @ 6:04 am

  27. Slang in New Zealand
    mateship = the camaraderie of close friends.

    Good pick of the day for a word.

    Mateship is a more Australian but also Kiwi term for the friendships that developed during the hard colonial days of our two countries.

    Comment by Evan Myers — Mon 19th November 2018 @ 9:33 pm

  28. The Norweigan/Scandanavian group that came here to live South of the Hawkes Bay would have other words.

    Comment by mama — Tue 20th November 2018 @ 7:06 am

  29. No doubt, Mama, the NZ dictionary is quite a large one for a small country and we do have a significant number of loan words and especially in Northland a few of our own as youse would know.

    Comment by Evan Myers — Tue 20th November 2018 @ 7:24 am

  30. Forlatt,,, left alone,,, would be one…brought over to clear the bush they faced tragic lives.

    Comment by mama — Tue 20th November 2018 @ 7:53 am


    Have not listened to this but is advertised as a message for Men’s Day.

    Comment by Evan Myers — Thu 22nd November 2018 @ 11:43 am

  32. @31

    You well know Evan that we have crossed swords many times.

    And at times times I find Paul Elam too rabid to be useful.

    But that clip, I found to be profoundly insightful and helpful.

    So, thanks Evan. Thanks very much for posting that.

    Comment by Audi Alteram Partem — Thu 22nd November 2018 @ 8:35 pm

  33. A very simple saying I was once told:

    It’s only a problem if you don’t have an answer.

    Perhaps that’s how we should judge other people; whether they are here to help or here to hinder.

    Comment by Evan Myers — Sat 9th February 2019 @ 3:31 pm

  34. “aye”, me hearty, “aye”

    Comment by mama — Sat 9th February 2019 @ 3:40 pm

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