MENZ Issues: news and discussion about New Zealand men, fathers, family law, divorce, courts, protests, gender politics, and male health.

Men and Relationships in 2018

Filed under: General — allan harvey @ 6:27 pm Wed 20th June 2018

You are warmly invited to join us at Kidz Need Dadz Conference 2018.

We are discussing a subject that touches many in our community – Men and Relationships in 2018 – Te tangata me te whanaungatanga i roto i te 2018.

Key Note Speakers:

Chris Bowden Victoria University; Male Suicide, Risk, Relationships and Responses

Children’s Commissioner Judge Andrew Becroft; Men, their children and the importance of this relationship

Minister of Children The Honourable Tracey Martin; Governments policy approach to the interconnectivity between children and their fathers

Oranga Tamariki/Ministry for Children Deputy Chief Executive Hoani Lambert; Ministry’s approach to the environment that exists between children and their fathers.

Philip Chapman Male Survivors Aotearoa ; How Men Survive Sexual Abuse

We look forward to you joining us at this critical event – Titiro matou atu ki a koutou hono tatou i tenei hui tino.

After you have registered we will be in touch via email to capture dietary requirements and any other additional information.


  1. Workshops available to participate in.
    Come and join us, participate and share your views

    Father and Child
    Brendon Smith – Mums and Dads Working better Together & Separated Father

    Guardians of our Children
    Frank Hicks – Maximising your chances of success as a self-litigant

    Raukawa Whanau Ora
    George Davis – Tane who have made choices that have transformed their life’s & Inspiring Stories

    Teen Parents
    Noa Woolloff – Teen Men and their Children

    Canterbury Men’s Center
    Donald Petit – Services for Men & KND NZ

    Kidz Need Dadz (Tauranga)
    Deborah Johnstone – Building a sustainable specialist male organisation

    Male Survivors Aotearoa
    Phil Chapman – How Men survive sexual abuse

    4 A Better City
    Ron Vink – Creating a PSO (Police safety order) House

    Comment by allan harvey — Wed 20th June 2018 @ 6:45 pm

  2. Can we look forward to video coverage of the guest speakers?

    Comment by Downunder — Thu 21st June 2018 @ 9:20 am

  3. Kia ora Downunder,
    That is a good idea, I am not sure if we have the capability of that. I will check with those who are more into that kind of stuff. Allan
    PS your attendance would be welcome.

    Comment by allan harvey — Thu 21st June 2018 @ 12:28 pm

  4. I am not going to be able to attend but I am thrilled that it is being held. That is a massive advance from the state of affairs 20 years ago.

    Comment by Vman — Wed 11th July 2018 @ 12:45 pm

  5. Yes, this is fantastic and it would be amazing to get some coverage, such an amazing line up of speakers.

    Comment by mama — Wed 11th July 2018 @ 2:24 pm

  6. @4 I’m curious Vman – where is the massive advance on 20 years ago?

    Comment by Downunder — Thu 12th July 2018 @ 10:20 am

  7. Some very lively debates held today.
    Dr Chris Bowden kicked off on Male suicide and the need for intervention and funding.
    Workshops on Mums & Dads working better together, self-litigation, DV programmes and Teen parents.
    Andrew Becroft Childrens’ Commissioner lead a very open discussion on the topic “Wanted – Good Dads”.

    Tomorrow we have more workshops and keynotes from Tracey Martin, Minister of Children and James Whitaker from Oranga Tamariki.

    Comment by allan harvey — Thu 12th July 2018 @ 9:31 pm

  8. Hello Allan, can you tell me please a little more about the discussion on the topic “wanted – good Dads” with Andrew Becroft. thank you.

    Comment by mama — Thu 12th July 2018 @ 9:45 pm

  9. Kia ora Mama,
    Judge Becroft started off with sharing about his own Dad and his father’s day cards from his own children. He invited us to be interactive and he largely put his speech aside.
    His observations included that while a Youth Court Judge fathers of the young people before him were largely absent and if young offenders were being supported it was by women (mums, aunties, grandmas). He was open to how the system may alienate men although he was skeptical that perjury was a significant issue. It was a very lively debate.
    He spoke about the impact separation had on households where children spend most of their time cf households where children either visited or had little contact and his recent public comments about Matrimonial Property Law reform. He strongly encouraged us to submit on that issue to the Law Commission.
    He challenged us that we can appear “angry, unreasonable men” and that was not likely to be helpful in lobbying.
    Others from this blog site were present and may have other perspectives they wish to highlight.
    Judge Becroft was totally in agreement that when parents pay Child Support it should go (100%) to the benefit of children and not be absorbed into the consolidated fund. Again he suggested we lobby on that issue.

    Comment by allan harvey — Sat 14th July 2018 @ 1:52 pm

  10. On Friday we had further presentations and workshops.
    James Whittaker from the Community Engagement Team of Oranga Tamariki offered his own thoughts and perspectives on fathering and the new goals Oranga Tamariki are striving towards.
    Minister Tracey Martin was a breath of fresh air. She was present along with her private secretary who took extensive notes both within her own areas of delegation and outside for other Ministers to get back to us about. The Minister had actively chosen to be with us during the Parliamentary break and had her husband Ben in tow who also interacted with the group. The Minister told us she had been strongly advised NOT to come and speak to us.
    She spoke of the need for young men (as well as girls) to have more relationship education in schools and that “self-defense” programmes should be for boys as well as for girls. She is totally open to domestic violence being a two way street. Ms Martin was also fully aware at the harm and prevalence of perjury when it came to DV and parenting applications and the rise of without notice application and their misuse. She had specifically spoken to Andrew Little before her presentation as she knew that issue was going to come up in our discussions.

    Comment by allan harvey — Sat 14th July 2018 @ 2:01 pm

  11. Family Court Review
    We are all aware at the failings of the last review of the Family Court and Minister of Justice Andrew Little has announced that he will be conducting a further review beginning later this year. It was our pleasure at the conference to have a young staffer from the Ministry of Justice Policy Team with us for the whole conference and she made extensive notes. She told me that she had asked to come and that her bosses were very keen to have one of their Policy people at the conference.
    I understand she approached Frank Hicks after his presentation on self-representation to come and speak further and probably present again to the full Ministry policy review group later this year.
    I want to be careful here not to “out her” to her employers but I can say she listened to all the presentations intently and participated fully in our workshops and I know she found our time together a positive if somewhat surprising event.

    Comment by allan harvey — Sat 14th July 2018 @ 2:08 pm

  12. @9

    His observations included that while a Youth Court Judge fathers of the young people before him were largely absent and if young offenders were being supported it was by women (mums, aunties, grandmas). 

    There are reasons apart from the obvious like work commitments and two I would highlight;

    Is the disciplinary nature of men, often they’re the last find out, because women are ‘defending their failure’.

    But worse in my experience is if it is CYF/social worker situation they will work to engineer another female party to go and deliberately exclude the father. I’ve seen this in action and it keeps the process between them and the mother.

    You can imagine the anger that rises afterwards especially if the father could have gone and finds out he was not advised or deceived that the mother was going.

    This is about protecting the women.

    Naive fucking idiot are first words that come to mind if he hasn’t worked that out. But to be fair to him, it may be what you took from what he said and the way you’ve reported it.

    Comment by Downunder — Sat 14th July 2018 @ 2:39 pm

  13. On ‘9’ – “Of Judge Becroft..he is open to HOW the system Alienates Men..

    Where can we begin indeed…so many ways…

    A young man stays with the court system, take s time out of life and work to do all the things the court asks of him.

    A young man can see his child as and when the system tells him he can.

    A young man may not be included in the every day life of his child, ie; school, sports community curriculam, he is not given the choice to attend , comment or take part in any facet of theses parts of the childs’ life.

    A Man may not be privy to anything that is going on in his childs life, even though the system may be providing counselling etc to their child, he is not told, included or responsible in any decisions made by the child, or for the child.

    Of course the women in the childs life can show support for the child, for they can show their face for the child, they stay in touch with the child and what is going on in the childs life the Man has been reduced to what he thinks of himself and what the system thinks of him and what the women think of him and….what his child thinks of him.. a possible reduction of a man in the eyes of his child.

    OR MAYBE he can stand up as THE FATHER of THE CHILD…with a little backing.

    Comment by mama — Sat 14th July 2018 @ 6:59 pm

  14. On ’10’ – the Minister of Children, Tracey Martin….It will be great indeed if the Minister in her wisdom can see to help set a balance in the system, to see right the justice needed to employ the differences necessary for a fairer outcome for families and their children, a definite plus that although taken with trepidation should be heard out in time to come.

    Comment by mama — Sat 14th July 2018 @ 7:04 pm

  15. On ’11’ – Ministry Policy Review Group, seemed pretty interested, surely a massive plus. Personally them taking Frank somewhat underwing is a sure sign that they see that those whom help themselves will be rewarded in the kingdom of just reward, or at least hard work will get a good look in. Good One to the guys who have been putting in the hard yards to benefit the ones that cant or feel they cant do it for themselves by themselves…a hard road indeed it is for them.

    Comment by mama — Sat 14th July 2018 @ 7:11 pm

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